# The Excuse Game



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

How about a new game for 2017?

*The Excuse Game*

Here's how it works . . .
Ask or tell someone to do something.
The next person gives an excuse of why they can't do what is asked of them.
Now ask the next person to do something . . . and so on.

I'll start.

Would someone please wash my car?


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## Ox Eye (Dec 17, 2007)

Reel Time said:


> Would someone please wash my car?


I can't. I don't have any soap. Can someone give me some soap?


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## The1ThatGotAway (Jun 24, 2009)

Ox Eye said:


> I can't. I don't have any soap. Can someone give me some soap?


I can't... I dropped it.

You wanna pick it up????:spineyes:


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

The1ThatGotAway said:


> I can't... I dropped it.
> 
> You wanna pick it up????:spineyes:


I can't because I'm afraid that I will hurt my back again.

Can you recommend a good back doctor?


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## dk2429 (Mar 27, 2015)

Reel Time said:


> I can't because I'm afraid that I will hurt my back again.
> 
> Can you recommend a good back doctor?


I can't cause I don't know any back doctors.

Don't you think you can find one yourself?


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## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

I wish I could but i'm blind and can't see to look one up. Do you know anyone that can help me learn Braille?


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## Y-Not (Sep 14, 2012)

I can,t because i don,t know how to read. Can you teach me how to read?


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## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

I won't teach you, because I lost my Dick and Jane books.

Can someone give me some books?


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## monark (May 12, 2005)

I can't because Obama burned all my books. Can someone kick Obama out?


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## catfishinbeerdrinkin (May 3, 2011)

I would give you some books but taxes are here so I used mine to cover my a**. 

Can I have a free ride ? 

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## dk2429 (Mar 27, 2015)

catfishinbeerdrinkin said:


> I would give you some books but taxes are here so I used mine to cover my a**.
> 
> Can I have a free ride ?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk


I can't cause my truck got repossessed because I couldn't afford to pay for it due to having to pay for peoples healthcare.

You think you could lend me some money?


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## catfishinbeerdrinkin (May 3, 2011)

I would lend you some money but I had to pay for insurance this month so I don't have an arm or leg to work with to make any money. 

Can you lend me a hand ?

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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

I can't work because the liberal demCRAPs has given me gimmedat disease.


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

BullyARed said:


> I can't work because the liberal demCRAPs has given me gimmedat disease.


Where's your question?


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

This thread hurts to respond. Can somebody do it for me?


I think I need some ME time.....


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## Jamaica Cove (Apr 2, 2008)

OnedayScratch said:


> *This thread hurts to respond. Can somebody do it for me?
> *
> 
> I think I need some ME time.....


No, my computer mouse got eaten by the cat so I shot the cat with an arrow and posted it on Facebook then all helll brook loose because a bunch of cat lovers  think an uncollared cat is a pet but I think any cat w/o a collar is fair game and should be shot because they eat game birds.

Can someone give me an arrow-I used mine shooting cats?


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## Danny Jansen (Sep 15, 2005)

No, you shouldn't shoot cats with arrows, but it's ok with bullets. Can I borrow some bullets?


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## ralph7 (Apr 28, 2009)

Mine are all in obsolete calibers that won't fit your gun.
Anyone have a gun I can borrow?


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

OnedayScratch said:


> This thread hurts to respond. Can somebody do it for me?.


Can't bud cause I'd probably just get banned.

Hell wait a minute, is this in the jungle?


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

No, and I don't see it going that way.

Can someone tell me when it will get cold here again in Texas or are we warming up globally?


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## Jamaica Cove (Apr 2, 2008)

carryyourbooks said:


> No, and I don't see it going that way.
> 
> Can someone tell me when it will get cold here again in Texas or are we warming up globally?


I can't call Al Gore because he's flying his Gulfstream 550 Jet to Europe burning approximately 652 gallons of Jet Fuel per hour, then he's headed to China to speak on the "Effects of Jet Fuel on the Climate".

Can I borrow someone's G2 for a quick trip to Los Suenos, C.R.? Maria is waiting for me at the Bar/Casino.kisssm


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Jamaica Cove said:


> I can't call Al Gore because he's flying his Gulfstream 550 Jet to Europe burning approximately 652 gallons of Jet Fuel per hour, then he's headed to China to speak on the "Effects of Jet Fuel on the Climate".
> 
> Can I borrow someone's G2 for a quick trip to Los Suenos, C.R.? Maria is waiting for me at the Bar/Casino.kisssm


I can't because I'm here with Maria looking straight down a 44.
Can someone give me 3 steps towards the door?


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## blackjack runner (Feb 24, 2015)

I cant give you 3 steps towards the door because I am helpless on the floor. 
Will someone call a voodoo lady names Marie Laveau?


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## had2reg (Aug 25, 2005)

I Fall In said:


> I can't because I'm here with Maria looking straight down a 44.
> Can someone give me 3 steps towards the door?


Can't do it Mister 'cause you already kissed her.

Can you give me the directions to the morgue?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

blackjack runner said:


> I cant give you 3 steps towards the door because I am helpless on the floor.
> Will someone call a voodoo lady names Marie Laveau?


I can't I dropped my phone in a hollow log.
Can someone give me a million dollars and make me rich?


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## Ox Eye (Dec 17, 2007)

I Fall In said:


> I can't I dropped my phone in a hollow log.
> Can someone give me a million dollars and make me rich?


Sorry, no, then I would be broke. But, can you point me to a good tax shelter?


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## Runway (Feb 6, 2005)

No, there is no shelter for the weary.
Can someone give me some vitamins (little blue ones) and some jackrabbit juice?


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## fishingtwo (Feb 23, 2009)

Runway said:


> No, there is no shelter for the weary.
> Can someone give me some vitamins (little blue ones) and some jackrabbit juice?


The blue ones and jackrabbit juice are on me.

Can you provide the roundtrip to CR to meet maria?


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

fishingtwo said:


> The blue ones and jackrabbit juice are on me.
> 
> Can you provide the roundtrip to CR to meet maria?


Absolutely not! You are a happily married man whose eyes would never stray. I will not be a part of your devious plan. Besides, everything about Maria is fake.

Now, do you know the way to San Jose?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

Reel Time said:


> Absolutely not! You are a happily married man whose eyes would never stray. I will not be a part of your devious plan. Besides, everything about Maria is fake.
> 
> Now, do you know the way to San Jose?


Sorry, I loaned my map to someone else.

Can you provide new tires for my car, and I will go get it.


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## catfishinbeerdrinkin (May 3, 2011)

I would give your car some new shoes but I just replaced my water cooled muffler bearings and all of my blinker fluid so I'm short on cash.

But is there any way you would contact Maria and tell her I'm a day late and dollar short ?

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## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

I can't contact Maria cause im out of minutes on my government issued cell phone

Can someone loan me a TV to watch the inauguration Friday?


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## catfishinbeerdrinkin (May 3, 2011)

I would loan you a TV but your government cell phone should have free Internet so you'll have to watch it there.

Now can I please be provided with an 18 pack of bud light ? 

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## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

I just drank all the bud light and fresh out,,, am down to a crappy bottle of red wine but need a corkscrew,, anyone got one?


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## Ox Eye (Dec 17, 2007)

WineyFishrman said:


> I just drank all the bud light and fresh out,,, am down to a crappy bottle of red wine but need a corkscrew,, anyone got one?


I can't give you a corkscrew. As drunk as you are, you'd probably only manage to open a vein. Can I get an Amen?


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## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

Ox Eye said:


> I can't give you a corkscrew. As drunk as you are, you'd probably only manage to open a vein. Can I get an Amen?


I can't give you an amen, liberals will be offended

Can someone tell Maria I'm on the way?


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## fishingtwo (Feb 23, 2009)

WineyFishrman said:


> I can't give you an amen, liberals will be offended
> 
> Can someone tell Maria I'm on the way?


She's all booked up

Can someone give me her sister's number?


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## DA REEL DADDY (Jun 7, 2005)

Yeah, its BR549 she is with Junior. 

Can you hold my alligator?


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## dk2429 (Mar 27, 2015)

fishingtwo said:


> She's all booked up
> 
> Can someone give me her sister's number?


I can't.. It was a one night stance with her, so after that I deleted her number.

Can anyone help me find her? I forgot to give her the plan B


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## shakyD (Oct 23, 2007)

No, she gave me syphilis and now I'm going blind, can someone tell me how to train my beagle to he my seeing eye dig?

Sent from my SM-G925P using Tapatalk


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

No, I'm doing nothing today, because I started doing nothing yesterday, and I wasn't finished.........and I'm no quitter.

Can someone please, get me a beer "sensuous" already up?


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## Big Guns 1971 (Nov 7, 2013)

I can't get a beer because I'm not up,

Can someone please keep the dogs from sitting in my yard.


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## 2Ws (Jun 28, 2016)

No because they are not sitting, they are schootching around dragging their rear ends on the carpet. Can you call OOPs steam cleaning???


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## Knot Kidding (Jan 7, 2009)

I cant call the steam cleaners because my hands are broken! 

Can someone point a finger in my direction?


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## Spirit (Nov 19, 2008)

I can't point a finger in your direction because I don't know where you are.

Can someone loan me a GPS?


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## 9121SS (Jun 28, 2009)

Spirit said:


> I can't point a finger in your direction because I don't know where you are.
> 
> Can someone loan me a GPS?


I can't loan you my GPS because I someone thought they needed it more than I did.

Did anyone see them break into my truck?


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## Weaselmender (Jun 21, 2016)

No, I didn't.
But when he arrived I shot the sheriff.


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

Weaselmender said:


> No, I didn't.
> But when he arrived I shot the sheriff.
> Are you going to tell on me?


Not right now because calling 911 is more important.
Can you help me give 2-man CPR?


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## Spirit (Nov 19, 2008)

I don't know how, be The Little Red Hen, do it yourself. 

Can someone play "Stayin' Alive" so RT can keep the proper rhythm?

(Seriously, the beat is proper for CPR. Push, 2, 3, 4 . breathe, breathe (Aye, aye, aye, aye, stayin' alive, stayin' alive)


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## bassguitarman (Nov 29, 2005)

Can't play "Staying Alive" because I have trouble playing the Fm7 chord. 

Can someone help me tune my guitar?


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## DPFISHERMAN (Jun 6, 2011)

I can not tune your guitar, I can only tuna fish.

Can somebody make me a sandwich?


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## TXFishSlayer (Apr 28, 2014)

Sorry, i'm fresh out of bread. Can someone loan me some bread to make him a sandwich?


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## redspeck (Jul 3, 2012)

I cant, I have no bread, I gave the last piece to my dog. Can you get me some dog food?


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## Tburford87 (Apr 8, 2015)

redspeck said:


> I cant, I have no bread, I gave the last piece to my dog. Can you get me some dog food?


I'm almost out, Chewy.com hasn't delivered yet this month. Can you get me their phone number?


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## blackjack runner (Feb 24, 2015)

```
I'm almost out, Chewy.com hasn't delivered yet this month. Can you get me their phone number?
```
I wanted to get you their phone number but want sure how to spell it. 
Wheres the cat in the picture?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

blackjack runner said:


> ```
> I'm almost out, Chewy.com hasn't delivered yet this month. Can you get me their phone number?
> ```
> I wanted to get you their phone number but want sure how to spell it.
> Wheres the cat in the picture?


I can't tell you where the cat is because Reeltime made me pinky-swear not to.
Can someone make her let go of my pinkie?


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

No, I refuse to let go of your pinky finger. You need to keep your word. 
Can someone bring me some peppered turkey jerky? I got a hankering.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Reel Time said:


> No, I refuse to let go of your pinky finger. You need to keep your word.
> Can someone bring me some peppered turkey jerky? I got a hankering.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I cant, because I left it by my homework and the dog ate it. 
Can someone get me tickets to the inauguration?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I cant, because I left it by my homework and the dog ate it.
> Can someone get me tickets to the inauguration?


Sorry, but the dog ate all the extra tickets.

Have you got a dime for a phone call.


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry, but the dog ate all the extra tickets.
> 
> Have you got a dime for a phone call.


I don't have one, the Govt. took my last one.
Can someone give me the number for a good tax attorney?


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## Whitebassfisher (May 4, 2007)

I Fall In said:


> I don't have one, the Govt. took my last one.
> Can someone give me the number for a good tax attorney?


No I can't because there is no such thing as a good attorney.

Will someone come clean my house?


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## Copano/Aransas (Dec 18, 2011)

Whitebassfisher said:


> No I can't because there is no such thing as a good attorney.
> 
> Will someone come clean my house?


I would but my vacuum cleaner just broke.

Anybody want to go duck hunting this weekend ?


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## catfishinbeerdrinkin (May 3, 2011)

I would but I'm all out of shells and can't buy more because I paid my taxes.

Can sombody loan me a box of shells ?

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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

Copano/Aransas said:


> I would but my vacuum cleaner just broke.
> 
> Anybody want to go duck hunting this weekend ?


I'd go but I have to go to the beach with a bottle.

Does anyone have a message?


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## Danny Jansen (Sep 15, 2005)

Yes, I have a message. But who am I to relay it to?


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## DA REEL DADDY (Jun 7, 2005)

Your suppose to relay it to Sting with a S.O.S.

Does anyone have a Chivas bottle for Danny?


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

DA REEL DADDY said:


> Your suppose to relay it to Sting with a S.O.S.
> 
> Does anyone have a Chivas bottle for Danny?


That is the last thing Danny needs is a Chivas bottle.

Who wants to go fishing this weekend?:fishy:


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

carryyourbooks said:


> That is the last thing Danny needs is a Chivas bottle.
> 
> Who wants to go fishing this weekend?:fishy:


Sorry but the boat is still in the shop for repairs.

Can someone take him jogging instead.


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## Ox Eye (Dec 17, 2007)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry but the boat is still in the shop for repairs.
> 
> Can someone take him jogging instead.


I can't. Jogging makes me tired.

Can't he just jog in place.


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Ox Eye said:


> I can't. Jogging makes me tired.
> 
> Can't he just jog in place.


I can just jog in place, but I have this bone in my leg that stops that.

Who wants to go look for Maria instead?:idea:


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## redspeck (Jul 3, 2012)

Oh no, don't like Maria, she was a mean boss. 
anyone have a 6 pack of beer for the weekend?


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## hook'n'em (Aug 11, 2007)

redspeck said:


> Oh no, don't like Maria, she was a mean boss.
> anyone have a 6 pack of beer for the weekend?


I had a 6 pack just for you, but a crappy day at work, screaming kids and a dog with the squirts ruined that.

Can someone knead the knot in the small of back out?


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

hook'n'em said:


> I had a 6 pack just for you, but a crappy day at work, screaming kids and a dog with the squirts ruined that.
> 
> Can someone knead the knot in the small of back out?


Man, I wish I could but my cousin's friend's brother's dog just had puppies and I want to go see them.
I'll be bending down a lot petting those puppies that I'll probably hurt my back, so could someone come over and give me a full body massage?


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> Man, I wish I could but my cousin's friend's brother's dog just had puppies and I want to go see them.
> I'll be bending down a lot petting those puppies that I'll probably hurt my back, so could someone come over and give me a full body massage?


I'm not touching that with a 10 foot pole, I do know a guy though.

Now that we've had a good rain, who wants to go muddin'?:cloud:


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## redspeck (Jul 3, 2012)

Cant go muddin, wife will kill me if I get my new shoes dirty. How about if we just have a few beers and a BBQ?


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## catfishinbeerdrinkin (May 3, 2011)

Would have a BBQ but I'll be drinking beer and changing differintial in my truck.

Can anyone help me change my differintial ?

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## Jamaica Cove (Apr 2, 2008)

No, I left my tools in Galveston Bayhouse and have arthur-itis (per Fred Sanford/Redd Fox). 

Can someone get ahold of Maria at the Bar/Casino in Los Suenos and tell her no one lent me their Gulfstream 2 so I won't be entertained by her this evening after all?


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## Ox Eye (Dec 17, 2007)

Jamaica Cove said:


> No, I left my tools in Galveston Bayhouse and have arthur-itis (per Fred Sanford/Redd Fox).
> 
> Can someone get ahold of Maria at the Bar/Casino in Los Suenos and tell her no one lent me their Gulfstream 2 so I won't be entertained by her this evening after all?


Unlike everybody else, I have not met this Maria person. Can someone introduce me?


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

Ox Eye said:


> Unlike everybody else, I have not met this Maria person. Can someone introduce me?


Not me. She's a little upset I wrote her number on the bathroom wall, but fortunately I ran out of ink.

Does anyone want a tattoo?


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## had2reg (Aug 25, 2005)

OnedayScratch said:


> Not me. She's a little upset I wrote her number on the bathroom wall, but fortunately I ran out of ink.
> 
> Does anyone want a tattoo?


No. I already have a tattoo tattoo.
Can you tell me where is the plane?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

had2reg said:


> No. I already have a tattoo tattoo.
> Can you tell me where is the plane?


I can't tell you where the plane is because the Boss would knock me down and call me Shorty.
Can someone help be bail out the excess water in the lake?


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't tell you where the plane is because the Boss would knock me down and call me Shorty.
> Can someone help be bail out the excess water in the lake?


I can't really help you because we have a lot of lakes in the area and you didn't specify which one. Otherwise, I would have been right over.
Can you go to choir practice for me tonight and sing soprano? I have laryngitis.


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Reel Time said:


> I can't really help you because we have a lot of lakes in the area and you didn't specify which one. Otherwise, I would have been right over.
> Can you go to choir practice for me tonight and sing soprano? I have laryngitis.


I can't because my Adam's Apple fell off the tree. 
Can someone help me find my apple?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I can't because my Adam's Apple fell off the tree.
> Can someone help me find my apple?


Sorry, I've lost my glasses and can't see anything.

Can someone give him ride to the store.


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## Gottagofishin (Dec 17, 2005)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry, I've lost my glasses and can't see anything.
> 
> Can someone give him ride to the store.


i can't because my truck is at the body shop, can someone tell me Uber's phone number


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## DA REEL DADDY (Jun 7, 2005)

Gottagofishin said:


> i can't because my truck is at the body shop, can someone tell me Uber's phone number


Don;t worry about UBER, I will give you a ride.

Anyone want to be my Bagwell autograph jersey for $20?


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

DA REEL DADDY said:


> Don;t worry about UBER, I will give you a ride.
> 
> Anyone want to be my Bagwell autograph jersey for $20?


I can't be you Baggz autograph jersey because they only let me watch midget pool to calm my nerves, and that's if they have enough air in the football.

Does anyone have Tom Brady's phone number?


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

OnedayScratch said:


> I can't be you Baggz autograph jersey because they only let me watch midget pool to calm my nerves, and that's if they have enough air in the football.
> 
> Does anyone have Tom Brady's phone number?


You mean the cheetah? Uh, no!!

Who thinks the Texans are going to the Super Bowl.................this year?


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## WoundedMinnow (Oct 11, 2011)

carryyourbooks said:


> You mean the cheetah? Uh, no!!
> 
> Who thinks the Texans are going to the Super Bowl.................this year?


I don't know. I don't even watch football. Anyone have a good fishing report?

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## redspeck (Jul 3, 2012)

Yes, any day of fishing is a good day.
now can you catch fish?


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## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

redspeck said:


> Yes, any day of fishing is a good day.
> now can you catch fish?


I can't catch fish, hemorrhoid hurting like hell

Can someone get Maria to the hospital? I heard she gave syphilis to a fellow 2 cooler


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## FishingMudGuy (Aug 13, 2014)

WineyFishrman said:


> I can't catch fish, hemorrhoid hurting like hell
> 
> Can someone get Maria to the hospital? I heard she gave syphilis to a fellow 2 cooler


I can't because Maria is too old to travel.

Can somebody water my dog?


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## Row vs Wade (Jul 7, 2009)

FishingMudGuy said:


> I can't because Maria is too old to travel.
> 
> Can somebody water my dog?


I would, but he will fight with my cat.

Can you hold my cat?

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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

Row vs Wade said:


> I would, but he will fight with my cat.
> 
> Can you hold my cat?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using Tapatalk


I can't even see the cat much less hold yours.

Does someone See my glasses? :ac550:


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

OnedayScratch said:


> I can't even see the cat much less hold yours.
> 
> Does someone See my glasses? :ac550:


I can't see your glasses. I'm blind in one eye and can't see out the other.

Can someone get me some croakers?:whiteshee


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## blackjack runner (Feb 24, 2015)

> I can't see your glasses. I'm blind in one eye and can't see out the other.
> 
> Can someone get me some croakers?


It would be my pleasure to get you some croakers, but I have no job, nor have any money, nor a net or a pole to catch said croakers. But what I do have is a plan. I am here to save you from getting a title of a croaker soaker. 
Now if you send me 6 easy payment of 59.95 I can teach you how to catch fish with nothing but a smile.


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## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

blackjack runner said:


> It would be my pleasure to get you some croakers, but I have no job, nor have any money, nor a net or a pole to catch said croakers. But what I do have is a plan. I am here to save you from getting a title of a croaker soaker.
> Now if you send me 6 easy payment of 59.95 I can teach you how to catch fish with nothing but a smile.


I would send you the money, but I don't fish necked with guys

Can someone tell the liquor store to lower prices?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

WineyFishrman said:


> I would send you the money, but I don't fish necked with guys
> 
> Can someone tell the liquor store to lower prices?


Sorry, but the liquor stores say this is their week to make a profit.

Can someone get this guy a glass of juice.


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## catfishinbeerdrinkin (May 3, 2011)

I would get you a glass of juice but all we have is tea for the tea party just befor inauguration! 

Can sombody please come find my remote control ? 

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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

catfishinbeerdrinkin said:


> I would get you a glass of juice but all we have is tea for the tea party just befor inauguration!
> 
> Can sombody please come find my remote control ?
> 
> Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk


Its quicker if you get up and just flip the channel.

Who knows what day it is (in about 30 minutes from the time of this post)?!?!?:flag:


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## FishingMudGuy (Aug 13, 2014)

carryyourbooks said:


> Its quicker if you get up and just flip the channel.
> 
> Who knows what day it is (in about 30 minutes from the time of this post)?!?!?:flag:


I can't tell you what day it is because my dog ate my calendar and then my rabbit ate my dog. But not before I squeezed the tv remote out of him.

Can somebody call in sick for me so I can go fishing today?


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

FishingMudGuy said:


> I can't tell you what day it is because my dog ate my calendar and then my rabbit ate my dog. But not before I squeezed the tv remote out of him.
> 
> Can somebody call in sick for me so I can go fishing today?


I'm retired! How can I call in sick?
Can someone come over and help me thin my area of squirrels?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Reel Time said:


> I'm retired! How can I call in sick?
> Can someone come over and help me thin my area of squirrels?


I can't come over because PETA has my driveway blocked.

Can someone bring me some squirrel and dumplings?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I can't come over because PETA has my driveway blocked.
> 
> Can someone bring me some squirrel and dumplings?


Sorry, but PETA sent out a memo that " No squirrel and dumplings " for I Fall In.

Can someone take him a nice vegetable casserole.


----------



## HTownBoi281 (May 13, 2006)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry, but PETA sent out a memo that " No squirrel and dumplings " for I Fall In.
> 
> Can someone take him a nice vegetable casserole.


I can't cause I'm Asian and we dont know what a casserole is and my Toyota is at the dealer getting the airbag recall done.

Can somebody email me step by step instructions on how to make a casserole??


----------



## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

I can't give you instructions for a casserole, I heard they were outlawed by Obama

Can someone have hot swedish twins come over and tuck me in?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

WineyFishrman said:


> I can't give you instructions for a casserole, I heard they were outlawed by Obama
> 
> Can someone have hot swedish twins come over and tuck me in?


I can't send them over, because according to liberals Trump had all immigrants deported yesterday.
Can someone give the liberals a brain?:spineyes:


----------



## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

I Fall In said:


> I can't send them over, because according to liberals Trump had all immigrants deported yesterday.
> Can someone give the liberals a brain?:spineyes:


We tried that with Mambo, it dont work
Can someone please over wash my patio?


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

WineyFishrman said:


> We tried that with Mambo, it dont work
> Can someone please over wash my patio?


Your patio should already be clean by this unpredicted rain we keep getting. If its not, you need to get up off your lazy..............(sorry, I thought you were someone else)!

Can someone call Gilbert and tell him I need my grass mowed?:clover:


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

carryyourbooks said:


> Your patio should already be clean by this unpredicted rain we keep getting. If its not, you need to get up off your lazy..............(sorry, I thought you were someone else)!
> 
> Can someone call Gilbert and tell him I need my grass mowed?:clover:


Sorry, can't help you, no mowing on Sunday's anymore according to EPA.

Can someone give him a couple of unruly goats to take care of his yard.


----------



## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry, can't help you, no mowing on Sunday's anymore according to EPA.
> 
> Can someone give him a couple of unruly goats to take care of his yard.


No way Jose. My goats have been hanging with the cows and now their farts are banned....But I am making tacos.

Does anyone have a can of refried beans?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

OnedayScratch said:


> No way Jose. My goats have been hanging with the cows and now their farts are banned....But I am making tacos.
> 
> Does anyone have a can of refried beans?


I don't have any refried beans because I haven't had time to fry them the first time, let alone refry them.

Can someone give me a ride to my procrastination class tomorrow?


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I don't have any refried beans because I haven't had time to fry them the first time, let alone refry them.
> 
> Can someone give me a ride to my procrastination class tomorrow?


Can't it wait one more day?

Where's my popcorn?


----------



## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

carryyourbooks said:


> Can't it wait one more day?
> 
> Where's my popcorn?


Dam seagulls ate the popcorn I was bringing ya,,,,

Can someone bring me propane?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

WineyFishrman said:


> Dam seagulls ate the popcorn I was bringing ya,,,,
> 
> Can someone bring me propane?


I can't bring you any because you are hiding somewhere on the gulf coast and I can't find you. (Are you a cat?)

Can someone come clean out all the **** that blew in my pool?


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't bring you any because you are hiding somewhere on the gulf coast and I can't find you. (Are you a cat?)
> 
> Can someone come clean out all the **** that blew in my pool?


I don't know where you live or I would come clean your pool. The only thing I worry about is that I'm so slim, I might get blown in the pool.
Can someone help me find my grapefruits? They have blown off the tree and are rolling down the street. Cars are dodging them.


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> I don't know where you live or I would come clean your pool. The only thing I worry about is that I'm so slim, I might get blown in the pool.
> Can someone help me find my grapefruits? They have blown off the tree and are rolling down the street. Cars are dodging them.


 I avoid grapefruit because I take blood pressure medicine.
Please take down my Christmas lights.


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't bring you any because you are hiding somewhere on the gulf coast and I can't find you. (Are you a cat?)
> 
> Can someone come clean out all the **** that blew in my pool?


Did they "fall in"?



sweenyite said:


> I avoid grapefruit because I take blood pressure medicine.
> Please take down my Christmas lights.


If you wait, I sent some wind your way to help with the lights.

Will the real slim shady, please, stand up?


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

carryyourbooks said:


> Did they "fall in"?
> 
> If you wait, I sent some wind your way to help with the lights.
> 
> Will the real slim shady, please, stand up?


He can't stand up, someone took off with his crutches and without them the wind will blow him over.

Can someone hand me that piano.


----------



## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

MichaelW said:


> He can't stand up, someone took off with his crutches and without them the wind will blow him over.
> 
> Can someone hand me that piano.


It's in I Fall In's pool so no. Too heavy.

Can someone help lift my fatass off the couch? I need a Twinkie.


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

OnedayScratch said:


> It's in I Fall In's pool so no. Too heavy.
> 
> Can someone help lift my fatass off the couch? I need a Twinkie.


No, but I would suggest getting up to get you own Twinkie so you can lose weight?

Can someone tell my why the women marched in Washington?:help:


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

OnedayScratch said:


> It's in I Fall In's pool so no. Too heavy.
> 
> Can someone help lift my fatass off the couch? I need a Twinkie.


I can't, because I'm too busy trying to get a piano out of my pool.

Can someone bring me a piano wrench?


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I can't, because I'm too busy trying to get a piano out of my pool.
> 
> Can someone bring me a piano wrench?


I could help you with a piano winch, but have no wrench, sorry.

Does someone have pool drain plug puller.


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> I could help you with a piano winch, but have no wrench, sorry.
> 
> Does someone have pool drain plug puller.


Sorry, all I have is a bathtub drain puller.
Speaking of baths, I just got downwind of your post and you need to go take a bath or shower. Whewwwwwww!


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> Sorry, all I have is a bathtub drain puller.
> Speaking of baths, I just got downwind of your post and you need to go take a bath or shower. Whewwwwwww!


I think you messed up your own game. Where's the question?:question:


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

carryyourbooks said:


> I think you messed up your own game. Where's the question?:question:


You ask or tell someone to do something.
I told him to take a bath!
(See first post)


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> Sorry, all I have is a bathtub drain puller.
> Speaking of baths, I just got downwind of your post and you need to go take a bath or shower. Whewwwwwww!


If God wanted me to shower more than once a week, He'd put more than one Saturday in a week.

Can someone gift me some Super Bowl tix?


----------



## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

carryyourbooks said:


> If God wanted me to shower more than once a week, He'd put more than one Saturday in a week.
> 
> Can someone gift me some Super Bowl tix?


Nope. I don't like silly games....Umm, well, OK, mebbe a little.

Also, if we can't have more than one Saturday, can someone take Monday away?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

OnedayScratch said:


> Nope. I don't like silly games....Umm, well, OK, mebbe a little.
> 
> Also, if we can't have more than one Saturday, can someone take Monday away?


I can't take Monday away because if I did you would never sober up. :cheers:

Can someone tell me where to Google the web-site Google at?


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't take Monday away because if I did you would never sober up. :cheers:
> 
> Can someone tell me where to Google the web-site Google at?


I would love to help you with that but it's the "age of the geek" and I'm older than that.
Can you tell me the origins of the phrase "the age of the geek?"


----------



## railbird (Jan 2, 2009)

I wish I could, but I'm helping a lady sort her holy cards, can you tell me what movie that is referencing?


----------



## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

railbird said:


> I wish I could, but I'm helping a lady sort her holy cards, can you tell me what movie that is referencing?


No, but can tell you I've been called a card once or twice.

Does anyone know why all the newbs are too shy to play a game?


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

OnedayScratch said:


> No, but can tell you I've been called a card once or twice.
> 
> Does anyone know why all the newbs are too shy to play a game?


They are still making it back from the inauguration.

Who's gonna pay for that wall?


----------



## Runway (Feb 6, 2005)

carryyourbooks said:


> They are still making it back from the inauguration.
> 
> Who's gonna pay for that wall?


The coyotes that figure out how to get over it.

Why does the roadrunner only get chased by a coyote ?


----------



## Sambo_The_Great (Dec 10, 2008)

Cause Elmer is too busy chasing Daffy....

Can anyone tell me where icecream comes from cause I forgot?!?


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Sambo_The_Great said:


> Cause Elmer is too busy chasing Daffy....
> 
> Can anyone tell me where icecream comes from cause I forgot?!?


Ice cream comes from Brenham, silly!

You gonna keep all dem feech you caught?


----------



## Duckchasr (Apr 27, 2011)

carryyourbooks said:


> Ice cream comes from Brenham, silly!
> 
> You gonna keep all dem feech you caught?


Nah Sir the game warden be watching.
You recon you could give me a lift to Brenham?


----------



## DPFISHERMAN (Jun 6, 2011)

I could give you a lift to Brenham, but I have to work today.
Can somebody cover me so I can make a road trip to Brenham?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

DPFISHERMAN said:


> I could give you a lift to Brenham, but I have to work today.
> Can somebody cover me so I can make a road trip to Brenham?


I can't because I'm busy changing the oil in my trolling motor.
Can someone help me find some incentive?


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I can't because I'm busy changing the oil in my trolling motor.
> Can someone help me find some incentive?


Sorry, my incentive search app. only works on Mondays thru Thursday.

Does someone have a 2018 Hooters Calendar I could use.


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry, my incentive search app. only works on Mondays thru Thursday.
> 
> Does someone have a 2018 Hooters Calendar I could use.


Sorry, it has not come out yet.
My diesel tractor keeps losing RPM even when not under load. Can someone come fix it?


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> Sorry, it has not come out yet.
> My diesel tractor keeps losing RPM even when not under load. Can someone come fix it?


 I would, but I just don't have time due to all of this cold beer that needs to be drunk. (but check your fuel filter)
Hand me a beer!


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

sweenyite said:


> I would, but I just don't have time due to all of this cold beer that needs to be drunk. (but check your fuel filter)
> Hand me a beer!


I can't hand you a beer because I'm busy checking a fuel filter.

Can someone tell me how to build a puppy out of play dough?


----------



## had2reg (Aug 25, 2005)

I Fall In said:


> I can't hand you a beer because I'm busy checking a fuel filter.
> 
> Can someone tell me how to build a puppy out of play dough?


Sorry, I'm not a snowflake play dough expert but I can tell you how to make play dough out of a puppy.

Can anybody help me find a puppy?


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

had2reg said:


> Sorry, I'm not a snowflake play dough expert but I can tell you how to make play dough out of a puppy.
> 
> Can anybody help me find a puppy?


Can't help you right now, the wife wants me to watch golf with her.

Can someone teach me how to hit a fade with my 8 iron.


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

MichaelW said:


> Can't help you right now, the wife wants me to watch golf with her.
> 
> Can someone teach me how to hit a fade with my 8 iron.


I can't because a fade is a haircut, and wimmens are the only ones supposed to use an iron.:wink:

Can someone teach my sensitivity class for me tomorrow?


----------



## fishingtwo (Feb 23, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't because a fade is a haircut, and wimmens are the only ones supposed to use an iron.:wink:
> 
> Can someone teach my sensitivity class for me tomorrow?


Sensitivity training is no longer available because of the new president.

Can anyone fix my mower?


----------



## had2reg (Aug 25, 2005)

fishingtwo said:


> Sensitivity training is no longer available because of the new president.
> 
> Can anyone fix my mower?


Sorry, I can't fix your mower because I don't know how to give a vasectomy to a goat.

Can anyone get my goat?


----------



## Cap'n.Brandon (Jul 31, 2016)

had2reg said:


> Sorry, I can't fix your mower because I don't know how to give a vasectomy to a goat.
> 
> Can anyone get my goat?


Your goat knocked me down and trampled me.

Can someone help with the hospital bill?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Cap'n.Brandon said:


> Your goat knocked me down and trampled me.
> 
> Can someone help with the hospital bill?


I can't help you because Trump did away with Ogoatacare.

Can someone pass it so we can read what's in it?


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't help you because Trump did away with Ogoatacare.
> 
> Can someone pass it so we can read what's in it?


No, because under Trump, we can read it before we pass it.
Can someone tell me when the riots will stop?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Reel Time said:


> No, because under Trump, we can read it before we pass it.
> Can someone tell me when the riots will stop?


I can't answer that because Dorothy went back to Kansas and the scarecrow still doesn't have a brain.

Can someone start a riot at Academy so I can get a new pistol?


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't answer that because Dorothy went back to Kansas and the scarecrow still doesn't have a brain.
> 
> Can someone start a riot at Academy so I can get a new pistol?


I don't go to Academy anymore because D!ck's is closer and better than Academy.

Can you find the cat?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

carryyourbooks said:


> I don't go to Academy anymore because D!ck's is closer and better than Academy.
> 
> Can you find the cat?


No, I can't find the cat because there is no cat and never was any cats!!!









Can someone post a picture that actually has a cat in it?


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> No, I can't find the cat because there is no cat and never was any cats!!!
> 
> View attachment 3470249
> 
> ...


Sorry, my dogs don't allow cats in the house.

Can someone give him a ticket to the Trump train.


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry, my dogs don't allow cats in the house.
> 
> Can someone give him a ticket to the Trump train.


Those aren't tickets, those are just the bandwagon folks.

Did I hear correctly today......I am banned from Iran?!?!?


----------



## Goags (May 28, 2004)

My hearing has gone to chit, so I don't know about Iran.
Did you hear that...I must be gaseous?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Goags said:


> My hearing has gone to chit, so I don't know about Iran.
> Did you hear that...I must be gaseous?


I didn't hear anything, I was busy consoling my family upset about Iran vacation being cancelled.
Can someone get me the weather report from Haides? (Our second choice)


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I didn't hear anything, I was busy consoling my family upset about Iran vacation being cancelled.
> Can someone get me the weather report from Haides? (Our second choice)


If you are from Texas, Haides will be nooooooo sweat!!

How many of you feel sorry for those that feel government should control everything, are now stuck with Trump?!??!?!!?!?sad3sm


----------



## blackjack runner (Feb 24, 2015)

> How many of you feel sorry for those that feel government should control everything, are now stuck with Trump?!??!?!!?!?


I am so sorry. I currently don't have adequate time to feel. I am busy protesting in the streets, burning flags, and I am still a little dehydrating from crying for Hillary.

Will someone please get my adderall, zoloft, and zanex prescriptions refilled.


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

blackjack runner said:


> I am so sorry. I currently don't have adequate time to feel. I am busy protesting in the streets, burning flags, and I am still a little dehydrating from crying for Hillary.
> 
> Will someone please get my adderall, zoloft, and zanex prescriptions refilled.


I can't help you because my undocumented pharmacist got arrested for trying to make an honest living.
Can someone help me set up a GO fund me account for his Babie's Mamas?


----------



## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

I Fall In said:


> I can't help you because my undocumented pharmacist got arrested for trying to make an honest living.
> Can someone help me set up a GO fund me account for his Babie's Mamas?


I can't. I'm banned from go fund me.

I don't have BAM BAM care, so, can someone fund my abortion? I'm not pregnant yet, but I may not be too careful tonight....


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

OnedayScratch said:


> I can't. I'm banned from go fund me.
> 
> I don't have BAM BAM care, so, can someone fund my abortion? I'm not pregnant yet, but I may not be too careful tonight....


Sorry, I'm pro life. You need to be responsible for your own actions.
Now, I need some help writing a paper. Can you head on over?


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> Sorry, I'm pro life. You need to be responsible for your own actions.
> Now, I need some help writing a paper. Can you head on over?


The reason you can't write a paper is because you spend too much time on 2cool?

If 2cool is an addiction, how come I don't see a self diagnosis on webmd?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

carryyourbooks said:


> The reason you can't write a paper is because you spend too much time on 2cool?
> 
> If 2cool is an addiction, how come I don't see a self diagnosis on webmd?


I don't know if it's on WebMD or not because I never leave 2cool.

Can someone tell me what Reeltime's paper is supposed to be about?


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I don't know if it's on WebMD or not because I never leave 2cool.
> 
> Can someone tell me what Reeltime's paper is supposed to be about?


Well, I've misplaced my glasses so I can't read it for you.

Anyone got a self driving car I could borrow.


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> Well, I've misplaced my glasses so I can't read it for you.
> 
> Anyone got a self driving car I could borrow.


Sorry, traveling is overrated. I don't know a soul who has one anyway.
Can anyone come till my spring garden? Its almost time.


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> Sorry, traveling is overrated. I don't know a soul who has one anyway.
> Can anyone come till my spring garden? Its almost time.


You missed spring, summer is a comin'.

Where's the beef?


----------



## DA REEL DADDY (Jun 7, 2005)

carryyourbooks said:


> You missed spring, summer is a comin'.
> 
> Where's the beef?


In the refrigeration asile next to the pork.

Can you pick me up some baby back ribs since your going?


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

DA REEL DADDY said:


> In the refrigeration asile next to the pork.
> 
> Can you pick me up some baby back ribs since your going?


Sorry, can't pick them up for you, my back is sore and have to lie down.

Can someone get him of a salad, its better for him.


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry, can't pick them up for you, my back is sore and have to lie down.
> 
> Can someone get him of a salad, its better for him.


You can lead a man to the salad, but I cannot make him eat it.

Has anyone seen that Maria lady lately?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

carryyourbooks said:


> You can lead a man to the salad, but I cannot make him eat it.
> 
> Has anyone seen that Maria lady lately?


No I haven't seen her because when I took 3 steps towards the door I never looked back.

Can someone look and tell me if my truck is still there?


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> No I haven't seen her because when I took 3 steps towards the door I never looked back.
> 
> Can someone look and tell me if my truck is still there?


I can't tell for sure but it has probably been scrapped for parts.
I'm done with my paper. Could somebody edit it for me? (Grammar police welcome)


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

Reel Time said:


> I can't tell for sure but it has probably been scrapped for parts.
> I'm done with my paper. Could somebody edit it for me? (Grammar police welcome)


Sorry but my editing pen is out of ink.

Could someone take her a good book thats been edited.


----------



## fishingtwo (Feb 23, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry but my editing pen is out of ink.
> 
> Could someone take her a good book thats been edited.


Thankfully the new president has dusted off the good book and it does not need any editing.

Why does anyone care who wins the super bowl anyway?


----------



## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

fishingtwo said:


> Thankfully the new president has dusted off the good book and it does not need any editing.
> 
> Why does anyone care who wins the super bowl anyway?


I would care but gonna be a bunch of political nonsense stuff, I aint watching

Someone check and see if my boat has gas?


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

WineyFishrman said:


> I would care but gonna be a bunch of political nonsense stuff, I aint watching
> 
> Someone check and see if my boat has gas?


Ain't got time for dat.

What you cookin' for da super bowl?


----------



## fishingtwo (Feb 23, 2009)

carryyourbooks said:


> Ain't got time for dat.
> 
> What you cookin' for da super bowl?


I was thinking of some meat with beans in it.

Anybody know a good chili recipe?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

fishingtwo said:


> I was thinking of some meat with beans in it.
> 
> Anybody know a good chili recipe?


I can't give you a good chili recipe because you would put beans in it and screw it up.

Can someone tell me why people would put ketchup on a grilled cheese sammich?


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I can't give you a good chili recipe because you would put beans in it and screw it up.
> 
> Can someone tell me why people would put ketchup on a grilled cheese sammich?


Wish I could help but that beyond my imagination.

Can someone give him some fries for his ketchup. .


----------



## Duckchasr (Apr 27, 2011)

MichaelW said:


> Wish I could help but that beyond my imagination.
> 
> Can someone give him some fries for his ketchup. .


Well I would but it appears my potatoes went to sprouting gotta save em spring planting.
Can someone tell me the date for potatoe plantin this spring?


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Duckchasr said:


> Well I would but it appears my potatoes went to sprouting gotta save em spring planting.
> Can someone tell me the date for potatoe plantin this spring?


I am not able because I'm just a tater eater.

I forgot to buy cilantro the other day at the store, anyone got some I could barree??


----------



## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

carryyourbooks said:


> I am not able because I'm just a tater eater.
> 
> I forgot to buy cilantro the other day at the store, anyone got some I could barree??


I think you've found someone to edit RT's paper, but no I don't have any ceelantroe.

Does anyone have some chips to go with my salsa?


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

OnedayScratch said:


> I think you've found someone to edit RT's paper, but no I don't have any ceelantroe.
> 
> Does anyone have some chips to go with my salsa?


 I do, but I'm gonna eat them all myself. I'm selfish that way.
Can someone tell me how to get to Sesame Street?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

sweenyite said:


> I do, but I'm gonna eat them all myself. I'm selfish that way.
> Can someone tell me how to get to Sesame Street?


I can't tell you because they don't tolerate selfish people in the land of tolerance and inclusion.

Can someone explain to me why assaulting someone to shut them up is freedom of speech?


----------



## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't tell you because they don't tolerate selfish people in the land of tolerance and inclusion.
> 
> Can someone explain to me why assaulting someone to shut them up is freedom of speech?


I can't explain things that don't make sense.
Can someone go help the poor Californians secede from the U.S.?


----------



## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Reel Time said:


> I can't explain things that don't make sense.
> Can someone go help the poor Californians secede from the U.S.?


I can't because I was waiting for the San Andreas fault to do it for us.:work:

Can someone drive a wedge in the fault line to expedite the Calexit?


----------



## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't because I was waiting for the San Andreas fault to do it for us.:work:
> 
> Can someone drive a wedge in the fault line to expedite the Calexit?


How about we build the wall like this?

I think they figured it up for the wall. It will cost each citizen of the US $120.00. Who's in?


----------



## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

carryyourbooks said:


> How about we build the wall like this?
> 
> I think they figured it up for the wall. It will cost each citizen of the US $120.00. Who's in?


I'm in as soon as SS give me a $ 120 per month raise.

Anyone got a good book to ready while I am waiting for that raise.


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

MichaelW said:


> I'm in as soon as SS give me a $ 120 per month raise.
> 
> Anyone got a good book to ready while I am waiting for that raise.


I had one called Wall Building uno-zero-uno, but I couldn't understand it so I used it to start a fire at Academy.

Can someone start a collection to help me make bail?


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## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

I Fall In said:


> I had one called Wall Building uno-zero-uno, but I couldn't understand it so I used it to start a fire at Academy.
> 
> Can someone start a collection to help me make bail?


I would help you with bail but you sound like a dangerous protestor, with the whole fire thing.
Can someone let the terrorists know the 9th Circuit just cleared a path in for em?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

WineyFishrman said:


> I would help you with bail but you sound like a dangerous protestor, with the whole fire thing.
> Can someone let the terrorists know the 9th Circuit just cleared a path in for em?


I would but I have to go to a funeral for the Constitution of the United States.

Can someone tell our Grandkids the govt. has failed them?sad3sm


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I would but I have to go to a funeral for the Constitution of the United States.
> 
> Can someone tell our Grandkids the govt. has failed them?sad3sm


I would but I am busy guarding the path with W.Fisherman right now.

Can someone bring us some brisket tacos at midnight for a snack.


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> I would but I am busy guarding the path with W.Fisherman right now.
> 
> Can someone bring us some brisket tacos at midnight for a snack.


I can't bring you tacos because I'm having eye problems........I don't see myself doing that!

Can someone throw my ball back please?


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## Wedge (Apr 29, 2005)

*Next*

I can't right now....wife is ovulating and we are trying to have a baby.

Can you hold my beer?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Wedge said:


> I can't right now....wife is ovulating and we are trying to have a baby.
> 
> Can you hold my beer?


I can't because I only have 2 hands and there's no way I can hold 3 beers.

Can someone explain this Valentines Day thing to me?


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't because I only have 2 hands and there's no way I can hold 3 beers.
> 
> Can someone explain this Valentines Day thing to me?


Not me. If you have to have a special day to show your love, there's a problem.
Can someone come help me prune my crape myrtles tomorrow?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Reel Time said:


> Not me. If you have to have a special day to show your love, there's a problem.
> Can someone come help me prune my crape myrtles tomorrow?


I can't, see post 196. (Recycling excuses) 

Can someone give me a good excuse to call in sick tomorrow so I can go fishing?


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't, see post 196. (Recycling excuses)
> 
> Can someone give me a good excuse to call in sick tomorrow so I can go fishing?


Tell them you have an eye problem........you don't see yourself making it today.

Who wants to be my Valentine!?!?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

carryyourbooks said:


> Tell them you have an eye problem........you don't see yourself making it today.
> 
> Who wants to be my Valentine!?!?


Dang, missed the deadline for finding you a Valentine.

Could someone find him an Easter egg.


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

MichaelW said:


> Dang, missed the deadline for finding you a Valentine.
> 
> Could someone find him an Easter egg.


Because...








Can someone give me a good rabbit recipe?


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> Because...
> View attachment 3505633
> 
> 
> Can someone give me a good rabbit recipe?


No, unless you want a road kill recipe.
Can someone tell me when owls sleep?


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> No, unless you want a road kill recipe.
> Can someone tell me when owls sleep?


Google is your friend!

Many sleep during the day, which means they are nocturnal. Others sleep at night, just like humans! Owls have very keen senses of sight and hearing. They have specialized ears that can trace small vibrations from movement on the ground from small animals.
Owls Facts | The Aviary at Owls.com -
aviary.owls.com/Owls-Facts.html

Speaking of Hooters, who wants to go?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

carryyourbooks said:


> Google is your friend!
> 
> Many sleep during the day, which means they are nocturnal. Others sleep at night, just like humans! Owls have very keen senses of sight and hearing. They have specialized ears that can trace small vibrations from movement on the ground from small animals.
> Owls Facts | The Aviary at Owls.com -
> ...


She is not looking for info. Its the excuse game.

Would like to go with you but unlike owls, I have to get my sleep.

Can someone give me a wake up call in the AM.


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> She is not looking for info. Its the excuse game.
> 
> Would like to go with you but unlike owls, I have to get my sleep.
> 
> Can someone give me a wake up call in the AM.


I doubt it because I get up at the crack of noon.
Can someone get him an alarm clock?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Reel Time said:


> I doubt it because I get up at the crack of noon.
> Can someone get him an alarm clock?


I can't because I took it to school, and then I got invited to the Whitehouse.

Can someone explain why people put salt on fruit?


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> I can't because I took it to school, and then I got invited to the Whitehouse.
> 
> Can someone explain why people put salt on fruit?


I could explain it, but you would have to go to a fleamarket to understand it.

Why is everybody always pickin' on me?


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## fishin shallow (Jul 31, 2005)

carryyourbooks said:


> I could explain it, but you would have to go to a fleamarket to understand it.
> 
> Why is everybody always pickin' on me?


Because you like to carry everyone's books.

Why are there so many idiot drivers on the road?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

fishin shallow said:


> Because you like to carry everyone's books.
> 
> Why are there so many idiot drivers on the road?


Because the ditches are full.

Can someone help me install a snorkel on my mower?


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## TexasTom (Mar 16, 2011)

I Fall In said:


> Because the ditches are full.
> 
> Can someone help me install a snorkel on my mower?


Sorry but my tools are all underwater!

Can somebody loan IFallIn a submarine to retrieve his mower? Grab my tools too!


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

TexasTom said:


> Sorry but my tools are all underwater!
> 
> Can somebody loan IFallIn a submarine to retrieve his mower? Grab my tools too!


I know a little about dunking stuff but no, I can't cuz Putin has my submarine.

Can somebody check to see if there is a Cleveland, Wisconsin?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

OnedayScratch said:


> I know a little about dunking stuff but no, I can't cuz Putin has my submarine.
> 
> Can somebody check to see if there is a Cleveland, Wisconsin?


I would but I have misplaced my encyclopedia.

Can someone explain why everyone driving faster than me is an idiot, and everyone driving slower than me is a moron.


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> I would but I have misplaced my encyclopedia.
> 
> Can someone explain why everyone driving faster than me is an idiot, and everyone driving slower than me is a moron.


I need to teach you how to accept others just as they are.

What are you smokin' tonight?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

carryyourbooks said:


> I need to teach you how to accept others just as they are.
> 
> What are you smokin' tonight?


:rybka: I can't tell you because I forgot. (Must have been good)

Can someone tell me how to get the smell out of my truck?


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> :rybka: I can't tell you because I forgot. (Must have been good)
> 
> Can someone tell me how to get the smell out of my truck?


No, because you didn't give enough info. What kind of smell? Cigarette smell, gulp liquid?
Can someone go convince the corp of engineers to build a jetty instead of a pier at Sargent?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Reel Time said:


> No, because you didn't give enough info. What kind of smell? Cigarette smell, gulp liquid?
> Can someone go convince the corp of engineers to build a jetty instead of a pier at Sargent?


I can't because the train was running too fast and the engineer couldn't hear me.

Can someone go to Jury Duty for me tomorrow so I can go fishing and tell the boss I was at Jury Duty?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I can't because the train was running too fast and the engineer couldn't hear me.
> 
> Can someone go to Jury Duty for me tomorrow so I can go fishing and tell the boss I was at Jury Duty?


That won't work because the BOSS knows all and I don't want to be charged with complicity.

Does someone have some flight line that I could borrow.


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

MichaelW said:


> That won't work because the BOSS knows all and I don't want to be charged with complicity.
> 
> Does someone have some flight line that I could borrow.


No, but I can help you install your muffler bearings.
Can someone help me put seasonal air in my tires.?


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> No, but I can help you install your muffler bearings.
> Can someone help me put seasonal air in my tires.?


Tires are like ceiling fans, you just have to reverse them.
Plus, where are you living, that you have to deal with "seasons"?

How long before football season?


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

carryyourbooks said:


> Tires are like ceiling fans, you just have to reverse them.
> Plus, where are you living, that you have to deal with "seasons"?
> 
> How long before football season?


Too long. The Irish are having a great recruiting season and anything will be a plus from last season.

Does someone have a griddle for my grid iron I can use?


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

OnedayScratch said:


> Too long. The Irish are having a great recruiting season and anything will be a plus from last season.
> 
> Does someone have a griddle for my grid iron I can use?


I won't let you use my girdle because it's just a crutch, just put your fat-*** grid iron on a diet.

Does anyone have scuba gear I can use to get to jury duty today?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> I won't let you use my girdle because it's just a crutch, just put your fat-*** grid iron on a diet.
> 
> Does anyone have scuba gear I can use to get to jury duty today?


Presidents day, no jury duty today, besides my snorkel is in the repair whop.

Can someone send me a charge for my dead battery.


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## 24Buds (Dec 5, 2008)

MichaelW said:


> Presidents day, no jury duty today, besides my snorkel is in the repair whop.
> 
> Can someone send me a charge for my dead battery.


I can't. I am out of Electrons.

Can someone send me some electrons form your outer valance shell?


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## Mattsfishin (Aug 23, 2009)

24Buds said:


> I can't. I am out of Electrons.
> 
> Can someone send me some electrons form your outer valance shell?


I can't, someone stole my outer valance shell.

But can someone bake me a german chocolate cake?


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Mattsfishin said:


> I can't, someone stole my outer valance shell.
> 
> But can someone bake me a german chocolate cake?


What do I look like, Betty Crocker??

Will someone get this German some bia (beer)?


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

carryyourbooks said:


> What do I look like, Betty Crocker??
> 
> Will someone get this German some bia (beer)?


Stopped drinking bia. Turned me into a blowfish.

Does anyone have a non-lethal recipe for blowfish.....

....No, I don't want to cook myself.


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

OnedayScratch said:


> Stopped drinking bia. Turned me into a blowfish.
> 
> Does anyone have a non-lethal recipe for blowfish.....
> 
> ....No, I don't want to cook myself.


Sorry, no recipe for that, lethal or non-lethal.
Tommy, can you come help me prune some high branches? Bring your chaps and chainsaw.


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Reel Time said:


> Sorry, no recipe for that, lethal or non-lethal.
> Tommy, can you come help me prune some high branches? Bring your chaps and chainsaw.


He can't because he left his chaps at the Y.M.C.A.

Can someone fix me a sammich?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

I Fall In said:


> He can't because he left his chaps at the Y.M.C.A.
> 
> Can someone fix me a sammich?


Sorry we're preparing for Taco Tuesday right now.

Can someone teach me how to hit a 4 iron.


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry we're preparing for Taco Tuesday right now.
> 
> Can someone teach me how to hit a 4 iron.


No I can't because ironing should be left up to the wimmen folks. 

Can someone tell Reeltime I was just kidding?


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

I Fall In said:


> No I can't because ironing should be left up to the wimmen folks.
> 
> Can someone tell Reeltime I was just kidding?


No, because I don't talk to myself.
Can you go buy groceries for me tomorrow? My pantry is bare.


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

Reel Time said:


> No, because I don't talk to myself.
> Can you go buy groceries for me tomorrow? My pantry is bare.


"Give a man (or lady) a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man (or lady) to fish and you feed him for a lifetime!"

Can someone show me how to fish?


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## MichaelW (Jun 16, 2010)

carryyourbooks said:


> "Give a man (or lady) a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man (or lady) to fish and you feed him for a lifetime!"
> 
> Can someone show me how to fish?


Sorry, Fishing 101 is no longer taught because of the liberals.

Does someone give him a book about card games.


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

MichaelW said:


> Sorry, Fishing 101 is no longer taught because of the liberals.
> 
> Does someone give him a book about card games.


No because he was given books in school and all he did was chew the covers off of them.

Can someone help me count to 11 without taking my shoes off?


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## WineyFishrman (Aug 5, 2011)

I Fall In said:


> No because he was given books in school and all he did was chew the covers off of them.
> 
> Can someone help me count to 11 without taking my shoes off?


I would show you but I aint touching your zipper

Can someone pour me a cocktail,, me thirsty


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