# Holidays are going to be tough this year...



## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

Not sure if anyone here knows or noticed because I haven't talked about it much, but this year I went through a divorce. It was finalized a couple months ago, but started back in June/July. It's been a very rough week. Fighting with my ex-wife about holidays and weekends, etc... We had originally agreed on 1 thing and she decided all of a sudden to back out of that agreement...which she can do because the div doc said something dif't than we agreed on. That's my fault for not looking close enough at the documents. It was an emotionally charged time and I honestly think we both over-looked it, but it's in her favor so even if she did notice she sure as he11 wasn't going to tell me about the change. We had originally agreed to share Thanksgiving (morning-lunch with me/afternoon-dinner with her) this year (cuz it's our 1st holiday season divorced) and alternate Christmas Eve/Christmas Day. 

She decided to go out of town all of a sudden for Thanksgiving (her Mom's idea) and let me know that I won't see my girls at all for Thanksgiving. They're leaving Tuesday or Wednesday and coming back Sunday night...so she just said, "sorry...but I changed my mind and you can't do anything about it...it's in the div decree this way..." Well she's right - I'm stuck with it. Sucks. I'm already very sad about it and it's not even Thanksgiving yet. She said I could have them Monday and Tuesday if I want...but she knows I have a job (she still doesn't) and that it's not possible for me to take off right now. Whatever...nothing I can do about it. 

I'm sure next week will be worse emotionally, and I don't know how it's going to feel on Thanksgiving day when I'm sitting with my family but my girls aren't with us. Then Christmas. Wow...I don't think I'm prepared for this. So if anyone has any spare prayer time...I sure could use a little strength the next couple weeks/months. While you're at it please pray for my girls to know their Daddy loves them so much and misses them every day. Pray for their mom too so that she can remember I am their Daddy and how much it hurts me to not see them. Thank you.


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## Die Terrorists Die (Sep 18, 2009)

I'm sorry to hear of this. I will be praying for you and your family. Gosh, I am so tired of hearing about families breaking up. It just tears me up. Do you have a good church to hang out with or any other family/friends around?

Can you call your girls on Thanksgiving since your ex did this to you?
Mike


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## RC's Mom (Jun 6, 2008)

BlueWaveCapt said:


> While you're at it please pray for my girls to know their Daddy loves them so much and misses them every day. Pray for their mom too so that she can remember I am their Daddy and how much it hurts me to not see them. Thank you.


Tell your girls yourself everyday, if the ex will let you talk to them. Maybe she will realize how much you care, tell her how much it hurts as well. Prayers up, take it one day at a time and NEVER make your children wonder whether or not you care or why you don't have time for them.

Darlene


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## Mrschasintail (Dec 8, 2004)

Prayers sent! I'm sorry your having to go thru this.


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

Yes she let's me talk to them. I talk to them and tell them how much I love them every day. They are with me now actually here at work. This is my weekend...I get them 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends and 1 night per week for dinner/hanging out. 

I've told her how much this decision hurts and she knows it does. I think part of the hurt is why she's doing it...but I hope not.


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## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

I will pray for you .You did the right thing posting on here I have met good christian based brothers and sisters on here.Im currently going through med problems and 2cool prayers are very strong .your girls know good and well who there dad is .I have not been divorced but I can only emagine your pain .Being born again 3 years ago my saviuor and yours has bore all our sins put it in his hands brother .God loves you and does not want to see you hurting .He dont let no one down .JOHN 3:16


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## Seeker (Jul 6, 2009)

Prayers are sent. My advice would be this: Start taking notes. Detailed notes. Write about it as much as you can. Do not be one sided or opinionated. Write down the facts clearly and include your feelings. Do this until your daughters are older and you fill comfortable enough to give this journal to them. I promise your girls will understand. 

My dad did not do this but I wished he did. That way when there was even the smallest question I could challenge the other parent on the issue. Both of my parents needed a good swift kick in the pants. I tell them this all of the time. AND DO NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT TELLING THEM! When one says this and the other says that than whom do I question?

So now, both of my parents pay the price. But, I do not hold grudges; forgiveness on my part has taken a lifetime. But God said do it. So I did it. Children pay the price for such selflessness. Whatever or whoever the blame. It is heart breaking to a child, builds character and it has made me a better father because of it. 

Everything happens for a reason. It is not my place to question God why these things happen. All I can do is learn from it. But remember this, one day your girls can and will have their own opinions and trust me when they get older and wiser they will read through the bs. You are doing right by doing everything in your will power to get to see your children. When you do have them go to church, let them see and hear you pray about it. Conviction will go a long way. I will say this, money will not buy their love but a God fearing father is priceless. 

Also remember this; there are two master thieves in life:

1. Remembering and living in the past

2. Worrying and fretting about the future

Right now you have the present, the past is history and there is nothing guaranteed in the future. It is the first day of the rest of your life and it is up to you what you will do with it. Time is ticking&#8230;&#8230; make the best of it.

I am going to say a prayer for your girls, a simple walk in life for them has just turned into running up hill bless their little hearts. Hang in there God has his plans and unfortunately you happened to be a part of it. Hope is something you have but you will only find it in God himself. You will know what I mean once he has you right where he wants you. In my case, it was begging for mercy and a second chance. He has my undivided attention. Once you turn the steering wheel over to him it will only get better. I know you have heard the song "Jesus take the wheel"? Well, it works.


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## scwine (Sep 7, 2006)

woodlandsboy said:


> Prayers are sent. My advice would be this: Start taking notes. Detailed notes. Write about it as much as you can. Do not be one sided or opinionated. Write down the facts clearly and include your feelings. Do this until your daughters are older and you fill comfortable enough to give this journal to them. I promise your girls will understand.


Very good idea!

BlueWaveCapt-prayers for you. Just remember, everyday with your daughters is Thanksgiving.


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## atcfisherman (Oct 5, 2006)

I am so sorry to hear this. I pray that God will work things out and comfort you.


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## East Texan (Oct 13, 2010)

That's a bad situation.
My prayers for you and all involved.


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

Thank you all. My girls know I love them and they love me back so unconditionally. We had a fun weekend together. I called to tell them goodnight last night (as I do every night) and talk about what we could do on Tuesday after work together (since my ex-wife was leaving Wednesday) and I could tell they were in a car riding down the road. That's when my oldest daughter told me, "Daddy we're going to see Aunt Gale are you coming too?" She (ex wife) decided not to wait until Wednesday and chose to leave early...but didn't tell me and wasn't going to tell me. 

Just when I thought she couldn't be any LOWER...she left last night and is going to keep them away from me ALL week. She said maybe when she gets back Sunday evening I can see them a little bit before they need to go to bed. Wow...I was stunned and I still am a little in shock she would do this. It's ridiculous and I know who is REALLY behind all this. 

Thank you for your prayers. Please pray for her as well. She might just need it more than I do.


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## Seeker (Jul 6, 2009)

I agree 100%. Sounds like she is on a mission to hurt you as much as possible. I am so sorry to hear this. Let me be the first to say, circles come to closure, ask my mom. She pulled this type of behavior when I was younger. I can say, it bit her right where the sun don't shine and there is nothing in this world like eating crow that has no moisture in it. lol, she is miserable. Lives alone, wallows around in her own spiritual fecal and would rather be dead because her life is so terrible. She wants her kids to take care of her and it seems all have families of our own now. Not that I do not help make sure her needs are met per Gods law but none of us go out of our way during the holidays, birthdays ect. Yep, she made her decisions years ago and we are making our own decisions now. Unfortunately she is holding the short end of the stick. She has told me several times, I wished the good lord would just take me. But I am pretty sure she now understands that she was not so smart and actually the dumbest thing she could have ever done. I know what my dad thinks now. Thank the good lord for unanswered prayers. Everything happens for a reason. It is up to us to see how it magnifies the lord. It's all relative and God has a purpose and I believe you are on the good end of things. imho


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## FishinCowboy (Sep 8, 2010)

Praying for you and your girls.
Only thing I can add to what has been said already is, Have your holiday with your girls. Even if its Saturday a week late, plan the day. And make it happen.
Same with Christmas.
Growing up, there were times when because my dad worked, we would ether have our holiday early or late. It sucked when we had to wait to open presents for days after Christmas. But it worked out. 

"People will not remember what you said or did in life, They will remember how you made them feel"

Have your holidays with your girls
Praying for all involved!!!!


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## Bonito (Nov 17, 2008)

Thankfully my Ex splits the Holidays with me. Infact, after 7 years, my ex has invited me to her house for the past few holidays and this comming Thanksgiving. 

The thing you want to express to your ex-wife is that it is good for your children to be with Dad as well as Mom. Don't aproach it from you being hurt and sad, but from her daughters being hurt and sad. Just my 2 cents.

Father, we lift up BlueWaveCapt to you. We pray you will help him to get through this sad time. We pray you will speak to his Ex-wifes heart and soften her heart. We ask you to be with the 2 daughters and give them peace and understanding. May Your blessings be upon BluwWaveCapt, his 2 daughters and his Ex-wife. In Jesus' name we pray.


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## Team Burns (May 6, 2008)

I am so sorry to hear this...I will pray for you! Sounds like you already received some great advice!!!


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

It was sad without my girls, but I kept myself busy with my family that is in town (parents, bro, sister, cousins, etc...). We all missed having my girls with me. I fried turkeys for my family and my GF's family...they were all VERY pleased (as was I) with the results. That felt good. I talked to my girls every day and they even called me a couple times. It will be okay...I will keep doing what I gotta do and eventually my girls will see/know who keeps them fed, clothed, housed, etc... They might not understand it now...but ONE day they will. At least...I hope they do.


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## Seeker (Jul 6, 2009)

Amen brother they will indeed. You did good. I am proud of you. Being there as much as possible is both good for you and the girls. One day my friend it will ALL be good. In due time. God is great, he will prevail and right before your very eyes you will indeed witness his works firsthand. Saying a prayer for you and the girls right now. Forgiveness Bluewave, forgiveness. Do not think about the past, it will steal your time and your time is better spent thinking good thoughts about your daughters. Bless your heart man. I have lived with this all of my life and I tell you, it will get better.


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## fillet (Dec 2, 2010)

I have walked the road you are starting down for 8 years now and I can tell you that it does get easier the first couple of years are by far the hardest. I know you got a little taste of hell the first days you sat alone feeling your children have been taken away from you. I know the feeling on your heart and insides like they were being ripped to shreads but I can promise you it does get better, Your first step was the right one in asking for prayer and pulling closer to god, He brought you to it and hill will carry you through it. Your ex is sooo wrong in trying to use your daughters to hurt you and I know now its hard to see but this will back fire on her in every way. But you were right in asking for people to pray for her because she will need it, alway walk the high road and stand tall for your children and never speak ill of there mother to them because it has the complete opposite affect of what you would think it would have. Your ex is obviously a miserable person and she thinks that you should share her misery and yes she is trying to hurt you and will only hurt the children in the end. Continue to walk with god show your daughters your love and that you are there for them and you will come out on top and if your ex wont change she will pay the price in the end but that is between her and god, hopefully she will see her errors but until she can find peace I wouldnt look for it any time soon. Just remember that it is all in gods time not ours, and believe me I am praying for you I have been there.:mpd:


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## bzrk180 (Jan 7, 2008)

So sorry to hear this. Divorce is always hard on the parents, but it is almost always the children that suffer. Just remember, when things are out of your control, the one thing you CAN control is who you get to be in relationship to those things. 

BE loving, BE caring and BE the adult in all of this. As much pain as it is for you, your kids will see the truth themselves one day and when they look back over it and remember their daddy was never attacking, always loving, it will go a LOOOOOONNNNG way....

Trust me, as a step father to three girls (now grown) with a bitter and hateful father (still), doing everything he could to make my wife miserable by using her kids to try and manipulate her, they are realizing where the real love and caring resides.

Although it pains me to see the three girls I have come to love suffer to realize their father is a jerk, there is nothing I can do about it, so Iam loving, caring, and understanding and when they suffer, they come to us for comfort, and for that, I am grateful!

Good luck man, know that they are thinking of you as much as you are thinking of them. Dont let the "ex" direct your "relationship" with them....You can still be bigger than her in all of this!

Peace... Brad


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## Gig'em (Jul 5, 2007)

I am going to kinda chime in because I have been going through the same with my ex and the posts that I have read here have made sense and a lot to think about. The holidays are a hard time and with the grace of God and His help, it will be a little easier.


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## fillet (Dec 2, 2010)

Hey Gig'em I didnt want you to think nobody noticed your reply I am sending a prayer your way stand tall brother.


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