# Weird Sayings or Phrases



## Giggy McFlatty (Mar 2, 2012)

What weird sayings/phrases have you heard?

A cat can have kittens in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits!


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## justin-credible1982 (Sep 12, 2006)

You'll do wonders and fall back in cucumbers...


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## Rusty S (Apr 6, 2006)

Like wiping you a** with a wagon wheel. rs


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## TheExtreme (Aug 17, 2010)

If I tell you a flea can pull a plow, you need to hook him up.


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## Nwilkins (Jan 18, 2009)

LIke a hair on a biscuit


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## Rusty S (Apr 6, 2006)

Like sands through the hour glass---these are the Day's of Our Lives. rs


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## Smackdaddy53 (Nov 4, 2011)

Goin in circles like a one legged duck...
Don't get me started, this could go on for a while!

http://www.fishingscout.com/scouts/SmackDaddy


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## jasonr (Jun 15, 2009)

jacked up like a football bat


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## Rusty S (Apr 6, 2006)

Giggy McFlatty said:


> It's hotter than two ***** screwing in a wool sock!


 I have to leave now.  Note infractions. rs


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## Quepos1 (Jan 21, 2011)

jasonr said:


> jacked up like a football bat


Hard as a twenty-nine cents screwdriver.


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## Rusty S (Apr 6, 2006)

Colder than a well digger's a**. rs


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Busier than a one arm paper hanger.


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## weavergl (Mar 20, 2007)

So small you gotta go outside to change your mind.


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## Won Hunglo (Apr 24, 2007)

When in doubt, whip it out.


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## Quepos1 (Jan 21, 2011)

Busy as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.


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## Rusty S (Apr 6, 2006)

Busier than a cat with 2 peckers. rs


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## Calmday (Jul 7, 2005)

As nervous as a cat in room full ...........
Its raining like a cow ******* on a flat rock.


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## drathe3112 (May 30, 2008)

More screwed up than a soup sandwich.


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## NanoSkiff (Jul 26, 2012)

More screwed up than a strippers checkbook. 

Easy as putting socks on a rooster.


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## Brushpoppin (Jul 24, 2012)

Useless as tits on a boar hog...

Hotter than a witches tit ina brass bra


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## Jaydub (Jun 2, 2012)

TheExtreme said:


> *If I tell you a flea can pull a plow, you need to hook him up*.


I LOVE this one! Thought I had heard it all, but it is new to me. I also like "sweating like a whore in Sunday School", and "shi**ing rubber nickels".


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## My Little Big boat (Apr 24, 2012)

You can't fix stupid

It's so dry, the fish have ticks

If you lye with dogs, your Gona get fleas

Stride for the best, never settle for any thing less


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## Jaydub (Jun 2, 2012)

F'd up like Hogan's goat
as useful as a stone boat
as useful as a ***** flavored popsicle


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## JDubya (Sep 26, 2012)

Yolo


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## kweber (Sep 20, 2005)

"hold my beer an' watch this..."
not weird, but the results can be....


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

Looks like s monkey f***** a football.

In regards to prices:
Higher than a cats ***.

In regards to how Simi e feels about themselves:
Think it's the cats ***.

Sent from my mobile command center.


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## glenbo (Apr 9, 2010)

My father used to say about someone confused or just stupid:

He don't know whether to sh!t or wind his watch.

He don't know whether to sh!t or go blind.


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## jcm1983 (Dec 12, 2011)

happy as a two dik'd hummingbird


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

jcm1983 said:


> happy as a two dik'd hummingbird


Hah, new one on me....

A

Sent from my mobile command center.


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## Jaydub (Jun 2, 2012)

*He don't know whether to sh!t or wind his watch.*

I've heard a variation of that that says "I'm so busy I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt." I have heard another one that says "I am so tired I don't know if I found a rope or lost a horse". I work with a guy whose response to "how are you doing" is "if I was doing any better I would have to hire someone to help me enjoy myself".


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## SHURSHOT270 (Dec 28, 2007)

Full as a tick and about to pop. 

Higher than a cats back

F***** up like Jerry's kids.


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## jcm1983 (Dec 12, 2011)

F"d up as a dog pooping on a frozen lake


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## hrb2be (Dec 7, 2012)

*Phrase*

How are you feeling? "like a baby's diaper."


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## Riley & Sons (Aug 7, 2008)

Shaking like a dog crapping a peach seed.


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## SHURSHOT270 (Dec 28, 2007)

If its windy outside. It's blowin like a starvin hooker.


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## dallasrick (Jan 5, 2005)

dumber than a bag of hammers


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## kparker (Feb 15, 2011)

She looks like 5 pounds of sausage in a 4 pound skin (A larger lady in smaller clothes)


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## SSST (Jun 9, 2011)

Something my boss used quite a bit back in the day when a hand would say "if" so and so would've happened......

"If" Grandma had b****, she'd be Grandpa.


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## SSST (Jun 9, 2011)

jcm1983 said:


> happy as a two dik'd hummingbird


Buddy of mine says, "Happy as a 2 headed pecker"


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## TRB (Sep 18, 2005)

If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his butt when he hopped


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## Riley & Sons (Aug 7, 2008)

Nervous as a cat trying to cover up poop on a hot tin roof.


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## aguaflaca (Aug 11, 2005)

harder than a preachers peter at a nudist wedding
when I was a kid and was doing something stupid my dad would say "boy, I'm gonna get all over you like gray on an elephant" or "...like stink on ****"


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


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## biged412 (Mar 8, 2005)

So good my tongue slapped my face to death tryin to get to it


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## cubera (Mar 9, 2005)

Fits like socks on a rooster.


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## FISHHOGG (Aug 12, 2005)

*A few more......*

Dumber than a box of rocks...

When talking about someone who is not too smart... Not the sharpest tool in the shed

When someone asks me where did you get that? The saying is " I got it at the getting place..

When someone ask what for (fer)? The answer is " Cat fur to make kitten britches..


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## Fishin' Texas Aggie 05 (May 27, 2012)

Yonder he goes a comin back 

Throw the cows oer the fence some hay


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don't come running to me.
Ain't no such thing as can't.


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## BluewaterBandido (Oct 24, 2012)

"slicker than owl ****"!

"thats the cats meow"


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## jasonr (Jun 15, 2009)

SSST said:


> Buddy of mine says, "Happy as a 2 headed pecker"


happy as a toddler with 2 peckers


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## cubera (Mar 9, 2005)

Lower than whale s***


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## muzzleloader (May 21, 2004)

Didn't know whether to sh!t or go blind, so,

I closed my eyes and farted


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## Quepos1 (Jan 21, 2011)

jasonr said:


> happy as a toddler with 2 peckers


Horny as a two dick billy goat


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## okmajek (May 29, 2012)

Dumber than a sack of hammers !

Grandpa


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

"That looks worse than a bag full of smashed *** holes"


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## okmajek (May 29, 2012)

Grinning like a dog licking chit off a hairbrush !!
Whining like a dog chittin a peach seed !!


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

okmajek said:


> Grinning like a dog licking chit off a hairbrush !!
> Whining like a dog chittin a peach seed !!


I always heard it as "Shaking like a dog ******** a peach seed"


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## Marcos Domingues (Mar 10, 2013)

"chit glows''


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## CoastalOutfitters (Aug 20, 2004)

6 of one, half a dozen of the other

it's always sumthin'

hotter than a 2 dollar pistol


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## cloudfishing (May 8, 2005)

F#[email protected]^% fight or hold the light


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## 47741 (Jan 5, 2010)

hotter than a nanny goat in a pepper patch

Useless as t!ts on a boar


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## Quepos1 (Jan 21, 2011)

Grinning like a mule eating briars.


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## mrau (Mar 17, 2010)

You can lead a horse to water, but that don't make it right.


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## bdub25 (Feb 1, 2011)

Uglier than a bucket of ***** holes!


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## capt.sandbar (Aug 31, 2007)

High prices
Higher than giraffe p#*Â£Â¥

Colder than an Eskimos ice hole
It ain't long, but it sure is skinny
It may not be big and round,but it sure is short


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## bdub25 (Feb 1, 2011)

Harder than Japanese arithmetic
Slicker than sperm on a marble


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## glenbo (Apr 9, 2010)

spurgersalty said:


> I always heard it as "Shaking like a dog ******** a peach seed"


My father said it as, "grinning like a monkey sh!tting peach pits."


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## patfatdaddy (May 29, 2004)

Fubar


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## FishinFoolFaron (Feb 11, 2009)

Do I need to tell you how the cow ate the cabbage? 

Queer as a three dollar bill.


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## Quepos1 (Jan 21, 2011)

patfatdaddy said:


> Fubar


Actually a military term:

F***ed 
Up
Beyond
All
Recognition


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## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

Quit picking the fly ***** out of pepper!


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## jimtexas68 (May 13, 2012)

1. Shinier than a silver dollar in a goats ***

2. Happier than a queer in a d!ck tree

3. Smoother than smoke through a key hole


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## horned frog (Nov 9, 2008)

"I could care less" is a weird and meaningless phrase that is used too often.

The correct and logical phrase is "I could not care less".


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## 12lbtest (Jun 1, 2005)

Son....the cream always rises to the top but at times, **** floats too.


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## Quepos1 (Jan 21, 2011)

horned frog said:


> "i could care less" is a weird and meaningless phrase that is used too often.
> 
> The correct and logical phrase is "i could not care less".


x 100


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## weavergl (Mar 20, 2007)

Confused as a toddler in a tittie bar

Confused as a queer at a weinie roast


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## Jaydub (Jun 2, 2012)

You know that little white speck on top of chicken sh!t? Well, that's chicken sh!t too.
You can't make chicken salad out of chicken sh!t
You can't polish a turd
Sweating like Michael Jackson at a Toy's R us
slicker than by God
slicker than deer guts on a doorknob


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## FISHINFOOL87 (Jun 21, 2010)

He/She has blown up like a barn tick.


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## 1fastmerc (Aug 12, 2012)

You can put lipstick on a hog but its still a hog. 
I've heard this in reference when trying to make a something look better than what it is. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


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## rubberducky (Mar 19, 2010)

When anyone ask me where I'm going. I will ask them "didn't I tell you"? When they say no I tell them "well it's none of your dang business!! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk because Reeltime told me to
Rrrrrrrwed


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

1fastmerc said:


> You can put lipstick on a hog but its still a hog.
> I've heard this in reference when trying to make a something look better than what it is.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


??? washing a ford?


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## ningapleeze (Mar 18, 2013)

" Put it in Easy, take it out Greasy"


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## TheExtreme (Aug 17, 2010)

Hotter than a $2 whore on dollar night.


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## 1fastmerc (Aug 12, 2012)

lordbater said:


> ??? washing a ford?


Lol. Could be.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2


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## SHURSHOT270 (Dec 28, 2007)

Slicker than snot

Neater than socks


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## McTrout (May 22, 2004)

More messed up than a ******* check book...


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## lockaa (Sep 25, 2010)

I like them all but my favorite is , it ain't no fun when the rabbits got the gun.


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## Melon (Jun 1, 2004)

the boy could tear up a steel ball.


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## jcm1983 (Dec 12, 2011)

McTrout said:


> More messed up than a ******* check book...


more f'd up than a three toed ****** wearing flip flops


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## wiley199 (May 22, 2004)

If you get them by the nuts, their hearts and mind will follow


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## MaiChip (Jul 5, 2006)

Handier than a pocket on a shirt.


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## Realvestor (Nov 19, 2009)

"If I knew a good arse Kicker I'd back into him" after doing something stupid.


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## flashlight (Jul 9, 2007)

More busier than a three legged cat trying to cover up s&$t on an ice rink.


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## redfisher43 (Oct 7, 2005)

Of a buck toothed person: S/he could eat corn off the cob through a chicken wire fence.

In response to how are you doing: If I were any better I'd be twins.

Busier than a two peckered goat.

Trying to change the image of an item or person: Like putting perfume on a pig.


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## WoundedMinnow (Oct 11, 2011)

Hotter than two rats [email protected]#$%% in a wool sock on a tin roof

Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk 2


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## txsmith1 (Feb 13, 2012)

To take the p&#s (urine) out of someone. Means to mock/make fun of someone. 

It's British. To this day it still doesn't make sense to me.


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## teeroy (Oct 1, 2009)

Awkward as a cow in roller skates


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## acwizzard (Apr 22, 2011)

If I tell you a chicken dips snuff lift up his wing and you'll find a can .In other words I don't lie


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## TIMBOv2 (Mar 18, 2010)

I asked a truck driver one time," ya think you can back that float in this hole?"
Answer: Boy, if you can drag a chain through that SOB I can put this float in that *****!

Slicker than cum on a gold toof.


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## PeteD (Sep 21, 2005)

There are so many of these. I was going to post a bunch, but the old internet can do better:

http://www.lindapages.com/colloq.html


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## Jigger (Feb 12, 2009)

messed up as a macaroni snow cone


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

PeteD said:


> There are so many of these. I was going to post a bunch, but the old internet can do better:
> 
> http://www.lindapages.com/colloq.html


Old internet? As in All Gore ages?

Â©


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## Fishin' Soldier (Dec 25, 2007)

spurgersalty said:


> Old internet? As in All Gore ages?
> 
> Â©


Messed up like a screen door on a submarine!

Messed up like a one legged (insert derogatory phrase) in a flip flop.

Sent from my DROIDX using Tapatalk 2


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## LIVIN (Oct 31, 2006)

Funny as kittens in a blender.


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## SaltwaterTom (Jun 23, 2013)

Drunker than Cooter Brown.

Who the heck is Cooter Brown, and why is he always drunk?


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## Miss Dixie (May 21, 2004)

I have a friend that ain't right in the head...I tell her she is nuttier than squirrel poop.


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## WoundedMinnow (Oct 11, 2011)

Drier than a popcorn fart

Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk 2


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## RexP (May 29, 2013)

Boy im gona slap a knot on yor head you will havta tip toe to scratch.


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## RACER (Mar 15, 2006)

If I were any better I would have to be you


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## RACER (Mar 15, 2006)

if I were any better I would have to be twins

hotter than a 2 dollar whore on nickle night


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

she could get lost in a round room with no doors..


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## Bozo (Jun 16, 2004)

She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

Bozo said:


> She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.


She fell out of the dumb ***** tree and hit every branch on the way down.. 

A


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## Paul Marx (Nov 13, 2009)

Nuttier than a portapotty at a peanut festival .


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## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

Like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

No muff too tough too puff...


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## Bozo (Jun 16, 2004)

So stupid he couldn't pour **** out of a boot that had directions on the sole. 
All hat and no saddle.
Hotter than a billy goats butt in a pepper patch
Cain't never could
Stunk so bad it'd knock a buzzard off a chit wagon
So nasty it'd make a maggot gag.


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

That boy of mine could tear up a bowling ball with a rubber hammer.
Tighter than dick's hatband.
If God had wanted Texans to ski, He'd have made bullchit white!
"You thought? Well you thought wrong! You thought you farted but you chit!"


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Stank so bad it'd knock a buzzard off the gut wagon.
He's as sharp as a bowling ball.
fortyleven times
Drier'n a popcorn fart
Elvis is dead and I don't feel so hot myself.


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Nutty as squirrel chit.
If she was an inch taller, she'd be square.
Your problem is you're ten pounds of chit in a five pound sack.


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## Fishin' Soldier (Dec 25, 2007)

Anyone use the word "cattycorner" My did always did and I find myself saying it all the time.


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

creepy arse cracker


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## JayTray (Jan 8, 2011)

If a guy is strong- "he could tear up an anvil with a fly swatter"

If he is confused- " looks like cattle staring at a new gate"

drunk... well has to do with a messed up tacklebox.. or checkbook.


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## FINNFOWLER (Sep 2, 2004)

Bozo said:


> She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.


then got in a fight with the roots.


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## KJON (May 1, 2006)

don't let your mouth write checks your ***** cant cash

never too big a knife you caint eat


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## fishNwithfish (Aug 17, 2011)

Bout as retarded as a amish electrician

if it smells like trout get out


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

She can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!

So ugly I wish I had a time machine to go back and slap the s h i t outta her grandma and grandpa!


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## ramdorsky (Feb 21, 2005)

When someones drinking water at a party, "Don't fish sh** in water?"


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## NaClH2O (May 25, 2004)

All of these came from my dad.

Slicker'n a bucket of hog livers
Does a chicken have lips?
Finer'n frog hair
Off like a terd of hurtles (that was his version of "off like a herd of turtles")
The words "cattywompus" and "gotcheyed"
If a frog had he wings he wouldn't bump his *** when he jumped

I know he had more, but that's all I can think of right now.


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## Jaydub (Jun 2, 2012)

harder than woodpecker lips
smells like a bucket of buttholes
smells like a sack of armpits


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## WoundedMinnow (Oct 11, 2011)

Purs like a kitten

Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk 2


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## Archer (Jul 10, 2006)

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

Jumpy as a cat in a hail storm

Dumber than a box oâ€™ rocks

sharp as a hammer

slicker than snot on a tin plate

itâ€™s as clear as mud


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## Lagniappe2008 (Jan 20, 2008)

when my granpa had to stop drinking beer for health reasons and had to drink non alcoholic beer: Drinking this stuff is like washing your feet with your socks on.

Hotter than a fresh fu--ed fox in a forest fire

When someone farts they say: thats just some ***** talking sh-t about me behind my back

Other grandpa used to confuse me with this all the time: it's hotter in the city than it is in the summer.


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## speckle-catcher (May 20, 2004)

McTrout said:


> More messed up than a ******* check book...


I thought it was the "tackle box"



I'd be on that like a duck on a junebug.


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## woodspirit (Sep 15, 2012)

When someone can't sit still... He/she's up and down like a bridegrooms *** on his wedding night.

When something is the best... It's the dogs bollocks.

Happy as a dog with two *****.

Keep your hair on... Meaning don't get so excited.


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## Mako2 (May 10, 2007)

*Best BBQ*

Red River has the best BBQ and ribs hands down!
Eat there twice a week. Love it!!!!

Mako2


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

Mako2 said:


> Red River has the best BBQ and ribs hands down!
> Eat there twice a week. Love it!!!!
> 
> Mako2


Uhhhhh?????

****ed up as a soup sandwich comes to mind....


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## rio frio (Jan 12, 2005)

Cant never could.....
Wont never will.........

Busier than a one arm potato peeler at the jack in the box


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## Riley & Sons (Aug 7, 2008)

Kick your arse so far up between your shoulder blades you will have to take your shirt off to go to the bathroom.
Have your head so far up your arse you will need a glass belly button just to see what is going on.


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## Little-bit (Oct 19, 2005)

I'm so broke that dust can't even collect on me.


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## SargentfishR (Apr 23, 2007)

No matter where you go , there you are .


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## peckerwood (Jun 9, 2012)

Grinning like a mule eating briars.


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## dbarham (Aug 13, 2005)

That woman is so ugly she would make a freight train take a dirt road!


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## kparker (Feb 15, 2011)

"He was staring like a chicken watching a card trick"


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## Wado (May 15, 2011)

Looks like chit on a white chicken. 
She's skinned more roots than a wagon wheel.
I'm gonna stomp a mudhole in your a** and walk it dry.
Slap some bacon on that biskit' wer'e burning daylight. (John Wayne in The Cowboys) my personal favorite.


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## Range Coach (May 8, 2012)

When digging postholes in the summer, Dad would always say, "The ground is harder than old peoples' toenails."

If someone farts around me, I tell them "Your voice changed, but your breath still smells the same."


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## grouper150 (Oct 24, 2006)

lower than a snakes belly


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## TxFig (May 4, 2006)

My dad used to say "you can want in one hand and *urinate* in the other and see which gets full faster".


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## funewgy (Apr 1, 2005)

You do that again and I'm going to knock your nuts up around your ears.
That boy done beat all his brains out the head of his d**k.
He could'nt sell Pu**y on a troop train


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## Spirit (Nov 19, 2008)

These are saying within my family and extended family -- but probably unheard of in the rest of the world. lol

I'd just soon to as eat a bug. (An alternative to saying yes.)

It all goes with it my Valentine. (To explain the mysteries of life, whatever the current one may be.)

Give mine to Geraldine. (Meaning, I don't want it!! Its a line from Wendy Bagwell's Rattlesnake song, its his response to a faith snake handler trying to hand him a rattlesnake. Its a funny song and on youtube if you want to listen to it.)


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## fastpitch (Oct 15, 2004)

Cool your jets=meaning slow down or calm down
nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs


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## jchandler (Jul 7, 2013)

when someone asks you a pointless question reply...
"Is a pig's a** pork?"


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## spoonspanker (Sep 22, 2004)

He is as useless as a glass eye 
She looks like a can of busted biscuits in that out fit
Got to drop the kids off at the pool see a man about a horse
You can f;:! Up a rock fight
If it were raining pu$$& I would get hit by a dic$ ( I am unlucky)


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## LaddH (Sep 29, 2011)

My grandfather when asked where he was going would say "Going to Ft. Worth for a load of goats"
From Alabama
"Richer than six foot up a bull's a**"
"He's got enough money to burn a wet mule"


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## saltgrassdrifter (May 23, 2004)

Smells like a## soup
Harder than a wh###'s heart.


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## gunsmoke11 (Apr 30, 2012)

Fall into a wheelbarrow full of boobs and come out sucking my thumb


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## AggieCowboy98 (Feb 25, 2007)

F'ed up like a soup sandwich
F'ed up like a football bat
F'ed up like a one toed ****** in a flip flop race

Cuter than a basket of bunnies (has a college buddy that proved this one to be very successful at the bar...)

Uglier than a sack of ********



Sent from my Transformer TF101 using Tapatalk HD


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