# Mother in-law UPDATE



## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

Well...tonight we (finally) had "the talk" with my moth-in-law.

She spent the last 2 days avoiding us, but yesterday before we went to bed (she wasn't home) we told her that tomorrow (today) after work we needed to sit down as a family and discuss the situation.

We laid out our feelings and how things aren't improving as we hoped. Her honest answer was that she deserves the ability to not have bills and be able to go on cruises, vacations, etc... as she pleases because now its "her time".

Part of me wanted to end the whole conversation and tell her to get the heck out...but...God was with me and kept me calm. My wife and I rationally and calmly explained what we wanted to provide for her.

Options:
1. We want to help you find a job that you can do in order to have some sort of income to pay your bills and live a secure life...all while still living with us (indefinitely). This would mean you can't be committing to any upcoming vacations, cruises, tropical get-a-ways with her new boyfriend (who she doesn't even like). 
Her response: that is absolutely NOT an option. She is betting on Social Security to take care of her starting in 2010...hopefully. She's been denied SS twice in 2008. But in her mind...there is no way she is even considering looking for a job. Forget it. Plus...that would mean she can't go to vacation in February as planned.

2. Don't get a job...but spend your days helping my wife around the house with all daily household chores/duties in order to make things easier on my wife. IE: laundry, dinner, etc... Not in the spirit of a "maid", but when there are things needing to be done...be the 1st to volunteer and take on the household stuff so my wife and I can focus on our new (soon-to-be-born) baby girl. (having a new baby next friday 1/30). 
This would mean we need her around in February (after my wife's C-section surgery) to help out. Her response: No...I really don't want to miss out on this vacation to Florida (keep in mind...she just got back on Sunday from a cruise). So...this isn't an option because it interferes with her vacationing.

Final option...
3. Choose to move out (go wherever you please) to your boyfriend's house, your parent's (my wife's grandparent's) house, or wherever, and continue to pursue these worldly travels, cruises, vacations, etc...

About 5 minutes after this 2+ hour conversation...she asked, *"can I leave my stuff here for a few days until I find a storage unit where I can put it?"*

My wife is very upset. She's not upset that her mom is leaving...heck that's a little exciting in some ways, but she is worried and upset that her decision is a very poor decision. It's sad, and I feel bad for my wife, but at the end of they day....her Mom has made her choice.

I too am pretty flabergasted by the choice she made. It's insane if you ask me!!


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## activescrape (Jan 8, 2006)

You two have bent over backwards. She is a grown woman. You will both be happier with her out from under your feet. You guys already have kid(s). Let her go, and that includes emotionally. Who knows what the future brings...but for now.


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## Matthew737 (May 22, 2006)

*Boundaries*

Between reading from the Good Book, and another titled "Boundaries" a similar situation (God love those in laws) has been made MUCHO better. Get the wife started reading it asap. World of help. Hope that things smoooooothe out.


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## Bonito (Nov 17, 2008)

Bluewave,

You and your wife have done the right thing. The hardest part was to bring all of this to the surface. Your m-in-law now knows how you both feel. She will now have to deal with the situation. You, as head of your house hold have a responsibility to your wife and your new comming infant. 

A Husband will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. The two shall become one. You and your wife are of one accord and together you will get through this. 

Good for you !


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## Mrschasintail (Dec 8, 2004)

She sounds selfish and spoiled. You cannot help someone that doesn't want to be helped..when it hits the fan again, she will be back at your doorstep. You need a plan when that happens. Good luck! You guys are good people.


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## mredman1 (Feb 4, 2007)

*Inlaws and outlaws*

Could she live in your boat??


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

Thanks guys. I am happy with the outcome. We were able to be open and honest together and let her make her own choice. In the end...the ability to vacation and travel is very important to her, and I am not faulting her for that. Hopefully all will work out for her and everyone's relationships can begin to heal and improve day-by-day.


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## Betty Croaker (Feb 24, 2005)

Congrats on the birth. Too bad your m-i-l made that decision, you could probably use her help for a few weeks. She is going to be missing out on so much. Speaking as a Grandma she is going to be sorry. I may be too involved with my Grandaughter but we have a bond that will always be there.


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

My wife and her mom had that bond for years, and it could have continued. She chose to take advantage of that bond and it is now damaged (unfortunately) quite significanty. That's my wife's biggest concern in this whole ordeal...that their relationship may never heal from the hurt her m-i-l put us through.


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## essayons75 (May 15, 2006)

BlueWaveCapt said:


> My wife and her mom had that bond for years, and it could have continued. She chose to take advantage of that bond and it is now damaged (unfortunately) quite significanty. That's my wife's biggest concern in this whole ordeal...that their relationship may never heal from the hurt her m-i-l put us through.


It will all work itself out becasue there seems to be lots of love there, just overstayed welcomes.

Boundries were violated, but the baby will bring everyone back on new terms and with a new purpose.

I know that you are emotional about the whole deal, but becare careful sharing family business. I have done it and been called down by my wife and had to admit that I should have kept it between us.

My .02 cents.


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