# Morality Clause - divorce question (is it worth the fight)??



## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

Quick divorce question about the "morality clause".
I have a morality clause in my divorce. I liked the idea but people are telling me there's really no point in having it in there at all anyways. 

So my question...if my ex wants to fight to have the morality clause removed from the divorce paperwork is it worth the time/$$ for me to fight it? I don't think she would...I'm just posing the question. We are already divorced and it would involve having to go back to court/mediation. 

My other question...if the morality clause stays in place and she chooses to ignore it and let a boyfriend spend the night (and I can prove it)...is there REALLY anything that I could do? Would the courts (harris or galveston county) actually even give a case like that the time of day? I'm being told they prob wouldn't care and it's all just a waste of effort to try and enforce a morality clause anyways, so what's the point in even having it in there?


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## speckle-catcher (May 20, 2004)

I have an acquaintance that is a PI and spends time investigating "paramour" clauses.


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

speckle-catcher said:


> I have an acquaintance that is a PI and spends time investigating "paramour" clauses.


I'm not looking for ways to prove anything. I'm wondering if once it IS proven...does it actually really matter? Will a judge really "DO" anything about it if there is a proven violation of this morality / paramour clause?


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## talkshow (Aug 11, 2006)

Is it worth the fight to you is the question??? I have found that if my ex is happy, it takes a lot of stress off of me when having to deal with her. What's important to you? Then if there is an issue you have to spend more money,,,deal with that etc. My personal thoughts, unless she is a very bad role model with poor judgement.


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## thabeezer (Aug 13, 2007)

Why would you want to stir the pot?? You're already divorced so i would just move on with life. there are better things I would spend my money on than paying an attorney to get a mortality clause added to my divorce decree.


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## Bobby (May 21, 2004)

Why do you even care what she does? You are divorced. You know she doesn't have much morality she was married to you.


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## MikeV (Jun 5, 2006)

I suspect it involves her actions when she has the children, to prevent her from having a boyfriend spend the night when she has the children in the house. But I could be wrong!


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## bzrk180 (Jan 7, 2008)

One thing to remember is no matter what the clause, what the paperwork says, what one swears to, etc.... People are going to do what they are going to do, doesnt matter if you agree or not.

If your concern is for the model she is to the kids, you will NEVER change that no matter what money you spend or how many times you go to court. Unless you children are "at risk" of some kind of harm, IMO, its a waste of time and money. 

If she is a "bad" person, or a "bad" mother, or whatever, sadly, in all reality, no matter what you do legally, your kids will have to discover this themselves...Any efforts to try and MAKE her "that" (morality clauses, getting "proof" hiring PI's, etc...) will only backfire on you and make you the "bad" one....Again, IMO and based on the numerous families I have worked with in regards to divorce.

My tip (for what its worth) focus on who YOU ARE to your kids YOUR relationship with them, YOUR modeling....Every minute you spend worrying about your ex and their parenting or life is just another minute you take from you and your kids!


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## SetDaHook (Oct 21, 2010)

BlueWaveCapt said:


> I'm not looking for ways to prove anything. I'm wondering if once it IS proven...does it actually really matter? Will a judge really "DO" anything about it if there is a proven violation of this morality / paramour clause?


The short answer to your question is "no". Judges are not going to waste their time on matters such as this. They have bigger fish to fry, and all you're going to do is pad some lawyers pocket and the end result is going to be the same...nothing. 
Look at it this way....when it comes to divorce, in the state of Texas infidelity can not even be cited as grounds for divorce. Even if you do, it doesn't matter in a "no fault" divorce state. So, if infidelity is the ultimate "morality" breach, and it can't be grounds for divorce, a judge certainly is not going to waste much time post divorce on a morality issue. 
Now, if the kids are being seriously affected by an ongoing morality issue in a home, that's a whole other issue and is worth pursuing and judges will take that matter up.


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## Spirit (Nov 19, 2008)

Is her behavior affecting your kids? Is she exhibiting actions that would violate the morality clause in front of the children? Unless her current behaviour is adversely affecting your kids I'd let it lie. If the kids are upset by what she is doing and you want to try and get custody then I'd say something. Either way, weigh what is happenng against the effects of another trip to court on your kids. At this point every decision should be based on how it affects your kids and nothing else, imo.


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

Haha...good point Bobby!! What was I thinking.
Mainly I know she's dating a new guy, and actually things ARE much better between us. We get along better. She's dating, I'm dating, and we don't fight these days which is nice. It's actually starting to feel "normal"...which is nice for a change. It's better for our girls too. I don't want to stir the pot.

BUT...I also don't know this new guy and don't know HIS moral background. She's been sneaky with me the whole time about him and she (as Bobby so lovingly pointed out) isn't necessarily the best judge of character. We DO already have a morality clause in our div papers already and I like it there. I want it to be enforced because I have 2 young girls that she and I share custody of. In the end there's probably not anything I can do about it but just go with blind faith that she is going to be a good Mother and set a good example. I just know she is VERY impressionable and could be talked into letting him stay even when the girls are home...and that doesn't set well with me. But then again...I guess (as some have said privately), "welcome to the wonderful world of divorce". 

Thanks for the advice/replies so far.


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## Timemachine (Nov 25, 2008)

I didn't bother reading all the answers cause I've already been divorced TWICE. Once was from a 2-timingsleeparoundslut!

Texas is a NO FAULT state. It doesn't matter if she is sleeping with the judge AND the lawyer. However, all comments about any tramplike behavior will be part of the public record if the Judge will allow it.

My advice: Settle with the Master, get the Judge to sign off, move on with your life.

The Happiest I've ever been in my 58 years is RIGHT now with my current wife and child!!

FYI: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-fault_divorce


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

SetDaHook said:


> The short answer to your question is "no". Judges are not going to waste their time on matters such as this. They have bigger fish to fry, and all you're going to do is pad some lawyers pocket and the end result is going to be the same...nothing.
> Look at it this way....when it comes to divorce, in the state of Texas infidelity can not even be cited as grounds for divorce. Even if you do, it doesn't matter in a "no fault" divorce state. So, if infidelity is the ultimate "morality" breach, and it can't be grounds for divorce, a judge certainly is not going to waste much time post divorce on a morality issue.
> Now, if the kids are being seriously affected by an ongoing morality issue in a home, that's a whole other issue and is worth pursuing and judges will take that matter up.


This is pretty much what I've been told by most people that aren't just trying to get me to spend money (like lawyers are doing). I suspected it was really a worthless clause...with no real enforcability. Sort of a "paper tiger" if you will.


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## InfamousJ (May 21, 2004)

tell her sure.. just grant full custody of the children to you and you'll let her have sleepovers with friends..


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## Whoopin It Up! (Dec 20, 2010)

*Why bother!*



BlueWaveCapt said:


> Quick divorce question about the "morality clause".
> I have a morality clause in my divorce. I liked the idea but people are telling me there's really no point in having it in there at all anyways.
> 
> So my question...if my ex wants to fight to have the morality clause removed from the divorce paperwork is it worth the time/$$ for me to fight it? I don't think she would...I'm just posing the question. We are already divorced and it would involve having to go back to court/mediation.
> ...


From what you say, you are DIVORCED (right now!). A divorce is the final ruling... so, if you want to date, get crazy, you can! But so can the ex spouse! If you hire a pi to follow your ex you just might land in court for harrassment or violation of her privacy. Suggest you move on with your life!


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## 68PVM (Sep 22, 2010)

It's not worth it, in so many ways.


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## Bocephus (May 30, 2008)

Dude...get the divorce over...and move on !

Life's too short, and you're wasting more of it every day you prolong the bullchit...


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## Shakedown282 (Aug 15, 2010)

You keep talking about her having friends spend the night now what happens if you get a girl and you want her to spend the night or move in with you? Are you going to make her leave if the kids are around? Or maybe you shouldn't sleep with anyone until you remarry, god forbid the kids found out about that.


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## C.Hern5972 (Jul 17, 2009)

As stated in many posts:

Why stir the pot and be childish in my opinion. If the divorce is over then so be it and move on! No need to stir the pot and dragging childish **** out in the court system. I went thru the same thing back in the 90's. I have it in my divorce paperwork. I told mine to move on and go her route, and ill go mine. Life is too short to worry about small wording as this in a divorce decree to make one or the other go back too court and be vindictive..... Just my .2

Move on and be happy


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## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)

Shakedown282 said:


> You keep talking about her having friends spend the night now what happens if you get a girl and you want her to spend the night or move in with you? Are you going to make her leave if the kids are around? Or maybe you shouldn't sleep with anyone until you remarry, god forbid the kids found out about that.


 I was thinking along these lines. In this day and age, I don't know why anyone would get married until they lived with each other for some time to make sure there is compatability. I know I did this before my wife and I of 15 years were married and it did not seem to have any negative effect on my step-son in the short or long run. Then again, I don't think she was bringing a different guy home every weekend either, at least that's what I think. 

Just make sure you keep tight with the kids. My wifes ex did not and as a result is lucky if his son wants anything to do with him outside of MAYBE the holidays. He isn't mad at him, he just doesn't associate or relate to him.


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

C.Hern5972 said:


> As stated in many posts:
> Why stir the pot and be childish in my opinion. If the divorce is over then so be it and move on! No need to stir the pot and dragging childish **** out in the court system. I went thru the same thing back in the 90's. I have it in my divorce paperwork. I told mine to move on and go her route, and ill go mine. Life is too short to worry about small wording as this in a divorce decree to make one or the other go back too court and be vindictive..... Just my .2
> 
> Move on and be happy


That seems like sound advice. If she does decide she must have the morality clause out of the div decree...I'm kind of coming to the conclusion it really doesn't matter and it's not worth the extra $$ (and strain on the kids) to fight her about it. Sort of seems like a waste of HER money and added strain on the girls...but that's on her (even though in all actuality she's using MY money to pay for it...haha...ironic) it's really not worth getting in an uproar about. Ex's are going to do what Ex's are going to do. I guess that's part of why they are EX's in the 1st place...right?

Most of these replies helped me to solidify exactly what I already thought. Glad I asked. Thanks guys (and gals).


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## speckle-catcher (May 20, 2004)

after re-reading the original question - if she wants it out of the divorce decree/custody agreement...I would tell her she needs to foot the bill for her attorney and yours to get it done.


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## Mrschasintail (Dec 8, 2004)

If she wants out of that clause, then she wants to break it. Hmmmmm well. If you share custody, does that mean you have them 50% of the time? And if you abide by the clause, I'd want it enforced on the other end too. I have someone close going thru this. And it does **** me off that she totally disregards the Judge's orders. I would also like to know if a Judge will hold her accountable. In this case the divorce is NOT final yet.


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## C.Hern5972 (Jul 17, 2009)

BlueWaveCapt said:


> That seems like sound advice. If she does decide she must have the morality clause out of the div decree...I'm kind of coming to the conclusion it really doesn't matter and it's not worth the extra $$ (and strain on the kids) to fight her about it. Sort of seems like a waste of HER money and added strain on the girls...but that's on her (even though in all actuality she's using MY money to pay for it...haha...ironic) it's really not worth getting in an uproar about. Ex's are going to do what Ex's are going to do. I guess that's part of why they are EX's in the 1st place...right?
> 
> Most of these replies helped me to solidify exactly what I already thought. Glad I asked. Thanks guys (and gals).


Thats right, thats why they are EXs...It sucks one party cant move on and let it be...My opinion is the kids are the ones suffering because one parent cant be civil. Just my .2 I could go on and on but my being forward and outspoken might be bad..lol.....I went thru a nasty divorce/ child custody battle and spent allot of money. Just reminds me of what I went thru


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## TXXpress (May 23, 2004)

SetDaHook said:


> The short answer to your question is "no". Judges are not going to waste their time on matters such as this. They have bigger fish to fry, and all you're going to do is pad some lawyers pocket and the end result is going to be the same...nothing.
> Look at it this way....when it comes to divorce, in the state of Texas infidelity can not even be cited as grounds for divorce. Even if you do, it doesn't matter in a "no fault" divorce state. So, if infidelity is the ultimate "morality" breach, and it can't be grounds for divorce, a judge certainly is not going to waste much time post divorce on a morality issue.
> *Now, if the kids are being seriously affected by an ongoing morality issue in a home, that's a whole other issue and is worth pursuing and judges will take that matter up.*


This guy nailed it. Move on, if you have major problems with the kids and this clause you will know it.

Go out and have some fun with your "new" free time. Enjoy your kids and spend the time with them like it's gold. It worked for me. Best of luck to ya BW!


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