# Trying To Be A Good Husband



## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

I know I'm not perfect. But when do you know enough is enough? I will be 50 yrs old in February. We will "celebrate" 13 yrs of marriage during that month, too. But I just don't think I can take much more of the *****ing and complaining and yelling at me. I get up every morning at 4 am to go to the same job I've had for 31 years. I keep all the bills paid. And don't drink or go out without her. We have no kids. The only job she has is to come to my office 1 day a week for 4 hrs and help out with some paperwork. That's it. She doesn't have to cook much. She does all of the laundry and other housekeeping. 

It reminds me of an old saying my grandpa used to say. 
"Some people just can't stand prosperity. They would ***** if they were gonna be hung with a new rope."


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## Ox Eye (Dec 17, 2007)

So, what is she always on about? Might be a clue what she's not satisfied with.


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## speckle-catcher (May 20, 2004)

maybe she's got the mentalpause


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

Everything. You name it. We were at Home Depot at 5 pm today. I wanted to get some lumber. But thr store was a little crowded. I told her I would just order it online and pick it up later. Later when we were home I placed the order and 15 mins later it was ready. So I told her I was going back to pick up the order. She looked at me like I was an idiot and she said "We were just there. Why didn't you just get it then?" She knows I don't do crowded situations very well. And I told her earlier I was going to go back. 
About 2 weeks ago I decided to cook some breakfast for myself before I went to work. I dont drink coffee. But she is a coffee finatic. So she had started her coffee percolator on the burner beside the one I was cooking on. Anyway, as I was frying up some bacon she ran up to the stove beside me and yelled "Can't you see the percolator is boiling too fast?!!! Now my coffee is burned." Now, you have to realize that I am blind in my left eye and have limited sight in my right eye. I see good enough to drive just fine. But when I'm cooking or working on something it's not like I can see what's going on all around me. 

It just seems like EVERYTHING is always my fault. And I am sick of it.


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## glenbo (Apr 9, 2010)

You better hope and pray that she doesn't read this.


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## DadSaid (Apr 4, 2006)

Be the "bigger person". Stay calm.
Go to a restaurant, sit at a side table at the bar. Have a tea, if she drinks wine, let her get two glasses in her. Then ask her what's bothering her. Hear her out, don't try to interrupt. Remember you're being the "bigger person". Pay attention to what she is saying. Then simply say. 
"I want to fix this, will you help me?"


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## JakeNeil (Nov 10, 2012)

There are three sides to every story. There is your side. Her side. And then there is the truth.

Prosperity refers to comfort, well-being, the good life, milk and honey and security per Google definition. 

It does not include happiness. She needs to tell you what makes her happy and you need to provide her with it. You need to tell her what makes you happy and she needs to provide you with it. Of course, these things should be reasonable. If prosperity makes you happy and she is not happy, then her definition of happiness is different than yours.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

speckle-catcher said:


> maybe she's got the mentalpause


She is going through that now. She knows it and I know it. 


glenbo said:


> You better hope and pray that she doesn't read this.


She doesn't do 2Cool. She is on Facebook constantly. And everytime there is an "episode" it gets posted on there and all her friends start in with the sympathy.

If her situation is so bad why doesn't she leave? I know men and women are different. But I would leave if it was so bad.

However, I am hesitant to do that because she is so dependent on me financially. You would think that someone wouldn't kick a person in the mouth that's paying their bills and feeding them.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

DadSaid said:


> Be the "bigger person". Stay calm.
> Go to a restaurant, sit at a side table at the bar. Have a tea, if she drinks wine, let her get two glasses in her. Then ask her what's bothering her. Hear her out, don't try to interrupt. Remember you're being the "bigger person". Pay attention to what she is saying. Then simply say.
> "I want to fix this, will you help me?"


This sounds like a good idea. But we've been through this a million times. Everything will be fine for a day or two and then all hell braeks loose.

I like it when she says "Everything is fine as long as I behave." Yep!


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

JakeNeil said:


> There are three sides to every story. There is your side. Her side. And then there is the truth.
> 
> Prosperity refers to comfort, well-being, the good life, milk and honey and security per Google definition.
> 
> It does not include happiness. She needs to tell you what makes her happy and you need to provide her with it. You need to tell her what makes you happy and she needs to provide you with it. Of course, these things should be reasonable. If prosperity makes you happy and she is not happy, then her definition of happiness is different than yours.


I honestly think she has this great need to be ****** off all the time.

It's no fun living with someone like that. But marriage is supposed to be for better or worse. My grandparents were married 71 years. My mom and dad just celebrated their 50th. That doesn't make me perfect. But I've seen marriages work.

Btw her mom had been married 7 times the last time we saw her. 13 years ago.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

I just wanted to say "thanks" to everyone who responded. I really appreciate you guys taking the time to offer suggestions.


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## DadSaid (Apr 4, 2006)

Okay. 

Do it again. Then if she stops trying you will need to have that "serious conversation" with her. You will let her know how YOU feel. She will then need to step up to the plate and really work , on a equal part (same as you), to keep this relationship together.

She needs to understand, it takes TWO people working together to get over the goal line. As you know, even on your best day of marriage, it's hard work. Of course plenty of couples never have issues but not all of them.

Go to counseling, sometimes people need someone else to tell them what you're trying to say.
Her friends will most likely give her horrible advice. And most of your friends will give you horrible advice. Horrible advice meaning "just leave".
You have to try and keep trying until all avenues have been exhausted.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

DadSaid said:


> Okay.
> 
> Do it again. Then if she stops trying you will need to have that "serious conversation" with her. You will let her know how YOU feel. She will then need to step up to the plate and really work , on a equal part (same as you), to keep this relationship together.
> 
> ...


We have been to counseling a few times. It usually ends up with the counselor telling her she has some issues that need to be addressed. And they would like to see her on a weekly schedule. She goes for a while then realizes it's just a money grab.

I do agree with you, though. It's gotta be both of us trying for the same goal. It won't work if it's a one sided deal.

I think she might have realized the seriousness of the situation a couple of hours ago. I told her it might be in her best interest to find a real job. I'm not sure just how concerned she is, though. She's been sleeping pretty soundly for the past hour.

Honestly, we get along pretty good most of the time. But I just have a real hard time dealing with someone that talks to me like I'm subhuman. It makes me not want to talk to them. Kinda like being around someone who stinks. You just don't wanna be around them.


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

Good luck however it works out. Although not exactly the same situation as yours, I've been there. You have to figure out what is best for you and do it. Life is to short to make each other miserable.


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## DadSaid (Apr 4, 2006)

There are 4 main parts of a relationship.
Trust, Respect, Loyalty, and Communication. Some add a 5th, "Fun".

Sounds like a communication issue. You both need to learn how to talk to each other again. Believe or not that's one of the easiest parts to fix. But it takes help and time.

Have to realize that how y'all are communicating to each other right now is irritating. She is irritating you and you may be irritating her.

There are five basic love languages â€“ five ways to express love emotionally. Each person has a primary love language that we must learn to speak if we want that person to feel loved.
Acts of service, Words of Affirmation, Recieving gifts, Quality time, & Physical touch.

Bet neither one of you knows the others Love Language. You can do a test online to see what your love language is, then work on what you guys need. 

End of the day, you both will need to communicate respectfully towards each other.


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## Claybob (Nov 12, 2012)

"Get busy living or get busy dying". -- Red, from The Sawshank Redemption. I hate to be the bad guy here, but if I were in your shoes... I'd lawyer up and get a divorce.


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## Southernflounder (Dec 19, 2013)

You can stick it out if you want to deal with this and try to work it out or you can leave & live your own life. 

Do not feel bad if you don't think she can take care of herself, that's not your problem it's hers. She has a good easy life with you but if she treats you like **** then she will find out what she's lost. 

Or maybe not. Believe it or not there are a percentage of women out there that are basket cases. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Superman70 (Aug 13, 2014)

Just past 25 years. My wife is my best friend.we may disagree a couple of times a year. We never raise our voice or berate the other. Watched my parents make each other miserable like it was fun. She doesn't act like she needs your support but if you insist on staying then it would be conditional. The condition would be hormones and lexapro. If she says no then I would say by.


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## bluefin (Aug 16, 2005)

GForce said:


> She is on Facebook constantly. And everytime there is an "episode" it gets posted on there and all her friends start in with the sympathy.


THAT'S a big part of your problem. I hate Facebook w/ a passion. It's the anti-Christ of marriages and I've banned it in my house. 
As DadSaid suggested there are five love languages. A guy wrote a book called that and I reluctantly read it. Glad I did. Discovered my wife's love language is words of affirmation. I was brought up w/ expressing acts of service and receiving gifts. She didn't respond to those and I couldn't understand that. But words of affirmation was a game changer for us. Still have to work on it since it doesn't come as natural as the others.


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## My Little Big boat (Apr 24, 2012)

I have to say, DadSaid in correct! That love language is some good stuff, all I have to do is make a repair in the house and my wife is happy for days... 
(I have to go break something so I can fix it) lol


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

Claybob said:


> "Get busy living or get busy dying". -- Red, from The Sawshank Redemption. I hate to be the bad guy here, but if I were in your shoes... I'd lawyer up and get a divorce.


I completely agree with Red. And that was a great movie.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

Superman70 said:


> Just past 25 years. My wife is my best friend.we may disagree a couple of times a year. We never raise our voice or berate the other. Watched my parents make each other miserable like it was fun. She doesn't act like she needs your support but if you insist on staying then it would be conditional. The condition would be hormones and lexapro. If she says no then I would say by.


She can't take the hormones because she had a bout with blood clots a few years ago. The Dr said the clots were probably caused by birth control pills. This situation is the best birth control there ever was.

And she is on antidepressants. She says it's so she can stay married to me. But I think it's just another way of her saying they help her keep her mouth in check.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

bluefin said:


> THAT'S a big part of your problem. I hate Facebook w/ a passion. It's the anti-Christ of marriages and I've banned it in my house.
> As DadSaid suggested there are five love languages. A guy wrote a book called that and I reluctantly read it. Glad I did. Discovered my wife's love language is words of affirmation. I was brought up w/ expressing acts of service and receiving gifts. She didn't respond to those and I couldn't understand that. But words of affirmation was a game changer for us. Still have to work on it since it doesn't come as natural as the others.


I agree with DadSaid, too. And I've spent the past few hours reading the book, as well.

I must say that I really think my wife's language is acts of service. And I get that. I really do. But there's a huge problem. First, let me say, I think I'm pretty good with the words of affirmation and gifts languages. And I'm pretty sure they don't work for her. But this acts of service stuff I'm pretty sure fits her to a "T". I get up every weekday at 4 am and work a job (for 30 years) that she knows I hate. I get home at 5 pm and I'm completely wiped out. I NEVER "bring" it home. And I NEVER take anything out on her. But one of her biggest complaints is that I never help out with housework. There are 2 reasons. 1) I am WIPED OUT! COMPLETELY! 2) Anytime I do try to help I'm told I do it wrong. 
She gets up when she wants to. She answers to no one. She keeps everything at home in order. I just pay for it.

I guess she thinks she needs someone to help her. Really? I give her $200 a week to do anything she wants. If she wants help she can pay for it outta that!

One thing she always wants me to do is go for a walk with her and her yappy little dog after dinner. But let me describe her idea of walking the dog: we follow the dog anywhere and everywhere she (the dog) wants to go while she sniffs at everything. I find this to be a complete waste of my time. And I've already been on my feet for 10 hours that day. So excuse me for not being excited about following a yappy little dog around the neighborhood.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

I just wanted to say thanks again for all of the replies. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.


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## andre3k (Dec 3, 2012)

Claybob said:


> "Get busy living or get busy dying". -- Red, from The Sawshank Redemption. I hate to be the bad guy here, but if I were in your shoes... I'd lawyer up and get a divorce.


Im with you. Especially in a situation with no kids. Do what you can to fix your issues and honestly try to hear whatever she is complaining about. But in the end you you can only fix you and have no control over what she does. im on marriage #2 and dont have any kids so i wont hesitate to bail if she starts going crazy on me. Life is way too short to live with an angry woman.

When my wife started complaining about housework. I hired a maid to come biweekly. That ended that argument.


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## wet dreams (May 21, 2004)

Her moms been married 7 times, that should tell you something....I'll prob get chastized for this BUT women are three things, &%#*&, %(^[email protected], and +(^$%, ALL are at least 1 and some are all 3.....


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## Pasadena1944 (Mar 20, 2010)

The sex must be the best!!!!! I can't see any other reason that you are still with her....

Divorce her and start enjoying your life, we aren't here that long to put up with the kind of **** that you say you are going through..

tell her the **** stops today or it's over..

or get you a girlfriend on the side and stay out on the weekends having some fun...


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## davis300 (Jun 27, 2006)

First of all G, prayers my friend. Sounds like a tough situation and unhappy times. You sound like a great provider and your wife doesn't hold up her end of the marriage. I think divorce should be the last option but if you both have been to counseling and sounds like your wife admits to her shortcomings but ultimately resorts back to her 'old ways', maybe it is time to move on, focus on you and maybe find someone who appreciates you for you and pulls her weight in the marriage. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## bluefin (Aug 16, 2005)

GForce,
I'll say this as politely (?) as I can - you're swimming upstream.
From what you wrote your wife wants one thing and you're trying to make her happy w/ something that would make you happy. I was guilty of this as well. I would buy her jewelry. I would cook. I would do service things around the house that I thought would make her happy. Nope.
We discussed the book. WE discussed the book.
Turns out she needs words of affirmation. That's what makes her happy. This really surprised me b/c she's a beautiful woman and is told this all of the time by coworkers, friends and even strangers. (sometimes it's a problem). I can only assume it's from some sort of insecurity but nevertheless it's what she requires.
You're harping about a 15 minute walk with a pair of dogs? Brother, I have to hit the Hall Mark store weekly and read volumes of drippy love cards to find one that I think she'll like. That means getting in my car and finding a parking space and then pouring over card after card. I friggin' hate it. My eyes hurt when I leave. But, it makes her happy. A simple sappy $3 card that I didn't even write.
I grew up with 2 sisters and neither them nor my mom have this 'language' need. So it was new territory for me. Since doing this I have seen how happy it makes her which is all I wanted to be able to do in the first place.


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## USNHM-DV (Jan 6, 2014)

I have no suggestions for you that would help...but I will give some prayers and hope they help.


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## Spooley (Feb 24, 2013)

Feed her some tranquilizers for Pete's sake already. Or get some hormone therapy and tape her mouth shut. 

I was married to an 'unhappy woman' for 20 years. She divorced me when I asked her to give up what was making her unhappy. Very confused woman blamed me for her sins from day one.


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## RRbohemian (Dec 20, 2009)

bluefin said:


> GForce,
> I'll say this as politely (?) as I can - you're swimming upstream.
> From what you wrote your wife wants one thing and you're trying to make her happy w/ something that would make you happy. I was guilty of this as well. I would buy her jewelry. I would cook. I would do service things around the house that I thought would make her happy. Nope.
> We discussed the book. WE discussed the book.
> ...


I believe that is my wife's language too. She needs to hear I love you and how beautiful she is. Thinking as a man I tell her if I didn't love her I wouldn't look forward to coming home after a day of work. For me the best part of my work day is going home. In my first marriage I hated to go home. I would work 24hrs if they let me. I tell her that but she needs to hear the words--actions do not do it for her. I don't need to hear words--actions are my language. Haven't gotten her a dopey card lately. I guess that is on my agenda today. Funny how a $2 card can make her happy.


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## peckerwood (Jun 9, 2012)

My wife started out the very same way and she was young.That was 43 years ago.Her mother was the same way.My grandmothers and mother were easy go-ers,so I didn't know what I was doing wrong for the first 5 or so years.Then,one day it hit me.Just turn and walk away every time I was about to take an arse eating over something mickey mouse that don't matter.If you stand there taking a ripping,trying to come up with come-backs,your already loosing,and she'll be planning the next round.Worked for me and made her a bearable person to boot.If she thinks I'm a Richard head,she can tell me and I may or may not disagree and can correct it,but I'll sure not take a butt-chewing over being one.


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## CHARLIE (Jun 2, 2004)

So simple, tell her you are done, leaving, out of there. If that doesent change her then keep going.
Being a good husband doesent mean you have to be a pansey.


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## Wiredhernandez (Mar 6, 2005)

If you are miserable... Have tried counceling.. Getting nowhere and have no kids together... 13 years of marriage then bail... You will probably lose a chunk your nazz and three years of alimony.. Some women you just can't do enough for... Life goes on.. Maybe you can find some to make you happy.. Or at least be happy with.... Good luck whatever you do...


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## Talmbout (Apr 13, 2013)

Try to get her to stop taking all Meds. See if she doesn't return to normal in a month or two. If that doesn't work fight fire with fire.


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## FoghornLeghorn (Sep 11, 2012)

make her get a job or divorce her.

"The devil will find work for idle hands", and you're seeing that in the way she behaves.


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## gjhamiltom (Jul 27, 2010)

I had a very similar situation with my ex wife. I had to pay thru my nose but getting divorced was the best thing that I ever did. I have come to the realization that there are some woman that you can't make happy no matter what you do. I stayed married 5 years longer than I should have just because i didnt want to break up my kids family. Since my divorce ive never been happier. It's a tough spot to be in..Good luck with whatever route you go.


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## Hardwired (Jun 12, 2012)

You sound like a good guy. You are hard working and support your household. Here are a couple of things I have picked up from your posts on this subject I hope may help. 

I have not read a single "WE" in your discussions about your marriage. Marriage is no longer a her and him but a we. You will never know a true marriage with dividing lines. 
You may earn the money but it is not yours anymore. A marriage does not divide things, a divorce does. 
"You give your wife 200 dollars a week." That's a great example of division and there is a lack of respect in that statement. 

You sound like a great guy with no issues and your wife has a ton of issues. I think everyone can read that as one sided because we all have issues. You are not identifying yours but are quick to point out your wife's flaws. We all have them. But in marriage it is about seeing past theirs and working to better yours. 

Perhaps she wants more than cleaning the house. She may need to be more engaged perhaps she needs to volunteer or work. You also need to give her respect as a contributing member of the household whether she works outside of the home or not. 

Lastly your remarks about walking the dog show to some self centeredness just walk where the dog wants to walk with your wife. It's not about your wants it's hers for that walk. 

I wish you luck. We all have our flaws and I'm sure you have as many as she does. Identifying your own flaws and self improvement should be important to both of you. As I see it you have to get past the I and her and get to a we or you don't stand a chance at a happy marriage. Most of your other problems stem from that idea. 

Wish you the best.


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## FoghornLeghorn (Sep 11, 2012)

Hardwired said:


> You sound like a good guy. You are hard working and support your household. Here are a couple of things I have picked up from your posts on this subject I hope may help.
> 
> I have not read a single "WE" in your discussions about your marriage. Marriage is no longer a her and him but a we. You will never know a true marriage with dividing lines.
> You may earn the money but it is not yours anymore. A marriage does not divide things, a divorce does.
> ...


I don't believe this post came from a 29 year old man. It's too wise and humble.


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## Fish fur (Oct 11, 2012)

*Big D*



Claybob said:


> "Get busy living or get busy dying". -- Red, from The Sawshank Redemption. I hate to be the bad guy here, but if I were in your shoes... I'd lawyer up and get a divorce.


Another would be get busy leaving or get busy dying

Leave, life is too short to live unhappy


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

FoghornLeghorn said:


> I don't believe this post came from a 29 year old man. It's too wise and humble.


I have to agree.

My 43 year old wise and humble contribution is tell her to hit the bricks. You sound like a good man, have tried to make it work and have no children involved. She sounds like a miserable person (sorry, my deduction of your words) so I wouldn't waste any more years. Make 13 your lucky number and go lawyer up. Best of luck.


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## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

Buy her a bucket of bluebell peaches and cream and make her eat it in bed.. That should fix it. If not. I remember a song from a while back. D-I-V-O-R-C-E.


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## tec (Jul 20, 2007)

Everyone should be happy but some people seem to enjoy being un-happy.


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## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

I'm having a hard enough time over here with the 2 that I have. They are always bit#% in at each other and telling me I need to make a decision on witch one I really want ( lol ). I told them I love them both and I can't. . I bought them both new brooms and ice cream. Now their calm for a bit. rosesm


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

Fish fur said:


> Another would be get busy leaving or get busy dying
> 
> Leave, life is too short to live unhappy


LOL..AND..a wise man once said..._"If it flies, floats or *****, it's easier to just 'rent' it." _

:rotfl:


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## TranTheMan (Aug 17, 2009)

Claybob said:


> "Get busy living or get busy dying". -- Red, from The Sawshank Redemption. I hate to be the bad guy here, but if I were in your shoes... I'd lawyer up and get a divorce.


She needs a full time job outside of the house. She is bored at home.


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## gjhamiltom (Jul 27, 2010)

You woukd think that a woman that had someone that let her stay home and not work would be appreciative.


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## Shady Walls (Feb 20, 2014)

My wife went through that PMS stage, I could have made peace in the Middle East an still be a SOB! A lady friend of mine told me to get her to go to the doctor and get her hormones in order. So I politely ask her to go or one of us has to go. She did and alls well.


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## w_r_ranch (Jan 14, 2005)

PMS affects each woman in different ways & at different levels... You just need to understand that & adjust accordingly (which I know is easier said than done). Try to remember that it is just a stage in life & that it will pass eventually... Most of us 'old farts' have wives/girl friends that have all gone through it & emerged on the other side. Hang in there & try to remember what it was like before this stage in her life.

Good luck in whatever you decide.


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## trodery (Sep 13, 2006)

I would highly suggest a "Marriage Dynamics" class, from what I seen from a few other posters it's probably similar to the book they have described.

In this class you learn what both you and your spouse need from each other. It is a Christian based class but if your not a Christian I don't think you would be uncomfortable taking the class.

http://www.familydynamics.net/


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## Bluewaterbound (Aug 3, 2006)

I feel the OP's pain.

I just got screamed at for 45 minutes and got called every name in the book because my wife is having extreme difficulty vacuuming up the white dog hair off the black carpet in her new car.

1) I told her to get beige interior when we bought the car
2) I told her to transport the dog in a crate or take my old truck

How is this my fault ??? Shes now crying uncontrollably in a lawn chair in the driveway while I am picking out every white dog hair with a pair of tweezers.

5 pm and a tall glass of vodka cannot come fast enough !!!!!


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## Sgrem (Oct 5, 2005)

Google "borderline personality"

Both of yall go to "The Landmark Forum"....just sign up and go. Will change your life in a weekend. Will change how you react to and process information.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

I find it truly amazing that so many of you guys would take the time to comment on my situation. I don't think I've ever received so much attention in such a short time. 

I'll sign off on this thread by saying a few more things:
There's some history to us that I haven't mentioned. We were high school sweethearts. We dated the last year and a half of high school and then for another year after. I wanted to get married then. At first she did, too. But her mom's influence at the time changed her mind. She said I would never amount to anything. So, fast forward 17 years later. After not being in touch at all during that time I saw her on classmates.com. and reached out to her. And, as they say, the rest is history. This makes it really hard to just walk away. These kinds of stories are not supposed to end like that. I know reality has it's own ideas. But not my reality. 

Also, I think all of your comments contained useful information. Some much more than others. But I read each one more than once. And I will use them, along with my own ideas, and try to figure out what's best for both of us. 

Thanks, again!
Tight lines to you all!


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## Won Hunglo (Apr 24, 2007)

If you find yourself in a hardware store looking at shovels having bad thoughts, bail ASAP before it is too late.


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## JShupe (Oct 17, 2004)

This is a classic classic case of good ole co-dependency. 

Look it up. 

Codependent no more the book will help.


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## cman (Apr 17, 2009)

Here's an online diagnosis worth what you paid for it. 

She was looking for a bigger better deal when she turned you down as a young couple. 
She went looking to hook a bigger better deal and failed. 
She married you. 

She is now on facebook dreaming that another bigger better deal will swoop in and allow her to live out more childhood fantasies. 
At some point, she will test out her value on the open market. That could be via facebook. 
Then she will try to get away for some new activity- a knitting convention, ghost hunting trip, some such BS. 
If she can double down she will. If she can get what she perceives as a bigger better deal, she will. 
Iften women do this and start mistreating their man after buying into the lies that a new man will tell her. What they don't realize is that the new man will take what is given and leave her high and dry. 
---------------
What is the solution? 
I offer that the solution is not more understanding and more soft tactics. 
Rather, the solution is more manliness. More old world tactic. She doesn't want a man to make her coffee. She wants a man to say, "go make me a sammich woman." 

Crudely put, but that's my theory. Not specific to you or your wife Gforce. Just have seen similar scenarious played out with women of facebook many times and heard the stories from divorced men. 
I wish you the best and suggest that you write your own story. Do not be lead down the path of misery.


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

cman said:


> Here's an online diagnosis worth what you paid for it.
> 
> She was looking for a bigger better deal when she turned you down as a young couple.
> She went looking to hook a bigger better deal and failed.
> ...


Winner


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## MB (Mar 6, 2006)

Facebook .... And another one bights the dust ...

Here's another textbook reason NOT to have and live in a Facebook life or relationship.

Like the Rain man said " Facebook Sucks " 

*MB*


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

cman said:


> Here's an online diagnosis worth what you paid for it.
> 
> She was looking for a bigger better deal when she turned you down as a young couple.
> She went looking to hook a bigger better deal and failed.
> ...


Right on.

======


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## poppadawg (Aug 10, 2007)

Some women are angry, bitter, and mean. You can't fix them. A lot of us have been there. Was she always mean or do you think it is PMS?


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## jesco (Jun 23, 2013)

Sometimes things get so messy and complicated that you just have to shake that Etch-o-sketch clear and start over. I won't keep anybody in my life that makes me miserable.


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

I guess that old.....

_"to have and behold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer,* in sickness and in health*, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.â€ 
_
is kinda passe'...or old fashioned,huh ????.....:spineyes:


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## w_r_ranch (Jan 14, 2005)

jesco said:


> Sometimes things get so messy and complicated that you just have to shake that Etch-o-sketch clear and start over. *I won't keep anybody in my life that makes me miserable.*


You can only do that so many times in your life before you figure out that them getting half of everything is the source of other miseries (like being broke)... just say'in.

When I was young, my grandfather told me to be real careful who I marry because 90% of all misery in life will be caused by that one decision. He was right.



Tortuga said:


> I guess that old.....
> 
> _"to have and behold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer,* in sickness and in health*, to love and to cherish; until death do us part.â€
> _
> is kinda passe'...or old fashioned,huh ????....


LOL!!! We both come from a different era, T. We understand the meaning of 'oath' & 'vow'... sure seems like things have changed nowadays...


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## Muleman (Dec 6, 2011)

Go see a marriage counselor. If you can't afford one go see your preacher. Life is too short to be in turmoil all the time.


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## dwilliams35 (Oct 8, 2006)

Just remember, in 96% of divorces, it's the other person's fault.


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## ComeFrom? (May 21, 2004)

Many times, too, a woman who is a "wife" suddenly one day realizes she will never be the Queen of England and be able to see any of her dreams come true, (extravagant travel, new mansion, etc., etc.) and will blame herself and her husband. Knowing that she'll NEVER, she gives up and believes the only thing left now is waiting to die. It's depression compounded with PMS and frustration. Take her to the vet. and have her put to sleep. JUST KIDDING!!!

I don't know what to tell you. My own Mother went through that when we were growing up into our teens. My poor Dad could do nothing until he died. She lived another 20 years and changed dramatically. Toward that end I began thinking, "Any day now, she'll be in hell where she belongs." CF?


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

22 short! J/K. I've got nothing but... good luck to you. I'm sure I couldn't live like that.


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## POC Fishin' Gal (Nov 20, 2009)

My dear friend owned a restaurant with his wife. He told me about her awful behavior towards the employees, him, etc. I explained menopause, she went to the Dr., got pills, problem fixed. 

The lady that that needs them is suffering more than than the person/people she is inflicting pain upon.

I hope this will fix your problem- if not, you need to move onâ€¦life's too short to be that miserable.

Best of luck!


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## Won Hunglo (Apr 24, 2007)

MB said:


> Facebook .... And another one bights the dust ...
> 
> Here's another textbook reason NOT to have and live in a Facebook life or relationship.
> 
> ...


Facebook or even this forum is nothing more than a communication tool.

Do you blame guns & knifes for a murder?...Or was it the person using the tool?


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## gjhamiltom (Jul 27, 2010)

It's a deal breaker for me if I find out a woman is really into Facebook. My ex was so obsessed with it if anyone wanted to break into our house all they had to do was read her news feed. She posted her whole daily life and checked in everywhere. It was obnoxious. Then not mention all her "friends" that would chime in every time we had a problem. I'm not saying Facebook is bad, there are just a lot of people that take it way overboard and live a die by it.


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

IMO people that have their face stuck in their facebook all the time have issues!
I have a facebook account. I haven't even looked at it in over two years! Total waste of time.


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## gjhamiltom (Jul 27, 2010)

My thoughts exactly, any of my friends I call on the phone or hang out with in person.


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## Profish00 (May 21, 2004)

2cool is facebook, hello? same **** different box.


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## gjhamiltom (Jul 27, 2010)

I couldn't disagree with you more


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## poppadawg (Aug 10, 2007)

Is this a facebook is bad or a women are evil thread?


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## Profish00 (May 21, 2004)

gjhamiltom said:


> I couldn't disagree with you more


https://www.facebook.com/2CoolFishing


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## Ox Eye (Dec 17, 2007)

GForce said:


> I think all of your comments contained useful information. Some much more than others. But I read each one more than once. And I will use them, along with my own ideas, and try to figure out what's best for both of us.


That's all well and good. But you need to take care of YOU first. Get yourself to a divorce lawyer and find out what all you need to do to protect your assets and business ... just in case you can't make things work.


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## cman (Apr 17, 2009)

2cool may be on facebook but is different than facebook. If you don't get that it is not worth the time to explain it. 

Tortuga- Most of us wish we had an old fashioned style relationship but things have changed a great deal as has the divorce rate. 
The feminization of American society changed a lot of things.


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## Zeitgeist (Nov 10, 2011)

Profish00 said:


> 2cool is facebook, hello? same **** different box.


 Right on! It appears that Facebook is a threat to some on this thread. But this form of social media is "A OK!" :cheers:


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## Kenner 23 (Sep 14, 2009)

cman said:


> Here's an online diagnosis worth what you paid for it.
> 
> She was looking for a bigger better deal when she turned you down as a young couple.
> She went looking to hook a bigger better deal and failed.
> ...


Nail meet hammer


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## dwilliams35 (Oct 8, 2006)

Zeitgeist said:


> Right on! It appears that Facebook is a threat to some on this thread. But this form of social media is "A OK!" :cheers:


I've yet to get messages from 2cool that Mont is actively trying to get me in contact with every old girlfriend I've ever had....


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## BretE (Jan 24, 2008)

dwilliams35 said:


> I've yet to get messages from 2cool that Mont is actively trying to get me in contact with every old girlfriend I've ever had....


Guess you didn't buy the 2Cool platinum membership huh?......


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## Zeitgeist (Nov 10, 2011)

dwilliams35 said:


> I've yet to get messages from 2cool that Mont is actively trying to get me in contact with every old girlfriend I've ever had....


I hear 'ya brother! Just think it is funny when guys get worked up on their old ladies on Facebook. Same difference, Facebook has nothing to do with it, only there is a printed history just like this site. What happens when they leave the house?

Typical personal relationship thread, OP seams sincere and hopefully found the advice he was looking for but it miffs me. 4000 views later, 81 replies, derailed thread. Be Discreet.....just like the cousin's DWI truck crash thread.


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## Lastlaff (Nov 4, 2012)

Tortuga said:


> LOL..AND..a wise man once said..._"If it flies, floats or *****, it's easier to just 'rent' it." _
> 
> :rotfl:


Funny, my father in law told me the same thing. It was too late thoughðŸ˜


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## Pivo and kolache (Mar 13, 2014)

cman said:


> Here's an online diagnosis worth what you paid for it.
> 
> She was looking for a bigger better deal when she turned you down as a young couple.
> She went looking to hook a bigger better deal and failed.
> ...


Get this man a cigar


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## HOO'S NEXT (Aug 22, 2009)

No kids? Easy answer there, drop her like a bad gas pain! You only live once bro, enjoy it! It sounds like you are not and never will right now. Get out while you can.


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## iamatt (Aug 28, 2012)

HOO'S NEXT said:


> No kids? Easy answer there, drop her like a bad gas pain! You only live once bro, enjoy it! It sounds like you are not and never will right now. Get out while you can.


If you do not consider marriage a sacrament and do not have kids what's the point? I'm not one to take verbal abuse , especially if it was from a wife who is supposed to be on your team. **** that.


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## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)




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## Bearwolf34 (Sep 8, 2005)

Life is waay to short to have to deal with that constantly..id run like forrest and get on with life..some folks will never be pleased regardless of what you do. Let her go figure out her issues on someone elses dime.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

POC Fishin' Gal said:


> My dear friend owned a restaurant with his wife. He told me about her awful behavior towards the employees, him, etc. I explained menopause, she went to the Dr., got pills, problem fixed.
> 
> The lady that that needs them is suffering more than than the person/people she is inflicting pain upon.
> 
> ...


She and I both wish she could take the hormone pills. But she can't. As I said earlier, she developed blood clots about 5 years ago. Was in the hospital for 5 days. The Dr said they were probably caused by birth control pills. So that means if she were to get back on any type of hormone therapy the blood clots could come back. It could have killed her before. We're not willing to take that chance again.

Also, I have a hard time with the idea of dumping her. I married her for better or worse. Lately, there's been alotta worse. But I hope we can get through this.

Maybe I'm the one that needs the hormone replacement therapy. If I could just be the type of man that lets his wife talk to him like he's a dog then we wouldn't have this problem. 

Naah....that ain't happenin'!


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

poppadawg said:


> Some women are angry, bitter, and mean. You can't fix them. A lot of us have been there. Was she always mean or do you think it is PMS?


It's a little of both. She will be the first to tell you that her mother and grandmother were both mean spirited, men hating creatures. She knows it's wrong. And she constantly fights it. And she also suffers from PMS. But now it's turning into menopause. It's a roller coaster for sure.


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## speckle-catcher (May 20, 2004)

GForce said:


> She and I both wish she could take the hormone pills. But she can't. As I said earlier, she developed blood clots about 5 years ago. Was in the hospital for 5 days. The Dr said they were probably caused by birth control pills. So that means if she were to get back on any type of hormone therapy the blood clots could come back. It could have killed her before. We're not willing to take that chance again.
> 
> Also, I have a hard time with the idea of dumping her. I married her for better or worse. Lately, there's been alotta worse. But I hope we can get through this.
> 
> ...


it's probably time for a second opinion.


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

People get in a rut... she doesn't feel loved so she doesn't show respect. He doesn't feel respected so he doesn't show love. Around and around we go. Neither getting their needs met. And the hostility builds. You can turn it around. I'm not a salesman by any means, but I know of something that might help you. My wife and I went through it and it helped us. We actually did the dvd version with a small group of couples at our church, but the live conference is coming to town mid-November... check it out: https://loveandrespect.com/events/


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

Google 5 live languages. Learn her love language. 

It might be acts of service or word of affirmation. 

Once you figure it out you've figured her out.


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

I am so thankful that my wife doesn't have these problems. What a nightmare it must be living with someone that is so miserable.


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## PHINS (May 25, 2004)

G force check this place out http://www.hotzehwc.com/en-US/Mobile.aspx

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

I don't have much to contribute, but I can tell you a couple of things. You cannot make her happy, nor can anyone else, only she can make herself happy. 

The one thing I will suggest is that you look to God for help, both of you. Pray to him, together, and ask that he help you through your difficult time. Look to his word, the bible, it gives counsel that no man can, and it gives the power to change lives.


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## FLAT FISHY (Jun 22, 2006)

I had a wife like that once


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## poppadawg (Aug 10, 2007)

FLAT FISHY said:


> I had a wife like that once


Mine was a GF. From the responses on this thread alot of us have been down that road. Wonder if anybody has ever had one go from mean to nice? I don't think I have ever seen that happen.


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## gjhamiltom (Jul 27, 2010)

poppadawg said:


> Wonder if anybody has ever had one go from mean to nice? I don't think I have ever seen that happen.


Probably if you hit the lottery.


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## GulfCoast1102 (Dec 30, 2013)

If you want to save this thing, you need to find some decent counseling while you still can. Find a good, Christian based "marriage weekend" event. Both sides have to be willing to admit that the marriage relationship could use some improvement, and be willing to work to improve it. I wish you the best.


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## a couple more (Mar 19, 2009)

I haven't read all the responses so not sure if this has been recommended. Check out this website: http://www.retrouvaille.org/

I will forewarn you... it is a fairly deep program. it makes for a very very long weekend.We tried it after counseling did not work. PM me if you want more information.


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## Big Grouper (Oct 1, 2008)

Man reading this thread brought back some old bad memories. I was in a very similar situation. Married right out of high school. Had two kids and thought it best to tuff it out and smile until I got them raised. One day after smiling for over 20 years, I said to myself, that's enough and left. Broke my daughters hearts. It took about a year and both of them started to remember ALL the things daddy had done with them and for them. It's been 8 years later and BOY am I a happy guy. Spend lots of time with my girls and I NEVER have to put up with the BS I got from my ex! That's my 2 cents worth.


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## greenhornet (Apr 21, 2010)

I have developed a couple theories on relationships over the years and a couple apply here. First is my short end of the stick theory-in a high pecentage of relationships one partner has the upper hand so to speak and the other is always...well stuck with the short end, this can manifest in many ways but what you are describing illustrates that unfortunately you are barely hanging on. The small percent of relationships that are close to 50/50 give us the rare long HAPPY marriages. Another that is related but not exactly the same is often people reach a point in a relationship where they no longer care enough to try(make consistent efforts to make their significant other happy), she has reached that point before you. IMO these are very difficult to reverse and I wouldn't bother to try personally but you have to decide that for yourself. 

Simple rule to evaluate relationships of any kind-does it bring me more positive than negative? yes=good one, make efforts to keep it/no=see ya 

These are very cut and dry statements and relationships rarely appear this simple but if you really cut the B.S. it is what it is. 

Best of luck in your future decision/efforts.


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## Jamaica Cove (Apr 2, 2008)

Move on-go hire an attorney and file-then she may 'see the light'-if she doesn't, then you are better off. Of course she'll resent you for filing on her-no matter what you do, you need to do for YOURSELF what is best.


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## V-Bottom (Jun 16, 2007)

Most likely her attitude comes from her early years ...i.e. was a parent/s like that, bi**h all the time over petty crapolla? Very bitter. Just a thought. My dad was like that till he died. Good luck sir.


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## TXXpress (May 23, 2004)

FLAT FISHY said:


> I had a wife like that *once*


As did I. To the original poster - Life is too short to live it like this... Seek to make some changes, so both of you can be happy. Counseling, etc.

Think about it... Work all those hours to be unhappy? Make some changes together. And I mean really try as if your life depended on it. If that doesn't work, seek legal help.


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## lindyb (Dec 11, 2013)

*Sorry to tell you this . . .*

. . . but I don't think she loves you. And this is from--it looks like--the only woman on this thread. I can't imagine a woman having what she has and treating her husband like that. A woman that loves her husband wants the best for him and wants him to be happy. If she isn't doing that, I'm afraid she may be too far gone to come back, or she may really not have been in love with you in the first place. Many women marry because of the security. Then they are miserable. I've been married for going on 39 years now and I would never think of treating my husband like that. We respect each other and our activities. He loves hunting. I love fishing. We don't always do things together. But we still love each other.

Ask her if she loves you. If she hesitates, then you will know. Dump her. If she says "Yes, but, . . . " dump her. You are young enough to be able to find someone who will love and respect you and treat you like a king. And there is someone out there that would appreciate everything you do for her. You will just have to start looking. You will find the right woman. So get going and good luck.

Oh, and as for the hormones. I can't take them either--because of blood clots, too. And I don't treat my husband like she treats you. There are lots of supplements that work well.


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## Teamgafftop2 (Nov 27, 2010)

As I woman I feel the need to say this. PMS should never be an excuse to be a *****. Yes, some women suffer from it more than others, but it's not a reason to be hateful to everyone. At the same time, it's imperative that men aren't jerks and antagonize the woman. I was in a relationship like that. I just wanted to be left alone, and instead I was pushed to the point that I would lose my cool. It was incredibly frustrating.

I have my moments, but I don't use hormones as an excuse for being a biddy. I haven't had to deal with menopause yet so I can't speak to the issues with that. But, when the time comes, I'll do my best to deal with it without making those around me suffer. Just my 02. 
She's probably unhappy with something and is taking it out on you. I don't have enough information to provide any useful advice, but I can and will pray for you both.

Good luck!


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## koyhoward (Jan 8, 2007)

Man my thoughts are with you. I had a wife I didn't get along with. We've been divorced 3 years now and those three years I've been happier than I've ever been. I'm engaged now and this time it's with the best girl I could ever hope for. Divorce isn't always the answer.....but sometimes it IS the answer. For both of you. Do both of you a favor and take a long hard look at where yall are.


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## brucevannguyen (Oct 21, 2012)

If it does not work out.I can introduce you to a very nice asian girl 40 years of age living in vietnam.She can be a very good wife I promise.I got pics if you wanna see.


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## Johnny9 (Sep 7, 2005)

GForce said:


> I know I'm not perfect. But when do you know enough is enough? I will be 50 yrs old in February. We will "celebrate" 13 yrs of marriage during that month, too. But I just don't think I can take much more of the *****ing and complaining and yelling at me. I get up every morning at 4 am to go to the same job I've had for 31 years. I keep all the bills paid. And don't drink or go out without her. We have no kids. The only job she has is to come to my office 1 day a week for 4 hrs and help out with some paperwork. That's it. She doesn't have to cook much. She does all of the laundry and other housekeeping.
> 
> It reminds me of an old saying my grandpa used to say.
> "Some people just can't stand prosperity. They would ***** if they were gonna be hung with a new rope."


Do what I did about a month ago, pack a week or two of clothes and walk out, no words no contact, let your phone just ring and ring, go stay with friends out of town or a hotel. When YOU feel its time to return do so but with the understanding to her that if things dont change you will do a permanent ADIOS. It will get their attention and things will change for you. Im almost 62 and there are happier days ahead with or without them.


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## cman (Apr 17, 2009)

> If it does not work out.I can introduce you to a very nice asian girl 40 years of age living in vietnam.She can be a very good wife I promise.I got pics if you wanna see.


Het Bruce,
Does she have a daughter?


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## Pasadena1944 (Mar 20, 2010)

juan said:


> Do what I did about a month ago, pack a week or two of clothes and walk out, no words no contact, let your phone just ring and ring, go stay with friends out of town or a hotel. When YOU feel its time to return do so but with the understanding to her that if things dont change you will do a permanent ADIOS. It will get their attention and things will change for you. Im almost 62 and there are happier days ahead with or without them.


She might change the locks while he is gone.....Could be what she was waiting for.........


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

lindyb said:


> . . . but I don't think she loves you. And this is from--it looks like--the only woman on this thread. I can't imagine a woman having what she has and treating her husband like that. A woman that loves her husband wants the best for him and wants him to be happy. If she isn't doing that, I'm afraid she may be too far gone to come back, or she may really not have been in love with you in the first place. Many women marry because of the security. Then they are miserable. I've been married for going on 39 years now and I would never think of treating my husband like that. We respect each other and our activities. He loves hunting. I love fishing. We don't always do things together. But we still love each other.
> 
> Ask her if she loves you. If she hesitates, then you will know. Dump her. If she says "Yes, but, . . . " dump her. You are young enough to be able to find someone who will love and respect you and treat you like a king. And there is someone out there that would appreciate everything you do for her. You will just have to start looking. You will find the right woman. So get going and good luck.
> 
> Oh, and as for the hormones. I can't take them either--because of blood clots, too. And I don't treat my husband like she treats you. There are lots of supplements that work well.


People are different and respond to things differently. She may not love her husband, but there is not nearly enough information to draw that conclusion. That is a pretty harsh statement.


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## Hookless (Jan 18, 2013)

When the static becomes too unbearable, just change the channel!


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

It seems you are reliving in your young age with your sweetheart dream and hope it will works out. If she really loved you when you both were young, she would have just ignored her mama. Write up the loss and run before your heart stops you.


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

brucevannguyen said:


> If it does not work out.I can introduce you to a very nice asian girl 40 years of age living in vietnam.She can be a very good wife I promise.I got pics if you wanna see.


Let me just say that I'm married, love my wife very much, she 13 years younger than me, let's me go hunting or fishing at the drop of a hat, or goes with me on occasion and loves it, treats me like a king, will buy and ice down a 12 pack for me even though she does not drink at all and is the perfect "Mom" (we have custody of our niece on her side) BUT I think you need to post pics. Not for me but for the OP. He needs pics. Lingerie pics will be okay for him too.


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## Jungle_Jim (Nov 16, 2007)

GForce said:


> She can't take the hormones because she had a bout with blood clots a few years ago. The Dr said the clots were probably caused by birth control pills. This situation is the best birth control there ever was.
> 
> And she is on antidepressants. She says it's so she can stay married to me. But I think it's just another way of her saying they help her keep her mouth in check.


Bingo! We have found the problem. She is on anti-depressants because she knows there is something wrong with her. I married one and when I left I felt like I had been rescued from a desert island. 
A LOT of women on anti-depressants are on them because their life didn't turn out like they thought it would.
Give it a good try. Tell her whats on your mind. If nothing changes then Eject.


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## cwbycrshr (May 23, 2013)

I didn't read this whole thing...I'll admit. However, I am pretty good at screwing up relationships due to my own hard hardheadedness and uncontrollable need to control everything (I'm working on that...1 day at a time). I married an Irish Red head 8 years younger than me. She can go from level to nuclear in 2.3 seconds. 

Honest questions you need to answer to yourself, honestly. 

When is the last time you spent an entire day satisfying her every want/need? Make her coffee, do the laundry and clean the house, scrub the toilets, etc? 

When is the last time you took her to dinner and a movie, opening the doors for her, holding her hands, looking into her eyes and having deep, meaningful conversations? 

When is the last time you kissed her and made love to her as passionately as your honeymoon night?

If you can answer those with "often" and/or "recently", I would suggest the Love Dare book for both of you to read and do together. If nothing changes, move out for a couple of weeks with no contact. Still no changes, counseling. Still no changes, maybe it is time to bail..after all, we have become a "marriage is disposable" society. 13 years is a lot of time to throw away at the drop of the hat though....


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## pshay4 (Aug 18, 2005)

I agree with some others on here. This is social media, no matter what you think. Maybe not as linked as Facebook, but not a lot different otherwise.

So, she's on Facebook and her friends and family, who know both her and maybe you, sympathize with her. You don't like it. I don't blame you. Now everyone you see, when you go out together, knows your faults. But maybe you don't go out together. 

You are on 2Cool venting about your wife. Complete strangers are telling you to go get a divorce. You seem to feel humbled that so many people care about you and your situation. Realize that they might have just made a comment about hogs getting blown up by tannerite, as well. 

Maybe you both should turn off the computers and have a little talk. Find things you have in common and can do together. Address the problems that you both have with each other. I've been married 34 years. We both have faults and life is not always wonderful, but when he doesn't do the tasks he promised, I don't get online and tell everyone, I tell him (he nods and says he'll get it done and heads for the chair and tv remote hwell:.)


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

My reading comprehension may not be as good as some but,^^ not this. I know he means well but I think it would be a horrible idea to blow her up with tannerite. Consider time off from each other instead.


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## jacobm24 (Mar 30, 2011)

sotexhookset said:


> My reading comprehension may not be as good as some but,^^ not this. I know he means well but I think it would be a horrible idea to blow her up with tannerite. Consider time off from each other instead.


I think he meant to inform the guy that his wife may blow him up with tannerite and to keep an eye out :rotfl:


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## fishhawkxxx (Jul 7, 2012)

Sounds like your problem started 13 years ago when mama was left out of the picture....


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