# U ever wonder if Women are trying drive us insane



## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

I mean think about it before you are married you are rolling along like a champ after you have been married a few years with kids you are a shadow of the old you.

The list of things that will drive you insane, lets hear it.

Where's my wallet and keys? I don't know they are not mine! I put them in the same place for the last 10 years, they did not walk away on their own. Oh I put them in this bowl because they make the counter look cluttered. 

You are at work in Houston and your wife calls you at lunch, you tell her you just talked to John Doe who lives in China, a mutual friend. The very first thing she will say is " on the telephone"! No I drove over there before lunch.

You go to put gas in the mower and all the fuel at the house is gone. Honey wheres the fuel, oh I had to put it in my truck because my fuel light was on. WHY WOULD YOU DRIVE YOUR TRUCK HOME EMPTY???

You back the boat trailer down the ramp and ask your wife to just pull it up and park it. When you get back at the end of the day and go get the truck you find that the seat, side mirrors and rear view have all been adjusted. They drove the truck strait forward 100 yards and parked.

Honey the mower is broke it wont go! Its a brand new Zero turn whats it doing? It just wont go no matter what I do so I left it in the yard. Get home and instantly you see it is stuck in mud because the yard is wet. They second you say " Hey it wont move because its stuck " they hit you with " that's what I get for trying to be a good wife"


OMG!!! I don't get mad, I just look with amazement like the look a dog gives you when you take its picture. Now add in two daughters and a son.


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

Good example. We are having the flooring replaced in our living/dining room and the master bed room. Putting tile down in those areas. we look at several places and decide on a tile from a flooring store. Next day, she says, I think it's too dark. So I go back to the store and pick up two samples for her to look at. She finally makes up her mind on one that is a little lighter. Call the store back and they say "no problem". That was Saturday morning, the place is closed on Sunday. We are scheduled to have them start tomorrow, Wednesday. Sunday night she is still studying the tile. Says, I think it is still too dark, I want the light colored tile. I look at her and say, really, they are going to have to get something if they don't have it in stock. Told her if she wanted it changed she would have to call them herself. She decided she would go with her second choice.

This is typical in my house. Drives me crazy.


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

You need to get out more.

If my wife could tell gas from diesel, I'd be happy....


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## Part Timer (Jul 2, 2012)

Crowhater said:


> You back the boat trailer down the ramp and ask your wife to just pull it up and park it. When you get back at the end of the day and go get the truck you find that the seat, side mirrors and rear view have all been adjusted. They drove the truck strait forward 100 yards and parked.


this one drives me nuts every time. It takes me a week to get it back to right spot. lol


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## Zeitgeist (Nov 10, 2011)

:dance:


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.


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## BATWING (May 9, 2008)

You guys are gonna have to learn to let that stuff go or you will go insane.


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## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

My wife is pretty cool. But this is my second go around. I knew what to look for. 

MY only complaint with her, is her stories. Just get to the frigging point. I don't want all the back stories, don't care who someone is that I don't know. As soon as I say, "get to the point", or "And?" She get's ticked off, and it either fuels the story. Or I don't get no loving...


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## ATE_UP_FISHERMAN (Jun 25, 2004)

Poor You.... I don't have anything to complain about. :slimer:

My wife's filing cabinet is the kitchen table. Drives me crazy. Yes I have two actual filing cabinets.

Between her and the boys, my hand tools disappear faster than I can replace them. Bad thing is I'm replacing snap-on and Proto with the Lowes Kobalt. Seems like I'm buying screw drivers and tape measures non-stop.

Phone chargers is another thing I'm replacing all of the time. 
Somebody out there bring back all of my stuff!!!


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

Oh you make it sound simple! They don't let you, they follow you, they ask you question in the middle of the most important this on TV.


This morning I am trying to hear about that Russian Jet that buzzed one of our military Vessels and she is telling me to turn to another Channel to see Bruce Jenner!!! Are you kidding me?

Any reality show, dancing with Goats, real house wives of mud people land, cake boss, hotdog boss, etc, etc.


Im worried about your health so I made you some grass with ragweed garnish.

MY ESCALADE IS MAKING THIS SOUND OR THERE IS A LIGHT ON!!!! 

the light is not working

the door wont shut

the ice machine is making noise

I used your beard trimmer to shave the dog

Im out of closet space can I use part of yours. Honey your closet is the size of the bedroom, " oh never mind I knew you would be like that ".

We should take a vacation

We should get a pool

we should plant a garden

Are you listening to me???


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## cwbycrshr (May 23, 2013)

I've can top all of the above:

Had my credit pulled the other day for a loan. Score dropped 40 POINTS! 

Come to find out, there was a bill sent to the house 4 months ago she never told me about. 3 hours out of my life, $317.06, and several harsh conversatiuons with the bill collectors later it is resolved. 

Then she gets a speeidng ticket that is going to cost me $170. 

:headknock:headknock

I'm glad she is hot and good to our kids.


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## budreau (Jun 21, 2009)

sounds like you need to tell her she is starting to sound like your future ex-wife


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## fangard (Apr 18, 2008)

My wife makes twice as much as I do. I am not saying a word.


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## Lav20 (Mar 22, 2005)

YOU: How much did that cost? 

WIFE: (100% of the time) - It was originally.......or it was marked down from..... It was on sale for.......then when the dollar figure is finally revealed 100% of the time it's rounded down.


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

OH the best one!!!

DO YOU LOVE ME! I tell her " are you kidding me? Of course I love you, if I did not love you I would have choked you to death years ago because you drive me FREAKING INSANE".

My wife is great, my whole family would rather keep her, she is beautiful, in great shape, you name it. 

Sunday leaving the lake she is stressed because she is scared I will ask her to back the trailer in. She is also scared I will ask her to pull he boat on the trailer. I tell her I will get the truck and all I need her to do is idle the boat to the trailer, I will float it on. So I get to the truck, adjust the seat, mirrors, and turn down the radio, then back the trailer in. I walk to the end of the trailer, she idles up just perfect, I grab the end of the boat and she nails the gas! I try to get out of the way but she smashes my foot between the boat and the trailer board. I know the second it happened that my foot is probably broke. I don't say one word, I just turn red, limp to the front hook the boat and pull out. Once out of the way I stick my foot in the cooler of ice because it is already blue from the arch to my big toe. My wife and kids are all asking me question after question " is it broke, should we go to the ER, should I call your cousin, I cant drive the truck home with the boat attached, can we leave it here? "

I was not that guy!!!! I did not yell at my wife at the boat ramp! I told her in a very calm voice " im not mad at you but if you love you will all go AWAY I am in PAIN!!! "

I don't want to freak her out and make her totally scared to drive the boat or deal with a trailer.

Get home and I can hear her on the phone with the Mother in Law, " Oh yeah he got hurt again, he always has something broke ". Now picture me in my chair, ice on my foot and my eyelid is twitching


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

crowhater said:


> oh the best one!!!
> 
> Do you love me! I tell her " are you kidding me? Of course i love you, if i did not love you i would have choked you to death years ago because you drive me freaking insane".
> 
> ...


best one yet!!!


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## Part Timer (Jul 2, 2012)

Crowhater said:


> OH the best one!!!
> 
> DO YOU LOVE ME! I tell her " are you kidding me? Of course I love you, if I did not love you I would have choked you to death years ago because you drive me FREAKING INSANE".
> 
> ...


must spread! :rotfl: someone hit him for me


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## SeaY'all (Jul 14, 2011)

We were driving to dinner a few weeks ago and mine was complaining about my driving and then I have to hear the explanation of how she would drive. I asked politely for her to stop. She gets mad. I hear more complaining after that. My next comment was whenever we go somewhere in the future, we can take two cars. Fast forward a week. Here we go again. I finally said if you dont quit, Im gonna get out and walk home. About a mile from the house, I pulled into a parking lot and started walking. It has been rather pleasant driving the last week or so with her.
When she asked why I did it, I told her after 19 years of her telling me how to drive that I just couldnt take one more comment. She said well good. you needed the exercise


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## Shaky (May 21, 2004)

:ac550:My wife is an absolute angel......couldn't live with out her.


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## misbhavn (Nov 19, 2010)

Crowhater said:


> Now picture me in my chair, ice on my foot and my eyelid is twitching


Great visual. I LOL'ed at that one. :cheers:


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## Jamie_Lee (Oct 28, 2010)

Oh y'all have it so bad :headknock

Try being my husband and living in a house with 5 females and a female dog :walkingsm:rotfl:


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## chumy (Jul 13, 2012)

My truck wont start
Does it turn over?
I don't know, it just wont start
What sound does it make?
Nothing, it just wont start
So no sound, sounds like a battery. Are the dash lights illuminated?
Dash lights? What are dash lights? I don't know, I'm stuck at Lowes in the parking lot.
Nevermind, i'll be there in a minute


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## misbhavn (Nov 19, 2010)

Part Timer said:


> must spread! :rotfl: someone hit him for me


I got him.


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## djwag94 (Nov 19, 2009)

Part Timer said:


> must spread! :rotfl: someone hit him for me


Got Him.


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## Sgrem (Oct 5, 2005)

I will cast and cast standing all day on the front deck and beat every piece of water and every angle of every piece of structure in a fan cast around me to a bubbly froth retying every color and lure combination the FTU or the Bass Pro catalog has.

Girlfriend will out fish everyone in the boat three to one laying out with rod in one hand dragging whatever lure has been tied on that rod since last trip.


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

This one will! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

Don't even get me started !!!!

Wait until you have logged 64 years of this stuff.... I could write a book...or several books...

Only problem is I still love the nutty old heifer...


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## Spinky (Aug 11, 2005)

ATE_UP_FISHERMAN said:


> Poor You.... I don't have anything to complain about. :slimer:
> 
> My wife's filing cabinet is the kitchen table. Drives me crazy. Yes I have two actual filing cabinets.
> 
> ...


^^ This is my world, too. Although it might get a little better once the youngest goes off to college in August, the main culprit will still be around.
If it's a horizontal surface in the house, it's got her junk on it. What really bothers me is when it starts getting on my workbench!hwell:


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

Jamie_Lee said:


> Oh y'all have it so bad :headknock
> 
> Try being my husband and living in a house with 5 females and a female dog :walkingsm:rotfl:


all six of those females are 100% his fault too........well maybe not the dog...


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

Just a month ago I mentioned after mowing the yard I needed to put poison on those ant beds. fast forward a couple days, I head out for work and MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, my black lab Buddy is stumbling around like he is high. I tell her to get him to the vet, I don't care what it cost and I don't care if they have to call life flight. She ask what is wrong, is he snake bit again, I tell her he acts like he has been poisoned, she does not say a word. The vet calls me a couple hours later and tells me the dog has been poisoned from eating ant food. Then the wife tells me she put out ant poison the day before and she saw him licking it off the mounds. 

( Well what was I suppose to do to stop him? He is suppose to be a smart hunting dog, he should know better ) ( That's the last time I try to do something nice for you ).


I build a C6 Supervette, could have bought two new vets easy for what I had invested. I put whats called curb alert on the front so she would know when to stop without running the front splitter into the parking blocks. Right after its installed we go for a drive and I show her how it beeps and the deeps get quicker/louder as you get closer. I then let her drive and she pulls up to the curb perfect. We go in and eat at Chilies and her woman brain has already forgot. She says I need to stop at target and pulls up to the curb ( bep , bep, beep, beep, BEEP, BEEP, BEEEEEEEEEEP ) CRUNCH $1000.00 Carbon fiber front splitter tore off. I am also yelling at her to stop. She looks at me and says ( Im never driving this car again it just to stressful )

refer back to the eyelid twitching.


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## txgoddess (Sep 21, 2007)

Y'all amuse me. :rotfl:

I'm not even going to argue the point. I wouldn't want to live with me. That said, y'all aren't exactly angels, ya know?


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## chazbo (Sep 7, 2006)

Crowhater said:


> Just a month ago I mentioned after mowing the yard I needed to put poison on those ant beds. fast forward a couple days, I head out for work and MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, my black lab Buddy is stumbling around like he is high. I tell her to get him to the vet, I don't care what it cost and I don't care if they have to call life flight. She ask what is wrong, is he snake bit again, I tell her he acts like he has been poisoned, she does not say a word. The vet calls me a couple hours later and tells me the dog has been poisoned from eating ant food. Then the wife tells me she put out ant poison the day before and she saw him licking it off the mounds.
> 
> ( Well what was I suppose to do to stop him? He is suppose to be a smart hunting dog, he should know better ) ( That's the last time I try to do something nice for you ).
> 
> ...


I cant believe you let her drive it in the first place.....


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## Reynolds4 (Jan 18, 2010)

So much of this sounds so familiar but **** Crow! :rotfl:


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## Mont (Nov 17, 1998)

BullyARed said:


> This one will! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


If you can't tell the difference between a circus side show act and a woman, you really do have issues. I bet I have personally deleted that picture at least 30 times over the last 48 hours. Why the fascination with a freak?


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

Just a joke on the freak.


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

Mont said:


> If you can't tell the difference between a circus side show act and a woman, you really do have issues. I bet I have personally deleted that picture at least 30 times over the last 48 hours. Why the fascination with a freak?


I am with you! I try to block out anything to do with that whole family. They are only relevant because we make them relevant.


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## JamesAggie (Jun 28, 2012)




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## Mont (Nov 17, 1998)

Crowhater said:


> I am with you! I try to block out anything to do with that whole family. They are only relevant because we make them relevant.


I don't make them relevant. If you do, or someone else does, that's your bag.


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## chumy (Jul 13, 2012)

Mont said:


> If you can't tell the difference between a circus side show act and a woman, you really do have issues. I bet I have personally deleted that picture at least 30 times over the last 48 hours. Why the fascination with a freak?


That Kardashian show has been on for 10 seasons I read. That's a lot of fascinated people. I think ole Bully Red might be one of them


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## Jawbreaker (Feb 20, 2007)

Back before cellphone days the wife pulls in the driveway in a hurry to use the phone.jumps out of her car leaves the door open,"standard trans."in neutral.it rolls down the driveway,door scraped the whole side of my truck and of course ruined her door.But,it was my fault as usual because"if your truck wasn't so freaking big....in line with some friends coming up to a stop sign,she hits Ronnie from behind.I said WTH are you doing??? Ronnie never stops for stop signs she says.....30+ years of this i could go on...


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## JamesAggie (Jun 28, 2012)

Oldie but a goodie.


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## Chase4556 (Aug 26, 2008)

I have only been married a year and 2 months... and I already have a list. Can't wait till I get to the point some of y'all are at. (sarcasm).

Main one is how she will complain about me leaving stuff around the house, yet everywhere I look is her storage area. Note the earlier comment about every flat surface being a filing cabinet. My dad has the same issue with my mom, he is always complaining about it to me. Our couch is your normal couch, but with a little ottoman part that turns it into a little L shape. First issue I have is that she sits in the same spot so much that if you sit there, you sink into her little area due to the memory the cushion now has. Goes to show how much she sits infront of the TV watching the previously mentioned reality tv shows. Second issue is that the ottoman part of the couch becomes her storage area. Purse, laptop, anything she bought that day, mail.... you name it and it has sat there.

This one got me laughing the other day. We are in the process of moving, just bought our first house. She brings up that right now would be a good time to get rid of stuff we don't use. I agree. She tells me I should clear out some of the stuff in the garage. I laugh at her, saying that she would be hard pressed to find something in the garage that I don't use. She responds with "well I know I saw at least 20 screwdrivers out there the other day, so you could clean that out." I just laughed and changed the subject. Women just don't understand.


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## Centerville (May 20, 2012)

The comment that drives me crazy "I did not do it on purpose, why are you getting mad at me". 

Bought my wife a 2015 Expedition in March of this year. 
To quote her from a couple of weeks ago. 
"Did you know that the green nozzles at the gas pump will not fit into the gas tank of the Expedition" 
She was on the phone and grabbed the diesel and luckily it would not fit. 

I just shook my head and bit my tongue.


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

txgoddess said:


> Y'all amuse me. :rotfl:
> 
> I'm not even going to argue the point. I wouldn't want to live with me. That said, y'all aren't exactly angels, ya know?


Who says we are not angels. Of course we are.


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## Steven H (Jan 15, 2006)

My turn. Wife hits rear bumper of our car last year backing hers out, tells me I parked too close to the garage door.

Easter weekend, have boat in driveway, she pulls up ( same car she dented back bumper on) I hear a sound outside, she drove front right headlight, radiator etc right into boat tongue. " I went to push brake, it lunged forward".uhh that was the GAS pedal. $100 to get bumper fixed, $500 deductible to get $3300 of damage fixed to this car.


Been married 9 years, she still asks when I will be back when I go fishing, answer is the same, never, but I always come home.

Remember, they are women, thinking and psychology is completely backward compared to men.

And she cant get enough Bruce Jenner either, she tried to show me that pic yesterday, I told her not interested.


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## Buffett Fan (Aug 31, 2006)

Understanding Women - Vol. I of 3


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

I try to never argue with my wife. When I feel like im going to snap I call my older cousin and he always gives me good advise. He has been married forever and you would think they are still newlyweds. 

I learned that you are an idiot to argue with your wife, if you do manage to win the argument all you really win is a mad wife. No one is going to jump out of the closet and hand you a trophy.

For me I just try to out think her and the kids.

Example: She has driven her escalade into the garage to far and broke the drywall so many times it was killing me. So I hung a string with a ball on it from the garage ceiling. When the ball touches the windshield STOP!

Told the kids 50 times not to leave their bikes / toys in the drive way. One day I came home and ran over all of them. The kids cried and I laughed my butt off. Now they do not leave stuff in the driveway.

Caught the kids lying to me about something they broke. I waited a couple days and told them we where going to incredible pizza. They got all excited, ran to get dressed, went out got in the truck. after about 15 minuets they came in and asked why I was still in my chair, you said we where going to incredible pizza. I looked at them and said " I was lying, sucks don't it ". Oh yeah 

Kids knocked a hole in the drywall screwing around. Mom told them when dad gets home he is going to get you. I walk in and did not get mad at all, I loaded the kids up and went to lowes. We bought everything to repair the wall and they spent the next 3 nights playing Drywall. They stay away from the walls like the plague.


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## JKD (May 30, 2009)

Crowhater said:


> I try to never argue with my wife. When I feel like im going to snap I call my older cousin and he always gives me good advise. He has been married forever and you would think they are still newlyweds.
> 
> I learned that you are an idiot to argue with your wife, if you do manage to win the argument all you really win is a mad wife. No one is going to jump out of the closet and hand you a trophy.
> 
> ...


I can't wait to run over some bikes!


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## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Jamie_Lee said:


> Oh y'all have it so bad :headknock
> 
> Try being my husband and living in a house with 5 females and a female dog :walkingsm:rotfl:


X100000.......Some of ya'll may understand, most will not, and I am still trying to figure out what happened.


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

Encyclopedias for sale. Fricking wife knows everything.


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## Slimshady (Jan 11, 2005)

Reminds me of my wife. Bought a new Vette in '06. She drove it into the wall in the garage on the passenger side twice. Sold it quick. So now she wants a large SUV. I made sure it has the rear camera, backup sensors, along with the front camera and sensors. Dropped it off yesterday with my paint and body guy after she backed into a light pole in a parking lot damaging the lift gate. The guy asked how in the world did she do the damage with the camera and all the alarms? Here response was the lift gate was open while she was backing up. I knew better to even ask why. It'll be 20yrs. 
next month.


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## pocjetty (Sep 12, 2014)

My wife used to pick up glasses that I was still drinking out of, and put them in the dishwasher. (Among other, similar things.) It used to drive me crazy. She backed off the OCD a bit, and I came to appreciate how nice the house is, compared to what I lived in when I was single.

I used to take my dad's tools, and leave them wherever I got done with them. I would hit a dozen of his golf balls into ponds in a single round - always the newest ones I could find in his golf bag. I destroyed two of his cars.

I don't know what to tell you. I figured out a long time ago that I'm no cakewalk to live with. I decided I could try to fix all my own quirks, or just accept the fact that my wife and kids have their own. The second way is a lot easier.

I like my wife, and can't imagine being without her. The things I used to think of as quirks are no more like old friends. To her credit, she's been pretty good about accepting my BS, too. 

But I hate it that she makes the toilet paper roll off "under" instead of "over". That's just weird.


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

Crowhater said:


> OH the best one!!!
> 
> DO YOU LOVE ME! I tell her " are you kidding me? Of course I love you, if I did not love you I would have choked you to death years ago because you drive me FREAKING INSANE".
> 
> ...


Must spread!hahahaha! Somebody hit this dood for me!:rotfl:


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## GuyFromHuntsville (Aug 4, 2011)

Crowhater said:


> I try to never argue with my wife. *When I feel like im going to snap I call my older cousin and he always gives me good advise. He has been married forever and you would think they are still newlyweds. *
> 
> I learned that you are an idiot to argue with your wife, if you do manage to win the argument all you really win is a mad wife. No one is going to jump out of the closet and hand you a trophy.
> 
> ...


Any time, cousin. Trust me, it gets easier when the ankle bitters get older.

We do have fun.....married 27 years this month.


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## The1ThatGotAway (Jun 24, 2009)

MarkU said:


> My wife is pretty cool. But this is my second go around. I knew what to look for.
> 
> MY only complaint with her, is her stories. Just get to the frigging point. I don't want all the back stories, don't care who someone is that I don't know. As soon as I say, "get to the point", or "And?" She get's ticked off, and it either fuels the story. Or I don't get no loving...


Mine too,

"And I was wearing this outfit, it was green, coral green. it looked really good on me, or at least that's what my friend Belinda told me, It kind of matched my ear rings, it was a size smaller than all of my other outfits too, so I must be losing weight,"

"GET TO THE FRIGGIN' POINT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!"

"Fine, I was just going to tell you that we had Jack In The Box for lunch"


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## The1ThatGotAway (Jun 24, 2009)

saltwatersensations said:


> X100000.......Some of ya'll may understand, most will not, and I am still trying to figure out what happened.


He's a lucky man, I only have two females. I'd love to have three more daughters.


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## sotol buster (Oct 7, 2007)

My wife says " I'm hungry". 

Ok, what do you want to eat? 

"I don't know".


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## Tight Uns (Mar 10, 2012)

"My wife is an absolute angel......couldn't live with out her"

I am Shaky's wife and I approve this message


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## slopoke (Jul 10, 2005)

I do not wonder about such things anymore.


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

chumy said:


> That Kardashian show has been on for 10 seasons I read. That's a lot of fascinated people. I think ole Bully Red might be one of them


Sure! Like I have read it for last 10 years!


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

_ A wife like this one! 





_


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## POC Fishin' Gal (Nov 20, 2009)

Ya'll are a bunch of whiney babies. Who cooks, cleans,picks up the messes, listens to ya'll rant and rave over some whatever at work,gives you hugs and kisses, and god forbid you should have a cold or a bellyache! Maybe some of us aren't the BEST drivers, car fixers,trailer backers, boat drivers in the world and maybe we feel you should know all the info relating to the story we need to tell you BUT I bet we can drive a dishwasher or washing machine and dryer better than any of you! So there!:rotfl:


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## tx.fishead (Jun 4, 2005)

BullyARed said:


> _ A wife like this one!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


WOW.....somebody's parents didn't teach them that throwing a hissy fit is totally unacceptable (she needs paddled to this day).


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## Chase4556 (Aug 26, 2008)

pocjetty said:


> My wife used to pick up glasses that I was still drinking out of, and put them in the dishwasher. (Among other, similar things.) It used to drive me crazy. She backed off the OCD a bit, and I came to appreciate how nice the house is, compared to what I lived in when I was single.


Shoot!! At least yours was putting them in the dishwasher. My wife says water gets "old". Kinda like a coke goes flat. If she has the day off, I can put money down saying I will come home from work and pick up two or three half empty glasses that she left laying around. All because the water gets "old". She thinks Im crazy to keep the same glass of water next to the bed for two nights in a row.


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## Wolf6151 (Jun 13, 2005)

I'll go on the record as saying that I do not think are "trying" to drive us insane. I think that skill comes quite naturally to them, so there's very little effort on their part.


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## Red3Fish (Jun 4, 2004)

"Try being my husband and living in a house with 5 females and a female dog"

Dang, with that many, there is ALWAYS one PMSing...all month long!! LOL

Mine has to tell me every little thing that went on at work...usually takes about an hour. My job is to sit, nod, smile, frown, and occasionally say "Yeah, he/she was a real jerk". Her company has 100 employees and I know nearly all by name and reputation.

I went fishing for a week last year, and told my buddy "She will have it all bottled up, I will have to listen for 3 or 4 hours". He called 2 hours after I got home, and I said "Nope, still talking!" She swelled up and said "FINE, I just won't talk to you at all EVER again!!" LOL 

Lasted two days.

Later
R3F


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## Big Guns 1971 (Nov 7, 2013)

? find a new and improved model.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

I fail to see much wisdom in this thread...My wife keeps me sane and grounded...

Here is a Synopsis of our morning...

I quietly get up 30 minutes before my Angel's alarm clock goes off this morning and make coffee (already grinded the beans last night as not to wake her). I bring her coffee in bed as she is watching the 6AM news. After gently kissing her on the forehead our conversation was as follows...

M (Me) C (Christy)

M...Good morning Angel...How did you sleep?
C...Good, but I dreamed work BS all night... 
M...That SUX.
C...Yeah, but actually it gave me insight as how to handle a certain issue...

Take note that during this I am massaging her feet...

M...Do you have anything special on your radar for this weekend?
C...Yeah...My Mom and I are going to Maas nursery and out to lunch Sunday...
M...Are you getting anything big or heavy you need me to help with?
C...No, Just a few colorful pretty flowers for pots around the pool, besides you need to go fishing...
M...Yes Maam.

I kiss her again, get up and turn the shower on for her...While she gets ready for work I wash her Stang...

She walks outside just as I'm finishing up...

C...Could you fasten this little button on the back of my blouse?

I fasten button...She kisses me then goes back inside...

She comes back out geared up for work...

C...Now play nice with your Cyber buddies when I leave, you don't want another infraction...
M...Yes Maam...
C...Is Crackdaddy the President of Butt Hurt Anonymous yet?
M...No Maam...He is still the Junior Game Warden harassing folks about keeping any trout over 20" unless they are going to put it on the wall or enter it in the STAR...
C...What a beautiful day, You should just call in and go fishing now...
M...Yeah, but I need to be at that 1PM meeting or my career life may get derailed if I'm not there to defend my department...
C...Good Call...

She kisses me, gets in her shiny red car and zooms away...

Life Is Good!


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

Blk Jck, you are going to show her this thread aren't you?


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

BertS said:


> Blk Jck, you are going to show her this thread aren't you?


 I have a feeling she might peek around on this site from time to time...LOL


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

good man.....lol......


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> I fail to see much wisdom in this thread...My wife keeps me sane and grounded...
> 
> Here is a Synopsis of our morning...
> 
> ...


You ain't like that on here.


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

All women are crazy, just in varying degrees.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

shaggydog said:


> You ain't like that on here.


 Not towards folks with bizarre ideology anyways. hwell:


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## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> I have a feeling she might peek around on this site from time to time...LOL


Your nose is brown as it can get.


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> Not towards folks with bizarre ideology anyways. hwell:


think you might be setting precedent........if she see you bragging on doing these things, she will come to expect it.........lol


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## DEXTER (Jun 28, 2005)

saltwatersensations said:


> Your nose is brown as it can get.


True that:rotfl:


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> I fail to see much wisdom in this thread...My wife keeps me sane and grounded...
> 
> Here is a Synopsis of our morning...
> 
> ...


FINISH IT !!!!!!

"M..and then I woke up and prepared for the hell I knew was coming.."..:rotfl:


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## michaelbaranowski (May 24, 2004)

I am loving reading these stories and everyone reminds me how stress-free my life for 38 years by not being married.


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## GuyFromHuntsville (Aug 4, 2011)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> I fail to see much wisdom in this thread...My wife keeps me sane and grounded...
> 
> Here is a Synopsis of our morning...
> 
> ...


You should write novels.....fiction novels.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

saltwatersensations said:


> Your nose is brown as it can get.


 You know I kiss that Cougar Sugar Mama Arse Josh...LITERALLY...LOL...When are we gonna go kill some big trout Bro?


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## DustinB09 (Jun 4, 2013)

Centerville said:


> The comment that drives me crazy "I did not do it on purpose, why are you getting mad at me".
> 
> Bought my wife a 2015 Expedition in March of this year.
> To quote her from a couple of weeks ago.
> ...


Ha i may have you beat! Wife called me as soon as i got to work one morning and said her( brand new not even a week old tundra) truck wont start. I went home and checked it out and couldnt figure it out. I asked her what she did and she replied well i didnt think i could make it to the gas station so i grabbed the old gas can off the back porch and used it. It was on the back porch to be thrown away the next day it was getting water in it. I just calmly went back to work and called the tow truck.


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

michaelbaranowski said:


> I am loving reading these stories and everyone reminds me how stress-free my life for 38 years by not being married.


ahhh, but little Mikey........even with all the headaches we married guys seem to go thru, there are way more positives, that extend way beyond just the bedroom.

ain't no proper words to describe.

but look at the comments these guys have thrown out there about the craziness of their wives......bet you most of these guys wouldn't trade their women folk for nothing.



Blk Jck 224 said:


> You know I kiss that Cougar Sugar Mama Arse Josh...LITERALLY...LOL...When are we gonna go kill some big trout Bro?


all of the happily married men do exactly that. you can be right, or you can be happy in your marriage.......lol


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## Reynolds4 (Jan 18, 2010)

BertS said:


> ahhh, but little Mikey........even with all the headaches we married guys seem to go thru, there are way more positives, that extend way beyond just the bedroom.
> 
> ain't no proper words to describe.
> 
> ...


You are 100% correct!


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

Gd. I didn't realize how lucky I was til reading most of the post.


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

sotexhookset said:


> Gd. I didn't realize how lucky I was til reading most of the post.


No kiddin! I've never understood why grown men put up with all this BS just to have a woman like these around. God has blessed me in so many ways.

The dood in the video with the psycho chick that wants to go to the lake is an idiot. I'd have that girl committed.:rotfl:


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

So my wife tells me the other day that she is going to New York for a week with her friend and her parents will watch the kids, am I ok with this. quicker than the flap of a humming birds wing I asked her if she needed any money. A WEEK BY MY SELF, A FULL WEEKS OF 100% SILENCE IN THE HOUSE!!! I will get so much done, heck in my spare time I might just go ahead and figure out cold fusion for you guys. She has always wanted to go to NY and she know I will not go no matter what. 


Back to the subject at hand! You drive 1 hour in traffic to get home after working all day and she says " lets got out to eat". Ok you load all of them up and that's like herding cats, get about a block down the road and she hits you with " where we going to eat". THIS IS A TRAP!!!! nothing you say will be good to her and when you ask her where she wants to eat she will hit you with " either I don't care or I don't know ". I have stopped the truck and begged her to just run me over. Then you end up at a Mexican food place and the kids want Mac & cheese. insert twitching eyelid .

been married 16 years 2 girls and a boy, I love then with all my heart, they are spoiled rotten but the curse my parents put on me is brutal.

FISHING, OMG, this is like the IRON MAN of challenges. I do this when I want to find out just how strong my love is for them. Im getting better, I just need to buy some Zebcos and throw them away when we are done.


Also whats with the Pillow Stone Hinge they construct on the bed every single day? I swear I snow plow like 10 pillows off the bed every night before I get in.



This is kind of like Therapy. lolol


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## emed (Mar 16, 2015)

Tomorrow is 22 years for me...Bought my wife a new Expedition a couple of years ago- she wants black, I tell her its going to be hot during the summer and its black so you need to keep clean. Summertime she complains how hot her car is and if I can do anything about it. Her explanation for asking is well- you are an a/c guy you should be able to do something to help. Same car has backup sensor, starts beeping when you get close to something, backup camera etc. Wife backs into a truck at the store and I ask her how? She said she didn't hear sensor must be something wrong with it. I get into her expedition back up and beep works just fine. I ask my oldest daughter and of course she agrees with her mom. Ask my son what happened and he tells me, well mom doesn't like hearing the beeping noise so she turned the music up. Yeah- The longer you go the more outrageous and unbelievable the stories get. If it weren't for the sex I'd be gay.


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## The1ThatGotAway (Jun 24, 2009)

OMG, I'm gonna get fired for laughing so loud... It's just too funny i guess because I totally understand. I'd green ya again if I could.



Crowhater said:


> So my wife tells me the other day that she is going to New York for a week with her friend and her parents will watch the kids, am I ok with this. quicker than the flap of a humming birds wing I asked her if she needed any money. A WEEK BY MY SELF, A FULL WEEKS OF 100% SILENCE IN THE HOUSE!!! I will get so much done, heck in my spare time I might just go ahead and figure out cold fusion for you guys. She has always wanted to go to NY and she know I will not go no matter what.
> 
> Back to the subject at hand! You drive 1 hour in traffic to get home after working all day and she says " lets got out to eat". Ok you load all of them up and that's like herding cats, get about a block down the road and she hits you with " where we going to eat". THIS IS A TRAP!!!! nothing you say will be good to her and when you ask her where she wants to eat she will hit you with " either I don't care or I don't know ". I have stopped the truck and begged her to just run me over. Then you end up at a Mexican food place and the kids want Mac & cheese. insert twitching eyelid .
> 
> ...


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

mstrelectricman said:


> No kiddin! I've never understood why grown men put up with all this BS just to have a woman like these around. God has blessed me in so many ways.
> 
> The dood in the video with the psycho chick that wants to go to the lake is an idiot. I'd have that girl committed.:rotfl:


 Look marriage and kids are something you have to experience to understand.

kids 95% of the time are work but that 5% makes it all worth it.

Wives are just bat sheet crazy but they are able to deal with us and they keep us pointed in the right direction. The single me would have been dead years ago.


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## emed (Mar 16, 2015)

Was just on the phone with a buddy and was talking to him about this thread... he tells me his wife had an a/c guy at his house this week. I ask why, (he is an a/c guy himself) she said the unit stopped cooling during the day and she didn't know what to do so she called an a/c company, they told her unit was low on gas and they needed to pull the rest of the gas out and change it out because refrigerant loses its cooling effect every couple of years. Charges her $600 to get the unit going. Same wife, too much time on her hands- tells her husband she wants a gym membership so he agrees and gets one too. After they sign for 2 years two weeks later she decides she wants to go to another gym because her friend goes to this other gym. So she signs up for that one to. A couple months go by and my friend who is still going to the gym asks his wife why she hasn't been going, they asked about her at the gym. She tells him she found this other gym she likes better and her friend convinced her to sign up for it. He asks her how she likes it and she said she's not sure. She stopped going about a month ago because her friend moved. He asked if she was going to go to either gym and she said probably not she doesn't like working out alone. Yet she refuses to work out with him because he wont talk to her at the gym, he only wants to work out. And the hits keep rolling.


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

Oh trust me....I understand bout the wife and kids thing. I've been married for 30+ and have three kids. It's just that my wife, by the grace of God, don't act like the typical woman. If she had, I'd have killed her long ago and would prolly still be locked up!


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## stargazer (May 24, 2004)

*MY only complaint with her, is her stories. Just get to the frigging point. I don't want all the back stories, don't care who someone is that I don't know.*

I feel better now, Thought I was the only one that had to deal with this. Takes 25 mins to tell me SOMETHING ???? Still not sure what the original point was.


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## Reynolds4 (Jan 18, 2010)

stargazer said:


> *MY only complaint with her, is her stories. Just get to the frigging point. I don't want all the back stories, don't care who someone is that I don't know.*
> 
> I feel better now, Thought I was the only one that had to deal with this. Takes 25 mins to tell me SOMETHING ???? Still not sure what the original point was.


I know I'm in for a long one when she says..."to make a long story short"....Please, please make the long story short! :headknock


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## vette74 (Oct 11, 2009)

The other day I got a bill from Truegreen questioning why since we don't use their service. I open it up and see fireant control 1-ac $456.00

I tell my wife this must be a mistake because nobody is stupid enough to pay $456.00 to kill fireants this is my first mistake. She tells me that I am too busy with our business to mess with fireants so she took care of it. I proceed to tell her i have to work xx hours to pay for this and I can kill all these fireants in 1 hr and $35 in chemicals.

To top it off I honestly didn't even know we had a fireant problem and she tells me our 3 year old got bit ONCE.


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## Bayscout22 (Aug 9, 2007)

The1ThatGotAway said:


> Mine too,
> 
> "And I was wearing this outfit, it was green, coral green. it looked really good on me, or at least that's what my friend Belinda told me, It kind of matched my ear rings, it was a size smaller than all of my other outfits too, so I must be losing weight,"
> 
> ...


That's every conversation at my house.


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## Bayscout22 (Aug 9, 2007)

POC Fishin' Gal said:


> Ya'll are a bunch of whiney babies. Who cooks, cleans,picks up the messes, listens to ya'll rant and rave over some whatever at work,gives you hugs and kisses, and god forbid you should have a cold or a bellyache! Maybe some of us aren't the BEST drivers, car fixers,trailer backers, boat drivers in the world and maybe we feel you should know all the info relating to the story we need to tell you BUT I bet we can drive a dishwasher or washing machine and dryer better than any of you! So there!:rotfl:


Very good point!


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

POC Fishin' Gal said:


> Ya'll are a bunch of whiney babies. Who cooks, cleans,picks up the messes, listens to ya'll rant and rave over some whatever at work,gives you hugs and kisses, and god forbid you should have a cold or a bellyache! Maybe some of us aren't the BEST drivers, car fixers,trailer backers, boat drivers in the world and maybe we feel you should know all the info relating to the story we need to tell you BUT I bet we can drive a dishwasher or washing machine and dryer better than any of you! So there!:rotfl:


I'm not married & your right, but why wouldn't a new dishwasher, vacuum, dishwasher or whatever make a good present.
If I was married & my wife got me a new 0 turn, tractor or any new tool, I'd be happy as a lark.


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## RRbohemian (Dec 20, 2009)

I think--no I believe--I'm married to the sweetest person in the world but at times she can get on my nerves. Two things that frustrates me are 1) she will ask a computer question and I answer it and then she tells me that is not correct, 2) she tells me what I'm thinking. Did I mention she was the smartest person in the world too?


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## Ducatibilt (Jul 8, 2010)

saltwatersensations said:


> X100000.......Some of ya'll may understand, most will not, and I am still trying to figure out what happened.


Sometimes it's best not to ask Y something happened.:rotfl:


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## Ruff (May 21, 2004)

Geeez

I realized that I am luckier than I thought, after reading all these posts.

Mental note: get flowers for the misses on the way home.



Ruff


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## FishyLady (Dec 18, 2014)

Just had to check and make sure my better half (Texasislandboy) isn't here whining... For every story he has on me, I have two on him... 

Now go buy your wives a bottle of wine and don't forget to tell her you love her! Because, lets be honest, we all know you how difficult men can be!


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

FishyLady said:


> Just had to check and make sure my better half isn't here whining... For every story he has on me, I have two on him...
> 
> Now go buy your wives a bottle of wine and don't forget to tell her you love her! Because, lets be honest, we all know you how difficult men can be!


hey, start your own thread........lol

men are always right, we just allow our women to have the illusion of us being wrong and the women being right, to maintain the happiness in our marriage.......lol


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## FishyLady (Dec 18, 2014)

BertS said:


> hey, start your own thread........lol
> 
> men are always right, we just allow our women to have the illusion of us being wrong and the women being right, to maintain the happiness in our marriage.......lol


hahaha ok ok...


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## The1ThatGotAway (Jun 24, 2009)

I just tell my wife that instead of hearing how wrong she was, I just want to hear how right I was!


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## BigGarwood (Oct 13, 2008)

At home depot getting stuff to replace base trim.

Me: Okay we need some quarter round, finishing nails and white paint.
Wife: No I want to go to Sherman Williams and Match the existing paint 
Me: okay we got our nails lets go check out
Wife: Don't we need Paint?
Me: Huh? You just said you wanted to go match it?
Her: What are you talking about?
Me: You're never invited to come with me to Home Depot Again
Her: You're not making any sense

***


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

shopping! Men walk right in, get what they need and walk out. Women walk in and you get sucked into a time warp!

Its like that with everything! Cousin text Sunday and says we are at the lake bring the family we will cook burgers ( 12:00 ). If its just me I could have the boat hooked heading that was in 15-20 minuets tops. We did not leave the house until 2:30! 

I can go out to poc for the weekend and have one bag. Bring the family and they will have my crew cab diesel dually riding on the overload springs.


Kids! If my kids so much as get a sniffle Mom has them heading to the doctor. First she gets on the internet and convinces her self they have green Eboli with West Nile. I go to the doctor when a bone is sticking through the skin, after I have called my Uncle or Cousin and asked them what they think.


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## BATWING (May 9, 2008)

FishyLady said:


> Just had to check and make sure my better half (Texasislandboy) isn't here whining... For every story he has on me, I have two on him...
> 
> Now go buy your wives a bottle of wine and don't forget to tell her you love her! Because, lets be honest, we all know you how difficult men can be!


We are gonna need specific examples to make that ruling.


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## Barbarian (Feb 12, 2009)

I might move her car out of the garage or something and see check engine light or similar light illuminated on the dash. Go back in ask how long that light has been on. Its either "oh what light" or "I don't remember. It's been a while, but I keep forgetting to tell you."

or 

we stop at a store. I'll ask "you want something to drink or eat?" She usually says no so I get what I want. We usually haven't left the parking lot and she'll say "Can I have a bite or just 1 sip". After 22 years, I just say "nope". If I would've wanted a 12oz diet coke then I would've bought a can. I want and need the whole 20oz. Or "If I wanted a medium fry, I wouldn't have bought a large. Its been going on for 22 years. 

Last one. She gets cold in the vehicle about 10 degrees before I even get comfortable so she just flicks the wide vent toward the window. Sure enough after about 5-10 minutes, I can't use the passenger mirror because her window is now full of moisture. I have asked and demonstrated at least 10,567 times on how to just slide that knob to the side and close that vent. Her brain will not do it. Every time 100% of the time, she is going to aim that vent straight to the window. It is simply amazing to be the difficulty of learning that 1 task.


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## fangard (Apr 18, 2008)

Crowhater said:


> " lets got out to eat". Ok you load all of them up and that's like herding cats, get about a block down the road and she hits you with " where we going to eat". THIS IS A TRAP!!!! nothing you say will be good to her and when you ask her where she wants to eat she will hit you with *" either I don't care or I don't know "*.


I hear you. My wife does the same thing. Every time she says " I don't care, you pick." I say BBQ. She does not like to eat BBQ out, ever. You would think she would figure that out after being married 20+ years.


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## ATE_UP_FISHERMAN (Jun 25, 2004)

My wife wanted a new SUV. I told her she could get whatever she wanted. She took great care of it vacuuming and washing wiping bugs off. She picked black carpet in this thing and the little pieces of grass from the yard would get in the carpet. Between her and the kids it was driving her crazy so every time she pulled in the drive way she would park a little farther away from the grass leaving 3 feet of walk space. well I'm getting squashed on my side of the drive way for her extra walk space. I told her one time babe it's getting pretty tight on my side when I get out. She explained to me what I had heard so many times about the grass in the floorboards and she's the one that has to clean it every time. Well I had to pull up farther just so I could get my door open. A month later she says she wants to go out to the movies with her girlfriends and will need to take my ride and leave the SUV with me because of the child seats. I kiss her goodbye and go inside right after I close the door I hear a sound like a 2x4 slapping the new car. I go outside and grit my teeth... "it's not that bad honey go and have a good time".. I turn around so she can't see my eye lid twitching. Scrape the blue off of the pearl for an hour saying things like. Ain't no Fu**ing grass in your car just blue scrapped down the side.... Lord please forgive me.


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## Deerhunter88 (Aug 4, 2013)

Asked mine to go get the oil changed in the car on Tuesday. She proceeds to ask me why would I make her go sit and wait at the oil change place with a 4 year old and then says that I should just take it in for her on Friday. I tell her I will be off on Friday and our son can stay with me while she goes get the oil changed. In the mean time while at Wal Mart I see Mobil 1 is on sale so I get the stuff to change the oil myself. Once oil is changed, we take the car to a relatives up the road and when leaving the car cranks up and then dies. She looks me dead in the face and says " I knew I should have just went to and had the oil changed on Tuesday while our son was at my moms" It was the security key causing the car to die.


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## Reynolds4 (Jan 18, 2010)

So the other morning...wife gets up at 5:00 to get ready for work as usual. She was sick the day before and feeling really dizzy so I was surprised she was going to work but she was. Well I hear her leave the house as usual and about 10 minutes later I can hear her coming back in. I figure no big deal, she doesn't feel good and she is going to stay home today. Wrong...she wants me to take her to work because she is dizzy and can't drive safely. Of course I proceed with my logical thinking of "if you're sick call in and get better" but she proceeds with she can't miss work and we need to leave now so she is not late...SO I drive her to work. The whole time telling her I think this is a bad idea. You're going to end up calling me to pick you up and take you to the doctor before lunch...yada yada yada yada. Well, guess what happens 2 hours later? We are sitting in Urgent Care waiting to be checked out and she misses two days of work.


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## Chase4556 (Aug 26, 2008)

BertS said:


> ahhh, but little Mikey........even with all the headaches we married guys seem to go thru, there are way more positives, that extend way beyond just the bedroom.
> 
> ain't no proper words to describe.
> 
> ...


Agree 100%. She drives me bonkers, but I wouldn't trade her for the world.



emed said:


> Tomorrow is 22 years for me...Bought my wife a new Expedition a couple of years ago..... Same car has backup sensor, starts beeping when you get close to something, backup camera etc..... Ask my son what happened and he tells me, well mom doesn't like hearing the beeping noise so she turned the music up. Yeah- The longer you go the more outrageous and unbelievable the stories get. If it weren't for the sex I'd be gay.


Friend of mine, his mom did the same thing back in the day. She didn't like the beeping, and one Sunday we were leaving church. She was upset about something, gets in the Excursion, turns the backup sensor off, and backs right into a concrete post. Told his dad she was talking to us and didn't hear it, but all three of us guys told him the truth. He just shook his head and started removing the bumper.



Barbarian said:


> we stop at a store. I'll ask "you want something to drink or eat?" She usually says no so I get what I want. We usually haven't left the parking lot and she'll say "Can I have a bite or just 1 sip". After 22 years, I just say "nope". If I would've wanted a 12oz diet coke then I would've bought a can. I want and need the whole 20oz. Or "If I wanted a medium fry, I wouldn't have bought a large. Its been going on for 22 years.
> 
> Last one. She gets cold in the vehicle about 10 degrees before I even get comfortable so she just flicks the wide vent toward the window. Sure enough after about 5-10 minutes, I can't use the passenger mirror because her window is now full of moisture. I have asked and demonstrated at least 10,567 times on how to just slide that knob to the side and close that vent. Her brain will not do it. Every time 100% of the time, she is going to aim that vent straight to the window. It is simply amazing to be the difficulty of learning that 1 task.


I have learned that no matter what, if I go in, just get her a bottle of water. She might say she doesn't want something, but as soon as I hand her the water she will drink it up.

At least your wife leaves the air on, mine just turns the air off. Doesn't adjust the vents, doesn't adjust the temp... just turns the air off. Then she wonders why there is a musty smell in her car most the time. No matter how many times I tell her to leave the air turned on, she will turn it off.


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## the hook (Aug 8, 2011)

Shaky said:


> :ac550:My wife is an absolute angel.....


Man,you're so lucky.......Mine's still alive....


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## Shaky (May 21, 2004)

the hook said:


> Man,you're so lucky.......Mine's still alive....


lol, nah, shes is a member here and checks in from time to time!


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

MarkU said:


> My wife is pretty cool. But this is my second go around. I knew what to look for.
> 
> MY only complaint with her, is her stories. Just get to the frigging point. I don't want all the back stories, don't care who someone is that I don't know. As soon as I say, "get to the point", or "And?" She get's ticked off, and it either fuels the story. Or I don't get no loving...


OMG... I did not know that my GF was married! 

Could you pad her bank account a little to keep her out of mine... LOL


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## FishyLady (Dec 18, 2014)

Shaky said:


> lol, nah, shes is a member here and checks in from time to time!


Now that's a smart man.... :rotfl:


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## the kid68 (Feb 24, 2007)

So mine is 27 years old, are y'all telling me the crazy doesn't decrease with age?


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## Ruff (May 21, 2004)

the kid68 said:


> So mine is 27 years old, are y'all telling me the crazy doesn't decrease with age?


Nope, it increases exponentially.


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

the kid68 said:


> So mine is 27 years old, are y'all telling me the crazy doesn't decrease with age?


Its a 50- 50 shot in the dark. LOL


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## GuyFromHuntsville (Aug 4, 2011)

If they didn't have a ****** they'd have a bounty on their head.


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## misbhavn (Nov 19, 2010)

25% of women are on some type of psychiatric medication for mental illness. That means 75% are running around untreated!


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## Jamie_Lee (Oct 28, 2010)

All these years and you idiots still can't figure us women out. Well we have all of you figured out. You see, the things is, we are actually much smarter than you. We simply "play dumb" and we do it from the kindness of our hearts to make you men feel needed because let's face it, you babies need to feel "needed". God forbid we make any of you feel emasculated. So we pretend we don't know what those lights on the dash mean, or how to drive a truck with a trailer on it....etc.

Reality is y'all are worse than the women you complain about...I mean look at y'all......a fishing forum......full of men......*****ing.......
:headknock :rotfl:


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

Jamie_Lee said:


> All these years and you idiots still can't figure us women out. Well we have all of you figured out. You see, the things is, we are actually much smarter than you. We simply "play dumb" and we do it from the kindness of our hearts to make you men feel needed because let's face it, you babies need to feel "needed". God forbid we make any of you feel emasculated. So we pretend we don't know what those lights on the dash mean, or how to drive a truck with a trailer on it....etc.
> 
> Reality is y'all are worse than the women you complain about...I mean look at y'all......a fishing forum......full of men......*****ing.......
> :headknock :rotfl:


I like your new avatar!


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## mastercylinder60 (Dec 18, 2005)

Jamie_Lee said:


> All these years and you idiots still can't figure us women out.


Is that even possible?


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## Boatflounder (Mar 12, 2007)

The one that drives me nuts is
Her: honey what do you want to do with this?
Me: honey there are three walls between us *** ARE YOU liking at????


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## Hollywood1053 (May 15, 2009)




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## w_r_ranch (Jan 14, 2005)

MarkU said:


> My wife is pretty cool. But this is my second go around. I knew what to look for.


Same here. Mrs. Ranch is still my best friend after 31 yrs. & we are rarely apart.


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

Rubberback said:


> I like your new avatar!


Right?

Bout time she got rid of mean, serious, Jamie Lee.

Btw, JL....your Hubby's with us!


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## The1ThatGotAway (Jun 24, 2009)

Jamie_Lee said:


> All these years and you idiots still can't figure us women out. Well we have all of you figured out. You see, the things is, we are actually much smarter than you. We simply "play dumb" and we do it from the kindness of our hearts to make you men feel needed because let's face it, you babies need to feel "needed". God forbid we make any of you feel emasculated. So we pretend we don't know what those lights on the dash mean, or how to drive a truck with a trailer on it....etc.
> 
> Reality is y'all are worse than the women you complain about...I mean look at y'all......a fishing forum......full of men......*****ing.......
> :headknock :rotfl:


Just for the record, I wasn't *****ing about Mrs. Bi-Polar... I was just relaying a funny story. I don't have too much to ***** about, she puts up with me. And I know I'm crazy, but unlike her, I'm not in denial about it.


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## Shaky (May 21, 2004)

And the classic: "You're so hard to shop for, I never know what to get you for special occasions!"

Really? She knows my Amazon prime sign in, my wish list is so full it would make a Rockefeller blanch, shopping cart always has a few thousand dollars in it (I'm in trouble if I ever hit that "buy now with one click button!) There is no less than 4 Cabela's catalogs lying around with dog eared pages and items circled with bold sharpy, Academy flyers all over the house with pages and items stragically placed. 
Sheesh, for that matter a gift card to Academy, Bass Pro, Cabelas and I might even go shopping with her after the holidays! (She'll just need to drop me off and come back later though......)


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## Leo (May 21, 2004)

Crowhater said:


> Oh you make it sound simple! They don't let you, they follow you, they ask you question in the middle of the most important this on TV.
> 
> This morning I am trying to hear about that Russian Jet that buzzed one of our military Vessels and she is telling me to turn to another Channel to see Bruce Jenner!!! Are you kidding me?
> 
> ...


I haven't read all the responses but single life may be better for you..LOL


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## cuzn dave (Nov 29, 2008)

*U ever wonder if Women are trying drive us insane

Too late- I'm there already...
*


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## regulator (May 21, 2004)

she wont spend 20 bucks to buy a good phone charger, but will spend 20 bucks to get 20 cheapass ones from china that last about a week each...this pizzes me off....


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

Jamie_Lee said:


> All these years and you idiots still can't figure us women out. Well we have all of you figured out. You see, the things is, we are actually much smarter than you. We simply "play dumb" and we do it from the kindness of our hearts to make you men feel needed because let's face it, you babies need to feel "needed". God forbid we make any of you feel emasculated. So we pretend we don't know what those lights on the dash mean, or how to drive a truck with a trailer on it....etc.
> 
> Reality is y'all are worse than the women you complain about...I mean look at y'all......a fishing forum......full of men......*****ing.......
> :headknock :rotfl:


oh I'd be willing to wager, both tell white lies allot, for the benefit of their spouse........

no honey, you don't look like you've gained any weight. those jeans must have been mislabled on the size from the factory.

no sweetie, that out fit doesn't make you look like a 40 year old trying to grab desperately at her 20 year old years.....

yes dear, pot roast should have a burnt layer.......it's actually my favorite part.

yes honey, occasionally I do like to just watch them lifetime movies with you, and cuddle, just because I love you, and I'm not expecting anything in the bedroom later tonight.


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## Chase4556 (Aug 26, 2008)

regulator said:


> she wont spend 20 bucks to buy a good phone charger, but will spend 20 bucks to get 20 cheapass ones from china that last about a week each...this pizzes me off....


Mine burns through the china ones like they are candy. If I buy her a nice one, she looses it in a couple weeks.

I have had an android phone for 5 years. I have had 4 chargers/cords over that time. One in the house, one in the truck, one spare. I just recently left my at home wall charger in a hotel room and had to replace it. One charger.... in 5 years.


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## Chase4556 (Aug 26, 2008)

Here is my most recent development. 

I have been deployed for the past two months. Just got home wednesday evening. I have been telling the wife to make a vet appointment to get the pup her bordatella shot so we can take her to the boarding facility. No surprise, she never did it. I tell her to make an appointment, that way we can get it done. She finally makes it for this morning at 9(eastern time). About 8am she comes out of the bedroom and asks me if I will take her.....
You kidding me? You couldn't find the time to do it in two months, now that I make you make an appointment, she wants me to take her so she can go back to sleep. I just left the vets office.... 25min total time in there. 

I swear I didn't say anything, but Lord knows I wanted to smack her upside her head.


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

I wish I would have got a picture of this just for you guys, this happened yesterday. The wife decided to change the propane tank on the grill because it was empty " actually it was just turned off ". So she has a pair of pliers on the brass fitting trying to get the hose loose and she is striking the pliers with a craftmans adjustable wrench. My poor freaking tools!! I asked her why she is not using the adjustable wrench instead of rounding the fitting off with the pliers? She says " it does not fit " I show her it adjust and explain that's why its called an ADJUSTABLE WRENCH! At this point I have stuck my head all the way into the trap and now I must take my beating. She hits me with " I should not be doing this anyway, you should have taken care of it" ! Baby the tank is not empty, it is just turned off, it did not need to be changed. By now I have fully engaged irritated wife mode and she is going to jump from one topic to another while I try to figure out what answers will work the best to lead me back to silence. Ah the old fail safe " you know what baby, you right that was silly of me ".


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

Crowhater said:


> I wish I would have got a picture of this just for you guys, this happened yesterday. The wife decided to change the propane tank on the grill because it was empty " actually it was just turned off ". So she has a pair of pliers on the brass fitting trying to get the hose loose and she is striking the pliers with a craftmans adjustable wrench. My poor freaking tools!! I asked her why she is not using the adjustable wrench instead of rounding the fitting off with the pliers? She says " it does not fit " I show her it adjust and explain that's why its called an ADJUSTABLE WRENCH! At this point I have stuck my head all the way into the trap and now I must take my beating. She hits me with " I should not be doing this anyway, you should have taken care of it" ! Baby the tank is not empty, it is just turned off, it did not need to be changed. By now I have fully engaged irritated wife mode and she is going to jump from one topic to another while I try to figure out what answers will work the best to lead me back to silence. Ah the old fail safe " you know what baby, you right that was silly of me ".


If you plan it properly she'll kill herself. Just make sure she has plenty insurance and you'll be free!:rotfl:


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

mstrelectricman said:


> If you plan it properly she'll kill herself. Just make sure she has plenty insurance and you'll be free!:rotfl:


Oh no, I love her like a fat kid loves cake! Love is like stepping in Dog Poo, you are just walking along and " oh hell I stepped in some love ". Once your in love there is nothing you can do about it so you just learn to live with the smell.


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

Crowhater said:


> Oh no, I love her like a fat kid loves cake! Love is like stepping in Dog Poo, you are just walking along and " oh hell I stepped in some love ". Once your in love there is nothing you can do about it so you just learn to live with the smell.


I hear ya. If this did come to pass you'd prolly end up with one that was worse anyway. I love mine too but....


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## FishyLady (Dec 18, 2014)

Jamie_Lee said:


> All these years and you idiots still can't figure us women out. Well we have all of you figured out. You see, the things is, we are actually much smarter than you. We simply "play dumb" and we do it from the kindness of our hearts to make you men feel needed because let's face it, you babies need to feel "needed". God forbid we make any of you feel emasculated. So we pretend we don't know what those lights on the dash mean, or how to drive a truck with a trailer on it....etc.
> 
> Reality is y'all are worse than the women you complain about...I mean look at y'all......a fishing forum......full of men......*****ing.......
> :headknock :rotfl:


I agree, we have y'all figured out. If we play dumb "oh, what light honey?" you will take the car to the shop, get it worked on, wait in those boring waiting rooms, and we get to go shopping in your truck. lmao

and yes, the fact that this thread exists is hilarious in its own right!


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

FishyLady said:


> I agree, we have y'all figured out. If we play dumb "oh, what light honey?" you will take the car to the shop, get it worked on, wait in those boring waiting rooms, and we get to go shopping in your truck. lmao
> 
> and yes, the fact that this thread exists is hilarious in its own right!


and yes the new dress you bought really is slimming on you......and the color brings out the color in your eyes so much I can't tell you need to get new highlights........LMAO!!!


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## Jamie_Lee (Oct 28, 2010)

BertS said:


> and yes the new dress you bought really is slimming on you......and the color brings out the color in your eyes so much I can't tell you need to get new highlights........LMAO!!!


Yes honey, it's huge!


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

Jamie_Lee said:


> Yes honey, it's huge!


BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! oh my side......I'm surprised it only took 3 of my posts before that was was brought out.......

Awesomeness.......


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

Jamie_Lee said:


> Yes honey, it's huge!


That's a low blow.


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## Moonpie (Jun 20, 2004)

Do NOT ever answer her question: "If I were to die, which one of my friends would you want to be with?"

Run. 
Run away. 
Do not speak. 
Fake a heart attack if you must.


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## FishyLady (Dec 18, 2014)

Jamie_Lee said:


> Yes honey, it's huge!


roflmfao!!!! :rotfl:


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## BertS (May 21, 2004)

yeah, I think that ones wins it.......


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## Jamie_Lee (Oct 28, 2010)

BertS said:


> yeah, I think that ones wins it.......


Lol!!! :dance:


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## the hook (Aug 8, 2011)

Jamie_Lee said:


> Yes honey, it's huge!


Well,a little story...Years ago, being that I'm happily married now and have been for 38 years , I met a woman of rather ill repute...I normally would pass, but..We ended up in a motel and were getting down to business when she started laughing....I asked what was so funny??..She says, "Who are you going to please with that little thing??"...My reply was "Me"!!!


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

Moonpie said:


> Do NOT ever answer her question: "If I were to die, which one of my friends would you want to be with?"
> 
> Run.
> Run away.
> ...


My wife knows the answer to that question. Heck anyone that knows me knows the answer to that question. If some act of God took my wife and I was single I WOULD STAY SINGLE FOREVER! I would quit my job right now, sell everything, move to the coast and live like a fat rat.


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

the hook said:


> Well,a little story...Years ago, being that I'm happily married now and have been for 38 years , I met a woman of rather ill repute...I normally would pass, but..We ended up in a motel and were getting down to business when she started laughing....I asked what was so funny??..She says, "Who are you going to please with that little thing??"...My reply was "Me"!!!


Should have said "Caught a ton of fish with it. They don't call me the Hook for nothing!"


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