# Truer words have not been spoken...(Let's hear them)



## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

Here's one of mine:


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## 24Buds (Dec 5, 2008)

Its never enough.

thats what I tell my kids anyway. No matter what, they think its not enough. Ungrateful spoiled rotten LOL

j/k



a little...


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## texacajun (May 2, 2005)

If I knew then what I know now....


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## Hullahopper (May 24, 2004)

Condos are a lot like STD's, easy to get and dang hard to get rid of!


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

Obama suks arse!


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## saltshaker1 (Feb 15, 2008)

Hindsight is 20/20.


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## That Robbie Guy (Aug 11, 2009)

My mom would tell me if I used it too much, it would fall off!


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## fishingtwo (Feb 23, 2009)

Fishing is a lot like buying a Hooker....you never know what your gonna Catch...


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## BigNate523 (May 19, 2010)

if it has tits or wheels you are going to have problems with it


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## McDaniel8402 (Dec 7, 2011)

Confucious say...
Man who run in front of car get tired
Man who run behind car get exhausted


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## Capt. Marcus Canales (Aug 25, 2005)

"a drinking camp with a hunting problem" :biggrin:

Psychological Fact:

If you tilt your head back, stick your tongue out and pretend to shake salt, you can actually taste the salt.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

If it floats, flies, or F#<@s...RENT...DON'T BUY...It's much cheaper in the long run!


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## FishinTheBarge (May 21, 2004)

2 of my dad's favorites.

You wanna fight. Stick your head up your arse and fight for air.

You wanna drive, drive this(middle finger extended) up your arse.


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## dmwz71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Keep on doin' what you're doin'......

And you'll keep on gettin' what you're gettin'........................


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## mustangeric (May 22, 2010)

It might cost you a little....
It might cost you alot....
But its **** sure going to cost you.


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## TKoenig (Apr 8, 2007)

if your gonna be dumb, you better be tough... 

what a friend always tells his kids.


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## pg542 (Oct 9, 2006)

if it looks like a duck, walks like duck, talks like a duck, don't try to tell me it's a giraffe.....


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## ATE_UP_FISHERMAN (Jun 25, 2004)

If you can't feed em, don't breed em.

Don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and dosen't die.


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## TKoenig (Apr 8, 2007)

ATE_UP_FISHERMAN said:


> Don't trust anything that bleeds for a week and dosen't die.


LMAO! good one...


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

I ain't drunk, but I dam well been drinking. :cheers:


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## Pablo (May 21, 2004)

If you eff around, you're gonna get caught.


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## nate56 (Dec 11, 2010)

Psychological Fact:

If you tilt your head back, stick your tongue out and pretend to shake salt, you can actually taste the salt.[/QUOTE]

sad3sm...It doesn't work...:rotfl:


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## baron von skipjack (Jun 23, 2009)

i don't mind being ,,,,,2nd....that just means.....I'M NEXT


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## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

Just a few more...hehe


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## HarborHustler (Nov 30, 2011)

better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool, then to open it and remove all doubt.


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## RRfisher (Mar 5, 2007)

Better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it

&


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## Larry Pure (May 18, 2006)

Lost items are always in the same place..... The last place you look...


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## 9121SS (Jun 28, 2009)

You keep F'in around, your gonna be laying around!


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## KJON (May 1, 2006)

Don't let your mouth write checks your arse can't cash!


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

Better to be tried by 12 than to be carried by 6.
IF a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his arse every time he jumped.
Wish in one hand and **** in the other and see which one fills up first.

And my all time favorite:

WASN'T ME


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## Hook 'Em (Jan 3, 2005)

It takes a bucket full of nails to build a crib and just one screw to fill it.


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## Sod Buster (Apr 14, 2009)

2 things I don't screw with - Rattlesnakes and Condoms


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## wtc3 (Aug 16, 2005)

Everything will be ok in the end. If it ain't ok, it ain't the end!


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## ShoalwaterLegend (Dec 20, 2011)

Take care of you pennies, the dollars will take car of themselves


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

The difference between love & herpes....Herpes is forever! kisssm


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## muzzleloader (May 21, 2004)

If your gonna drink all day ya gotta get an early start !


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## GMTK (Sep 8, 2008)

Don't get in to a peeing contest with someone who has a bigger penis than you (obvious words changed for sensor purposes)


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## Tator Salad (Apr 13, 2008)

It now takes me all day to do what i used to do all day.


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## geezuphosdn (Jun 5, 2006)

If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle.
I'm *********** this chicken, you just hold the wing.
Better you thatn me.


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## baystlth22 (Aug 12, 2008)

One I see on here all the time.....Just Sayin


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## KRAZYKARL (Jul 28, 2011)

"If you ain't first, you're last"


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## Navi (Jun 2, 2009)

never trust a fart...


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## 8seconds (Sep 20, 2005)

No matter how pretty she is, someone is sick and tired of her BS!

If you go cheap and/or push it, your gonna get screwed, the longer you go without being screwed, the worse it will be when it finaly happens!


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## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

Navi said:


> never trust a fart...


BAWAHAHA!:cheers:


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

My Life's Philosophy....


"ALWAYS trust EVERYBODY...but go ahead and cut the cards, anyway..":smile:




AND.....


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## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

How could I forget, my father's favorite,

"Any day above ground is a good day"


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## txgunrunner (Dec 30, 2005)

my motto
dont sweat the small s**t and everything is small s**t

one of my favorites
today was a good day, i didnt get shot at


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

She's a Butterface...Built like a brick chithouse...'But Her Face'


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## TIMBOv2 (Mar 18, 2010)

Boy, If I hafta pull this car over "I AM GONNA BEAT YOUR ARSE."
said in the loving voice of my mother (RIP)


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## omgidk (Nov 5, 2010)

I'm not as think as you drunk I am!


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

One of my 'all-time favorites'....


"The Plumber's Creed"

1... Payday is on Friday...

2... Don't bite your nails...

3... **** flows downhill...


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## Pops 58 (Apr 14, 2006)

*Fav's*

"Hold my beer, we can make it"

Grow to old quick and to late smart.


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## KEN KERLEY (Nov 13, 2006)

Momma said "it" would make me go blind - so I stopped whenever I needed glasses.


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## rockwalker (Jan 5, 2012)

She has a helluva body and a face to protect it.


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## Mr. Breeze (Jan 6, 2005)

Yogi Berra Quotes.....:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/y/yogi_berra.html

My all time favorite... nobody goes there anymore, its to crowded...

or.... he can hit from both sides of the plate, he's amphibious.....LOL


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## brush popper (Jan 13, 2009)

If you fail to plan you plan to fail!!

2nd. In the words of Joe Dirt:
You've gotta keep on keeping on!!


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## tx.fishead (Jun 4, 2005)

One I like, "But if I agree with you we'll both be wrong. 
My old mans when something is hard to do it's "like trying to pick up a terd by the clean end"


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## monark (May 12, 2005)

McDaniel8402 said:


> Confucious say...
> Man who run in front of car get tired
> Man who run behind car get exhausted


Man who farts in church must sit in own pew.
Man who lose key, gets no newkey.


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## biki1121 (Jul 3, 2005)

per my good friend's personal experience:

If your accountant says the math is too difficult for you to understand- he is stealing from you.

If your wife says her new phone is too complicated for you to work- she is hiding messages from her boyfriend.

If your wife and accountant have to talk daily about your business taxes, they are robbing you blind and cheating.

No fear though, one honest accountant later and the old accountant is in jail. He gave her the business in the divorce and she lost it less than a year later. BTW, his new business is doing better than ever. LOL


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## Finfisher (Jul 20, 2008)

BigNate523 said:


> if it has tits or wheels you are going to have problems with it


:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::cheers::cheers:


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## whalerguy28 (Jun 3, 2009)

I'm too drunk to taste this chicken!!!!


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

Shallow Minded said:


> Here's one of mine:


Children: the worlds worst sexually transmitted disease..

Yer ***** this monkey, I'm just holding the tail...

a

ps, wow, we've had a word sensor update....


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## Ontherocks (Dec 29, 2010)

It's only money, and you can always make more.

Prior proper planning prevents pizz poor performance.

Look at the sheeter on that critter.

That'll make your tongue tingle and yo' pecker stick out!


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## Ontherocks (Dec 29, 2010)

It's not the horse, it's the horser!

Too many chiefs, not enough indians.


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## Spotted Hawg (Apr 15, 2006)

What goes around comes around 

It is what it is

Payback is a M*****F*****


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## slabnabbin (May 25, 2010)

I'd rather ask for forgiveness than permission!


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

Here's one you don't hear very often:

Let's go catching...

a


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## Mark454 (May 21, 2007)

(from Grandpa) " Son, they put you in prison for that"


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## TXXpress (May 23, 2004)

I've never met an ugly rich girl.

Don't let that alligator mouth overload that jaybird arse!

When your kids don't want to work, or do well in school---> The world needs ditch diggers too! :biggrin:


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## Mark454 (May 21, 2007)

If YOU think your having a bad day, try not waking up.


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## Mark454 (May 21, 2007)

Get a bigger hammer.


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## Mark454 (May 21, 2007)

You should have been here yesterday.


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## bowed up (Apr 1, 2007)

Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

Either s**t or get off the pot!


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

> If there's grass on the field play ball


:/


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## beaucp (Apr 8, 2011)

Tortuga said:


> My Life's Philosophy....
> 
> "ALWAYS trust EVERYBODY...but go ahead and cut the cards, anyway..":smile:
> 
> AND.....


How do you make that pic do that? I can't figure it out.


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## FishingLights (Jun 16, 2010)

This food is so good it'll make your tongue slap your brains loose


If it were easy someone else would've allready done it


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## Oceola (Mar 25, 2007)

And,

If you want to p.. off a conservitive tell him a lie...

If you want to p.. off a Liberal tell him the truth!


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## Stumpgrinder (Feb 18, 2006)

BigNate523 said:


> if it has tits or wheels you are going to have problems with it


and, its cheaper to rent it.....


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## 3rdbarnottoodeep (May 1, 2009)

Dont sweat the petty things, and dont pet the sweaty things.


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## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

Oceola said:


> And,
> 
> If you want to p.. off a conservitive tell him a lie...
> 
> If you want to p.. off a Liberal tell him the truth!


X2!


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## catndahats (Sep 15, 2005)

Someone else is happy with less than you have.

.


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## Nwilkins (Jan 18, 2009)

I spent 7 years working under Jerry D Smith at Lakeside CC. Jerry worked for Harvey Penick after graduating from UT,

Jerry shared Mr Penick's wisdom all the time,...........

Jerry said, Mr. Penck opened his wallet in front of him everyday and looked into it purposefully , finally Jerry asked him, Harvey, what are looking at ?

So he showed Jerry, It said,...... *Harvey--- Don't say too much today !*

Apparently, Jerry and I both loved to talk too much,.............

Referring to coaching and teaching the great game of golf, Jerry said to me per Mr. Penick,...........

*Son, you've got two ears and one mouth, please use them in proportion 
*


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## BigTim (Dec 3, 2006)

We have been doing so much, with so little, for so long; that now we can do anything with nothing.


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## Ibtsoom (Jun 2, 2009)

Ego's eat brains!


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## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

Why is it there's never time to do it right the first time but there's always time to do it right the second time?


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## teamgafftop1 (Aug 30, 2010)

If you don't have time to do it right, when are you going to have time to do it over?

We the few, 
Working for the many,
Have done so much, 
With so little,
For so long,
That we are now qualified to anything with nothing!


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## Stumpgrinder (Feb 18, 2006)

Everybody wants heaven , nobody wants dead.


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## teamgafftop1 (Aug 30, 2010)

I type too slowly.


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## Loyd (Aug 13, 2009)

I think I may have seen this here.

Women:
Intelligent
Beautiful
Emotionally stable

You only get to pick two.


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## Chief5x5 (Apr 25, 2005)

You can ***** your finger, but you can't finger your *****!


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## BigNate523 (May 19, 2010)

the only thing guaranteed in life is death


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## Ibtsoom (Jun 2, 2009)

From my dad.. "Boy, If I tell you a fly can pull a wagon you better find a harness!"


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## texacajun (May 2, 2005)

Gunnery Sergeant Singer taught me this one, here's to you Gunny whereever you may be.

The seven P's: Prior Proper Planning Prevent **** Poor Performance

I was usually doing pushups while repeating the seven P's.

Mike


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## omgidk (Nov 5, 2010)

How about.
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.


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## dabear (Nov 7, 2006)

*for some reason i fell out my chair on this one*


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## POC Troutman (Jul 13, 2009)

Nwilkins said:


> I spent 7 years working under Jerry D Smith at Lakeside CC. Jerry worked for Harvey Penick after graduating from UT,
> 
> Jerry shared Mr Penick's wisdom all the time,...........
> 
> ...


I was out at lakeside two weeks ago, love it out there!


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## rideorfish (Sep 13, 2009)

*Years Ago !*

:texasflagWhen I was a kid, my dad would say: "Son, I couldn't make your Mama happy, even if I stood on my head, and stacked BBs" !!!----[It took many girlfriends, and a wife, to appreciate that]---LOL:cheers:


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## BigNate523 (May 19, 2010)

lol buddy just texted this to me


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## ksk (Aug 9, 2008)

Heard these in the Navy: If the Navy wanted you to have a tatoo,they would have issued them in your seabag! Also: If it moves,salute it.If it doesn't,paint it!


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## Cowboy1uhB (Nov 19, 2008)

It ain't the face you're f'ing
It's the f you're facing.


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## poppadawg (Aug 10, 2007)

Son, at some time or the other we have all bet on a fart and lost.


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## jaycf7 (May 30, 2009)

Read Between the lines on this.....

YOU GOTTA HAVE THE GREEN KEEPERS PERMISHION to play the BACK 9 between the sheets!


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## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

jaycf7 said:


> Read Between the lines on this.....
> 
> YOU GOTTA HAVE THE GREEN KEEPERS PERMISHION to play the BACK 9 between the sheets!


no comment~


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## rlw (May 21, 2004)

Grandpa " boy if I tell ya' a pizz ant can haul a bale of hay, just hitch him up!"


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## batmaninja (Jul 15, 2010)

If you wait until the last minute, it only takes a minute

Happiness cant buy you money - Hooters

Dad when I would ask why I couldnt do something - "Boi you havent put enuff cows through the chute yet"


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## poledup1 (Mar 13, 2008)

"Don't **** on my back...and tell me it's raining"...


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## bowed up (Apr 1, 2007)

In the words of Ron White:
I didn't know how many it was gonna take to whoop my arse, but I knew how many they were gonna use!


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## TxDremz (Jun 15, 2008)

2nd place is the 1st looser!
My Dad used to say "Boy, you got the right string but the wrong Yo-Yo"
or, "You never know how you look till ya get your picture took"
I never really figured either one of those completely out....lol.


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## Whitebassfisher (May 4, 2007)

This is mine:

"Old sayings got to be old sayings because they are true."

"Now in this case, the old saying I am referring to is......."


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## sea sick (Feb 9, 2006)

No romance,,,without finance

and

High speed low drag,water tight like a frogs arse


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

If it floats, flies, or [email protected]#s, rent it!


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

One man can't stock two shelves.


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## troutslayer (Feb 7, 2006)

It's hotter than a set of jumper cables ay a meskin reunion


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## live2fish247 (Jul 31, 2007)

"He who hesitates is lost forever."
"Off your arse and on your feet, out of the shade and into the heat."
"I'm gonna work your arse til I get tired."
"Take off running, I don't want to see nothin but ********* and elbows."
All of these from former football coaches.

Sent from my SCH-I510 using Tapatalk 2


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## live2fish247 (Jul 31, 2007)

"Its raining harder than a cow pizzing on a flat rock."

Sent from my SCH-I510 using Tapatalk 2


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## patwilson (Jan 13, 2006)

"Google it" !!!!!!!!!!!


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## jimk (May 28, 2004)

"Cut it twice and it's still too short."

"Crooked like a dog's hind-leg."

"Water won't clear up until the hogs leave."


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## bigkountry14 (Jan 4, 2011)

A French kiss is an upper invitation to a lower invasion.


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

higher than a cat's ***.


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## POC Troutman (Jul 13, 2009)

you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
go easy early.

(both of these mottos have got me in a lot of trouble in the past!) Pistol, where you at guy?


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## Pistol58 (Oct 9, 2009)

Ill get her feet..


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## FishinFoolFaron (Feb 11, 2009)

Just because we live in a trailer park doesn't mean we have to live like we live in a trailer park.


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

A day late and a dollar short...............the story of my life.


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## donkeyman (Jan 8, 2007)

Woman who put man in doghouse ...soon find man in cathouse


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## GEAXNFISHN (Aug 20, 2011)

Dad 
" I'll stomp a mud hole in you"
As I got older. 
"I'll stomp a mud hole in you then stomp it dry"


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## BigTim (Dec 3, 2006)

Don't get your putty and your paycheck at the same place


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## white cap (Jun 11, 2004)

Some folks never let "facts" get in the way of the opinion!

wc


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## rlw (May 21, 2004)

"that boy's like a dam, alligator all mouth and no ears!!!"


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## nixstix (Sep 8, 2005)

*What Dad would always say:*

Boy, Get the lead out of your _SS, we're burning daylight!


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## RonnieS (Jan 1, 2010)

Don't make me get ma *** whipped !


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## t-astragal (Dec 14, 2011)

The fastest way is the way you know.

Don't leave a spot where you are catching fish to find a spot to catch bigger fish.

Steve


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## FishyChef (Jun 22, 2011)

My Dad: Boy, I know you got your mouth from your Momma so, Don't make me beat your Momma out of you!


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## POC Troutman (Jul 13, 2009)

i heard a guide call a dogfish a "motherinlaw fish" one time...when asked why he replied..."look at it, all mouth and no arse" it fits well.


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## solrac (Aug 31, 2007)

No money, no honey.


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## capt4fish (Dec 4, 2004)

The ONLY thing government is EFFICIENT at.......is being INEFFICIENT.


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## wareagle1979 (Jun 22, 2005)

Dad used to tell me:

Boy you cant work all day if you stand on your di(k all night!

Man I miss that man!


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## cuzn dave (Nov 29, 2008)

Like gettin' hit with a blivet.
What's a blivet?
3# of **** in a 2# sack! Dad used to say that.

Wherever you go, there you are!

Mashed it flattern' a fliver- Mom , RIP

Jumped on that like a duck on a june bug!


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## PassingThru (Aug 31, 2005)

If you are out Oscar town, you have to pay for a glass of water.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

It was just gas, I think.......


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## Goags (May 28, 2004)

Never say never and always avoid always


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## Shallow_Minded (Sep 21, 2004)

WHITE CAP said:


> Some folks never let "facts" get in the way of the opinion!
> 
> wc


Man, that about sums it all up there. I'm gonna remember this one.

S.M.


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

"Some things are worth paying for"

"if you need a beer real bad, its a real bad beer"

"yer mom"

"hells pecker damnn!!"

"quit yer hollerin, you sound like a split tail..."

a


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## Leo (May 21, 2004)

Chase women and you won't have any money, chase money and the women will find you.

If money don't buy happiness it's your own **** fault.


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## 8seconds (Sep 20, 2005)

*Here's one from Jack Nicholson*

* BEST Movie Line ever in film history:*


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## pmgoffjr (Jul 30, 2009)

Don't tell him no until you see what's in the trunk.


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## dbarham (Aug 13, 2005)

I know huh!


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## pmgoffjr (Jul 30, 2009)

You know who got rich during the gold rush? The guy selling shovels.


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## RG (Jun 7, 2006)

I am going to beat you to death and tell God you died natural


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## jdipper1 (Jul 18, 2007)

Your military left!


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## jdipper1 (Jul 18, 2007)

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.


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## newguy56 (Jun 22, 2009)

GMTK said:


> Don't get in to a peeing contest with someone who has a bigger penis than you (obvious words changed for sensor purposes)


...the real question is how would you know unless you looked first...???...and that's just wierd...


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## spuds (Jan 2, 2005)

Used to work with an old guy that used to always say:

"RULES IS RULES"

It applies more often than you'd think!


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## FISH BAIT (Jun 7, 2004)

From Grandpa, usually referring to tall women.
"What us short men can't reach we can climb for"

"Boy, keep that thing in your pants or you'll get something Clorox can't get off"

"Worthless as tits on at turtle"

"Boy, you could break an iron anvil with rubber mallet"

"Shut up and fish"

"Grandpa it's raining. Fish don't know it's wet"

One of my favorites from Forest Gump.
"Stupid is as stupid does"


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## TripleGrip (Oct 18, 2007)

to keep all of your fingers never put your hands any place that you would not put your face.


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## LaserLine (May 1, 2011)

It's not the wand, it's the wizard.

Money can't buy you happiness, but the lack of money can make you really unhappy.

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

You can say anything with a smile.


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## mercenarymedic2105 (Jun 8, 2011)

First I heard of it, I was asleep...

If you don't chew Big Red then f*** you- Ricky Bobby


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## pmgoffjr (Jul 30, 2009)

You ain't worth two dead flies.

Just another bug on the windshield of life.

Sweat like Mike Tyson in a spelling bee.

He looked like a monkey poking a football.


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## waitn2fish (Nov 15, 2008)

it's awful expensive to be cheap


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## freespool (Oct 1, 2005)

Never argue with a fool. From a distance people can't tell the difference.

You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning.

Sweating like a ******* trying to read. (I have cousins that get offended.)

If I knew I was going to be this thirsty today I would have drank more last night. (Hangover)


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## Bluewave220 (Nov 9, 2011)

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Don't dig for water under the outhouse.


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## fwoodwader (Jul 18, 2008)

"When someone is shooting at you with an automatic weapon the only thing that should be going through your mine is that you and your buddies are going to get them before they get you."

Always bring a gun to a knife fight.


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## Hooked Up (May 23, 2004)

Better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

Ol' Daddy once told me...

"Son..as you go thru life..you're gonna discover that there are a lot more horse's azzes than there are horses..."


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

You can pick your nose and you can pick your friends. But don't pick your friends' nose. That's just gross.


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## RonnieS (Jan 1, 2010)

If it aint broke, fix it till it is.


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## King Fisher (Aug 10, 2005)

From my Grand Dad, spoken to me often:

Boy you got to learn how to don't!!!


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