# Things That I Have Only Done Once . . . . .



## Hullahopper (May 24, 2004)

Pour lighter fluid on coals and stick my hand in the BBQ pit and light a match to it.

Lip a bull red

And this one from my wife


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## Harbormaster (May 26, 2000)

Try to corner an emu in 5 strand bob wire to load it in a stock trailer by myself. Hill Country emu donâ€™t play! :rotfl:


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## Pier Pressure (Aug 30, 2009)

HA you guys are weak, I got married once.


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## essayons75 (May 15, 2006)

Hooked tow rope to huge holly bush and 4-wheeler. Got a good running start before a violent sudden stop.


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## ccketchum (Oct 18, 2010)

caught a limit of specks


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

Loose my virginity :doowapsta


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## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

2 chicks


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

MarkU said:


> 2 chicks


That's Fowl...


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## 348473 (Apr 12, 2017)

Smoke crack


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## WilliamH (May 21, 2004)

Jumped out of an airplane.


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## reelbusy (Feb 7, 2008)

Went on the first Texas Water Safari in June 1963.


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## Bozo (Jun 16, 2004)

Too many to count on things that hurt more than they were fun.


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## Bayscout22 (Aug 9, 2007)

Mushrooms.


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## stdreb27 (Aug 15, 2011)

Pier Pressure said:


> HA you guys are weak, I got married once.


Anytime anyone talks about marriage around my wife. I make sure to tell my wife, "get married? I'll never do that again."

She doesn't think it's romantic. I'm not sure why.


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## Mad Mike (Dec 28, 2005)

Jump out of a boat running about 40mph on a bet. Highly don't recommend doing this.


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## heffleysmill (Aug 10, 2010)

get circumcised!!!!!!!


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## mtbfreak (Oct 7, 2017)

Started a fire once by pouring white has out of the container. The fire climbed up the stream, went inside the can exploded and turned into a flame thrower. It shocked me into whisky throttle and I started flame throwing everything. Set the back of my brand new car on fire.


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## BlueWaveEd (Jan 3, 2007)

Some things are better left as distant memories. Hurts too much to think about and dang sure not going to admit to kids I was much dumber than they are.


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## bzrk180 (Jan 7, 2008)

moved to Houston!!


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## LandLocked (Apr 28, 2005)

Pier Pressure said:


> HA you guys are weak, I got married once.


That made me laugh right there !!


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## gigem87 (May 19, 2006)

Had the fire pit going a few years ago, and found a possum that my dogs had killed. Didn't feel like digging a hole, so I tossed it in the fire. I can still smell the burning hair...


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## LouieB (Jun 7, 2005)

Harbormaster said:


> Try to corner an emu in 5 strand bob wire to load it in a stock trailer by myself. Hill Country emu donâ€™t play! :rotfl:


That emu had heard stories about your prowess with farm animals. I bet it ran and fought like hell to save itself from another Harbormaster conquest.


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## dunedawg (Jun 17, 2007)

Grab a squirrel!! (Don't do it)


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## MARK MACALUSO (Sep 29, 2010)

Answering my dad with "Yea" instead of "Yes Sir"


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## patwilson (Jan 13, 2006)

Told my mom she was number 1 with my middle finger when I was 12ish. I'm 45 and just now getting feeling back in my right cheek area.....


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## Ditto2 (Jul 19, 2016)

Thumbed the spool of my reel trying to slow down a 38 kingfish.


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## POC Troutman (Jul 13, 2009)

introduce my wife to someone as "my first wife". She didn't see the humor at all, and i didn't see the promise land for a while!


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## fy0834 (Jan 18, 2011)

Took on a ground hive of bees with what I believed to be sufficient gloves and clothing.


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## POCsaltdog (Nov 26, 2014)

I was heading I-10 West going to the deer lease with my wife with me. I was talking to a truck driver on the CB. Trucker says "your bringing your wife with you to hunt"? I said, "she's to **** ugly to kiss goodbye so I brought her with me". I thought she was asleep. Needless to say a few seconds later we were headed I-10 East.


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## rtoler (Apr 9, 2006)

Laid my rod on the gunnel while a teenager was aboard


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## Bobby (May 21, 2004)

Was 18 years old got talked into getting on a bramha (SP) bull at a small town rodeo. Gate opened he went one way I went the other. We were both happy when I got off.


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## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

Bobby said:


> Was 18 years old got talked into getting on a bramha (SP) bull at a small town rodeo. Gate opened he went one way I went the other. We were both happy when I got off.


Bobby, you sure it wasn't a Dinosaur?


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## Palerider (Jun 29, 2016)

Not checking for sticker burrs on a horse blanket.
Walking up on a bull in the pasture with a ski mask on.
Taking my wife with me to the deer stand.


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## fishinguy (Aug 5, 2004)

POCsaltdog said:


> I was heading I-10 West going to the deer lease with my wife with me. I was talking to a truck driver on the CB. Trucker says "your bringing your wife with you to hunt"? I said, "she's to **** ugly to kiss goodbye so I brought her with me". I thought she was asleep. Needless to say a few seconds later we were headed I-10 East.


now that's funny.


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## w_r_ranch (Jan 14, 2005)

Peeing on a hot wire...


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## DEXTER (Jun 28, 2005)

POCsaltdog said:


> I was heading I-10 West going to the deer lease with my wife with me. I was talking to a truck driver on the CB. Trucker says "your bringing your wife with you to hunt"? I said, "she's to **** ugly to kiss goodbye so I brought her with me". I thought she was asleep. Needless to say a few seconds later we were headed I-10 East.


TOO dang funny right there:rotfl::rotfl:


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## Bobby (May 21, 2004)

MarkU said:


> Bobby, you sure it wasn't a Dinosaur?


He could have been as big as that sob was


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## DIHLON (Nov 15, 2009)

rtoler said:


> Laid my rod on the gunnel while a teenager was aboard


This reminded me of one:

Let teenage boys use chartreuse worm dye in my boat. I hear one of them say "Uh-oh. Mr. Dihlon you're going to be really mad". The whole bottle was in the bottom of my boat and we hadn't even started the tournament yet. Needless to say, it was a quiet day with not much said after that. Lol. It took months for that stain to fade from my white gel coat.


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## texasair (May 22, 2004)

Jumped out of a perfectly good airplane


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## Bull Red (Mar 17, 2010)

Tried to torch a yellow jacket nest with a can of "new formula" WD-40. It's non-flammable.


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## batmaninja (Jul 15, 2010)

gave the shocker


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## texcajun (Feb 22, 2009)

Tried The Source hot sauce. Miserable stuff!


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## HoustonKid (Dec 29, 2005)

Sky dive. I slid about 3/4 of the way out of the harness when the shoot deployed. Needless to say the jump instructor and I puckered a bit. Well, at least I did. I had to put my feet on top of his twice and stand up to get back into the harness. I just about slid all of the way out.


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## bassguitarman (Nov 29, 2005)

Before I filled in the pool - Deciding to look down the vent pipe of the pool heater I was spray painting. I found out that I had left the pilot on. Eyebrows, hair on my chest and head on fire. At least I had the pool to jump into.


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## HoustonKid (Dec 29, 2005)

batmaninja said:


> gave the shocker


You are either married to the wrong woman or don't date the right kind. LOL.


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## KEN KERLEY (Nov 13, 2006)

Told my mother to shut her mouth when I was 13. George Foreman has nothing on her.


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## cuzn dave (Nov 29, 2008)

Bull Red said:


> Tried to torch a yellow jacket nest with a can of "new formula" WD-40. It's non-flammable.


Tip-
Spray olive oil IS flammable!


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

Snuck up on a big jackrabbit and grabbed it by the ears... his rear legs turned my arm into hamburger quicker than I could let go.


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## Oso Blanco (Oct 17, 2010)

*So you had a happy meal.*



MarkU said:


> 2 chicks


Like This


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

called out another womens name while making love to my wife,lmao.best 10 sec of my life


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## pmgoffjr (Jul 30, 2009)

Rode a bull.


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## tdgal (Jun 16, 2009)

*ONCE*

Had my Tonsils taken out at age 28. Most painful thing I ever had to go thru, and I have had kidney stones and gout.


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## dunedawg (Jun 17, 2007)

Also grabbed a fawn in the snow, and brought him inside the ranch pick up.


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## Flyingvranch (Mar 10, 2014)

kneel down next to a sick cow on the ground with sharp pointed horns while some loudmouth behind me suddenly screams "what's wrong with it?"


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## SwampRat (Jul 30, 2004)

Allow your friend to send back the hot wings because they weren't hot enough....Three times for the same plate!! In a place that, unknown to us, had a museum of hot sauces from all over the world....Based on the amount of skin that peeled off my lips, I have zero doubt they drenched the wings with the nuclear sauce that was kept in the restaurant safe.

That evening permanently reset the "10" value on my 'hottest stuff ever' scale. NOTE: Nothing else I've ever had has breached 8.0 in comparison.


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## scwine (Sep 7, 2006)

1. Was mowing my lawn, grass was tall and choking out the lawn mower. Reached down to lift the front of the mower to adjust wheel height. 
I had grabbed the smoking hot exhaust manifold. My hand actually stuck to it, had to use my other hand to knock it off. Last time I ever lift a hot mower without looking where my hand is going. 

2. Play racquetball without a mouthpiece...25 yrs later I'm still dealing with the after effects. First it was root canals and crowns, now those are being replaced by implants. 

-I'm sure they are a few more I can add.


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## ralph7 (Apr 28, 2009)

Trusted a lock blade knife to stay locked when I was trying to open a screen on a window.
I was pushing the latch with the dull side of the blade so I would preserve the edge.
Just now getting feeling back in my finger after 30 years.


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## flatsfishinfreddy (Jun 28, 2011)

Snorted BC Powder on a dare. "Do Not Do This" One side of my head was numb for a hour or so. Scared the heck out of me.


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## BBCAT (Feb 2, 2010)

Climbed over the top of Moses Lake flood gate as a teenager. Beached jon boat while flounder gigging on North shore, made camp fire, drank some beer. Meanwhile tide came in and floated off the boat. Climbed over, got in truck and hauled a##. Retrieved boat later.


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## Leo (May 21, 2004)

bassguitarman said:


> Before I filled in the pool - Deciding to look down the vent pipe of the pool heater I was spray painting. I found out that I had left the pilot on. Eyebrows, hair on my chest and head on fire. At least I had the pool to jump into.


Now that's funny, something I would do


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## SSST (Jun 9, 2011)

Got drunk on Bud Ice!!!


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## Heavy D (Jul 10, 2013)

Tried to parasail with my cousin's parachute and him driving the boat. From the bank I ran about 20 yards and jumped to clear the rip rap bulkhead. I cleared it fine, and then went vertical. Started off like we knew what we were doing, but then something went wrong with the chute and I went down in a hurry. Slammed my head against the parachute shackles and put a whelp on my temple when I slammed the water. Had one helluva water wedgy/enema combination when I hit and thought I ripped my orifice. A true hold my beer and watch this moment.

Tried to sneak up on a downed elk to put a final round in its head to kill it. Got up to about 10' and pulled the hammer back on my pistol. When he heard that he jumped up to run. I turned and tripped face first into a cactus. Had a pad stuck in my face and several hundred thorns from head to toe. It was miserable, but I ate on him for a while.


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## cuzn dave (Nov 29, 2008)

Haute Pursuit said:


> Snuck up on a big jackrabbit and grabbed it by the ears... his rear legs turned my arm into hamburger quicker than I could let go.


Same thing will happen with a baby ****, I know, I've seen me do it!


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## RB II (Feb 26, 2009)

Roped a deer horseback. I have been to a few rodeos, but boys, that is a rodeo. They can jump Waaaayyy higher than a mahi. The roping part is easy, the releasing, not so much.


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## Justin Fishin Texas (Nov 29, 2005)

Heavy D said:


> Tried to parasail with my cousin's parachute and him driving the boat. From the bank I ran about 20 yards and jumped to clear the rip rap bulkhead. I cleared it fine, and then went vertical. Started off like we knew what we were doing, but then something went wrong with the chute and I went down in a hurry. Slammed my head against the parachute shackles and put a whelp on my temple when I slammed the water. Had one helluva water wedgy/enema combination when I hit and thought I ripped my orifice. A true hold my beer and watch this moment.
> 
> .


This one takes it so far. I've ridden a bull, skydived (twice) but my craziest stories can't be shared. 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## LandLocked (Apr 28, 2005)

Oh Murcy Sakes. And I thought I had done a bunch a â€œhold my beerâ€ stuff!!! I know now I been leading a sheltered life!!


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## etexsaltycat (Apr 12, 2013)

Used oxy/acetylene in a pvc potato gun... 17 years ago and I still remember like it was yesterday. Lucky i still have all my parts attached after that one.


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## Ready.Fire.Aim (Sep 22, 2009)

Ate a bunch of spoiled pickled jalapeÃ±os. Thought they were okay. They weren't. 

It felt like I was passing hot lava out both ends. Was a miserable day.

I get leary now just looking at the [email protected] things.


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## 3GENTS_Fishing (May 16, 2014)

My 2 boys were young, 7 or 8 and we headed to the top of the hill at our farm to fix a barb wire fence the neighbors water buffalo busted. Rather than take the time to do it right, I had boys pull tension on strands so I could drive an extra post to take out the slack. Was driving through hard ground jumping into it on the downward thrust and caught those 2 strands boys didn't keep out of the way, post driver shot up like a rocket and the pipe end caught me right on the hairline. I was shooting blood like arterial spray from the gash and both boys freaked out. Used my shirt as best I could to stop bleeding, loaded screaming kids in truck and made our way back to farm house. Honked coming in the gate for wife to help and didn't realize the shirt wasn't working to slow down blood. 

Wife opens door to bloody truck, boys screaming, and me with a head wound. She didn't handle it great. Sent her into town for super glueâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦ I'll NEVER put super glue in a big cut again!!! The burn was intense to say the least.


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## Hullahopper (May 24, 2004)

One time, at band camp . . .


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## TIMBOv2 (Mar 18, 2010)

Hullahopper said:


> One time, at band camp . . .


No you didn't!!! Lol


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

Around 10-11y/o or so my cousin and I were farting around in his room while our parents were playing dominos in the dining room...We cut the end off of a shotgun shell, dumped the BBs out, packed a damp paper towel in it, then sealed it with candle wax...The end result was a tennis ball sized hole in the ceiling...I wasn't the trigger man, but still remember that arse whippin to this day.


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## RRbohemian (Dec 20, 2009)

I think I was 15 and smarted off to my mom. Well, it ****** her off and when she went to slap me across my face and I grabbed her right right wrist and then she went with her left and I grabbed her left wrist. Then I told her "what are you going to do now" in a cocky tone. She started to shake and turned bright red. At that moment I knew I had screwed up. I threw her arms back and ran as fast as I could out of the house. I believe I came home as the sun was going down. I still got my *** busted.


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## kweber (Sep 20, 2005)

RRbohemian said:


> I think I was 15 and smarted off to my mom. Well, it ****** her off and when she went to slap me across my face and I grabbed her right right wrist and then she went with her left and I grabbed her left wrist. Then I told her "what are you going to do now" in a cocky tone. She started to shake and turned bright red. At that moment I knew I had screwed up. I threw her arms back and ran as fast as I could out of the house. I believe I came home as the sun was going down. I still got my *** busted.


lucky you didn't get the knee...


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## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

Oso Blanco said:


> Like This


LOL! I was 27, and sexy. The chicks were in their mid 30's. It all went down in a Lincoln Town Car, in the parking lot of a club, East Fork, by Lake Fork. They were hot! I even have witnesses. Today, I'd disappoint all 3 of us.


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## bearintex (Feb 7, 2006)

Told my wife to quit being so hormonal when she was about 6 months preggo. T'weren't pretty.


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## jewfish (Feb 16, 2005)

Lighting bottle rockets from my buddys 2nd floor bedroom window when one of em didnt make it outside
it the floor and I tried to stomp it out
Never was allowed back in that house again


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## acoastalbender (Jul 16, 2011)

heffleysmill said:


> get circumcised!!!!!!!


... yeah ... I couldn't walk for a year ...

.


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## PassingThru (Aug 31, 2005)

Ate tilapia.


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## habanerojooz (Dec 4, 2006)

Lit a fart. Flame scared me so bad I quickly swatted it out. Smashed my nads and that hurt like you know what. Good thing I had jeans on. LOL


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## Bobby (May 21, 2004)

MarkU said:


> LOL! I was 27, and sexy. The chicks were in their mid 30's. It all went down in a Lincoln Town Car, in the parking lot of a club, East Fork, by Lake Fork. They were hot! I even have witnesses. Today, I'd disappoint all 3 of us.


I know that club well lived in Hogansville


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## S-3 ranch (May 26, 2004)

Trust someone on a deer lease 
And 
Share a honey hole fishing spot


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## Dos_Curados (Oct 31, 2012)

lite a small burn pile in a pasture on a windy day during record drought. burned ~3 acres before the volunteer fired department helped to put it out. i did give them a $150 donation after that


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## goatchze (Aug 1, 2006)

Chopped a bunch of jalapenos, then went to the bathroom before washing my hands.


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## Red3Fish (Jun 4, 2004)

Dove hunting....small creek about 6' wide that I would have to drive back a mile or so to cross safely. Told everyone to get out and hold my beer. Backed up and got a running start over a little hump of dirt. Suffice it to say '78 Rancheros are nose heavy. Made it across but had to Tie front bumper up with strap for rest of hunt! I still don't know how ole Evil Knival does it???

Later
R3F


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## 24Buds (Dec 5, 2008)

Dos_Curados said:


> lite a small burn pile in a pasture on a windy day during record drought. burned ~3 acres before the volunteer fired department helped to put it out. i did give them a $150 donation after that


 My friend, his granddad and myself did the same years ago, but 46 acres later it was out.

Not my fault!


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## John Redcorn (Sep 8, 2009)

Hang my dress shirt from the hotel fire sprinkler (before there were signs placed with warning)


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## 348473 (Apr 12, 2017)

Wife was baking potatoes and asked me to take them out. Open oven and grabbed one fork with each hand.


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## Fishin' Soldier (Dec 25, 2007)

Roped an Emu. 

In High School a teammate on baseball team was having a get together BBQ on a saturday afternoon. He had an emu that had escaped a nearby farm and was running wild on his property. We had the bright idea to get the 4 wheeler and rope it. I was the roper. We ran him down on the wheeler and i made a perfect throw. When I cinched that rope down, he flipped and turned around. When this happened every feather from the base of his neck to his head were balled up under his beak. I freaked out and let go of the rope. He ran off with a naked neck. We went back in an hour or two and found him to have gotten the rope off. I bet it took 6 months for his feathers to heal. I felt horrible haha. His father, the county Sheriff now, still tells that story 15 years later.


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## Stuart (May 21, 2004)

A couple of years ago I was at our cabin in the piney woods. I had piled up some limbs so I could mow. The limbs were a little damp so I went and got a 5 gallon can of gas (I know, I know) and poured some to get it going. There was a breeze, I let the fumes dissipate and lit it without any drama. So I keep mowing and my fire went out. No flames, no smoke, nothing. So genius me goes back and gets the gas (I know, I know). I stand over the brush and pour a small amount of gas. Well somewhere there must have been a small flame. The next thing I know I am holding a 5 gal can of gas with flames coming out of the spout !!!!!!!! I gave it a good toss to get away from me and ran like heck. I walked away from that stupidity with just a few hairs on my arm singed. It could have been bad, real bad.


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## mbr9935 (Sep 3, 2012)

Trying to load a very "tongue heavy" boat trailer by myself. Trailer tongue was perched on top of the hitch ball with support wheel raised. Tried to wiggle it over to fall on the ball. Well, it fell off of the ball and pinned my index finger to the to the hitch receiver bar.

Found out very quickly how strong you can get when the sh*# hits the fan. Not sure how I got that trailer off of my finger with my only good arm. Still don't have all the feeling back in that finger. :headknock


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## Centex fisher (Apr 25, 2006)

Said a cussword in front of my mom when I was around 10. Still picking the soap from the back of my front teeth. She scraped the whole bar in my mouth.


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## JMAKO (Jun 20, 2013)

Ate 1 bite of half raw BBQ rattlesnake


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## Timemachine (Nov 25, 2008)

I was about 23 and decided I was going on a 4 day deer hunt in East Texas and "live off the land". i took NOTHING. No food or snacks of any kind. A big freeze moved in on the first night and I was stuck with a dead battery. On evening #2 of no food in 36 hours, I killed an armadillo and cooked it on a campfire in a cast iron skillet. Day 3 I killed a swamp rabbit and tried cooking it on a stick over a failing fire in a light rain. I can remember the muscles still twitching as I tried to tear thru it with my teeth. Day 5, somebody came to look for us and was able to get the truck started. I stopped at the first country store and ate one of everything they sold. Now I won't even go on a fishing trip without loads of SNACKS on me.


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## 410MAN (Apr 26, 2005)

Loooooong time ago, used Vick Salve for lubricant, neeeeeever again


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## 61Bubbletop (Apr 29, 2011)

WilliamH said:


> Jumped out of an airplane.


Same here. Spaceland Skydiving at the old Houston Gulf Airport in League City. From about 3000 ft, static line, with the old round chute. Would like to do it again. Or a tandem jump from 12,000 ft or so.


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## Hullahopper (May 24, 2004)

Dos_Curados said:


> lite a small burn pile in a pasture on a windy day during record drought. burned ~3 acres before the volunteer fired department helped to put it out. i did give them a $150 donation after that


Did the same thing at my parent's old house just outside of Whitehouse, TX. except I managed to burn up about 10 acres of pasture. It would have been a mess if the fire had made it to the tree line. My donation was $500 and I was more than happy to pay it!


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## funewgy (Apr 1, 2005)

Ate a whole can of smoked oysters in a can when I was about 8 years old. Have not eaten one since!


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## Reality Czech (Jul 17, 2004)

Mississippi, late 70's.
Pot of boiled chitlins.
Plenty of beer.
One dare.
Broke me of the habit of taking dares.


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## fy0834 (Jan 18, 2011)

Since this thread is g-rated ... content is limited.
But otherwise, there are some stories...


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## Yellow Mouth Chaser (Jan 8, 2008)

Run beside a wild horse. They can kick sideways. Stitches to the head.

Playing catcher in a backyard baseball game. Talked smack to the batter (my brother) a little too much. Stitches to the head.

Reached for a golf club mid swing. The kid had stolen the club from me. Stitches to the head.

Walked into a cattle pin with an angry cow and newborn calf.

I have a lot of other dumb stuff, unfortunately it took more than once for me to learn.


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## copano_son (Dec 17, 2007)

Being chased by the police at ~120mph!


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## SD Hawkins (Jan 2, 2008)

Stacys sister Tracey ( twin ) in 11th grade, was not able to date another girl in HS after that, well my HS anyway. I had to go across the bridge or the river after that.

Taddy Porter beer.

Riding pools with no helmet ( wrist/elbow pads though) while chugging the beast or keystones,


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## bluefin (Aug 16, 2005)

Own a Ford Pinto


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## Oso Blanco (Oct 17, 2010)

You guys don't have anything on this guy.

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold..

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and then received an education.. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer exploded. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a lot stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed.. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true... An Educated Farmer


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

^^^ Holychit that was funny as hell! Lol



Yellow Mouth Chaser said:


> Run beside a wild horse. They can kick sideways. Stitches to the head.
> 
> Playing catcher in a backyard baseball game. Talked smack to the batter (my brother) a little too much. Stitches to the head.
> 
> ...


You sound like you've had as many concussions and stitches/staples in your mug after doing stupid **** than I have. I've had more legit concussions than I can count on one hand. Dang near takes all my fingers. Lol.


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## reelthreat (Jul 11, 2006)

Salt Sled said:


> Snorted BC Powder on a dare. "Do Not Do This" One side of my head was numb for a hour or so. Scared the heck out of me.


If you were numb that wasn't BC you snorted....


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## WilliamH (May 21, 2004)

SD Hawkins said:


> Stacys sister Tracey ( twin ) in 11th grade, was not able to date another girl in HS after that, well my HS anyway. I had to go across the bridge or the river after that.
> 
> Taddy Porter beer.
> 
> Riding pools with no helmet ( wrist/elbow pads though) while chugging the beast or keystones,


What's wrong with Taddy Porter?


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## mchildress (Jul 11, 2009)

Trust you bud to put the plug in the boat when he pulled the transom saver and straps.


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## cman (Apr 17, 2009)

Treat a groin strain with BenGay before a suited up football practice on a hot August day.


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## SD Hawkins (Jan 2, 2008)

mchildress said:


> Trust you bud to put the plug in the boat when he pulled the transom saver and straps.


Uh been thru this one on a Jan morning nice cold water and he did put plug in, but left one of those boat buckles attached. I **** near broke my arm trying to get it off and was near cutting it, despite the fact they are $65 per pair!!

Also the Taddy Porter, hands down worst beer I ever had...next to Celis Raspberry!!!


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## bigfishtx (Jul 17, 2007)

MarkU said:


> 2 chicks


Never tried that, but did two chicks twice. Does that count?


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## Ready.Fire.Aim (Sep 22, 2009)

Oso Blanco said:


> You guys don't have anything on this guy.
> 
> I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
> 
> ...


You win the Internet today. Lord bless you, " scream like a woman", must have been a really great idea at the time.

If you had the video on YouTube, you would be a wealthy man.


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## cuzn dave (Nov 29, 2008)

Clear the mud out of the barrel of a Winchester 20 ga. pump after crossing a creek bed and barely touching a sand bar.
Ended up having my dad saw about 4" off.
I was about 13-14 at the time.


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## EIGHTSKATE (Feb 19, 2016)

Hit a Ford f150 on a motorcycle or the truck hit me anyhow not doing that again.


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## topwateraddict (Mar 5, 2008)

Leaving my Kawasaki mule in gear while stacking bags of corn on the seat. as one fell off the seat right on the gas pedal and off she went straight into the rear quarter panel of my Dad's truck.


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## DIHLON (Nov 15, 2009)

Rolling a "stoppie" at a red light on my crotch rocket to impress chicks in a car when it was too cold outside to be rolling stoppies. Needless to say, since it was so cold, the front tire didn't hook up. Me and the bike hit the pavement then slid completely through the intersection leaving a trail of oil because the side case busted. The light turned green and they passed me honking and laughing their ***es off.


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## flatsfishinfreddy (Jun 28, 2011)

reelthreat said:


> If you were numb that wasn't BC you snorted....


Yeah it was. I watched them put it out. One of the girls that dared me to do it is now my wife.


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## railbird (Jan 2, 2009)

Used fingernail polish remover to take tar balls off of my goobs after a day of surfing.


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