# So your wife is wanting a divorce



## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

We are just about to that stage







, I have talked her into a marriage counselor later this week. As far as I know there has not been any cheating, there has not been any physical abuse or substance abuse on either side but she just don't have the feelings she once had, have any of yall recovered your marriage through counseling?

We have been together since high school and married for over 22 years, I just cannot imagine going the rest of the way without her.

It is my fault for not recognizing the problems were this bad until now. I have done everything I can in the past 6 months to show her how much she means to me but afraid it may be too little too late, I am hoping the counselor will show us that chance.

Thanks


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## teeroy (Oct 1, 2009)

Man, I hate to even type what I'm about to type. But women just don't up and leave if there isn't someone else (for the most part/in my experience). 

That may not be the case here. But I will give one piece of advice that I've heard from many other guys that have gone through this (on another forum nonetheless) and that is to GET A LAWYER. Do it behind her back and play along nice. But you had better get a lawyer and DO NOT GET SCREWED. 

However, I hate to hear of anyone going through this, especially if you have chillens. Good luck to you and I hope you can find peace during this time.


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## 9121SS (Jun 28, 2009)

I have never been through this but my prayers are with you. Good luck my friend.


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## 6Mile (Dec 17, 2005)

Sorry to hear that man. Saw your post on texasbowhunter. I have been throught the divorce and it was not fun at all. I can only imagine what you are going through especially after 22 years of marriage. I tried the counseling with my ex and it still didn't work. I know that you said that you don't expect that there has been any cheating involved and I hope that is the case. Take time to study cellphone records and such. It is tough being a shift worker. I hope everything works out for you in the long run. Good luck. If you need a beer or an ear give me a shout.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

teeroy said:


> Man, I hate to even type what I'm about to type. But women just don't up and leave if there isn't someone else (for the most part/in my experience).


I am probably one of the most jealous people you could meet and is what has led to some of these issues. I really and honestly don't beleive there is someone else, there maybe someone or something else that she is wanting and if this goes south she will get it all anyway as I just will not care anymore.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

6Mile said:


> Take time to study cellphone records and such. It is tough being a shift worker. I hope everything works out for you in the long run. Good luck. If you need a beer or an ear give me a shout.


 At this point I really dont care what has happened in the past if I don't know and you are right getting hired on with a large oil company was the best and worst thing that has happened to us. Thanks


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## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)

Do what you can to make it right- You can't be 100% of the solution. She has to be receptive to your efforts. Fact of life is that people do grow apart in some cases and it's not necessarily the fault of either party. Prepare for the worst and work for the best. 

At the end of the day, you just need to know you did all that you could to make it right. There is no exact advice here, just do your part to attain the best scenario possible. 

I wish I had a magic answer but that is my best advice. 

Good luck sir!


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

Main Frame 8 said:


> Fact of life is that people do grow apart in some cases and it's not necessarily the fault of either party. Prepare for the worst and work for the best.


 Thanks for the advise and thoughts, I have been working to make things better but dont know how I can deal with the worse case scenario.


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## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)

jjtroutkiller said:


> Thanks for the advise and thoughts, I have been working to make things better but dont know how I can deal with the worse case scenario.


Bubba, you won't know how you're going to deal with the worst case scenario because the worst case scenario is never defined for us. Clearly, you love her as I am sure she loves you. What more can you do than your level best??? If you lay it all on the line to make it right, what more can you ask of yourself? Afterall, that's REALLY all you have complete control over, right???

Think about it.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

6Mile said:


> Good luck. If you need a beer or an ear give me a shout.


 This may not be too far away, thanks for the offer.

As for the other 80 something people to view this thread and not post as I was one of them please do yourself and your family a favor and let them know exactly how you feel about them as you are not less of a man until you get to this point.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

Main Frame 8 said:


> If you lay it all on the line to make it right, what more can you ask of yourself? Afterall, that's REALLY all you have complete control over, right???
> 
> Think about it.


 You are correct, I just hope it is enough.


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## The1ThatGotAway (Jun 24, 2009)

I'll tell you what they told me, it's gonna suck for a while and then it starts sucking less and less. Heck, I'm 41 and I was married 15 years. Trust me, and the other guys that tell you this. Do not let stress or depression get you so down that you give up everything you worked hard for. Either way keep your chin up and keep moving forward. And, if she needs her freedom you can come hang with me and learn salsa dancing... those chicks puts a smile on my face every Friday night.


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## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

Pray over your situation marriage is set up by God our father turn to him he has the manual.I did and we are ok today his words heal not mine or anyone elses.See a pastor or a man of Gods word for needed direction ,you cannot go wrong it has and still today works for me and my loving wife.


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

The1ThatGotAway said:


> I'll tell you what they told me, it's gonna suck for a while and then it starts sucking less and less. Heck, I'm 41 and I was married 15 years. Trust me, and the other guys that tell you this. Do not let stress or depression get you so down that you give up everything you worked hard for. Either way keep your chin up and keep moving forward. And, if she needs her freedom you can come hang with me and learn salsa dancing... those chicks puts a smile on my face every Friday night.


i though salsa was for eating? is that what keeps a smile on your face?:spineyes::spineyes::spineyes:


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## Dipsay (Apr 28, 2006)

I'm Very sorry to hear Brotha. I just went through the same last year( 22yrs). Not to mention I've got quite a few friends that are going through marital and relationshsip issues right now. It's hard for me to be on the outside looking in this time. One thing I learned is that any relationship can be saved if both parties come to the table. I accept my faults in what happened with my first marriage. I laid everything on the table and spoke my mind on the issues. But it takes both. Get the Movie Fireproof or the book Love Dare. Be humble and go to her on bended knee and tell her that she is the most important person in your life and you cant imagine being without her. I pray that God will help you in your indevor and put Love back in your marriage. God speed brotha...Dip


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## swifty (May 13, 2005)

JJ - Keep your chin up. We all go through problems\issues in marriage and hope you two can get things worked out. The Man Upstairs has a plan for all of us. Prayers headed your way.


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## Larry Pure (May 18, 2006)

Doing a little simple math puts her around mid life (40), this is a tough time of humans. Attention is needed to move thru this life experience, like a good dog if you don't pet them, they will eventually move onto where the attention is available. Buy some flowers and go to a restaurant, movie just like you did 20 years ago. Little notes on the table when you leave early etc.... Good luck.


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## kanga69 (Mar 17, 2011)

*Been there!*

Read Love Buster, by Dr. Harley. My preacher gave it to me when I was grabbing for straws. I have read that book twice, and It is the only book I have read in 20 years!. After all I did, 99% wrong, stop trying to control the situation and giving her freedom then offering to support what ever decicion she made saved our marriage after 15 years. Women are fickle creatures and knowing how they see things was **** good education for me. Last - Be Patient!!!! The Fella that said it will suck less and less every day was spot on. It took us about 7 months to look at each other and laugh about something.

Good Luck - Its worth the fight!


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## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Sorry to hear bro. As far as advice, you will get all angles from people. Follow your heart, do what you can without anger or regret. I believe that things happen for a reason. Remember that yall each only have 1 life to live and if you or she is not enjoying that life individually while together then it is time to parts ways. It doesnt mean its the end necessarily, but could be the start of something greater. Good Luck and my thoughts are with you.


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## 100 FATHOMS (Dec 28, 2006)

I won't try to tell you how to reconcile with your wife, but if things are going south get a lawyer and listen to his advice especially if children are involved, do it now.


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## Crow's Nest (Dec 4, 2009)

'The Fella that said it will suck less and less every day was spot on.'

Went through this with my wife about the same time you are. Seemed everything I did was wrong in her eyes at the time. 

I stuck it out knowing that 'She' was going through something I had no control over and allowed time to take its course. 

Today we are as close as we have ever been and are going on 30 yrs. 

Be patient and let time take its course. As was said by Bubba's Kenner, seek the guidance of your Pastor, if you have one, and/or Pray for direction.

Good luck!


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## OxbowOutfitters (Feb 17, 2006)

Mainframe 8 said the best advice I heard..
been there 2..& it did suk, but you can only acomplish what was meant to be..
dont beat urself over the head with what was.. move forward to what is..
the Sea is full of life & just when you think you'll never love again BLAM.. theres another sitn right infront of ya..
I had a 1st Love.. then I met my 1 true love


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## Don Smith (Nov 24, 2007)

I won't try to offer marital advise, only personal advise. If she won't go to counseling with you, go by yourself. If you don't like what the counselor has to say, go to another one, but whatever you do, talk to a lawyer. It may even be a good idea to have her go with you to get legal advise. You may get some real surprises. Good luck.


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## ATE_UP_FISHERMAN (Jun 25, 2004)

Christian Counseling!!
A family that prays together stays together.


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## waterspout (May 21, 2004)

JJ,, your 42,, I'd guess she's around 40,,, something in the air at that age no days that's hard to find a cure for bro! just saying....

after 20 yrs when mine hit 40,,, I think someone smacked her with a stupid stick!


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## OxbowOutfitters (Feb 17, 2006)

Lmao.. Ur X n my X got hit by a bus...
But hey.. we did upgrade so its all good...:dance:



waterspout said:


> JJ,, your 42,, I'd guess she's around 40,,, something in the air at that age no days that's hard to find a cure for bro! just saying....
> 
> after 20 yrs when mine hit 40,,, I think someone smacked her with a stupid stick!


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## InfamousJ (May 21, 2004)

jjtroutkiller said:


> I am probably one of the most jealous people you could meet and is what has led to some of these issues.


good you at least recognize that.. if your current situation is not able to be mended, then I only hope you can shed the jealous feelings and have more confidence in yourself to trust a loved one. Jealousy is a bad feeling and does more harm, it is not a protective trait. Prayers sent for your situation and I hope you can make it through all this peacefully.


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## DSL_PWR (Jul 22, 2009)

jjtroutkiller said:


> We are just about to that stage
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I am very sorry you feel you are at that point.

This is not YOUR fault but more the fault of both parties. ONE person can not fix a marriage/relationship. It takes TWO willing people who love and care about each other to WANT to make it work and not just for the sake of kids, situations, etc.

Try counseling and see what happens. If you feel that it is not working then before you give up try another counselor. Sometimes finding the right one can make all the difference in the world.

Also, try talking to one another in an open environment. Allow all things to be fair game to discuss and be honest.

If you both still want this to work then it can.

Good luck


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## waterspout (May 21, 2004)

InfamousJ said:


> good you at least recognize that.. if your current situation is not able to be mended, then I only hope you can shed the jealous feelings and have more confidence in yourself to trust a loved one. Jealousy is a bad feeling and does more harm, it is not a protective trait. Prayers sent for your situation and I hope you can make it through all this peacefully.


x10,, jealousy I not good at all,, my new one I want to pay attention to what's going on and not let the others that stare get me pumped.. she hates a jealous guys and she knows I am,,, but, think about it and let it go. She goes home with you! bottom line! Good Luck amigo and prayers out my friend!


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## rippin lips (Jan 8, 2005)

Sorry to hear about this bro. I don't think counseling can hurt in any way, it could only help. You are correct about letting your partner know exactlly how you feel.
It is hard sometimes on shift work and ALOT of OT. To be able to spend the quality time together,But it does go both ways if the partner never tells you how they feel then everything seems to be OK.
Brother keep your head up high and a smile on your face.Everything will be OK.
If you need anything give me a shout.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

OxbowOutfitters said:


> Lmao.. Ur X n my X got hit by a bus...
> But hey.. we did upgrade so its all good...:dance:


X2...I upgraded to a Cougar Sugar Mama! :smile: The practice wife had to go. Love can't be one sided. I'm far from being a marriage counselor, but have watched friends try to keep marriages alive when it just wasn't there anymore. It just prolonged the agony. When the pilot light blows out from one side, it is almost impossible for the other side to try to get it to light again. I don't think acting like a hopeless romantic at this point will do anything but drive her further away. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps & tell her that you love her & only because of that you respect her & what she thinks she wants. Why not try a six month separation & give her some space so that she can work through whatever the hail she is going through instead of jumping straight into divorce. You have no control in regards to what people in your life do. The only control you have is in the way you react to them. Groveling at her doesn't seem like it will help your situation at this point. There has to be love in a relationship, but there has to be respect as well. I don't see how there could be one without the other. Don't do anything that might cause her to loose respect for you, or you might as well hang it up. Buy a new boat & go fishing. Give her the freedom she thinks she wants. Like the old saying goes...Set her free...if she comes back it was meant to be...If she doesn't...Well...


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## Bobby (May 21, 2004)

Since your looking at the amount of views this thread gets I will just say there is always 2 sides to every story. Some are not posting because you may not like what they post.


How come it is always the womans fault??


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## CORNHUSKER (Jul 12, 2004)

Bobby said:


> Since your looking at the amount of views this thread gets I will just say there is always 2 sides to every story. Some are not posting because you may not like what they post.
> 
> *How come it is always the womans fault??*


Because "she" wasn't on here in the wee hours of the morning. 

Cowboy Up!!!!


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## waterspout (May 21, 2004)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> X2...I upgraded to a Cougar Sugar Mama! :smile: The practice wife had to go. Love can't be one sided. I'm far from being a marriage counselor, but have watched friends try to keep marriages alive when it just wasn't there anymore. It just prolonged the agony. When the pilot light blows out from one side, it is almost impossible for the other side to try to get it to light again. I don't think acting like a hopeless romantic at this point will do anything but drive her further away. Pick yourself up by the bootstraps & tell her that you love her & only because of that you respect her & what she thinks she wants. Why not try a six month separation & give her some space so that she can work through whatever the hail she is going through instead of jumping straight into divorce. You have no control in regards to what people in your life do. The only control you have is in the way you react to them. Groveling at her doesn't seem like it will help your situation at this point. There has to be love in a relationship, but there has to be respect as well. I don't see how there could be one without the other. Don't do anything that might cause her to loose respect for you, or you might as well hang it up. Buy a new boat & go fishing. Give her the freedom she thinks she wants. Like the old saying goes...Set her free...if she comes back it was meant to be...If she doesn't...Well...


my .000002 cents.... then he waits and she goes and he still has a little hope.... . Not a answer in my book.

lifes a long book. you may be finished with the chapter your on but,,, the next one will be much better. You grow!!!!


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## SpeckReds (Sep 10, 2005)

You know part my story and some of what my family has been through.
It took a lot of counseling, work, and praying to keep it together.
We went to Grief counseling as a family, but forgot about Marriage counseling as couple. 

Jenn and I grieved differently with our little girls death.
That sent us down different roads to a degree.
I think we were pretty close to a split.
It was rough. 
We were so focused on surviving as a family that we were falling apart as a couple.
We ended up going to a Christian Marriage Counselor for a good while.
Along with Church, prayers, lots of late night talks and lots of tears.

We began spending much more time together as a couple again. Walks in the evening, dinner just her and I, going out to a show, attention to the details of us, etc.
Slowly we started coming around. It took a lot of work. 
Not saying things are perfect, but we made it through the roughest spot we have ever been through. Not sure there is a perfect, but we are Happy Together again as a couple and a family.

Find a way to connect with her and re-kindle what you once had. It is in there somewhere. Hopefully it is not too late.

Try checking out "Love Dare" it is a great start.
After doing Love Dare watch "Fire Proof" together.

I wish you the best.


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## Stuart (May 21, 2004)

I didn't see any mention of kids. A lot of marriages disolve after 20 years because one spouse has been holding on until the kids get out of school and off to college etc..... Hang in there, it is tough, I know. At some point you may have to reach a decision that you've done all you can and it is time to move on, but I'm praying that y'all can repair things.


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

teeroy said:


> Man, I hate to even type what I'm about to type. But women just don't up and leave if there isn't someone else (for the most part/in my experience).


I hate to agree...but this is 99.9% of the time VERY true. Doesn't mean there was a physical affair/cheating, but often times (especially for women) an emotional affair can be JUST as alluring if not more so than the actual physical acts.

My advice...get the book "The Love Dare". Watch the movie "Fireproof" (with your wife if she will watch it with you) and go from there. I couldn't save my marriage because I didn't really take the divorce seriously. I'm regretting it now and always will. I hope you don't end up the same.


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## Reel Hooker (Oct 14, 2009)

............I'm always here for you, Bro! If you need a friend to talk to......you know I'm always just down the highway on Foley Rd.


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## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Bobby said:


> Since your looking at the amount of views this thread gets I will just say there is always 2 sides to every story. Some are not posting because you may not like what they post.
> 
> How come it is always the womans fault??


Only you would post something like this on a torn man's thread.  Jerk


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

Good Luck Brother.. It can be tough, I can only imagine 22 years. If yall can't make it work, the sooner it's over the better off both of you will be.
I often speak fondly of my X, we were good people, just not good for each other. reading that doesn't really sound like it applies to a 22yr relationship, but I thought I'd offer it up..


Andrew


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

Bobby said:


> How come it is always the womans fault??


 Bobby is correct on this one, after hearing the things she is unhappy about I am probably guilt of 98% of the issues. If she has any fault in this it is not letting me know she was this unhappy for so long, but then again I should have recognized the signs earlier. All I can do is try to correct the past issues and see where we land.


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## tec (Jul 20, 2007)

Becoming soulmates is a long sometimes difficult process that takes a lot of love and understanding on both parts but it is so worth the effort when it works. Sometimes it seems we don't know what we have until we lose it. Do what you reasonably can to repair the damage but remember she probably won't want you if you lose your self respect. I went thru a divorce in my younger days before I found my soulmate. She passed away 14 weeks ago after 38 years of a wonderful relationship.


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## 2 Boats (Jul 4, 2010)

I'm sorry. I'm praying for you.


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## jimmybobcat (Aug 6, 2009)

Get a lawyer and fight tooth and nail for everything. You can thank me later. Much later..


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## Jamie_Lee (Oct 28, 2010)

PM sent....


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## Bull Red (Mar 17, 2010)

I really have no advice to add, I just wanted to wish you good luck through these troubled times.


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## LDS (Jul 25, 2007)

The whole thing sucks...You'll have a hard time to see it at first but each day will be better. Starter wives are way over rated.


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## Spirit (Nov 19, 2008)

teeroy said:


> Man, I hate to even type what I'm about to type. But women just don't up and leave if there isn't someone else (for the most part/in my experience).


As a woman, I have to say in my lifetime I've only known one female to ever leave a relationship becuase of another person.

Women usually leave becuase they aren't getting what they need emotionally - and sometimes physically. They feel neglected, unloved, unimportant, unneeded, unfulfilled, unattractive, sexually dissatisfied, overlooked, under appreciated and the list goes on.

We often try to talk and explain what we are feeling and ya'll hear it as nagging. We talk till we are blue in the face and we still aren't heard. As Judge Judy would say, "Put on your listening ears!" When you *truly* hear what the problems are you stand a chance of correcting them. Don't defend yourself because whether you feel justified or not, it obviously is a problem or it wouldn't be an issue.

Unfortunately, sometimes what a person needs and what you can/will provide are just miles apart and there's no common ground to build on.

Prayers for you and your wife. I am a firm believer that divorce is never an answer ... I hope you can work it out.


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## waterspout (May 21, 2004)

Jamie_Lee said:


> PM sent....


where's mine? j/k pooof


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## bayrunner (Sep 26, 2004)

There has been a lot of good advice given here. However, I don't agree with secretley hiring an attorney. That is just a bad thought that will always be in your mind and might fester and make the situation worse. If she found out about it that could ends things then and there. Marriage isn't about who gets the most "stuff"".


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

It's called "The Middle Aged Crazies"... Usually kicks in at about 45 years old.. Most..if not all..of us go thru it....and MOST survive it... Talk it out...If you don't know the problem, there's no way to work out a solution...

"A 60 year Vet at this game "


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## Spirit (Nov 19, 2008)

bayrunner said:


> There has been a lot of good advice given here. However, I don't agree with secretley hiring an attorney. That is just a bad thought that will always be in your mind and might fester and make the situation worse. If she found out about it that could ends things then and there. Marriage isn't about who gets the most "stuff"".


Amen!!!


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## Whoopin It Up! (Dec 20, 2010)

*Think again!*



jjtroutkiller said:


> We are just about to that stage
> 
> 
> 
> ...


DO NOT BE A FOOL. THINK!

Spouses do NOT tell their mate... "I just don'y have that feeling, etc." 
or "I want a divorce!" - - - without some reason or cause!

I think you are blind to the REAL situation .... and that's having a wife that will not turly tell you WHY.

Believe me, brother, she has a reason(s). She does! She's just not telling you and she is keeping it a secret and she will DROP THE BOMB on YOU!

You better re-check her list of friends. believ me, there is a friend on her list who does not consider you a friend...get my drift?

Wake up before you get shelled.


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## Back Bay boy (Apr 7, 2010)

Me and my wife only stayed together about 9 yrs ago becouse I wanted to stay married. She told me she didnt know if she even loved me. I felt like you the marriage was worth saving and I loved her. We did end up going to counseling threw our church a biblical counselor. We are married still have grown together and love each other very much. I think its a mans responsibility to keep his family together. Unless you know for a fact she is cheatting I say hang in there. There is nothing you can do anyway if she wants a divorce or cheats anyway besdies leave or her leave.


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## big john o (Aug 12, 2005)

Me and mine just split after 10 years and two gorgeous lil girls. We had problems for a bunch of those 10, and it was my decision to leave. She is going to hang me by my balls and thats fine.... You cant make a person love you... I can live without love, but I cant live with a woman that dosent love me.....


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## grandpa cracker (Apr 7, 2006)

There is what I think is some good advice that has been posted. I was blessed with a wonderful wife and although we had some problems, we always communicated ,
voiced openly about our feelings and sought a solution.
Before her illnesses , we always found ways to do things together even though one of us might not have been all that interested in the activity , we enjoyed one
another`s company.
I never needed a night out with the boys and she never needed a girl`s night out.
However, if one of us went somewhere without the other, it was never an issue or
a problem. We could tell each other anything and did`nt harbor or hide our feelings or
emotions.
I guess other than loving one another with our hearts and souls, communicating was 
a huge part of having a happy and healthy relationship.
As her time on earth gets shorter, nothing has changed, we talk and discuss about what is in our hearts, our respect and love for each other is stronger than ever.
Things did`nt come easy all the time, it took both of us to make our relationship work. Marriage is never a 50-50 deal, sometimes you have to give all and then some
regardless of who may be right and who may be wrong . 
Sometimes we have to look at what has changed since the first years of the
relationship that have things at this point. Both parties have to be willing and trusting to find out why things went south. Honest communication is needed if any progress is to be made.


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## swifty (May 13, 2005)

grandpa cracker said:


> There is what I think is some good advice that has been posted. I was blessed with a wonderful wife and although we had some problems, we always communicated ,
> voiced openly about our feelings and sought a solution.
> Before her illnesses , we always found ways to do things together even though one of us might not have been all that interested in the activity , we enjoyed one
> another`s company.
> ...


Excellent response\advice Grandpa and kudos to you and your wife. God bless you both.


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## txgirl1722 (Oct 17, 2008)

swifty said:


> Excellent response\advice Grandpa and kudos to you and your wife. God bless you both.


X2!


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## Bozo (Jun 16, 2004)

Start walking around the house naked. That'll get her to make up her mind in a hurry.


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## great white fisherman (Jun 24, 2008)

I would say grab her, put her down on the kitchen table and put the wenne in the bun and tell her you love her but I cannot make myself say it./


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## osobrujo (Jan 13, 2005)

It's a shame that we now live in a throw away sociaty...
if it don't work to my liking, get another.

Best advice I've heard came from Spirit and Granpa Cracker. 
If you truly wish to save your marriage listen to them.

Leave your ego at the door and keep the communication going.
I hope and pray that things workout for both of you.


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## Bozo (Jun 16, 2004)

osobrujo said:


> It's a shame that we now live in a throw away sociaty...
> if it don't work to my liking, get another.
> 
> Best advice I've heard came from Spirit and Granpa Cracker.
> ...


That's why I told him to walk around naked. He's got nothing to hide and trusts her and is comfortable with her.

Maybe she'll think it's a good idea too and join in.


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## TxFig (May 4, 2006)

jjtroutkiller said:


> We are just about to that stage
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I debated about whether to reply or not - but saw one of your other replies saying something to those who just view. So...

Notice I highlighted a portion of your quote above. Now I'm going to quote Spirit's reply to highlight a part:



spirit said:


> Women usually leave becuase they aren't getting what they need emotionally - and sometimes physically. They feel neglected, unloved, unimportant, unneeded, unfulfilled, unattractive, sexually dissatisfied, overlooked, under appreciated and the list goes on.
> 
> We often try to talk and explain what we are feeling and ya'll hear it as nagging. We talk till we are blue in the face and we still aren't heard. As Judge Judy would say, "Put on your listening ears!" When you *truly* hear what the problems are you stand a chance of correcting them.


Spirit is dead-on accurate about *WHAT* to do. My reply is going to attempt to show you *HOW* to do it.

PS: all of this comes from the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I STRONGLY encourage you to read it (it's a fairly short book).

The basic premise is that people feel (and express) love in different ways - ways that are as unique as speaking a language. So let's use the language analogy.... 
If you were to tell your wife "Je t'aime" - if she didn't speak French she wouldn't understand you. You could be pouring out your heart and soul to her, but you might as well be talking to a brick. 
So now your wife tries to tell you what she needs from you to feel loved, and she says "Strofinare la mia schiena" - but you don't speak Italian, you'll have no clue.

So it is with how we feel love and how we want other people to show us they love us: we each speak a different "Love Language". Oh sure, we might all understand the same verbal language - but love reaches us on a deeper emotional level. Basically, there are 5 Love Languages:

*Physical Touch* (non-sexual) - a person who speaks this Love Language is always wanting to cuddle, or hold hands, or have their hair brushed, or their back rubbed. To a non-Physical-Touch person, this person may seem "clingy" or "gropey"; they may have a much smaller "personal space" than you like.

*Quality Time* - this person simply wants to be WITH the other person. It really doesn't matter what they are doing. (this is my LL, so this list is the things I used to ask of my wife) I would ask her to come help me fix the lawnmower, then have her just stand/sit there and hand me a tool once every 10 minutes; I'd ask her to come watch TV with me (then never SAY a word), I'd ask her to go fishing with me (then not talk).

*Acts of Service* - This person feels loved when someone does something for them. It could be (and usually is) little things like doing the dishes for her, or filling her car up with gas, or running an errand, etc. To a non-AoS person, this person will often seem demanding ("they always are on my backside to do things").

*Words of Affirmation* - This person needs to hear the words about how important and loved they are. Or in the negative, words that are derogatory (even in fun) are cutting and hurtful. To a non-WoA person, this person may seem distrusting ("didn't I tell you I loved you last year on our anniversary? And you need to hear it again?")

*Gifts* - This person feels loved when you give them things NOT on normal "gift giving days" (birthday, Christmas, etc). Note that monitary value has nothing to do with it - you could just as easily have made a bouquet from flowering weeds you picked in the ditch - but if you GIVE it to them as a GIFT, their heart will be all a-flutter. Otoh, if you forget a "normal gift giving day" - they will be crushed.

Ok, so that's the cliff's notes version of what they are. How do you use this?

Ah - that's the $64,000 question!

The trick is that is YOUR responsibility to tell them you love them *IN THEIR LANGUAGE*. Even if they know & understand love languages, you cannot expect them to hear/feel you expressing love for them in your language.

That means you will most likely have to express love in a way that feels like a foreign language. You won't feel like you're doing anything.
*Do it anyway.*

No then, my prayer for you is that you can read the book, learn the information, apply the information, and that it's not too late for you.


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## swifty (May 13, 2005)

TxFig said:


> ......PS: all of this comes from the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I STRONGLY encourage you to read it (it's a fairly short book).....


x100. I'll be REreading the book myself very soon.


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## Bozo (Jun 16, 2004)

TxFig said:


> I debated about whether to reply or not - but saw one of your other replies saying something to those who just view. So...
> 
> Notice I highlighted a portion of your quote above. Now I'm going to quote Spirit's reply to highlight a part:
> 
> ...


Man if that isn't the truth, then it's some good bs and snake oil 'cause you've got me believing and pondering buying that book.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

TxFig said:


> I debated about whether to reply or not - but saw one of your other replies saying something to those who just view. So...


 I meant nothing against the people who just view the thread as I was one of them reading these type posts and thinking that it could never be myself. Well here I am, just a reminder for others to let their loved ones know exactly how the feel about them and not take their time together for granted. Thanks for all the thoughts everybody.


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

I'm tellin' ya, again... It's just the 'Middle-Aged Crazies.."...:biggrin:

Notice anything similar about the 'posters'....

Bozo.....age 43
Txfig......age 49
Swifty....age 41
BackBayBoy..age 40
jjtroutkkiller...age 42
Spout.....age 46
BlkJck....age 45
Corny.....age 40
Speckreds..age 41
Stuart....age 47
ReelHooker age 43
　
Awful lot of '40-sumthins' in here....:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:


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## TxFig (May 4, 2006)

Tortuga said:


> I'm tellin' ya, again... It's just the 'Middle-Aged Crazies.."...:biggrin:
> 
> Notice anything similar about the 'posters'....
> 
> ...


Well crapola - I'm the old fart!


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## swifty (May 13, 2005)

Tortuga said:


> I'm tellin' ya, again... It's just the 'Middle-Aged Crazies.."...:biggrin:
> 
> Notice anything similar about the 'posters'....
> 
> ...


Sheeesh you got a point Tortuga. :biggrin:


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## hkemup (Dec 13, 2005)

Sorry to hear it bro but if she has looked you in the eye and told you she wants out it's time to get serious....it's now business. Play nice, get an attorney, and get your ducks (finances, living arrangements, etc.) in a row. Been down this road and while still in the shock mode she trampled all over me. Don't fall for the "lets just be be fair" line cuz once her girlfriends whisper in her ear its all "well I know I can get this". Whether it's child support or alimony she will max out what's due. Maybe you will luck out and it does turn out fair....just be prepared. A visit asap with a good attorney is the first step. Good luck!


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## workn2huntnfish (Aug 1, 2008)

Face the facts! Your wife has a bubba on the side. He is telling her what she wants to hear and giving it to her what she thinks she needs, like a screen door in a huricane. It's time to MAN UP, tell that woman to hit the bricks and get you some other hot woman. Then, she may just want to get back with you and you can decide if you want her back on your own terms. Don't let the women and girlie-men on this thread tell you sweet, sensitive stories. It won't work. Be a man and make her walk.


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## Bowzer (Dec 2, 2010)

Valentine's Day, 2010, my wife moved out. In these 14+ months, there has been a tremendous amount of misery for me personally. Most of my strife is in regards to my three young girls who I desperately want to assure make it through the changes as well as possible.
I am a firm believer in fighting with everything you have to save a family. But it must involve both wife and husband when it's the marriage itself in trouble. In my case, my spouse was and is not willing. We're still in the midst of finalizing the divorce.
I have spent this last year emerging from these still mounting ashes with a new relationship with God. For me it has been the saving grace to move forward regardless of the outcome and immediate losses (and there are many). 
If you need a set of ears to simply sit and listen, count me in as available. If you need to listen to something other than your own head and heart, I'm willing anytime to talk the bark off the trees. 
You are not alone, brother. Be understanding of yourself as well as your wife, be willing to listen and be heard, and be willing to work the best path for you both. My thoughts and prayers are with you to find the best path through this.


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

jjtroutkiller said:


> I meant nothing against the people who just view the thread as I was one of them reading these type posts and thinking that it could never be myself. Well here I am, just a reminder for others to let their loved ones know exactly how the feel about them and not take their time together for granted. Thanks for all the thoughts everybody.


Hang in there brother... it is not over yet.
It won't be easy on your heart nor your mind, but if you TRULY want to know you gave it your all (no matter the final result), you need to prepare yourself for the toughest few weeks/months that are happening and coming now.

Long story short... KNOW and I mean truly KNOW that there IS another person involved right now. If you want to prove it to yourself, go thru the mobile phone records. The number that has several texts to it each day is the one... the same number will have phone calls to it that are longer than 15 minutes, and some closer to and over an hour. If you REALLY want to prove it to yourself, contact your mobile provider and ask for the text transcripts (if you are the primary owner of the account)... however, I PROMISE YOU you don't want to see those if you want to make it work.

So now that you KNOW there is another person involved. Ask yourself if you can forgive her for that. It takes a VERY strong person to be able to forgive that... it is not easy by any means, and even if you survive as a couple... you'll struggle with forgiveness, and mainly TRUST, for a long time... and she'll struggle with forgiving herself, and she may even struggle with the loss of her lover for a while.

If you can forgive her, the next step is to tell her and show her you love her in her love language. Ask her to give you the tinyest of chances to show her that you are the man she loves and the man she married. Do the Love Dare book... follow it daily, but make sure she doesn't know about it. Give her your all in showing her that you love her, but don't be a total p*ssy. Be a man. Once you have given it your absolute all, changing all the things about you she claims made her unhappy, let her know that you know you've changed, and that you are now the man she says she wanted. (There will be some good times thru this process, but you'll also get alot of the bad... she'll still say things that hurt to no end, she'll be going out "with the girls" very late and all night at times, and you'll be a shell of the man you once were... but DON'T let her see that. Lean on family and friends. In her sight, you must try to always be strong and loving). There will come a point when you know you've given it your all, and you have no more. At that point, tell her that it is time for her to choose to end the behavior detrimental to your marriage, or it is time to lose you. By this time, she'll be having her cake and eating it too... she will probably not want to end the fun she's having, and she won't choose you. At that point, tell her that you've shown her you love her in every way you can... that it is the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but that you are now ready to end it. Walk away, and start doing the things guys do to get a new woman. Walking away will be hard, but having known you've given it your all, and being at your wick's end, you will have a new self confidence that you didn't have throughout this process. You will be ready to find the new woman. At this point, either one of two things will happen. The other guy will find out you left, and he'll immediately end their affair, or they will end up together- but she'll be torn between him and the new you, and she'll eventually come around. In the meantime, have some fun with other women... ALL kinds of fun. Because if you don't, the forgiveness process is that much harder when you are back together.

Other things you should know that might play into how you approach things. Right now there is at least one and maybe as many as three women that want you. The playful flirting is hiding real feelings. Hooking up with any of these women, or others when you go out is not as difficult as you think. When you go out, have FUN, be FUN, and if possible, go out with a girl (friend), as they seem to attract other women better than guy friends.

Spiritually, lean on God, seek Him, love Him, pray to Him... especially when you need Him. Try it on your own for as long as you can, but when you truly give in to His guidance, things will really begin to happen.

That's about all I've got. Good luck!


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## BlueWaveCapt (Jan 8, 2007)

Warcat - excellent reply.
Divorce is not easy and I don't care what all the jokes and comedians say...sometimes...it's NOT worth it.


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## KJON (May 1, 2006)

Had it happen to me at the 25 year mark, begged, cried, promised to make myself who I wasnt, went to counseling, she stayed.
(my lawyer buddy at the time told me, dude, I've seen this too many times, when a woman looks you in the eye and says I do not love you anymore,,,,,,,she's done, unlike guys)
Well, it lasted another tense 5 years then ended, on our 30th anniversary. 
I was single 2 years now been remarried for 7 and having a blast. None of the advice on this thread matters, you'll do what you need to do and be just fine. Good luck!:cheers:


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## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)

Tortuga said:


> I'm tellin' ya, again... It's just the 'Middle-Aged Crazies.."...:biggrin:
> 
> Notice anything similar about the 'posters'....
> 
> ...


Winner, winner- Chicken dinner.


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## Back Bay boy (Apr 7, 2010)

Green for Main frame 8..


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

*.*



Tortuga said:


> BlkJck....age 45
> 
> Awful lot of '40-sumthins' in here....:biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:
> 
> ...


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> Tortuga said:
> 
> 
> > BlkJck....age 45
> ...


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## Whoopin It Up! (Dec 20, 2010)

*On 2nd thought!*

JJTROUTKILLER - After thinking about your situation some more, I decided to add some more thoughts from my previous post. This will sound painfull! But it is for your own welfare and peace of mind!

You need to do something very fast. If you are a working man, you need to take a couple days off from work ... take vacation, call in sick... but do it quick!!! You need to do this in a private manner (do NOT tell your spouse that you are taking a day or two off from work!).

Make these plans for your day off:
1. Go to bank and create your very own personal account. Go to your existing bank, a new bank, or even a credit union. Get a new account immediately. Then draw all assetts from your "joint account" and put into your "new account."
2. If you have credit cards, collect all of them (even those in your spouse's purse). Collect them. Then put them in a safe place ... at that new account ... get a safe deposit box. Store the credit cards, do not make any purchases on them from this date forward. Use cash or check only! Do this until the storm is over.
3. Line up a locksmith to meet you at home on your day off. Change the locks on every door. You keep the new key!
4. While the locksmith is changing the locks, you go to the masterbedroom and find a suitcase or laundry bag. Fill suitcase with wife's clothes. Pack ALL of her clothes if you can!
5. Place all her clothes on front porch with note attached ... stating... "Please leave...now. Here's your stuff." Of course you will be out of the house when she finds her things and the note. She can't get in, unless she breaks a window! You have the key to the door!
6. She will get upset, but, she will get the message!

*RESULT: You will discover that she has a place to go ... probably at Bubba's!*

Make sure she's out of the house that day. If she works, that would be a great time to do this. If not, come up with a plan. Have a relative meet her for a day of shopping or for lunch or something! 

I would forget that appointment with a counselor - just a waste of money!
Been there, done it ... it works! Good luck!

Believe me, Bubba is there...you just have not found him!


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## 11andy11 (Aug 12, 2004)

Whoopin It Up! said:


> JJTROUTKILLER - After thinking about your situation some more, I decided to add some more thoughts from my previous post. This will sound painfull! But it is for your own welfare and peace of mind!
> 
> You need to do something very fast. If you are a working man, you need to take a couple days off from work ... take vacation, call in sick... but do it quick!!! You need to do this in a private manner (do NOT tell your spouse that you are taking a day or two off from work!).
> 
> ...


that is about the dumbest thing on the planet you could do and I promise you every divorce judge in the state would nail your *** to the wall for doing that. She has as much right to be there as you do and your probably gonna have law enforcement over there wondering why you have blocked her from accessing her home. Probably back fire on you and the judge probably makes you move out too. Not to mention judges don't like it when people monkey with the finances and hide assets. Just saying.


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

workn2huntnfish said:


> Face the facts! Your wife has a bubba on the side. He is telling her what she wants to hear and giving it to her what she thinks she needs, like a screen door in a huricane. It's time to MAN UP, tell that woman to hit the bricks and get you some other hot woman. Then, she may just want to get back with you and you can decide if you want her back on your own terms. Don't let the women and girlie-men on this thread tell you sweet, sensitive stories. It won't work. Be a man and make her walk.


2XXXXX. Single women over 30 are ton out there. You try hard it just make you look weak under her eyes. She will not have any respect for you. If you are the provider, you work hard, and you are loyal, move on. After she spends all the money and the bubba kicks her to the side, she will learn hard. If she has involved with the bubba, don't try to patch it. The wound is too deep to patch. Move on... Find a younger and richer woman who knows to please you and you please her as twice. Seen that from many friends who had the same problem.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

Whoopin It Up! said:


> JJTROUTKILLER - After thinking about your situation some more, I decided to add some more thoughts from my previous post. This will sound painfull! But it is for your own welfare and peace of mind!
> 
> You need to do something very fast. If you are a working man, you need to take a couple days off from work ... take vacation, call in sick... but do it quick!!! You need to do this in a private manner (do NOT tell your spouse that you are taking a day or two off from work!).
> 
> ...


This is absolutely what *NOT *to do!


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## joshdebo (Oct 12, 2009)

My folks went through a rough spot like that a few years back. They have been together for 29 years now. Dont give up and stick through it if you can. Good luck.


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

some of you guys are sure talking alot of chit in this thread. 22 years aint as easy as you think.


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## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

Whoopin It Up! said:


> JJTROUTKILLER - After thinking about your situation some more, I decided to add some more thoughts from my previous post. This will sound painfull! But it is for your own welfare and peace of mind!
> 
> You need to do something very fast. If you are a working man, you need to take a couple days off from work ... take vacation, call in sick... but do it quick!!! You need to do this in a private manner (do NOT tell your spouse that you are taking a day or two off from work!).
> 
> ...


Is Bubba like a sancho anybody.


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## Whoopin It Up! (Dec 20, 2010)

*Over and Out*



Where's Bubba?


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

bubbas kenner said:


> Is Bubba like a sancho anybody.


The white equivalent I guess...
Oh yeah, one more thing on the probable other man... In all likelihood, he is married too. When it boils down to it, he doesn't want to be with your wife (which will work in your favor in the end). She is being played. The really tough question is going to be- Do you want to be with her?


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## saltrod (Oct 10, 2008)

After reading this post, I could not quit thinking about it...so here goes...btw i am using my husbands sign in... I am an almost forty yo woman and I can tell you that this age is taxing. However I dont believe we are hit with a "stupid stick" (that can go for both genders!!!) I think we finally grow into ourselves...my daughter is in high school and not really needing full attention from mom and my husband has two work phones that are in use constantly!!! So I feel last and it is frustrating...the phones even get answered during our own private times....Anyway not to throw a pity party for me btw JJtroutkiller I admire you for suggesting conseling...my husband would never!!! I dont think it is too late, WE women want to be validated appreciated and above all we want to know that you guys think we are number one for you!! A little goes a long way...a simple text in the middle of the day, hell flowers from the side of the road something to know you are thinking of us. If you started a new relationship, you would put work into that, wouldnt you. So what is sooooo hard about showing the one you have been with for over half your life a little something to let her know what she means to you. Dont get me wrong guys this goes both ways, however I can honestly say that it gets old fast being the only one doing it....Good Luck JJtroutkiller....keep up the work and God Bless you both. I will keep you both in my prayers!!! Tight lines....btw guys I am the mom that wants to fish in poc this weekend....love to fish, hunt and spend time with my man!!!!!


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## Spirit (Nov 19, 2008)

Of all the people offering advice, how many of you have not been divorced and have been married at lesat 15 years or more? 

I'll celebrate 30 yrs on Monday, Granpa and Jerry have been together a long time as have some others on here. What makes some of ya'll think that a woman will suddenly turn tramp and get some one the side after 22 years of faithfulness to one man? That is what happens in relationships with younger people; new relationships; people who have been married several times, all of them short term. In the early years you can long for the chase, for the thrill - but the thought of dating is terrifying after you've been married so long you are more part of the other person than you are yourself...the thought of an affair is usually the fartherest thing from your mind. Feeling alive and like a vialble human is foremost in thought. 

You can smother your partner till they can't breathe. You can control your partner till they feel like a robot. You can do all kinds of things to make a person feel like the only way to not drown is to run. 

You can try to hide money, but you will destroy the trust. You can hire an atty on the sly, but if she doesn't have an atty - unless you want a divorce - then you shouldn't get one either. You want to build bridges, not burn them.


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## CoastalOutfitters (Aug 20, 2004)

you have to decide if you truly want to be/stay married to this person and she the same. there is no real right or wrong answer. We don't know the history and it's not really important. You both have to make the above decision and talk it through, not just ponder about it and come to an agreement that you are both willing to abide by. I didn't read the whole thread , but if you have kids at home, that is something to consider as well.


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

spirit said:


> Of all the people offering advice, how many of you have not been divorced and have been married at lesat 15 years or more?
> 
> I'll celebrate 30 yrs on Monday, Granpa and Jerry have been together a long time as have some others on here. What makes some of ya'll think that a woman will suddenly turn tramp and get some one the side after 22 years of faithfulness to one man? That is what happens in relationships with younger people; new relationships; people who have been married several times, all of them short term. In the early years you can long for the chase, for the thrill - but the thought of dating is terrifying after you've been married so long you are more part of the other person than you are yourself...the thought of an affair is usually the fartherest thing from your mind. Feeling alive and like a vialble human is foremost in thought.
> 
> ...


just short of 23 here and well said reply


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## Bozo (Jun 16, 2004)

spirit said:


> Of all the people offering advice, how many of you have not been divorced and have been married at lesat 15 years or more?


20 years for me to my one and only.










I'm thinking that book with the 5 different ways to show you care are the ticket to this train if it hasn't already left the station.


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

spirit said:


> Of all the people offering advice, how many of you have not been divorced and have been married at lesat 15 years or more?
> 
> I'll celebrate 30 yrs on Monday, Granpa and Jerry have been together a long time as have some others on here.


I'll see your 30 and raise you 30 more,Spirit..gonna be 60 years for us geezers come this June... Seen lots of ups and downs, but somehow always got thru it.. Takes a lotta work on both sides but anything can be worked out if both parties want to..

Guess we have just become a 'unit' over the years and the thought of losing her would be the end of me for sure.. Know we are old fashioned but really took that "better or worse"..."till death..etc..etc." seriously.

Oh, yeah...almost forgot...HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, SPIRIT... LOL


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## Bobby (May 21, 2004)

spirit said:


> *Of all the people offering advice, how many of you have not been divorced and have been married at lesat 15 years or more? *


40 + here with the first (practice) wife.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

Guys the love of my life and my whole world just told me to pack up and leave this afternoon so right now I am sitting in hotel room just trying to make it through the night and then day by day. Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers as I had hoped it would be enough to keep in the game.


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## 100 FATHOMS (Dec 28, 2006)

Sorry brother. Call a lawyer ASAP.


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

100 FATHOMS said:


> Sorry brother. Call a lawyer ASAP.


Sure sorry to hear this, JJ.. If that's the case..then 'fathom's' advice above is in order...

Good luck...(and...don't try and 'drown' your sorrows..)


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## tdebo_713 (Nov 14, 2009)

Really sorry to hear this. Hang in there buddy!!! Stay strong and keep your head up!!!


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## reeltimer (Feb 5, 2010)

jjtroutkiller said:


> Guys the love of my life and my whole world just told me to pack up and leave this afternoon so right now I am sitting in hotel room just trying to make it through the night and then day by day. Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers as I had hoped it would be enough to keep in the game.


I've been waiting to chime in and yes i have been to the big D and no it was no fun at all with a 11 month and 1 half old to do this.I got custody and all but it was something i would not wish on anybody because it's harder on the kids.I hate to say it but after 20 years you need to call a lawyer or go see one asap.Something has changed in her.Don't do anything rash or stupid.I wish you the best of luck and if you need some one to talk to pm me.


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## Barefoot Boy (Sep 27, 2005)

Keep your chin up. A whole lot of us have been through this. It will get better, but it will suck for a while. You will feel great when it's over and done. 

I don't think she legally can kick you out of y'all's house, unless you've been violent, or if she's lawyering up and you get served. It sounds like she read WIA's post.

Get a lawyer in the morning. Get your own bank acct, but I'd recommend using Cash for a while. Ask attorney what can you do to protect your money. Ask what you should do with cell phone, internet, cable,credit cards if they are in your name. She probably won't feel guilty running up the bills.

Get a pad of paper. Start making notes and dates of all the happenings you can remember. Otherwise, they will get hazy. Write down the dates that she has been "out on the town". It can be good to have that info for consideration of child custody, but that doesn't carry the weight it did in the 1950s.

Once again, you're not locked out until the court tells you. 
Hang in there. One day at a time. You've got a lot of people on here to lean on.


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## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)

jjtroutkiller said:


> Guys the love of my life and my whole world just told me to pack up and leave this afternoon so right now I am sitting in hotel room just trying to make it through the night and then day by day. Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers as I had hoped it would be enough to keep in the game.


Sorry to hear this:

Phase 2: Speak with a lawyer yesterday- They are your best resource of do's and dont's right now. Document, document, document - Get video / pics of everything you can. Sounds harsh but you spend time grieving right now and that will turn to anger later on if you don't watch out for YOU.

Not an expert and have not experienced it myself- This is just what that little common sense guy on my shoulder is shouting.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

She did not kick me out, as upset as she was and telling me its time to leave I did not argue for fear of it hurting the boys more than it already has.


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## Blue Fury (Nov 5, 2006)

jjtroutkiller said:


> As for the other 80 something people to view this thread and not post as I was one of them please do yourself and your family a favor and let them know exactly how you feel about them as you are not less of a man until you get to this point.


I agree with ya man on that statement; I mean, Ive honestly been overlooking this thread from the start, read every post a couple times and spent some time on this topic learning for my future reference if it ever DOES happen.. Im 24 yrs old, single, and never even come close to being engaged...

I would chime in, but what advice / comment would i be worthy enough to say when I know nothing about..

I have you and your marriage in my prayers, I hope it all works out.


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## twoZJs (Jul 23, 2008)

jjTroutKiller, This picture has too many holes to understand the situation with you two, especially after your post #96. She says 'go', and you are holed up in the hotel tonight? Who has the paints in that marriage? 

I believe right out of the chute, T-Roy hit it on the nail. And, shortly later, "WorkN2HuntNfish said amen. It sure sounds like someone else is jacking the/her time table. 
Twenty-two years you've been w/her and before you noticed the spring flowers between you two were wilting, she requests to sprout. 
If history has anything to do with it, you are not sitting on the regaining ratio side. 

I've seen many cases like this (and I'm way beyond 40+ and have been in these same shoes) and with you two, one (you) had the head under a rock, wasn't seeing the forest for the trees, too much sports bar time and your other half began to not-care because there were sweet tunes coming in from other places, too much sports Bar time, working late and late, officemance, card nites with the girls.

First, keep a solid, sober head. No boozes! If you are working, keep it out of the office to keep the peers from looking over their shoulder for you going postal with the jealous attitude or idle talk. 

When you find out Bubba's birth name, try to get the lawyer to file a class action against the POS for interfering with your pleasant life style. 

Prayers for you. Your are a fisher-man, you didn't give-in on that 1st slip-away.
There are many fine, fine women out there waiting for the tap BUT it can't be with a wet noodle . Man-up and get on with your life. Good things are coming your way.


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## Blue02 (Jul 1, 2009)

My advice...get the book "The Love Dare". Watch the movie "Fireproof" (with your wife if she will watch it with you) and go from there.

This is a great book and a great movie. It takes work though and you not giving up. Lot's of prayer also and praying for your wife. It's never too late and Christ can heal anything and anyone. My heart goes out to you. I will be praying for both you and your wife.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

twoZJs said:


> jjTroutKiller, This picture has too many holes to understand the situation with you two, especially after your post #96. She says 'go', and you are holed up in the hotel tonight? Who has the paints in that marriage?


 Let me tell you I have wore the pants for over 20 yrs and made sure she knew it, probably what has gotten me in this situation. I am in a Hotel tonight because as upset as she was I did not want her taking the kids anywhere, it was easier on them for me to leave.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

Here is a little more info about us.

Everything I have stated on here has been talked about alot over the past 6 months, the root cause she claims is that for years she felt unloved, ignored and not appreciated.

The home I grew up in was happy to me but there was very little emotion or love showed, after we got married she claims things slowly went downhill in reguards to me showing her the same attention that I did while we were dating. I do agree with most of that as I am not a very romantic or emotional person, I have tried to change all of that over the past 6 months and she claims that it was too much of a flip flop and that now she feels smothered. Hopefully this time apart will be good.


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## Blue02 (Jul 1, 2009)

The one thing that we can all do is pray for them, and pray for them both this minute. It's so easy to sit behind a keyboard and type out advice, heck I am guilty of that myself. None of us know the exact or full situation but God does. I have seen God work miracles in marriages that looked like they were so far gone it's not funny. I don't have any answers for you jjtroutkiller but know that I am sitting behind this keyboard praying for you, your wife and your family tonight. If there is anything that I can do please feel free to let me know.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

Blue, Thanks.


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## Barefoot Boy (Sep 27, 2005)

You can certainly pray, and pray that the prayers help.

I didn't read where anyone advised to get a lawyer and File for divorce.

It's like the Boy Scouts motto > Be Prepared. In Texas, a man can certainly lose a lot in a divorce, and it will become Law.


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## twoZJs (Jul 23, 2008)

jjTroutKiller, Pls, no harm intended. Now, you are getting the picture out where the dots connecting. 
Very, very correct about the kids emotions first and cooling the situation. 

Prayers are w/you and kids. Let the boys know, kid sweethearts grow-up and apart and what causes it, is between you two. 
I have instructed my two kids, never take their marriage for granted, not one moment because the serpent is alive and lurking in the shadows.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

twoZJs said:


> jjTroutKiller, Pls, no harm intended. Now, you are getting the picture out where the dots connecting.
> Very, very correct about the kids emotions first and cooling the situation.
> 
> Prayers are w/you and kids. Let the boys know, kid sweethearts grow-up and apart and what causes it, is between you two.
> I have instructed my two kids, never take their marriage for granted, not one moment because the serpent is alive and lurking in the shadows.


 twoZjs, none taken. From your words you are a man that has wisdom and strength on these issues. I understand your intentions and it is appreciated, hard to give advise to someone that you don't know much less their history.

I probably should have started this thread off with my background but honestly until a few hours ago I did not beleive it would go this far. I am probably one of the strongest minded, dont take **** from anyone and overprotective type people you could ever meet. With that said none of those are good traits to a productive marriage and I am now paying that price.

My fear of showing weakness has cost me my future, hurt my kids, my wife and changed the way I had planned to spend the rest of my life. I only hope that someone that has been reading this thread and on the fence with their marriage will show a little compassion and let the love of their life know just how much she means before it is too late.

I really and truly beleive she is innocent in this case and my own fault for letting it get this out of hand. I know some of yall are saying that she has cheated and to get a good lawyer but I just cannot fathom that kind of betrayal at this point and I hope/pray that yall are wrong.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

Barefoot Boy said:


> I didn't read where anyone advised to get a lawyer and File for divorce.


 So far thank god the big D word has not been mentioned so hopefully this time apart will put us in the right direction.


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## ComeFrom? (May 21, 2004)

Thinking back 30 yrs. ago for mine still makes me want to puke. You will be happier than you ever were, one day. I remarried an old friend after our 40 H.S. reunion. Being almost 60 now, she seems happy, I'm happy, but if she ever decides she wants out,...I say, don't let the door hit you in the *** on your way out. She ain't going anywhere...we're OLD! LOL!  CF?


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## MB (Mar 6, 2006)

Get the movie Fireproof and watch it together.

MB


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## OxbowOutfitters (Feb 17, 2006)

Theres alot of good advise here for ya to look @ JJ..
the thing is..
youve left.. she asked you to leave.. your in a Hotel room.. 
Get an Atty...or atleast find 1 your comfortable with that'll protect your interests.. have them ready..
you dont have to file, But be ready.. 
Ive read all 12 pages... if your at the point that your at Theres little hope..
Sorry Bro...
Oxx..


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## 11andy11 (Aug 12, 2004)

I would not have left the house. Your probably not going to ever get back in now. If she is not interested in counseling you need to lawyer up to protect yourself. If she files now you could be prevented from returning home and even seeing your kids. You need to start looking at it like separating a business. PM me if you want the name of the 2cool lawyer I used last year.


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## workn2huntnfish (Aug 1, 2008)

jjtroutkiller said:


> Guys the love of my life and my whole world just told me to pack up and leave this afternoon so right now I am sitting in hotel room just trying to make it through the night and then day by day. Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers as I had hoped it would be enough to keep in the game.


It's just as the famous Dandy Don Meredith used to sing on Monday Night Football, "Turn out the lights......the party's over....". 
Listen to common sense. Your wife is smitten with some young buck and wants you gone so she can prance around without hiding and the stress of getting caught. She is doing this yelling and stuff to create a smoke screen so that you don't know the real reason, which is to get hammered by Bubba or Petro or Rufus. It's happening and you can't stop it. 
Get an attorney and do it now. You already surrended your man card by leaving the house, and she is succeeding. You better watch out or her new man will be taking the boys hunting and fishing while you sit in a hotel or apt wringing your hands. Just sayin'......


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

workn2huntnfish said:


> It's just as the famous Dandy Don Meredith used to sing on Monday Night Football, "Turn out the lights......the party's over....".
> Listen to common sense. Your wife is smitten with some young buck and wants you gone so she can prance around without hiding and the stress of getting caught. She is doing this yelling and stuff to create a smoke screen so that you don't know the real reason, which is to get hammered by Bubba or Petro or Rufus. It's happening and you can't stop it.
> Get an attorney and do it now. You already surrended your man card by leaving the house, and she is succeeding. You better watch out or her new man will be taking the boys hunting and fishing while you sit in a hotel or apt wringing your hands. Just sayin'......


Good job on cheering him up!


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## swifty (May 13, 2005)

workn2huntnfish said:


> It's just as the famous Dandy Don Meredith used to sing on Monday Night Football, "Turn out the lights......the party's over....".
> Listen to common sense. Your wife is smitten with some young buck and wants you gone so she can prance around without hiding and the stress of getting caught. She is doing this yelling and stuff to create a smoke screen so that you don't know the real reason, which is to get hammered by Bubba or Petro or Rufus. It's happening and you can't stop it.
> Get an attorney and do it now. You already surrended your man card by leaving the house, and she is succeeding. You better watch out or her new man will be taking the boys hunting and fishing while you sit in a hotel or apt wringing your hands. Just sayin'......


I'll say what some of us are thinking after reading your BS to a guy down and out. You are a friggn bitter old fart that needs to think about what you're writing BEFORE you hit submit on that keyboard you're typing on.

There I said it....probably get sent to banned camp but shut the front door and get off the guys case with your gibberish....just sayin'.


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## workn2huntnfish (Aug 1, 2008)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> Good job on cheering him up!


LOL! Obviously, I am not about 'warm and fuzzy', am I?


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## workn2huntnfish (Aug 1, 2008)

swifty said:


> I'll say what some of us are thinking after reading your BS to a guy down and out. You are a friggn bitter old fart that needs to think about what you're writing BEFORE you hit submit on that keyboard you're typing on.
> 
> There I said it....probably get sent to banned camp but shut the front door and get off the guys case with your gibberish....just sayin'.


LOL. Hey, you are entitled to your opinion as much as I am and I don't believe you should go to camp. But, you watch, I am right in this case and she is doing some guy with a frenzied passion. 
You are wrong about being bitter. I have the most wonderful girl in the world and we are getting married this summer. I am so happy. 
But, back to the OP. He screwed up by taking her for granted and now he is paying the piper. I am giving him a reality check and some advice of how to get on with his life, starting off with getting some hot babe to help him relax.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

swifty said:


> You are a friggn bitter old fart
> 
> There I said it....probably get sent to banned camp


Friggin bitter old fart...Naah, I think you're safe with that prolific profanity.


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## Long Pole (Jun 5, 2008)

Read the whole thing and there are a lot of good posts and a few very very stupid/ignorant posts. 

Good luck to ya JJ. I'll be praying for you and hope you and the family can find happiness in whatever situation may come out of this. I parents split up when I was about 10-11 yrs old and I hated it. But later I realized that it was for the best, they are both happier now than they were together. Some people just grow apart and sometimes a little space can fix the problem, hopefully this will be your case. If not, you know you have a lot of support and people here that will get you through it.


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## OxbowOutfitters (Feb 17, 2006)

Ok.. I think alot of folks have gotten off the point.. heres 1 for thought.. 
The reality is shes kinda fed up..
You havent been the best as far as emotional support or whatever..
Shes asked you to leave & you did..
youve gone & made a Great attempt to make things right..
it However hasnt worked & its like you stepped in a pile of #2 doin so..

Give her a little time with the kids..
Mabey call her once a day to just say hi n talk about how the kids are doin & how HER day went.. be supportive from a distance.. DONT beg or plead or argue..even if she starts it.. be COOL..
Calm heads Prevail..
Have an ATTY ready... dont pull the trigger but, hope for the best n plan for the worst..
Im not 1 to do alot of Prayin, but I'll say 1 for ya JJ..
When in doubt Cover your 6..
if she does have a bubba.. Dont go n whip the guy or worse.. those kids need YOU n u dont want someone else being called Daddy while Your in the pen..Dig..
LOad your boat.. go fishin for a few days..Sabines hottt right now & a little time on the water doin what ya love to do puts ya closer to god..
Take sum time & considder all factors..
& if ya need to talk.. hit me up.. all the Boys n then sum have my #..
I wont sugar coat it.. but I will be honest & I can say Ive walked a mile in ur shoes..
Oxx..


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## 2slick (Dec 5, 2008)

Hmmm, things don't look too good to me. I can't give advice on what to do in a divorce. Been married almost 42 years to the first one. So, I'll just pray for you to make the right decisions.

Best of luck to you.


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

like i said, some of you talk alot of CHIT, but when it comes down to it, you would be the first one to cry and be all heart broken if your wife was wanting to leave, you just aint got the balls to post it up on a public forum!


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

Sorry to hear, JJ... But the game is STILL not over. Go back and reread my post. Do it and pray for the best. Tell her you still love her and show her too. Moving out is not the end... Like I said, he will probably dump her now... He is married too. If she is truly what you want, you need to be there to pick up the pieces of her ended affair. It sounds like she already knows you love her... Now it's a waiting game. Leave the lawyers out until you get served. If it goes that route, pull the texts from the mobile phone provider... They will prove to the courts without a doubt what is happening... Which could work in your favor for custody or leverage on child support amount, etc.
I KNOW you don't want to believe she is cheating, but it is as plain as the nose on your face. The innattention got her to cheat, and the smothering felt like too much to bear with the other relationship going on. You gotta give it time, let her miss you, and she'll come around.

Truthfully, If you really want to be with her, your best chance is that if there is another man. If there is not, you are in very bad shape. But, trust me and several others on the board, there is.

Good luck brother!


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## workn2huntnfish (Aug 1, 2008)

iridered2003 said:


> like i said, some of you talk alot of CHIT, but when it comes down to it, you would be the first one to cry and be all heart broken if your wife was wanting to leave, you just aint got the balls to post it up on a public forum!


What exactly are you wanting me to post up? That I'm a whiny, girlie man that has hurt feelings. LOL. C'mon on, give me a break. And, please, don't use me as a reference when you get around to applying for a Man Card. LOL.


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

workn2huntnfish said:


> What exactly are you wanting me to post up? That I'm a whiny, girlie man that has hurt feelings. LOL. C'mon on, give me a break. And, please, don't use me as a reference when you get around to applying for a Man Card. LOL.


did i reference or quote you? no. got something to hide girlie guy?:butterfly
lets stay on the subject


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

go back and read, the guy never said his wife screwed around on him and you'll turned this all around and got his lady layed up in bed with another man. sex aint the only thing in life people. give the man a break. i mean come on, kick a dog that just got shot by a cop


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## Kicker (Feb 7, 2005)

workn2huntnfish said:


> It's just as the famous Dandy Don Meredith used to sing on Monday Night Football, "Turn out the lights......the party's over....".
> Listen to common sense. Your wife is smitten with some young buck and wants you gone so she can prance around without hiding and the stress of getting caught. She is doing this yelling and stuff to create a smoke screen so that you don't know the real reason, which is to get hammered by Bubba or Petro or Rufus. It's happening and you can't stop it.
> Get an attorney and do it now. You already surrended your man card by leaving the house, and she is succeeding. You better watch out or her new man will be taking the boys hunting and fishing while you sit in a hotel or apt wringing your hands. Just sayin'......


Guess I'm an A-hole also!!!!....Bout the same thing I was thinking...You can sugar coat it...beat around the bush....pray...which is a good thing...But sometimes you have to step back and look at the obvious...Put your Man pants on, and get ready to do battle.....Good luck to you and hope it works out for ya...Not only for you two...but for the chitlins sake....


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## Long Pole (Jun 5, 2008)

iridered2003 said:


> go back and read, the guy never said his wife screwed around on him and you'll turned this all around and got his lady layed up in bed with another man. sex aint the only thing in life people. give the man a break. i mean come on, kick a dog that just got shot by a cop


They just know that it'll probably happen to them due to the lack of pleasuring the misses.

I know of a few that didn't like the situation and got out. Didn't have a bf/sancho/bubba/tyrone or anybody else swaying them to leave.

Women are f-ing crazy...no man can begin to understand the crazies that go on at the top.


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## 11andy11 (Aug 12, 2004)

OxbowOutfitters said:


> Ok.. I think alot of folks have gotten off the point.. heres 1 for thought..
> The reality is shes kinda fed up..
> You havent been the best as far as emotional support or whatever..
> Shes asked you to leave & you did..
> ...


yeah or she is in the process of filing a protective order. Good luck bro, been there done that.


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## MB (Mar 6, 2006)

MB said:


> Get the movie Fireproof and watch it together.
> 
> MB


All posting here need to watch " Fireproof " .... I did last night .... Trust me .... It will change your heart, and is the best answer I have to all who are in this place in there lives.

MB


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## Back Bay boy (Apr 7, 2010)

iridered2003 said:


> did i reference or quote you? no. got something to hide girlie guy?:butterfly
> lets stay on the subject


Sounds like you are talking from experinece. Maybe got so first hand knowledge on your wife cheatting and being the girly guy. Or better yet maybe it was prison love that taught you about being a girlie guy.lol:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly


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## donkeyman (Jan 8, 2007)

Start with a week away and some counceling if she will go , be open in your heart in mind on your first visit to the counsloer. Remember to try to stay stong dont be afread to get on them knees and pray. sometimes these things take a while to sort through. pm sent.


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

Back Bay boy said:


> Sounds like you are talking from experinece. Maybe got so first hand knowledge on your wife cheatting and being the girly guy. Or better yet maybe it was prison love that taught you about being a girlie guy.lol:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly


when you got 23 years under your belt and a kid to boot, then you can talk chit. my ladies never felt or needed to stray. im a plumber and you know plumbers, they know how to lay pipe. now, look at your own relationship and your wife. thats what you need to worry about, not me and my wife.is that back bay boy or backdoor boy?


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## poppadawg (Aug 10, 2007)

jjtroutkiller said:


> Here is a little more info about us.
> 
> Everything I have stated on here has been talked about alot over the past 6 months, the root cause she claims is that for years she felt unloved, ignored and not appreciated.
> 
> The home I grew up in was happy to me but there was very little emotion or love showed, after we got married she claims things slowly went downhill in reguards to me showing her the same attention that I did while we were dating. I do agree with most of that as I am not a very romantic or emotional person, I have tried to change all of that over the past 6 months and she claims that it was too much of a flip flop and that now she feels smothered. Hopefully this time apart will be good.


JJ- It sounds like you have learned a great deal from this experience. Helluva price to pay for some wisdom. I can honestly say that, I had to really get it wrong before I could even get close to doing it right. Still learning. It seems all men have an aho gene that can really screw our lives up. You can only minimize it's impact after you recognize it and know that it is part of your being. Cant't get away from it, but you can own up to it. After the aho episodes, which every straight male on this board has, tell them you are sorry. Im sorry babe, I was being an AHO. Thats right, play the Aho card. Hey it is in your DNA, you can't just turn it off completely. It wil surface. Suprisingly they will respect ithat and forgive you for what ever aho foolishness you are responsible for. It gets rid of a lot of the **** that will just feaster if it is not addressed. It sounds oversimplified, but it has made my life a lot easier. Course if you are an aho every single day of your life, it may not work for ya.


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## 2slick (Dec 5, 2008)

iridered2003 said:


> when you got 23 years under your belt and a kid to boot, then you can talk chit. my ladies never felt or needed to stray. im a plumber and you know plumbers, they know how to lay pipe. now, look at your own relationship and your wife. thats what you need to worry about, not me and my wife.is that back bay boy or backdoor boy?


Ha! I've always heard plumbers never took care of the plumbing at home. Guess that would include "laying pipe"? Just funnin dude; my Dad was a plumber.:brew:


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

SlickWillie said:


> Ha! I've always heard plumbers never took care of the plumbing at home. Guess that would include "laying pipe"? Just funnin dude; my Dad was a plumber.:brew:


 my plumbing is all fresh and clean and flows like no other


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## Back Bay boy (Apr 7, 2010)

iridered2003 said:


> my plumbing is all fresh and clean and flows like no other


Ya must be that prison love that had that effect. Maybe I was wrong you use like boy like you ike it. And wow you know your chit I never heard that backdoor boy comment come on man you dont need to convince me it ok they say you are born that way. And never strayed that you know of. Maybe there is a big young buck doing your missed plumming while you are out playing with othere pipes.:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

Back Bay boy said:


> Ya must be that prison love that had that effect. Maybe I was wrong you use like boy like you ike it. And wow you know your chit I never heard that backdoor boy comment come on man you dont need to convince me it ok they say you are born that way. And never strayed that you know of. Maybe there is a big young buck doing your missed plumming while you are out playing with othere pipes.:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly:butterfly


never said "And never strayed that you know of."
dumbace


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## Back Bay boy (Apr 7, 2010)

iridered2003 said:


> never said "And never strayed that you know of."
> dumbace


You are so witty. I am impressed.


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

Back Bay boy said:


> You are so witty. I am impressed.


well then,give a brother some green,NOT!LMAO


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

It's time for a :brew:. at Twin Peak tomorrow anyone?


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## monster (Apr 11, 2008)

I wouldn't have left the house. You may be at odds with each other, but can't you sleep in the guest room and still give each other some space?

Some of the posters here are incredibly tacky. Think what you want, but can't you at least show some class in the way you phrase things. Saying "your wife may be interested in someone else" is one thing, but analogies that amount to "Bubba's banging her" are out of line. Don't be such an insensitive *********.


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## workn2huntnfish (Aug 1, 2008)

monster said:


> I wouldn't have left the house. You may be at odds with each other, but can't you sleep in the guest room and still give each other some space?
> 
> Some of the posters here are incredibly tacky. Think what you want, but can't you at least show some class in the way you phrase things. Saying "your wife may be interested in someone else" is one thing, but analogies that amount to "Bubba's banging her" are out of line. Don't be such an insensitive *********.


C'mon man, chill out, some of us are just having fun. This can't be really true, right? I mean, what genius would put this out on a world wide internet forum for all to see? Certainly, no one would put his personal stuff out for any and all strangers, would you?


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## TxFig (May 4, 2006)

spirit said:


> Of all the people offering advice, how many of you have not been divorced and have been married at lesat 15 years or more?


My wife & I got married when we were 19yo.

In 1981.

Aug 15 will be 30 years for us....

Congrats on your 30th next week.


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## TxFig (May 4, 2006)

jjtroutkiller said:


> Guys the love of my life and my whole world just told me to pack up and leave this afternoon so right now I am sitting in hotel room just trying to make it through the night and then day by day. Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers as I had hoped it would be enough to keep in the game.


I feel for you.

Keep in mind that you have every right to be in that house. If she's fed up, she needs to be the one moving out, not you.

My advice at this point is simple:

1) Get that book I mentioned (The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman). Even if it's too late for this one, it will help when you find someone new....

2) Get a lawyer. Yesterday.


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## C.Hern5972 (Jul 17, 2009)

You have just as much right ot be in the house as she does. Stay in a guest room or on the sofa. No need to be in a hotel and not in YOUR home


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

I just sent my wife some flowers just because w/ a card that says...You're Awesome! rosesm


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## Bobby (May 21, 2004)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> I just sent my wife some flowers just because w/ a card that says...You're Awesome! rosesm


Took mine out for dinner and a movie Wed.
We do that about 2 or 3 times a month.rosesm


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## CORNHUSKER (Jul 12, 2004)

Think I'll give mine a quick pickle tickle just cuz she's been a good girl this week.


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## 2slick (Dec 5, 2008)

C.Hern5972 said:


> You have just as much right ot be in the house as she does. Stay in a guest room or on the sofa. No need to be in a hotel and not in YOUR home


While I wouldn't have voluntarily moved out, you can bet your last buck when she files there will be an hour or so to get your stuff together and go. And the deputy will stay there until you leave. At least that's the way I've always seen it go down. Women still have the advantage over men in divorce and child custody in TX.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

CORNHUSKER said:


> Think I'll give mine a quick pickle tickle just cuz she's been a good girl this week.


She tells me it's always kinda quick with you Brad. :tongue:


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## CORNHUSKER (Jul 12, 2004)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> She tells me it's always kinda quick with you Brad. :tongue:


I'm cool with that, I got mine. Your old lady's flowers just showed up but she was already in a good mood.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

CORNHUSKER said:


> I'm cool with that, I got mine. Your old lady's flowers just showed up but she was already in a good mood.


That's alright, you didn't hurt it any. I just hope you parked in the street so you didn't leak oil in my driveway again. hwell:


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## C.Hern5972 (Jul 17, 2009)

SlickWillie said:


> While I wouldn't have voluntarily moved out, you can bet your last buck when she files there will be an hour or so to get your stuff together and go. And the deputy will stay there until you leave. At least that's the way I've always seen it go down. Women still have the advantage over men in divorce and child custody in TX.


IN some cases you might be right. I know he has a right to stay. It is THEIR house.... You are correct to a point, i know when i went thru it i got the house and the kid..... Raised him since he was 3


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## FREON (Jun 14, 2005)

CORNHUSKER said:


> Think I'll give mine a quick pickle tickle just cuz she's been a good girl this week.





Blk Jck 224 said:


> She tells me it's always kinda quick with you Brad. :tongue:


 With Cornholio its more like a gerkin tickle....that don't rhyme....ok, more like a gerkin jerkin :slimer:


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## 68PVM (Sep 22, 2010)

Coming from a woman's perspective....don't listen to a lot of this woman hate'n stuff on here. YOU man up and do what is right, for her and YOU. Everything you are thinking and are being fed by friends and this forum is the same on our side. 

Remember it has taken this long for her to be unhappy; it is not an overnight fix. If you need to talk, talk to a professional; couples counseling is good (if that


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## Gr8_Outdoorsman (Jun 2, 2007)

Dang man, I really hate to see what you're going through. Two years ago, I went through almost exactly the same situation except mine was a little more sudden.

Like you, things had been going along fine in my mind. There were no warning signs that a lot people point out. We still had relations, weren't fighting and were doing things together up until the weekend I went fishing. I came home on a Sunday afternoon from being at the lake and she had the house really clean and candles burning. I knew something was up when she said there was something that she wanted to talk about. To make a long story short, she told me that she'd been unhappy for a while (while I was working and getting my MBA) and that she wanted to move out for a while to see what things were like being on her own. This talk was on Sunday, she had an apartment on Wednesday and was moved out on Saturday...

I was devastated and completely caught off-guard. I begged and pleaded for her to come home, but she acted very cold and distant when we would speak. She finally agreed to marriage counseling, but chose to quit after the second meeting when she didn't like what she was hearing. 

After she didn't show for counseling, we went a couple of months without contact and it was driving me nuts. Although I was scared I was going to scare her off further, I took her off of all my accounts that I had her listed as an authorized user on. Sure enough, I got the phone call getting cussed up and down for it. It was the hardest thing that I ever did, but I went and hired an attorney and filed for divorce. 

Looking back, I'm very glad that I handled things the way I did. Unfortunately, the ending of a marriage is a business transaction at some point and you must take care of yourself. She did rack up a lot of debt that I would have been responsible for if I hadn't taken her off my accounts. Also, you can't take 100% of the blame. She played her role in allowing things to get where they got as well. 

I wish you the best through this tough time. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone and I feel for what you are going through. My only advice is to keep your head up and be the best person you can be for your kids. Keep your guard up and don't be scared of defending yourself for fear it may scare her off. I got really active in the gym and that was the absolute best medicine.


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## King Ding-A-Ling (May 28, 2010)

Its posts like Gr8_Outdoorsmans that make this site special.. There are some good people on here that have been through it all and someone can learn a lot from their words of wisdom. If I werent so lazy I would greenie up everyone with a helpful post..


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## 68PVM (Sep 22, 2010)

Coming from a woman's perspective...don't listen to a lot of this woman hate'n stuff on here. YOU man up and do what is right, for her and YOU.
Everything you are thinking and are being fed by friends and this forum is the same on our side.

Remember it has taken this long for her to be unhappy; it is not an overnight fix. If you need to talk, talk to a professional; couples counseling is good if that's what you both want, but seek council for yourself and be honest with yourself in there. Don't quit when you hear or realize that you're not pefect.

Again, a woman's perspective...I've been there with all the same feeling and emotions, it's a long healing road, but it is also one that you can look back on and see how much you have grown as a person or as a couple.


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## 68PVM (Sep 22, 2010)

Gr8_Outdoorsman said:


> Dang man, I really hate to see what you're going through. Two years ago, I went through almost exactly the same situation except mine was a little more sudden.
> 
> Like you, things had been going along fine in my mind. There were no warning signs that a lot people point out. We still had relations, weren't fighting and were doing things together up until the weekend I went fishing. I came home on a Sunday afternoon from being at the lake and she had the house really clean and candles burning. I knew something was up when she said there was something that she wanted to talk about. To make a long story short, she told me that she'd been unhappy for a while (while I was working and getting my MBA) and that she wanted to move out for a while to see what things were like being on her own. This talk was on Sunday, she had an apartment on Wednesday and was moved out on Saturday...
> 
> ...


I'm impressed...this is pretty much the truth here.


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## 100 FATHOMS (Dec 28, 2006)

A serious question, the OP hasn't posted since 01:30 yesterday morning. Has anybody heard from him or know him? I hope he is OK.


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## jamisjockey (Jul 30, 2009)

Just don't be surprised if there is another guy. I've seen a bunch of marriages dissolve, and usually the chick only bails if the guy is nuts/abusive, or if she finds another man. Women love security and rarely bail without somewhere soft to land.
Do yourself a favor and don't freak out if thats the case.


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## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

*no*



100 FATHOMS said:


> A serious question, the OP hasn't posted since 01:30 yesterday morning. Has anybody heard from him or know him? I hope he is OK.


No I pmed him about his rnr for sale and to let him know I was praying for him in this hard time but no response ,hopefully he is sorting it out with good results.prayers continue .


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## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

Amen as I finished this last reply he pmed me he is ok prayer answered by God the father how could you not believe wow i got goose bumps prayer on 2cool is so strong a devine intervention in front of our eyes he is ok and well .amen .


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

I am ok, thanks for the thoughts, just don't have internet access anymore.


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## iridered2003 (Dec 12, 2005)

jjtroutkiller said:


> I am ok, thanks for the thoughts, just don't have internet access anymore.


no internet access?? how did you post this?:dance::dance::dance:


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

Was able to get a phone signal


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## Back Bay boy (Apr 7, 2010)

iridered2003 said:


> no internet access?? how did you post this?:dance::dance::dance:


Maybe your wife lowned him her laptop.LOL


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

Haven't been a regular on the site for what seems like years... what ever came of the situation jjtroutkiller?

BTW, my wife and I didn't make it. She was just too far gone, and if it wasn't one guy, it was another, and another. I had to get out for my own sanity. Been single for a little while now, and it is really, really, really nice. Freedom, beautiful women, doing new things I love, friends of all kinds, I still have my kids half the time... just really enjoying life.

Divorce isn't what I wanted, but MAN, I sure do enjoy being single now! Lol

Maybe someday I'll tie the knot again, but for now I'll settle for true love a couple weeks at a time!! It's gonna take one PERSISTENT woman to wrangle me down now!


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## kanga69 (Mar 17, 2011)

Never quite and never give up. It is very difficult to give someone something and not expect anything in return. You have to do that and let her know it is ok. The first think I had to do is recognize it was completely out of her control for the feelings she was having and she wasnt doing it out of anger, it was just an emotion. Get the book "Love Busters", by Dr. Harley. Most marriages fail for one of six fundamental reasons. I thought I was a smart man, but was quick to realize I had no clue in what I was doing. It will go through all of them and from what you originally posted, they will not all apply to you. With that said, the ones that dont apply are coming if you dont do something to stop it. It puzzles me, myself included, why we never choose to fix our marriages when they are not broke. By the time you get to this point, it is very hard, but worth the fight, to fix it. We are human and need to work to be a good mate. If you read this book and take it to heart, you will be a better man and there is always hope, even if we can not see it. Best of luck and I will be praying for you! I was in your exact spot 6 years ago and we made it through and have a better marriage because of it. The hard part, it was touchy for about a year.


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## Spirit (Nov 19, 2008)

I cannot believe this was over a year ago! It seems like yesterday we were having this discussion.


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## w_r_ranch (Jan 14, 2005)

I wonder how it all turned out???


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## snapperlicious (Aug 11, 2009)

If you read his other posts they split.


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

Yes the divorce was final last December, gave up and moved on. Thanks for the thoughts.


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## Cool Hand (Mar 24, 2010)

jjtroutkiller said:


> Yes the divorce was final last December, gave up and moved on. Thanks for the thoughts.


Did you find another mule a kickin in your stall?


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