# How do you cope?



## Fishin Fast (Oct 13, 2008)

My dad died on feb 25, 2010. It's almost been a year and here I am at 1:30 in the morning wishing I could just pick up the phone and call him. I was really close with my dad. I felt like he was invincible even when he told me he had lung cancer. After all he was at the best cancer hospital in the world. He always told me the good news along the way and kept the bad stuff to himself, I can't imagine the burden on him. Things have changed so much in my life in the last year I can't believe I can't talk to him about any of it.

Please someone help me I just can't keep feeling this way.


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## grandpa cracker (Apr 7, 2006)

FF, it is a process and everyone must deal with it in their own way.
I lost my mother on Mar. 17, 2001 and my dad on Mar. 18 , 2001. They were both
laid to rest on the 20th.
Sometimes I wake up and think I`ll give dad a call and then realize, I can`t. As with
most people, I think of them every day .
I accepted things for what they were. They were decent people that lived a good life
and God called them home. I never questioned why as I am not a person to
doubt the purpose of God and what His plans are.
Memories are what I have left and I hold each and every one close to me.
The best advice I can give is to talk with someone that was also close to your
dad . There are others that may also be having a difficult time and talking with them
can help. I found comfort in prayer and thanked the Lord for the time I had with them. It does`nt make your situation any better but there are some that never
got to feel a father`s love and guidance.
Even at my age, I still strive to be the man my dad was and just yesterday my
son said I remind him of Pa Powell so much . That is the greatest compliment I`ve
ever received from my son.
Just keep on honoring your father by being the man he`d want you to be, it`s
going to be okay.


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## monkeyman1 (Dec 30, 2007)

i can't offer much in the way of comfort. i can offer another prospective though.

some of us had sperm donors, not father-figures. my own would come and go, abuse and rob my mother of whatever little bit of money she could accumalate to buy more booze. then call from the jail telling her he had been arrested for something crimes from booze to attempted rape (did a stint in angola for that one). i have no recollection of doing anything father/son with him. i have a number of recollections where he came to the house in the middle of the night and scared mom and us kids. he died a few years back...and i was glad of it. and i'm glad now that i didn't do the things to him that i'd thought about doing many times.

be grateful for the time you had with your father. life could have been very different for you.

ps: don't pity me - i never knew what it was like to have a real father. it came natural as to how to be a good father though.


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## jimk (May 28, 2004)

Fishing Fast,
Sometimes, the passage of time is the only healer. I've wished that I had the words or wisdom to ease another's burden at the passage of a loved one...but I don't.

The death of a loved one is something all of us have to face...if we love...and you're better off for having loved your Dad. They can't come back to us, but we go to them.

Just know that there is "everlasting life" in Jesus Christ and we move closer to Him every day.


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## SpeckReds (Sep 10, 2005)

Unfortunately I have lost many that I have been close to in my life and I miss them all.
The last two have been some the the more difficult. I lost a 28yr. old brother a couple of years ago. 
But the hardest loss of my life has been the death of my little girl(6) in accident in Dec. 2005. The last 5yrs have been difficult to say the least. I can tell you that you Never get over the loss. You just have to learn to live with it and hold tight to the good memories you have together.
The passage of time just covers over the scars and makes it bearable. But the hurt/missing them will never go away.
I pray that you will find comfort.


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## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

Isaiah 40:29, He giveth power to the faint and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. My wife heard me read your post and immediatly told me this verse which she had studied just this morning at Bible study fellowship.I hope this helps .


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## Zork (Jan 11, 2006)

You never get over it. My father passed away 10 years ago from cancer and i still talk to him everytime i get out on the water, i invite him to fish with me. Dad was a Detective Sgt. in Taylor Lake/El lago and i always thought a bad guy would be the one to do him in...not cancer. I always thought dad was Superman as well.


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## catndahats (Sep 15, 2005)

FF, I am not sure if you ever really get over it. I lost my dad too, July 23, 2010, and my sister 10 years earlier. And, just before I came back in the house this morning I was thinking about dad. I read scripture each morning, take a cup of coffee outside on the porch and talk/listen to the Lord. Just now, I was talking to God and my dad during my morning prayers. I miss my dad too. The last 5 years with dad were the most wonderful times in my life. We grew closer, he was my best friend, and it felt like the mantle was being transferred from dad's to my shoulders as he passed. Now it is our turn to carry that mantle as the head of the family. It is a responsibility we don't really ask for, but one we take on for the Lord and our earthly fathers. Do unto others as you would do unto the Lord and glorify your heavenly Father. Your dad would be proud.

Some days I just sit down with the Lord and have a good cry. I miss dad, but find comfort in the Lord. I know he is with the Lord, and he still lives in my heart. Even six months later, whenever I walk into dad's empty house I find myself for a moment catching a glimpse of him, see him smile, can smell him, and still hear his voice. 

When we seek God, our heavenly Father is the same way. You can feel his hand on your shoulder comforting you, His presence surrounding you, hear His voice. Just like dad, the Lord will remind you that it is going to be alright. Your father is still with you, now he just lives in your heart, just like Jesus.

I hope this helps. God bless you brother.


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## Stumpgrinder (Feb 18, 2006)

I lost my brother on Feb 7, 2010 (also to lung cancer) 

When I figure out how to cope I will let you know, I promise. 

I just live day to day and do the best I can keeping in mind that my brother would tell me to " enjoy life and get on with it" 

The best coping tool I've found is my faith and belief that I will seee them all agin some day, by the grace of God


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## Livininlogs (Oct 12, 2005)

You never really get over this all you can do is be happy your father is where there is no pain or sickness. I can tell you what happened to me that made it a little easier. My dad passed and it was hitting me hard. I really didn't have much time to greive when mom died taking care of things and tending to dad who was having a hard time. We cared for dad the last year of his life most of this time in our home the remainder we had to place him in a home because of the extent of care he needed. His last week was not good went into kidney failure. Hospice came in and kept him comfortable. His last day he was really out of it but refused to give up. all the kids came up to see paw paw and say good bye. Each of them gave a hug and kissed him before leaving. I was the last to leave, I bent down and kissed my dad on the forehead then whispered I love you but mom needs you to come home everything is fine here you can go. I got a call at two in the the morning to get there right away. I arrived just in time to tell dad goodbye and see him leave to be with God. We got all the arrangements made and I was not doing well. I went to bed the night before the funeral a wreck I had promised myself I would speak but just didn't know if I could. The next morning in my sleep, a dream real i dont know. There was a blinding light and I saw my dads face smiling at me. I woke up smiling knowing God allowed dad to tell me things were OK. You can call me crazy but the around the next Christmas dads birthday by the way was when we received snow right down to the beach. I think this was a gift from my dad to us. Yea I really miss the old fart but I do know he is doing much better than me.


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## Baycat (Mar 1, 2010)

On March 25, 2010 I lost my best friend, soul mate of 47 years, to bone cancer. It was not supposed to be this way. We married as kids and grew up together, we hunted,fished,camped, she was with me every step of my life. She worked and put me thru college, raised two beauitful kids and we have two grandkids, each turned out to be hard working, church going Americans. I don't know the answer, I don't know how to move on, I think of her every hour of everyday. Just when you think things will be OK, the tears flow, the heart aches and you pray that you can go to sleep and wake up and be by her side. She was such a beautiful person inside and out and I thank the Lord for every minute she was part of my life. I try to put my burdens to Jesus, but the pain is still there. I can offer a verse my friend sent me.
Ephesians 3 vs 16-I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resourses he will empower you with inner strength through his sprit. I hope this helps in some small way.

Baycat


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## DA REEL DADDY (Jun 7, 2005)

There is a lot of good advise here. Just like someone said, _*be the man he wanted you to be.*_ I am proud to say it, but I know I have slowly becoame a better man since my dad has passed away. For that reason, be the man he wanted you to be.

The morning my dad passed away a friend told me that my heart was going to be heavy for a long time. He was telling the trurth. When my heart becomes heavy and I miss him, I reflect on everything my dad did that was good, the fun we had and what he tought me. Then my heavy heart fills with pride and sadness leaves and I remember how proud I am of my dad and then I rasie my chin. Just my way.

Good luck brother and you are in good company and looking in the right place for advise, J.C. and those who follow him. Keep Faith.

Hector G.


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## Aggiedan (Feb 7, 2005)

*Tomorrow Will Be Two Years*

Lost my Mom Feb 8, 2009 to brain cancer. She was 76. Her parents lived to be 93 & 88. I cannot believe its been two years. There is a lot of good advise in this thread that one could take to heart.

Mom was on hospice from early November 2008 until she passed. Her faith was so strong she had no fear of death. My Mom would want you to know that your fear and heavy heart does not come from God. God overcame death for all Men. When I have anxiety I am reminded of a lesson Mom taught me that comes from one of my favorite bible verses.

Matthew 6;26

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

I looked at some commentary on this verse as it offers great insight.

_Behold the fowls of the air - The second reason why we should not be anxiously concerned about the future, is the example of the smaller animals, which the providence of God feeds without their own labor; though he be not their father. We never knew an earthly father take care of his fowls, and neglect his children; and shall we fear this from our heavenly Father? God forbid! That man is utterly unworthy to have God for his father, who depends less upon his goodness, wisdom, and power, than upon a crop of corn, which may be spoiled either in the field or in the barn. If our great Creator have made us capable of knowing, loving, and enjoying himself eternally, what may we not expect from him, after so great a gift? __They sow not, neither do they reap - There is a saying among the rabbins almost similar to this - "Hast thou ever seen a beast or a fowl that had a workshop? yet they are fed without labor and without anxiety. They were created for the service of man, and man was created that he might serve his Creator. Man also would have been supported without labor and anxiety, had he not corrupted his ways. Hast thou ever seen a lion carrying burthens, a stag gathering summer fruits, a fox selling merchandise, or a wolf selling oil, that they might thus gain their support? And yet they are fed without care or labor. Arguing therefore from the less to the greater, if they which were created that they might serve me, are nourished without labor and anxiety, how much more I, who have been created that I might serve my Maker! What therefore is the cause, why I should be obliged to labor in order to get my daily bread? Answer, Sin." _


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## Fishin Fast (Oct 13, 2008)

I'm having another bad night. I just wish he could show me that he is there. It is really hard for me, I know he will be with me when I'm out fishing though. 

I was wondering if I could get some prayers tonite, I'm really wanting to feel that he's with me.

I had a dream a few nights ago. Me and my girlfriend were throwing some kind of extended family party at some really nice house I've never been to. Both of our families showed up and then my dad walked in the door. I was so exited to see him like it had just been a really long time or something. I gave him a big hug, said a few things and my stupid alarm went off.


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## Seeker (Jul 6, 2009)

Fishin Fast, I normally do not do this but I have set around and thought about it way too long. It really puts me under miserable conviction to not be able to give someone an answer or a false sense of hope that I could not provide. Only Jesus Christ can do this and help end the pain.
What can a person tell another person to help them understand what life is all about. The highs and lows, the good times the bad, the painful days, the long painful sleepless nights. The stress. The hate. The love... the list goes on and on. 
But it hit me like a ton of bricks last night. I have never read any of the chapters of Ecclesiastes until last night. It took an hour. But let me tell you, it answered allot of questions that I had about life and how to live it. 
Give it a try. Keep an open mind and let Solomon tell you how the game is played. Like it or not, he is straight forward. He doesn't beat around the bush. It opened my eyes up and I see things pretty darn clear now. 
I will pass this advice on to everyone. Take your pains to YAHWAY the father. Jesus will show you the way. Take it to them and let them deal with it. I know it is painful. But the hope and love YAHWAY has to offer will get you through anything. 
The past is just that. It will rob your future if you let it. It is one of this lives biggest thieves. 
It's just as Solomon say's: Everything is meaningless, like chasing the wind. Expect to die at any moment and thank YAHWAY for every second he has allowed you to live. 
Enjoy life while you can, for it will not be long until the good times will end and you too will be turned into dust once again. You do not have a choice. YAHWAY said it is the penalty for sin and we get to deal with it.
Be sad, be mournful for we are humans and this is apart of life. 
But that is not how YAHWAY intended for us to spend our time. Our lives are short. And they are getting shorter, quicker everyday.
Pick your head up, dust off your shoulder, tell beelzebub to stop whispering sweet nothings in your ear. He has you right where he wants you. And you are letting him win you over. Stop it. Tell him to leave. He is not welcome. 
But when you do, be ready for the sneaky pos to get 7 other followers (demons) and return.
He will come sit his lying, deceiving whiny self right back up on your shoulder and bend your ear again and compound it with other heartaches.
He loves doing this, he feeds off of it and your helping him out. 
Sorry for the rant, I get so tired of beelzebub preying on the weak. Unfortunately, we set ourselves up for it. I will keep you in my prayers. I hope I didn't offend anyone. Sorry if I did.


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## jimk (May 28, 2004)

...also John 14:1(words of Jesus)

_Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me._


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## ccskinnywater (Feb 25, 2007)

FF,

My Father has been gone for some time - I still let him know what is going on - when the Cowboys win, after a good fishing trip, etc. 

This has always helped me.

Best, Larry.


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## fishingtwo (Feb 23, 2009)

I feel for you my brother. Peace in knowing that your dad is in
a better place is some comfort and you in time will see him again there.
I lost my dad to cancer in 1983 and my mom in 2000.
So I know it is tough times for you and will keep you and your family in my prayers.


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