# What do you say when someone dies?



## Ibeafireman

My fire department covers a certain section of I-10 and within the last week we have had two fatality accidents. I try to keep it all at a distance and try very hard not to get emotionally close to the situation but sometimes it is difficult. Anyway, I came across this the other day and I thought it would be something that might help someone who has been left behind.

What do you say when someone dies?
That we don't understand the when's or the why's?
That he was a good man?
That she a good woman?
That our loss is offset by their gain of Heaven?

What you say when someone goes
To that great beyond of which
none of us knows
But trusts in the lord to provide for us all
when He is ready,
When we hear his call?

That He called too early?
That He called too late?
That it is unfair?
That Heaven should wait
Until we've made the right preparations,
Made peace with our neighbors, made
due reparations?

We cannot choose the day nor the hour,
But, would that we had it within our power,
We'd all like to have just one moment more
To say "good-bye" before God
locks the door.

-- by Fritz Steiman


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## The Machine

nice poem


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## boashna

It is a fact that most people die within a mile of their home. So I am moving 

live like it is your last day on earth because it might be specially if you like to fish with certain hard core fisherman with no fear from the sea.


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## Mrs Backlasher

I'm so sorry for your loss.

What can I do to help?

Do you have a minister you can talk with?

Do you have family or friends nearby who can help you make phone calls, etc.?

May God hold you in his arms, give you comfort and give you his strength to get through the next few days.

If you need me, please call me.


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## Ibeafireman

Mrs. Backlasher

Thank you very much for your comments. I did not actually lose a family member or a friend on either one of those accidents but one of them was a child and those are the ones that are hardest for me to deal with. I came across that poem and it reminded me that everything that happens is God's will and that it happend for a reason. The part of the poem that helped me the most was the part about we cannot choose the day nor the hour. I just thought that it might help someone who had lost a loved one.

Thank You

John C. Leggio Jr.


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## Mrs Backlasher

John,

I realize you were talking about the fatalities encountered in your work.

I was responding to your question: "*What do you say when someone dies?*"

Those are some of the things I've learned to say when someone dies. Nothing helps completely. One just has to be sure there are family members, neighbors or a minister who can help that person get over the shock of the first few hours. Much needs to be done during those first few hours, but many times the person has lost the ability to decide and to act without prompting.

Backlasher was a pastor of churches for nearly 30 years. It was an education.

He currently is the chaplain for a Hospice company.

If the burdens of your work get heavy, please send me a note and I'll give you his phone number.


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## ComeFrom?

Listen to Mrs. B. There *IS *effective help. CF?


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## baylvr

I worked as a Firefighter / Paramedic for many years... the one thing I found that gets all that out of your soul is journaling... just write it down, every tiny thing you remember about it and how you felt while it was going on. Incident debriefing right after a serious call is also key. 

I never had a problem praying with a family if needed...that always seemed to help me as much as it seemed to help the family. We do our job, and we go to the station... but the hurt seems to follow us no matter how strong we think we are. Because that nine year old child we picked up that was run over by a car reminds us that we have a nine year old at home... so we go home, we tell our families we love them, we hug our children, we cry and we pray to God in thanks for the "gift" that our family and friends are.

Having lost a brother and my closest friend I can say from experience, it's not the words that come from others so much as the fact that others came to share in your grief... to look up and see those who cared about me there, ready to comfort me in whatever way I required... I found no words were needed.

Thank you for what you do Ibeafireman! God Bless and stay safe!!

~baylvr


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