# Red Neck Church



## Harbormaster (May 26, 2000)

From Father Jerry! The Ukranian Catholic Priest in Cleveland that married us 18 years ago! Hope noone thinks it's out of place here, if so, I'll delete it! I thought it was funny! He's always poking at me! :biggrin: Good guy! 

1. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)

6. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

7. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.

10. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... the collection plates are really hubcaps from a 56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... instead of a bell; you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a ******* Church if... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya heah".

God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers.


----------



## Mrs Backlasher (Dec 19, 2004)

I Love It!


----------



## Harbormaster (May 26, 2000)

God bless you and yours Mrs. B! You're one of the coolest people I've ever met!

Hope Mr. B is doing OK!

You know we have another major gathering on Memorial Day, don't you?

Yourself and Mr. B have a place to stay this trip!

email me!


----------



## JHooks (Feb 8, 2006)

Too funny. Thanks for sharing.


----------



## Bleed~Fish (Mar 4, 2005)

*funny.. but true*



Harbormaster said:


> 4. You Know You're in a ******* Church if... opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.


my familys church in San Antinio actually closes down on openin weekend , cause no one shows up other wise.sunday before there is actually a prayer somewhere in the service to pray everyone is safe in the woods and bags a big one the next weekend. third sunady everyone brings in the pictures to compare, even the minister....


----------

