# Reunion with daughter..



## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Don't normally post issues such as this, but, this one has me in a position I've never been in before. I have no control.
To start, the whole situation is extremely complicated. Nuff said???
My ex GIRLFRIEND from 18 years ago finally contacted me and told me my 15 year old daughter wants to meet me. Its been actually about 10 year or so since I've seen her, and I'm more than a little anxious/uneasy/NERVOUS! I haven't been able to see her for at least 10 years and now an opportunity has presented itself. I'll be traveling to Pasadena Sunday morning with shaky hands and quivering voice to meet my first child....for only the 2nd time. I spent the majority of my hour and a half long trek home talking to the ex about her and trying to determine a "plan of attack" on getting acquainted(work carrying over to personal, strategizing).
After a little discussion and coaching from the lil lady, I'm thinking I might be overthinking it. I just don't want to lose someone I've been searching for, for 10 years plus. 
She said she would text me some photos, which she did, and her address so I could pick them up Sunday.
Well, I received the photos 2 hours ago, but, no address. I'm scared now I may have gotten my hopes up, but remain optimistic.
Did I mention I'm nervous? And anxious? And completely at a loss for words?
Anyway, birthdays tomorrow, weekend off, and this opportunity arose. This has the makings of one of the best weekends of my life!


Â©


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

Good luck, and try to bond/make up for lost time if given the opportunity. I'm divorced and remarried and don't spend near as much time w/my biological sons as I want to. Lots of things missed in their lives thru the years I can't get back...

Try your best.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

DCAVA said:


> Good luck, and try to bond/make up for lost time if given the opportunity. I'm divorced and remarried and don't spend near as much time w/my biological sons as I want to. Lots of things missed in their lives thru the years I can't get back...
> 
> Try your best.


My best is all I have to offer. Along with some help from a woman whom I had a very "rocky" relationship with. 
And, I'm depending on her a lot! 
I'm more scared of a "no show" than any thing.

BTW, thanks for the advice and words of encouragement Sir.
Â©


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## Fish&Chips (Jan 27, 2012)

That is awesome spurgesalty. Happy B-day my friend. Hug your daughter tight and let her know you miss her and love her very much. You will be fine bud. Congrats and I'm happy for you. God bless.


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## the waterman (May 26, 2005)

I don't know you personally but I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers that all goes GREAT FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND and that you can develop a longstanding relationship with her. 

It is never too late. Best of luck


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## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Good luck. Say a prayer. Hope it works out for you.


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## Hevy Dee (May 26, 2004)

*Souns like the makings of a great reunion*



the waterman said:


> I don't know you personally but I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers that all goes GREAT FOR YOU THIS WEEKEND and that you can develop a longstanding relationship with her.
> 
> It is never too late. Best of luck


waterman spoke for me - agree completely. Walk into the meeting with a great attitude, dress decently, don't drink etc. beforehand. Then sit back and be yourself - shes your daughter and could be much like you. So, relax and have a great weekend with your daughter. Plan to do a few things together in the coming months - dinner, fishing trip etc. Good luck and I do not see how you could not have seen her for over 10 years - that would have driven me insane....


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Thanks guys. Its just REAL bad timing as I just started a high profile/time sensitive project a few weeks ago....translation-6or7 days a week till December 17th. I've some friends that can cover for me though....hopefully.

Â©


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## bill (May 21, 2004)

Don't sweat it and don't rush it. 15 year olds in general are a handfull. She might be as nervous or excited or even upset. Get to know each other and go from there.

We will keep you both in our thoughts.


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## the waterman (May 26, 2005)

on the other hand it may very well be the perfect time for her to see that you are putting her first over your job. That could go a long way to building or rebuilding a relationship with her.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Hevy Dee said:


> waterman spoke for me - agree completely. Walk into the meeting with a great attitude, dress decently, don't drink etc. beforehand. Then sit back and be yourself - shes your daughter and could be much like you. So, relax and have a great weekend with your daughter. Plan to do a few things together in the coming months - dinner, fishing trip etc. Good luck and I do not see how you could not have seen her for over 10 years - that would have driven me insane....


Like I said, its complicated and the AG is all about the money and none of the rights.
But, thanks for the reassurance. And from a looooonnnnggggg conversation with her mother, she seems to be more like me than anyone. 
I think I forgot to say I was nervous, anxious, and downright beside myself.

Â©


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## Bull Fish (Nov 15, 2006)

spurgersalty said:


> Thanks guys. Its just REAL bad timing as I just started a high profile/time sensitive project a few weeks ago....translation-6or7 days a week till December 17th. I've some friends that can cover for me though....hopefully.
> 
> Â©


Well that is something y'all can talk about. And it may just mean that some weeks you have one day more than the other weeks to spend with her! I don't get near the time with my kids that I'd like. Good luck


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## Backcast (Jul 22, 2005)

It is a good sign that she wants to meet with you. I do hope you connect with her. I would recommend doing more listening to her than talking. I feel sure some tears will be shed by both and that will be a good thing.

Relationships are such a primal need and I judge you both want to connect.

Best wishes,
Joe


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Thanks again guys.
In conversation with her mother, I asked about what/where to go.
I know I want some time in a location "with an atmosphere hospitable" to talking. Say, a resteraunt for breakfast/lunch and maybe a park or something to hang out and talk. I'm sure she has questions, as well as I. 
Like I said, it's in Pasadena, so any ideas?

Â©


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## Reel_Blessed II (Jun 24, 2004)

Good luck to you..Relish this opportunity and second chance. Listen to her and get to know her.

I thought of this song for your situation and it can pertain pretty much to all of us


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## Backcast (Jul 22, 2005)

a walk in a park sound good.

Joe


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Backcast said:


> a walk in a park sound good.
> 
> Joe


Yessir! Until I checked the forecasthwell:
BTW, the wife is ecstatic as well. She's been a rock from the beginning g and tried as hard as I to fight the AG and make it to this final outcome. My girl is the best!!! 
Any ice cream shops in the Pasadena area? Is there such a thing as a parent/kid lounge?
Â©


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Reel_Blessed II said:


> Good luck to you..Relish this opportunity and second chance. Listen to her and get to know her.
> 
> I thought of this song for your situation and it can pertain pretty much to all of us


Wow!!! That's a powerful song that can make you "hurt". Could you tell me the artists name RBII?

Â©


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## txjustin (Jun 3, 2009)

Good luck man. I am prayin for ya.


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## portalto (Oct 1, 2004)

Hevy Dee said:


> waterman spoke for me - agree completely. Walk into the meeting with a great attitude, dress decently, don't drink etc. beforehand. Then sit back and be yourself - shes your daughter and could be much like you. So, relax and have a great weekend with your daughter. Plan to do a few things together in the coming months - dinner, fishing trip etc. Good luck and I do not see how you could not have seen her for over 10 years - that would have driven me insane....


Excellent advise - be yourself.


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## Reel_Blessed II (Jun 24, 2004)

spurgersalty said:


> Wow!!! That's a powerful song that can make you "hurt". Could you tell me the artists name RBII?
> 
> Â©


Finding Favour


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Reel_Blessed II said:


> Finding Favour


If that isn't ironic....

Â©


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## willsoonbfishin (Dec 8, 2006)

Man I hope it goes well for both of you. If she does no show don't let it take all the wind out of your sails. Build on the momentum that has been established so far and try again. And again if necessary. Remember you're the dad and she's a 15 year old child.


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

Ask God for wisdom and guidance and he will give you favor with your daughter.
Again, good luck and God Bless.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

willsoonbfishin said:


> Man I hope it goes well for both of you. If she does no show don't let it take all the wind out of your sails. Build on the momentum that has been established so far and try again. And again if necessary. Remember you're the dad and she's a 15 year old child.


It wasn't my daughter before. It was her mother....because of her husband.
I....have no intentions of that. He has a relationship with her because of our rocky past. I have no reason to take something away from him he has earned due to our mistakes. He messed up recently(according to the ex), but has made amends.
He nor my daughter is to blame. 
Only myself and my ex for juvenile decisions after her arrival.
Â©


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

Just give her a big hug and tell her how special you feel since she wanted to see you. Everything else will work itself out. Good luck bro.


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## Melon (Jun 1, 2004)

Haute Pursuit said:


> Just give her a big hug and tell her how special you feel since she wanted to see you. Everything else will work itself out. Good luck bro.


x2


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Haute Pursuit said:


> Just give her a big hug and tell her how special you feel since she wanted to see you. Everything else will work itself out. Good luck bro.


Man I hope you're right B. I'm all over the place right now.

Â©


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

spurgersalty said:


> He nor my daughter is to blame.
> Only myself and my ex for juvenile decisions after her arrival.
> Â©


I wish you the best of luck, I wish my wife's ex was that adult.


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## GForce (Aug 5, 2009)

I am in a similar situation. My first wife and I divorced 12 years ago. Our daughter was 2 at the time. Because my ex was so distraught over our split she made it virtually impossible for me to see my daughter. In an attempt to bring some peace to their lives I bowed out completely. That was the hardest thing I ever did. But I thought it would be best for both of them. At 2 years old the last thing my daughter needed was to be passed back and forth between us for the next umpteen years.

Anyway, in January of this year there was a party celebrating my grandparents 65th anniversary. And just as me and my current wife of 10 years were about to walk out the door guess who walks in. My daughter and my ex. To say I was floored would be a huge understatement. There was no warning. No time to prepare. It just happened. In front of about 50 other friends and family members. Apparently, she wanted to meet the part of her family she never knew. Everybody welcomed both of them. 

All I can say is it has been very very very hard to deal with at times. We keep in touch. But it is something that you just can't rush. Dealing with a typical 14 year old teenage girl is hard for me. But I keep trying.


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## FoghornLeghorn (Sep 11, 2012)

I'll be praying for you. Good luck


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## colbyntx (Jul 18, 2013)

Good luck Salty. Just be yourself and let her know that you have been waiting for this day for a long time. I have chatted with you on here and know you are a really nice guy. I hope things go really good and let us know!


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## capt. david (Dec 29, 2004)

Hope it all works out for the best. First off remember your the father, not her parent. She might have resentment and anger over you not seeing her till now. Let her talk, and don't put the blame on her mother ectt...for you not seeing her. Be ready for a not so peachy and cream reunion. Listen.listen,listen to her feelings. I wish you the best in becoming part of her life.


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## brotherDave (Dec 17, 2004)

I wish you the best in this awkward situation. As far as ice cream there is a Baskin Robbins/Dunkin Donuts store on Fairmont Pkwy. 2 miles west of the beltway 8. God bless


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

Don't overthink things....Just be yourself. Listen, be honest with her, and start by just being a friend before her Father, Dad, or anything else. Good Luck.


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## capt. david (Dec 29, 2004)

Friend? Most 15year olds have plenty of friends. More than likely shes reaching out to him because she wants to know her father. Friendships are earned.


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## RACER (Mar 15, 2006)

best of luck to you..Keep us posted


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

capt. david said:


> Friend? Most 15year olds have plenty of friends. More than likely shes reaching out to him because she wants to know her father. Friendships are earned.


Perhaps smart guy...I'm guessing that total omniscience is your birthright.


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## Bearkat73 (Aug 5, 2009)

Dow park over in Deer Park is nice if the weather is good. If not there is a Yogurt shop over off Fairmont in the big shopping center and there is a Chili's in the same shopping center as well. Good luck hope it all works out.


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

I wish you the best. You have every right to be nervous, anxious, excited. It would not be normal if you did not feel that way. Hopefully this will be the start of a great relationship.


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## Pasadena1944 (Mar 20, 2010)

I went thru the same thing with my oldest son....after not seeing him for 16 years...Go some where inside, you don't want to be sitting in the hot sun sweating at the same time that the two of you are getting to know each other.... Best of luck to the both of you.....


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## donkeyman (Jan 8, 2007)

I never been in this situation but went thur a simular situation with my moms dad. I lost contact with him at age five , Long story but one day out of the blue I was a senior in high school and had my own apartment when the phone rang, soon as I heard the voice I knew it was him... he invited me to go Hunting with him that weekend.. I decided to go it was awkard at first ...He did alot of talking and explained to me what had happened and why ... Well he died four years later ,,he was my grandfather and best friend its been around 18 years and I think of him often ...make the best and be honest maybe take her shopping if you can afford that if not just do the best you can do there is going to be a big empty space that she has it will take time but it can all be repaired


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## RB II (Feb 26, 2009)

Haute Pursuit said:


> Just give her a big hug and tell her how special you feel since she wanted to see you. Everything else will work itself out. Good luck bro.


^^This^^
Sounds like a great new chapter is starting in your life. Just be yourself and be a good listener and you will be fine. You can rest easy since she is the one who has requested the get together. My prayers are with you.


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## Paul Marx (Nov 13, 2009)

Write her a letter to be read later on . Take her some flowers . Ask all about her . She's not looking for a friend , she's looking for a father . She asked for her father (you) she has friends. Show her how men should act . Do not put any blame on her mother , they already have a bond that can ruin you. She's of the age and will be dating soon and you need to show her what she should be looking for . This meeting is more important than any job interview you will ever have , dress , speak , and act like it. Ask about thing she always wanted to do , but couldn't because it was a father daughter thing (fishing , camping , that first time driving a car out in the country ) . If she asks you to take her and a friend somewhere remember it's probably so they can go look at boys , give them space , but let her know you're there for her protection. You're young and can make up for lost time , but remember she's of the age she might want to be doing things with friends . Don't smother her , but give her all the time she asks for. This may sound corny but "JUST BE HER DADDY" If all is going good ask her if she wants to ride down to Galveston and walk on the beach or Strand . I'm sure reading this you are all calm now. LOL I wish you nothing but good things.


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

In your Op you said you were at a loss for words. BS! You will for sure be doin some talkin, just look at that post count.
Best advice I saw in the whole thread is to refrain from placing blame. Bad move when trying to convince someone that you are of good character. The other stand out piece of advice is this...it's a she and 15 Y/O. Remain calm. Good luck buddy and may the Lord be with y'all.


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## dicklaxt (Jun 2, 2005)

I just read this post from start to finish and I think all has been said,good luck with this difficult situation.

I as well as all other's I suppose are looking forward to the results and what the plan forward may be.

dick


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## BuddyW (Nov 5, 2008)

*daughter*

Good luck with your meeting with your daughter. My advice for you is to let her tell you what she wants to at her pace. My wife and I broke up when daughter was about 3 years old. I was a lot at fault and thought it better to back off and let x and new husband raise her. I carried that guilt around like a ball and chain for years. Well I'm in contact with her and trying to be a dad the best I could. She had a lot of bad feelings toward me about me not being around. Her mom really painted a bad picture of me. Finally told daughter of her moms short comings during those early years. She had no idea and I had proof of what I told her so there was no denying what I had said. From that day on told my daughter I did not want to live life looking backwards. I only wanted to look forward and live life like it should be lived. Worked for me and hope it works out for you. Good luck brother.


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## Bonito (Nov 17, 2008)

Father, I pray you will give Spurgersalty peace and guidance in seeing his daughter this weekend. I pray you will help them both to begin a relationship like a Father and Daughter should have. In Jesus' name I pray.


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## vt_fish02 (Oct 16, 2009)

spurgersalty said:


> Yessir! Until I checked the forecasthwell:
> BTW, the wife is ecstatic as well. She's been a rock from the beginning g and tried as hard as I to fight the AG and make it to this final outcome. My girl is the best!!!
> Any ice cream shops in the Pasadena area? Is there such a thing as a parent/kid lounge?
> Â©


You can't go wrong at the "Texas Stop Sign" aka Dairy Queen. Every town has one! Congratulations and best of luck!


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## poco jim (Jun 28, 2010)

Good Luck


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

vt_fish02 said:


> You can't go wrong at the "Texas Stop Sign" aka Dairy Queen. Every town has one! Congratulations and best of luck!


Well, I wish that was true, Needville doesn't have a DQ.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Well, I've tried to call 4 times, sent as many text messages, and nothing back on where or when to meet. No address. 

Â©


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

spurgersalty said:


> Well, I've tried to call 4 times, sent as many text messages, and nothing back on where or when to meet. No address.
> 
> Â©


Dang brother. That sux. You have her cell number?


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Yeah, that's the number I've been trying. She even tested me some photos.

Â©


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

Sorry to hear this bud. Maybe your daughter got a small case of cold feet as she is as nervous as you now that it has come time to reconnect. Be patient and she'll be the one contacting you I bet. Best of luck.


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## Duke (Dec 27, 2007)

I only read the first 10 post so this or something similar may of been said. Pray about it and put in God's hands. I would try to be calm but expect anything good or bad and turn it into good. She is probably as worried as you but don't over react if it's not all good. I am sure it will all work out. Please keep us posted.


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## djwag94 (Nov 19, 2009)

Keep the faith, we're all pulling for you!!!


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

spurgersalty said:


> Yeah, that's the number I've been trying. She even tested me some photos.
> 
> Â©


Just text her that you want to reconnect when she is ready and leave it up to her. Not much else you can do. Best of luck to you bro. Hope it works out.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Haute Pursuit said:


> Just text her that you want to reconnect when she is ready and leave it up to her. Not much else you can do. Best of luck to you bro. Hope it works out.


Its my exes number though, not my daughters. I'm just worried about who is making the decisions here. 
The ex has done this before, like I said earlier.
I'm heading out to Pasadena tomorrow morning at 5 regardless. I'll try and make some calls to folks that are on Facebook, and go from there.
The next step is a lawyer, and a trip to the AG. I'm ******* tired of fighting them this way.

Â©


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

spurgersalty said:


> Its my exes number though, not my daughters. I'm just worried about who is making the decisions here.
> The ex has done this before, like I said earlier.
> I'm heading out to Pasadena tomorrow morning at 5 regardless. I'll try and make some calls to folks that are on Facebook, and go from there.
> The next step is a lawyer, and a trip to the AG. I'm ******* tired of fighting them this way.
> ...


Well that is a different story... I figured she had her own cell phone. I would offer to buy her one and pay for it. Momma eliminated.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Haute Pursuit said:


> Well that is a different story... I figured she had her own cell phone. I would offer to buy her one and pay for it. Momma eliminated.


Bro, you missed it. The ex has kept her from me for 10+ years and the AG hasn't even tried to help despite multiple requests. 
I'll go ahead and throw this out there, I have no arrest record or any other reason for disbarment. I'm squeaky clean(no type of restraining order or such)but, I can't get any help.
I can't get ahold of my kiddo. I don't know how except through this one number I have.
But, tomorrow, I'll see how resourceful I am.

Â©


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## Leo (May 21, 2004)

Haute Pursuit said:


> Just text her that you want to reconnect when she is ready and leave it up to her. Not much else you can do. Best of luck to you bro. Hope it works out.


This the best option at this point from what I have read.

Edit..This was based on her having her own phone


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## fishin shallow (Jul 31, 2005)

I'm praying for your brother


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

spurgersalty said:


> Bro, you missed it. The ex has kept her from me for 10+ years and the AG hasn't even tried to help despite multiple requests.
> I'll go ahead and throw this out there, I have no arrest record or any other reason for disbarment. I'm squeaky clean(no type of restraining order or such)but, I can't get any help.
> I can't get ahold of my kiddo. I don't know how except through this one number I have.
> But, tomorrow, I'll see how resourceful I am.
> ...


I hope you get what you you are looking for brother. Buy that girl her own phone and pay for it. No other way to communicate IMO! I wish you the best of luck


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

I already have 3 phones. 1 company, 2 personal. I'll gladly give one of the personals up.......if I ever have a chance.
I've been on the phone with some folks, that seem to be, in the know. I'll keep y'all in the loop.
Â©


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

spurgersalty said:


> I already have 3 phones. 1 company, 2 personal. I'll gladly give one of the personals up.......if I ever have a chance.
> I've been on the phone with some folks, that seem to be, in the know. I'll keep y'all in the loop.
> Â©


You need to take momma out of the equation bro.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Haute Pursuit said:


> You need to take momma out of the equation bro.


I'm trying. I just have to make the initial contact. And as it is, she is that point of contact.
But, like I said, I'm exploring alternate avenues.

Â©


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## Barefoot Boy (Sep 27, 2005)

Just a $20 pre-pay phone at Walgreens, and $20 prepaid card, in case it gets confiscated.

Very often, there's no one more genetically like the dad, than the daughter. Once you connect, you two will "connect".

Best of luck , Spurger:clover:


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## RACER (Mar 15, 2006)

still praying for it to turn out the way God wants it..


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## willsoonbfishin (Dec 8, 2006)

Keep trying to connect. One day she'll thank you that you did. Praying for you sir.


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

This is just a thought but, It's only ~3 more years and she will be able to do as she wants. No more money sent to the lawyers. With evidence like these posts you can show her that you have always wanted her but her egg donor took advantage of the biased courts and kept you away. In time hopefully she will become a good kid and in your life. We all just spekalatin anywayz! Peace be with you, the evil will suffer in the end.


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## troutmauler (Dec 7, 2006)

my 2 cents, If no contact is made, and you are serious, then get a lawyer. Remember, its not about the money, but about the time. Contacting the AG will do no good. Get a lawyer, and they will get the ball rolling. Since you have not been a part for some length of time, visitations may be supervised. But remember, you are at least wanting to meet, and I assume speak on your behalf AND meet your daughter. I assure you, your daughter wants to ask you questions or share her anger. Whatever the outcome, You'll tell her you love her, and always have. She will know this, and will choose to wether to be in your life or not. She's 15, and starting to think indepently. You can make all the excuses why not, but they are just excuses. Sounds like the fire has been stoked, now let it roar. And of course Prayer helps! Good luck!


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Sorry for late update. I jumped to conclusions last night. Got a late night text. Had breakfast with them @ 9 this morning. They're meeting me in 10 to watch the Texans(evidently, big fans).
Its started a bit awkward, but, its progressing though.

Â©


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## fishingtwo (Feb 23, 2009)

good news


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## Won Hunglo (Apr 24, 2007)

spurgersalty said:


> Sorry for late update. I jumped to conclusions last night. Got a late night text. Had breakfast with them @ 9 this morning. They're meeting me in 10 to watch the Texans(evidently, big fans).
> Its started a bit awkward, but, its progressing though.
> 
> Â©


Good luck!


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## JFolm (Apr 22, 2012)

Awesome hope today goes well bud.


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## Trouthunter (Dec 18, 1998)

Well good. Hope it went well and that you will have a good report for us.

TH


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

And the conclusion. First off, let me say, I jumped to conclusions. Big time. The Ex, was a world of help. Regardless of past experiences, I owe her the world on this one.
She's absolutely beautiful! My daughter that is.
As I stated earlier, it was a bit awkward starting off. But, I did plant a big hug on her first off. Man, didn't want to let go. Figured I'd get the majority of the awkward stuff out of the way early
Took a bit of trying(per her mother, she's shy, and she is), but finally was able to strike up conversation and just basically catch up. Basically, spent 3 hours in IHOP talking between the 3 of us, with The Ex coaching me when the kiddo would get up. After finally getting the hint from the waiter(leave people!!!!), we decided on Buffalo wild wings and watching the game.
Spent the next 4 hours (again) just talking and catching up. She's into sports, smart, and is really upset about the way this situation was handled. Yep, here it comes.....
And then, we told her she has a brother(my current wife and I's child). :boom: Kinda threw a lot on an already emotional teenager, but, she took it all well.
Everything turned out wonderfully. No kidding, I'm on cloud nine now. A tremendous weight I've carried for 15 years has disappeared. I'm ready for the next chapter in my life and the decisions that accompany it. Been thinking bout how to introduce my son to his sister That should be interesting.
Again, thanks to all for the advice, well wishes, and kind words. It is, and was, greatly appreciated.:cheers:


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## dbarham (Aug 13, 2005)

best of luck to ya your doing the right thing for sure!!


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## txjustin (Jun 3, 2009)

Very good man!! Take is slow and enjoy everyday you get with your new found daughter!


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## BretE (Jan 24, 2008)

Glad to hear it turned out well. Best of luck in the future!.....


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## TXShooter (Aug 13, 2007)

Glad to hear things are turning out well.


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

Man... That is just great. I am happy for you brother!


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Haute Pursuit said:


> Man... That is just great. I am happy for you brother!


Thanks a lot for all the advice and just talking back and forth last night. It was a great reassurance. I was not in a good mood, and needed a little pick me up. 
Now, I need an anchor


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## ralph7 (Apr 28, 2009)

Good for you and everyone involved, it seems. :cheers:


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

Great news Spurg. I'm happy for you!! Keep the lines of communication with ur daughter open and get as close to her as u can. Precious time has slipped away, and it's time to be the father I'm sure she has needed all these years.:wink:


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## Sugar Land YAK (Jun 19, 2004)

Very cool, good luck sir. How things can change in minutes...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free


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## atcNick (Apr 7, 2005)

Good to hear the weekend turned out great! I'm happy for you bro!


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

spurgersalty said:


> Thanks a lot for all the advice and just talking back and forth last night. It was a great reassurance. I was not in a good mood, and needed a little pick me up.
> Now, I need an anchor


 You are just lucky because I was half drunk! LMAO... :cheers:


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

I'll take any help I can get. The past few days have been an extreme emotional rollercoaster ride. The kiddo just texted me too


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

spurgersalty said:


> I'll take any help I can get. The past few days have been an extreme emotional rollercoaster ride. The kiddo just texted me too


Yeah buddy!


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

I'm going to pm you my phone number because I would like to hear of this reunion first-hand. It just sounds awesome. :cheers:


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## jjtroutkiller (Jan 28, 2005)

This is great news, congrats and thumbs up to the ex for helping you out.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

She really wants to meet her brother.....probably due to the fact he's half her age and...well....I'm sure that'll go over easy.


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## Mick R. (Apr 21, 2011)

spurgersalty said:


> And the conclusion. First off, let me say, I jumped to conclusions. Big time. The Ex, was a world of help. Regardless of past experiences, I owe her the world on this one.
> She's absolutely beautiful! My daughter that is.
> As I stated earlier, it was a bit awkward starting off. But, I did plant a big hug on her first off. Man, didn't want to let go. Figured I'd get the majority of the awkward stuff out of the way early
> Took a bit of trying(per her mother, she's shy, and she is), but finally was able to strike up conversation and just basically catch up. Basically, spent 3 hours in IHOP talking between the 3 of us, with The Ex coaching me when the kiddo would get up. After finally getting the hint from the waiter(leave people!!!!), we decided on Buffalo wild wings and watching the game.
> ...


Sounds like a great meeting. Congatulations.!! :birthday2


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

Call me ***** blanca! LOL


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

No number yet?

Now, I need to tell my parents they're soon to meet their only granddaughter and first grand child.....again. Come to find out, The Ex's mother had brought Izzy to my parents strawberry farm many times!!!! So close, yet so far away for years!!!!!!:headknock:


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## reeltimer (Feb 5, 2010)

awesome ...one day i might get a call like this.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

I just remembered! Mustangeric went through the same thing....kinda.
I thought about his situation and the pleasant outcome to help me through this.


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## mustangeric (May 22, 2010)

spurgersalty said:


> I just remembered! Mustangeric went through the same thing....kinda.
> I thought about his situation and the pleasant outcome to help me through this.


I am glad it is going well for you. I couldn't have asked for a better out come for me. Now it just seems like this is how its always been. If you ever feel like chatting give me a call.


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## cman (Apr 17, 2009)

> Bro, you missed it. The ex has kept her from me for 10+ years and the AG hasn't even tried to help despite multiple requests.
> I'll go ahead and throw this out there, I have no arrest record or any other reason for disbarment. I'm squeaky clean(no type of restraining order or such)but, I can't get any help.
> I can't get ahold of my kiddo. I don't know how except through this one number I have.
> But, tomorrow, I'll see how resourceful I am.


Happy for you and for your daughter. Now that you have this opportunity, I hope you make a good example of yourself and are a rock for your daughter. She is going to need it.

Try to be honest with yourself to start. We all make mistakes in life and being honest with oneself is the first step in ensuring we don't repeat mistakes. The ex can not "keep" someone from their child. That can only happen when one chooses to let it. You've posted over 10,000 times here, gotten married, and raised another child. I'm not judging. That is a blessing in it's own right. Just saying, it would appear as though you walked away more than your ex "kept" the child away.

Texas expanded standard possession order calls for roughly 40% parenting time for the non custodial parent. 
The AG facilitates the collection of child support. They do not give custody help. But it is out there these days and other parents that read this should know there are websites for advice and help just like this site exists for fishing.

The best way to diffuse someone who is angry or upset is to accept blame yourself. Once one does that the "blamer" lets their hackles down. 
I'm really really happy for you and your daughter. I hope that you however admit your responsibility and don't think "nuff said" covers it. Not for me anyway and likely not your daughter. At some point - and I would suggest from the starting point- you accept blame and just be there for her going forward as much as available. 
This will be especially challenging since you had time for a wife and another child but not your daughter. (in her mind)

So my advice is don't try to shirk the blame onto others. Take all your time with your daughter in order to let her know you care. Don't see her when it is convenient for you or convenient for your wife and other child.

FYI- Unless you signed away your parental rights, you can get court mandated visitation. Likely 40% of the time.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

Sounds like it all worked out well! :smile:


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## JFolm (Apr 22, 2012)

Like I told you earlier I am happy for you buddy. Hope you get to let little man meet her. That should help break the ice even more.


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## willsoonbfishin (Dec 8, 2006)

Really happy for you. I don't even know you but I can pretty much tell you're a good man. What a wonderful gift you two are for each other. Congrats!


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## Pasadena1944 (Mar 20, 2010)

I'm happy for you guy....I know how you are feeling right now....


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

cman said:


> Happy for you and for your daughter. Now that you have this opportunity, I hope you make a good example of yourself and are a rock for your daughter. She is going to need it.
> 
> Try to be honest with yourself to start. We all make mistakes in life and being honest with oneself is the first step in ensuring we don't repeat mistakes. The ex can not "keep" someone from their child. That can only happen when one chooses to let it. You've posted over 10,000 times here, gotten married, and raised another child. I'm not judging. That is a blessing in it's own right. Just saying, it would appear as though you walked away more than your ex "kept" the child away.
> 
> ...


Wow... Assume much?


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## cman (Apr 17, 2009)

Like what?


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

cman said:


> Like what?


Pretty much the whole diatribe.


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## cman (Apr 17, 2009)

Had some experience in the above. Thought I'd attempt to provide some insight to the original poster and for anyone else that happens upon the thread. 

A mother can not keep a child from a parent without breaking a court order. If that happens, it is incumbent upon a father to enforce the court order.


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## carryyourbooks (Feb 13, 2009)

OP, this is great news. May God bless you and your family. Some good words to live by: "Let go and let God." Sometimes, its hard to understand why God does the things He does. Many times, we get angry, frustrated, etc. because we don't see the whole picture. We are merely looking though a telescope and only see what is present, while God can see from beginning to end. Remember, everything that happens for the good of God. He wouldn't give you anything you can't handle.


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

cman said:


> Had some experience in the above. Thought I'd attempt to provide some insight to the original poster and for anyone else that happens upon the thread.
> 
> A mother can not keep a child from a parent without breaking a court order. If that happens, it is incumbent upon a father to enforce the court order.


Maybe I took what your wrote wrong, but it just seemed condescending as presented. If I took it wrong, pease accept my apology.


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## cman (Apr 17, 2009)

The main thing is he is getting a great gift as is his daughter and I hope like the others that he hits it out of the park. Did not mean it to be condescending though it differed from the strictly good job dad comments. Tried to sound nice about it. 

At the same time it sounds like, from what he posted, that he may be misled or misleading about some items. 
His business entirely right? But if it is posted here are we allowed to comment on it? 
It may help him deal with his daughter's mother, the AG, the family court, and especially his daughter.


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## boom! (Jul 10, 2004)

cman said:


> The main thing is he is getting a great gift as is his daughter and I hope like the others that he hits it out of the park. Did not mean it to be condescending though it differed from the strictly good job dad comments. Tried to sound nice about it.
> 
> At the same time it sounds like, from what he posted, that he may be misled or misleading about some items.
> His business entirely right? But if it is posted here are we allowed to comment on it?
> It may help him deal with his daughter's mother, the AG, the family court, and especially his daughter.


What exactly is your training in this area? Just wondering.


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

cman said:


> Happy for you and for your daughter. Now that you have this opportunity, I hope you make a good example of yourself and are a rock for your daughter. She is going to need it.
> 
> Try to be honest with yourself to start. We all make mistakes in life and being honest with oneself is the first step in ensuring we don't repeat mistakes. The ex can not "keep" someone from their child. That can only happen when one chooses to let it. You've posted over 10,000 times here, gotten married, and raised another child. I'm not judging. That is a blessing in it's own right. Just saying, it would appear as though you walked away more than your ex "kept" the child away.
> 
> ...


You're right. And yes, I'd did accept responsibility for my inaction in this as well. To the extent I tried to draw the heat off her mother. Like I said, she's more mad at her mother than I, which I don't feel is fair. She and I are equally at fault. I tried to explain to my daughter that even as "adults", we make mistakes. Age and maturity doesn't necessarily mean we're always right, it means we have more experience to draw from to make a better decision. And as you see, we still get it wrong sometimes.
One could assume that since I didn't lawyer up I didn't really want this to happen. They would be wrong. When this happened, I was much younger and not well informed of my rights. Due to ignorance, I lost a lot of time I'll never get back.
See, a can accept responsibility for my shortcomings

Â©


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## donkeyman (Jan 8, 2007)

glad all is going well this has been a good thread with alot of goood advice given


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## redash8 (Nov 27, 2007)

I was praying while reading the entire way through, up until you posted the outcome of meeting with your daughter. Then BAM! I got massive goose bumps! I'm happy for you and your daughter, and pray that things continue to progress forward for y'all.


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## the waterman (May 26, 2005)

I am so happy for you Spurg. The power of prayer really does work!!!! 

And I also said a prayer for your Ex for her being very helpful and that both of you seem to have let your past problems not hurt you being able to be a part of your daughters life.

Congrats again. God is truly great!


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## RACER (Mar 15, 2006)

congrats to both of you


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

Very happy that things turned out good on you reunion. A lot of time we expect the worse, then when things go better than we expected it sure is a relief. Sounds like it was a great meeting and I know you are excited about the future with your daughter.


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

Read all post starting yesterday morning with y'all's 9 o'clock breakfast till now. All good buddy. Very happy for y'all.


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## mrau (Mar 17, 2010)

cman said:


> The main thing is he is getting a great gift as is his daughter and I hope like the others that he hits it out of the park. Did not mean it to be condescending though it differed from the strictly good job dad comments. Tried to sound nice about it.
> 
> At the same time it sounds like, from what he posted, that he may be misled or misleading about some items.
> His business entirely right? But if it is posted here are we allowed to comment on it?
> It may help him deal with his daughter's mother, the AG, the family court, and especially his daughter.





spurgersalty said:


> You're right. And yes, I'd did accept responsibility for my inaction in this as well. To the extent I tried to draw the heat off her mother. Like I said, she's more mad at her mother than I, which I don't feel is fair. She and I are equally at fault. I tried to explain to my daughter that even as "adults", we make mistakes. Age and maturity doesn't necessarily mean we're always right, it means we have more experience to draw from to make a better decision. And as you see, we still get it wrong sometimes.
> One could assume that since I didn't lawyer up I didn't really want this to happen. They would be wrong. When this happened, I was much younger and not well informed of my rights. Due to ignorance, I lost a lot of time I'll never get back.
> See, a can accept responsibility for my shortcomings
> 
> Â©


Sounds like Spurge is owning his part. And Cman I thought you made great points and there's no way you could have made them without coming across as a little condescending. I bristled a little bit at first when I read your initial post. But it became obvious you had good intentions.

My divorce taught me that there are really three sides to a story. Hers, mine and the truth is always somewhere in the middle. Don't get me wrong. My ex will always be an evil, sorry ...... Insert other bad names ........ J/K.

The Internet is such a crazy thing. You spend enough time on a particular forum and develop what I suppose is a relationship of some kind with complete strangers. Never met Spurge but like many others I was rooting hard for a great outcome. Congratulations Spurge.


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## cman (Apr 17, 2009)

Yup. Hats off to you Spurge. Sounds like you will do great and I wish you the best time with your daughter.


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## colbyntx (Jul 18, 2013)

spurgersalty said:


> And the conclusion. First off, let me say, I jumped to conclusions. Big time. The Ex, was a world of help. Regardless of past experiences, I owe her the world on this one.
> She's absolutely beautiful! My daughter that is.
> As I stated earlier, it was a bit awkward starting off. But, I did plant a big hug on her first off. Man, didn't want to let go. Figured I'd get the majority of the awkward stuff out of the way early
> Took a bit of trying(per her mother, she's shy, and she is), but finally was able to strike up conversation and just basically catch up. Basically, spent 3 hours in IHOP talking between the 3 of us, with The Ex coaching me when the kiddo would get up. After finally getting the hint from the waiter(leave people!!!!), we decided on Buffalo wild wings and watching the game.
> ...


That's awesome Salt! I hope you develop that relationship with her and get to make up for some of that lost time. Those little girls are very special!!! My first is a girl and we just have a special bond that I don't have with her 2 brothers. Don't get me wrong, I do have a special bond with my boys but with my daughter its just different. Now, you said she's into sports but does she fish????  If not, you need to get her into the water ASAP! lol


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## spurgersalty (Jun 29, 2010)

Working on it Colby, working on it. Will be the following weekend before the lil coonarse and I get over there. Sure wish "The Ex" hadn't moved so far awayhwell: I could see her and my wife as friends 
I'll post some pics as they come.....with the lil ladys' permission that is. 
*cman, a public thank you is in order. Thank you for your insight and "links".* Also, some people need to be asked the "hard questions" such as the ones you brought up. 
I thought about y'alls advice and this thread the entire time. But, I dared not touch a phone. I'm extremely hostile towards folks that use phones at social gatherings and especially resteraunt atmospheres. Evidently, momma had instilled the same value in my daughter.
All in all, I think this turned out great in 2 ways. 1) I have a daughter now. 2) Other fathers that are ignorant of their rights(such as I), now have much more insight into how to proceed with their divorces/custody disputes.


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## railbird (Jan 2, 2009)

I'm very happy for you Sprugersalty, it sounds like your wife is a wonderful person. You are a very lucky man. I could tell you were a standup guy the first time we met. Prayers sent...


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