# Coping with "Separation"



## warcat (May 22, 2004)

My wife and I have been married for 10 years and 8 months and we have 4 wonderful kids- boy, girl, boy, girl- 8, 6, 4, and 11 months... for the most part, I thought we were happily married. However, about a month ago, I come to find out that she has been unhappy for a good while. She's pointed to several things about me that she's not happy with, all of which I feel are very fixable- little things that I haven't been doing that she's missed so much- making her laugh, talking on a deeper level, doing fun things together, making her feel beautiful, etc. However, since I haven't tried hard enough at these things for several years, she's "fallen out of love with me". For this month we have been "separated" in her eyes, however I don't see it that way, and I have been trying very hard to keep our marriage together... as I love her so much, and I always have each day of our marriage- apparently just didn't show it well enough. But, she isn't trying much. I decided not to leave our home for our kids, and she is happy that I'm staying. We are still very affectionate towards each other, and she tells me she will always love me, she's just not "in love" with me right now. I can live like this indefinitely, as I'm confident she'll fall back in love with me if she's around me long enough. BUT, at the same time, she's been going out and drinking too much for my tastes... at least once a week, and sometimes more, and she hasn't really opened her heart back up to me to allow herself to fall back in love. She has assured my that there is no other guy and that there will not be another guy as she knows that could affect child custody should we end up in divorce. I believe her. For the most part, I'm ok with the situation, but the days she goes out are very hard, as are some days when she becomes distant and is unresponsive to my affection... and really most days are hard in general since I love her so much, and my family is my life. I worry so much that my marriage could be ending. I've considered leaving at least twice now, but feel that would hurt my chances of keeping our marriage together... which is my goal for us and our family. What's a guy to do to keep sane, and ease the worry, pain, and heartache?


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## lovethemreds (Mar 23, 2005)

I am sorry to hear this and pray for your family. I don't know what to do but I think counseling would need to be a step in the process. Are you members of a church that might have some resources? I hope you find some good advice from the guys here.


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## Reel Time (Oct 6, 2009)

lovethemreds said:


> I am sorry to hear this and pray for your family. I don't know what to do but I think counseling would need to be a step in the process. Are you members of a church that might have some resources? I hope you find some good advice from the guys here.


X2. I can't say it better than that. God Bless.


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## BALZTOWAL (Aug 29, 2006)

You story is an eye opener. I guess we get complacent in our relationships and one party gets bored/loses interest. My advice is go to work and do what you did at the beginning to win her back.


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## JJGold1 (May 6, 2010)

You may want to convert her nights out drinkling into date nights that you two can go out and have some fun.


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## fwoodwader (Jul 18, 2008)

Counselling....get to it and involve the kids, they more than likely are picking up on your disconnect. Trust me I saw this happen with my parents and it ended up in divorce.


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## Mr. Breeze (Jan 6, 2005)

Far from a expert here, but you need God in a marraige usually for it to last. You did not mention God in your post. Just sayin'. I'm sure there a some here that will chime in with advice / their experiences for you. Keep the faith. Pray about it. Ask the Lord for patience and advice.


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## capt.sandbar (Aug 31, 2007)

Keep your faith in God. I am praying for you.

I wish the answer was that simple. I have experienced it and have a close friend who has recently experienced it. It takes two people to make it work and only one to destroy it. I hope your wife is truly just going through a stage of selfishness and not being careless with your family. I don't have good feelings about what you have described. But for you to keep things peaceful, you have to find strength to believe her and not control her. She will rebel against anything controlling. Seek counseling if she will go. If she won't, may not be a bad idea for you to go. Stay out of the bottle. That will create unreasonable doubt. Plus you have to stay stable for your family. Reassure her she is the love of your life. Not overboard, but sincerely. Get a weekend or atleast a night away. Try to communicate, but remember, you can't corner her or force her, nature rebels against that.
Don't take blame for it yourself either. Today's world is tough and even tougher raising 4 kids, paying the bills and keeping the family strong. Believe in yourself and the basics of your roots. My prayers are with you!!!


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

God is a very big part of my life. I attend church regularly (with my family). And I speak directly with God each night. I don't necessarily believe you have to be in church to be religious, but you do need to pray and speak with Him as a friend or mentor. Just yesterday, I visited with the priest that married us, and it was very comforting for me. He recommended that I get her to commit to counseling, whether it was with him or a trained professional. She is starting to come around to the idea., but hasn't committed yet.


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## Rusty S (Apr 6, 2006)

If she is going out drinking with friends you had better get ready for the night she doesn't come home, I am gonna guess she is younger than you and probably so are her friends, for your families sake I hope ya'll can work it out. rs


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

JJGold said:


> You may want to convert her nights out drinkling into date nights that you two can go out and have some fun.


I've tried, but she says she is "not there" yet.
It is difficult being rejected by your own wife, but it is something that I have to be willing to deal with to try to keep our family together.


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

Rusty S said:


> If she is going out drinking with friends you had better get ready for the night she doesn't come home, I am gonna guess she is younger than you and probably so are her friends, for your families sake I hope ya'll can work it out. rs


She is actually a year and a half older than me... 38 next month.


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## YoungGun1 (Jan 8, 2009)

First, let me say that I am praying for you and your family during this difficult time. I am a child of a divorced family and let me tell you...it hasn't been easy on me. I am not an expert on the topic but I have seen divorce from another perspective. Here are a couple of thoughts on the issue...

- Ask her if she will go to counseling with you. Do not bring the kids in at this point because you and her need to be extremely transparent at this time (especially at their age).

- If you go to church...keep going! If you don't...give it a try!! 

- Don't put it all on yourself. There are things that both of you could have probably done better so don't wear the entire burden of the separation. 

- Ask her point blank..."do you want to work this out?" If she says yes, then do everything you can to reignite the relationship. If she says no...then that is a different story. 

- Last but not least...I am not trying to make you feel even worse than you already are but I would not be so quick to trust that she is not pursuing other men. My dad teaches a divorce class at church and the "falling out of love" statement is regularly initiated by an extra-marital relationship. It is not a guarantee but I wouldn't immediately reject the idea of possible infidelities (emotional or physical)

Again, my prayers are with you and your family. I hope it all works out.


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

I guess I should mention at this point that I'm not really interested in opinions of what people think she's doing... believe me, I hear it alot from my friends already. I'm interested in ways to get her back- even from the unthinkable. And I'm interested in ways to cope with the difficult times I'm going through now and will be going through.
I am well aware of the possibilities. I am not an idiot.
But, even through this tough time, I trust her word.


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## Tex4x4Fsh (Jul 21, 2006)

I've been through this same scenario a couple times with my wife. All I can say is pray your heart out and pray over her every night even when she comes home from the night out. Regardless of the circumstances, God is more powerful and in time the situation will work itself out. God Bless.


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## Mr. Breeze (Jan 6, 2005)

warcat said:


> I guess I should mention at this point that I'm not really interested in opinions of what people think she's doing... believe me, I hear it alot from my friends already. I'm interested in ways to get her back- even from the unthinkable. And I'm interested in ways to cope with the difficult times I'm going through now and will be going through.
> I am well aware of the possibilities. I am not an idiot.
> But, even through this tough time, I trust her word.


Sounds like you are on the right track. You can count on support from us. Hang in there. She sounds like a good Mom. She will come around.


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## impulse (Mar 17, 2010)

You may not be ready to hear this, but a 36 year old guy with a job, that treats his kids and women okay is a hot commodity. I found that out after my divorce after it became clear that she wasn't coming back.

One of the first statements the counselor I went to made was "by the time the wife decides it's over, it's over". I'm not sure that's universally true, but it was in our case.

You (may) now have a clean slate to completely redesign your life the way you want to live it. Plus, you've had some learning experiences you didn't have when you got married at that age. Make the best of it. 

Best of luck to you.


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## YoungGun1 (Jan 8, 2009)

warcat said:


> I guess I should mention at this point that I'm not really interested in opinions of what people think she's doing... believe me, I hear it alot from my friends already. I'm interested in ways to get her back- even from the unthinkable. And I'm interested in ways to cope with the difficult times I'm going through now and will be going through.
> I am well aware of the possibilities. I am not an idiot.
> But, even through this tough time, I trust her word.


Well...all I can say is trust in the Lord and try and be the man you were when she said "I do". Outside of that, there are no magic tricks or special tactics you can put in place. For a relationship to make its way through separation, it will take both of you. If she is still going to bars as oppose to attending counseling session with you, it may be a waiting game. Be a Christian man and let God take it from there.


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## canada (Apr 17, 2006)

You have been getting some great input from people on the board. Another resource is www.focusonthefamily.org. They have a lot of good information for you from sound pyschologists and trusted counselors. You will get some really practical advice and can even talk to someone there. Change yourself and you change the dynamics of your relationship. Knowledge is very helpful, at least to me it would be. Your wife may also be experiencing post partum depression. Good luck with it all. My heart goes out to you and your situation. I will be praying for you also..


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## Lezz Go (Jun 27, 2006)

Your story really hurts my heart. Especially with the kiddos. All I can suggest is prayer, and marriage counseling if she's willing. Just go after her like you did when you were courting her. Don't give up, and keep posting.


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## Lezz Go (Jun 27, 2006)

YoungGun1 said:


> First, let me say that I am praying for you and your family during this difficult time. I am a child of a divorced family and let me tell you...it hasn't been easy on me. I am not an expert on the topic but I have seen divorce from another perspective. Here are a couple of thoughts on the issue...
> 
> - Ask her if she will go to counseling with you. Do not bring the kids in at this point because you and her need to be extremely transparent at this time (especially at their age).
> 
> ...


Great advice and very true. Been there.


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Don't give up. Get God involved. Talk to her when she'll listen and love her when she won't.


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## rockyraider (Feb 1, 2006)

warcat said:


> I guess I should mention at this point that I'm not really interested in opinions of what people think she's doing... believe me, I hear it alot from my friends already. I'm interested in ways to get her back- even from the unthinkable. And I'm interested in ways to cope with the difficult times I'm going through now and will be going through.
> I am well aware of the possibilities. I am not an idiot.
> But, even through this tough time, I trust her word.


Hey, I'm very sorry to hear about your problems, that really sux especially with the children involved. I know you said your not interested in opinions on what folks think she's doing and only want to focus on how to get her back, but I think we are all focusing on that b/c it has a huge bearing on whether or not you will be able to get her back (in other words, it may not be you, its likely all her). I'm with everyone else, its a huge red flag that she is suddenly focused on going out, especially with four young children at home. That kind of stuff should be on the back burner for any busy adult with children. I hope that by emotionally seperating herself from ya'lls family, she has not wedged a block into place that can't be removed. I guess the point is, it doesn't sound like there is anything that you have done to create this, it sounds like its something that she needs to address and confront. Without her being willing to do this, there may be nothing that you can do. Just don't be afraid to realize that this may not actually be about you, it may be all about her, thus you can ask us all day long how to get her back but no advice we can give will change whats going on inside of her. We all know that life is what it is and that a family unit comprised of working adults, a house full of young kids, chores, bills, etc. never turns out to be the fairy tail that some young women like to imagine for themselves. Thats okay though, realizing what life is really all about and seeing what is truely important in life is all part of growing up. Life changes and we all sometimes wonder how we got here, but its just something we all have to go through. If any of us want to make it we have to be willing to deal with the ups, the downs, and everything in the middle. Good luck to you.


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## 032490 (Jul 25, 2007)

fwoodwader said:


> Counselling....get to it and involve the kids, they more than likely are picking up on your disconnect. Trust me I saw this happen with my parents and it ended up in divorce.


X2 I went through a divorce years ago and would not wish it on my enemy.
See a marriage and family therapist. 
Ken


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## Bevo&Pevo (Jul 22, 2008)

Don't go down without a fight. Keep on swinging. Reinforce your feelings for her at every chance. She won't find any right answers in a bar or bottle for that matter. Prayers sent for the both of ya'. Godspeed. B&P


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## goodwood (Mar 30, 2009)

"Not in love." "For the children." Going out drinking. Unresponsive to affection. Horrible signs. Not all your fault. Women can be very manipulative. If I were in your shoes, I'd pray, hope for the best, do all I can and see what happens.


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## Laguna Freak (Nov 15, 2006)

BALZTOWAL said:


> You story is an eye opener. I guess we get complacent in our relationships and one party gets bored/loses interest. My advice is go to work and do what you did at the beginning to win her back.


X2...and be patient with her. She may be going through a significant, but hopefully temporary, hormonal shift after bearing your most recent child...do not give up if you can hang in there. Remember; great works are acheived by perseverance (Proverbs of Solomon), not by sheer might and intelligence.


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## Bocephus (May 30, 2008)

All I will add is....good luck Brother, I hope it all turns out good for you and your family.


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## Barbarian (Feb 12, 2009)

I am praying for you and your family Warcat. I can only imagine what you are going through. I put my wife through it for at least a couple of years and we came out of it better than ever. I know her friends were saying all the same things you are hearing. Some how she kept loving me and trying her best to forgive me. Jesus Christ came into my life and it all changed at the blink of an eye 11 years ago this month. I have 2 suggestions, 1) Find someone you can talk to 'anytime' that 100% supports your desire to stay and continue loving and forgiving your wife and preferrably is a Christ follower also. 2) Everytime you are home and negative feelings and thoughts begin to creep in, pick up a bible and start reading (if this would be new to you - buy a New Living or NIV translation and start anywhere in the New Testament after the book of Matthew. 

I'll leave you with 2 verses I thought of as soon as I read your post.

John 14:27
Jesus says, "I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid."

Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.


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## CHARLIE (Jun 2, 2004)

Yes, pray a lot and also its plain as the nose on your face. Face up to reality. Just sayin

Charlie


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## BATWING (May 9, 2008)

Very sad and hope for the best for you. With kids and a busy life schedule compounded by the long time you have been together I know how things can go stale. With her approaching 40 I know women sometimes feel like they are losing their youth, beauty etc. Not feel attractive she might be depressed or maybe even hormonal. 

If you love her I would continue to pour as much love into the relationship you can, give her more attention, try new things, send her to get beauty treatments, botox etc. 

Good luck my friend.


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## donkeyman (Jan 8, 2007)

I think there is little advice left to give from what all I have just read stay strong for the kids, I think I would have draw the line on all the going out. Its one thing just having a few drinks after work , but if shes out late thats not a good sign like rusty s posted. Good luck and keep us updated prayers sent .


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## bluewave18ft (May 11, 2006)

More often then not the signs she is presenting are due to someone else. I hate to say it, but I have seen it myself. I know plenty who have heard the same lines. It's like its a script woman pass around. She will likely come to realize your love and security mean more to her. Good luck


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## tbone2374 (Feb 27, 2010)

Love your kids, Man up, and move on... There is definitely more than just the two of you involved in this problem!


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## Timemachine (Nov 25, 2008)

warcat said:


> ....and we have 4 wonderful kids- boy, girl, boy, girl- 8, 6, 4, and *11 months*...


Two word....."postpartum depression".....

Get her some HELP right now. This is SOOOOO common, especially with the 3rd or 4th child.


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

rent fireproof

watch it without your spouse

it will get you pointed in the right direction.


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

Timemachine said:


> Two word....."postpartum depression".....
> 
> Get her some HELP right now. This is SOOOOO common, especially with the 3rd or 4th child.


Watch out for ZOLOFT.....it will flat mess with the mind of the person taking it.

I know there are a place and time for psych meds....so dont start bashing me.


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## InfamousJ (May 21, 2004)

surf_ox said:


> rent fireproof
> 
> watch it without your spouse
> 
> it will get you pointed in the right direction.


good idea... even if they don't watch it together but each should watch it... I highly suggest you to rent the movie Fireproof also just to watch and see what can happen.


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## RockportRobert (Dec 29, 2006)

PM sent.


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## CoastalOutfitters (Aug 20, 2004)

_BUT, at the same time, she's been going out and drinking too much for my tastes... *at least once a week, and sometimes more*, and she hasn't really opened her heart back up to me to allow herself to fall back in love. She has assured my that *there is no other guy and that there will not be another guy as she knows that could affect child custody* should we end up in divorce._

Does she work ? how does she have that much play time w 4 young kids ?

Bottom line here............you have 4 very young children and you both owe them a quality life.

something or someone has turned her head, find out what /who it is.

go to counseling, if the counselor is not telling you what you want to hear, go get another. Meet w your religious leader as well.

do this now, don't chat about it on the net.


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## jd99problems (Sep 20, 2009)

*Practice patience*

Been there and there were times I thought I wouldn't get through it....obviously she isn't happy.....and I find it very rare that a woman will straight out tell you that she's seeing someone else...i've been broken up with and i've done the breaking up and one thing I know is that nobody wants to just come out and say "I'm seeing someone else"....if she's not getting the connection that she needs from you then she is looking for it elswhere.....if you ever wonder if she's seeing someone, then she probably is......read between the lines, she's going out without you because she doesn't want you in her business......that's a sign bro....this may not help much but time will go by and you will be on the other side of all of this and it all happens for a reason......be about your kids....best of luck...


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

Also start to document everything...day planner...dates, times, receipts, etc

It will help if the worst case scenario happens and can be thrown away or burned should you work things out.

If it gets ugly she do everything to paint you as the bad guy...if you have documentation you will prevail. Her going out drinking and not taking care of 4 kids can already be affecting her position on custody. Be the husband and leader of the house and document everything. Also watch her spending

CYA


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## 4 Ever-Fish N (Jun 10, 2006)

Ask her if she is willing to go to marriage counseling. If you are both willing to do that and put forth as much effort as possible, you probably have a good chance. Don't listen to others suggesting there is no hope or she's seeing someone else. Just listen to each other and get some help from a professional. If you're both not comfortable with the first person you go to, try someone else. Good luck! And yes, I've been through this before too. I've been married for 36 years now. Some of it good and some not.


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## Pistol58 (Oct 9, 2009)

warcat said:


> I guess I should mention at this point that I'm not really interested in opinions of what people think she's doing... believe me, I hear it alot from my friends already. I'm interested in ways to get her back- even from the unthinkable. *And I'm interested in ways to cope with the difficult times I'm going through now and will be going through*.
> I am well aware of the possibilities. I am not an idiot.
> But, even through this tough time, I trust her word.


Fishing/Hunting usually helps me deal with stress and difficult times....

I have no real advice here, as I have only been married about a year. Keep your chin up, and good things come to those who wait. Keep fighting....


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## Puma (Jun 16, 2009)

Warcat,

After reading your posts I find it pretty easy to get a feel for where she might be. She has 4 kids and is nearing that 40 year old mark. I am pretty sure she doesn't realize what she is doing or where this may possibly end up. A divorced woman with 4 youngs kids is a really tough row to hoe. 

But, to answer your request as to how to cope. Man, thats really a tough one. The answer would be to do the best you can. Sounds like you are a thinking person and not overly reactive, and it also sounds like you are aware of the possibilities you might face.

I recommend family counceling big time. They deal with this every day. If she will go, great. If not, you should still go. A counselor will definitely help her to gain some perspective on where she is at and what can come of this situation. She really needs this in my opinion.

Hang in there man.....It aint over till its over............


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

Ok, so here we go...
Last night I completely reinforced my love for her... She should have no doubts about how much I love her... I've been doing this all along, but last night I really hit it home with my words and actions.

During the day yesterday she started coming around to the idea of counseling, and last night she said she wants to do it- however, she wants to do it alone.

Now, please send me counseling suggestions in corpus. I presume all counselors would guide a person back to their marriage, but she needs a good one with a catholic (or Christian) background that puts utmost importance on marriage and family. The father that married us said that she should be counseled preferably by a female. Any suggestions?


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## RRfisher (Mar 5, 2007)

I've seen some good advice and some bad advice so you can class mine as you see fit.

It sounds like she's not comfortable with just you two alone, ie she doesn't want to do date nights or counseling, yet. Sounds like she is open to the idea. Why don't you try to start doing fun things as a family. This is a good way to get her guard down, get her trust back and show her that you're working on fixing what she thinks is broken. Possibly from there you can start doing things as a couple and progress to counseling and so on. My 2 cents...

Good luck, it's not going to be easy, I know.


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## HonkyFin (May 28, 2004)

warcat said:


> My wife and I have been married for 10 years and 8 months and we have 4 wonderful kids- boy, girl, boy, girl- 8, 6, 4, and 11 months... for the most part, I thought we were happily married. However, about a month ago, I come to find out that she has been unhappy for a good while. She's pointed to several things about me that she's not happy with, all of which I feel are very fixable- little things that I haven't been doing that she's missed so much- making her laugh, talking on a deeper level, doing fun things together, making her feel beautiful, etc. However, since I haven't tried hard enough at these things for several years, she's "fallen out of love with me". For this month we have been "separated" in her eyes, however I don't see it that way, and I have been trying very hard to keep our marriage together... as I love her so much, and I always have each day of our marriage- apparently just didn't show it well enough. But, she isn't trying much. I decided not to leave our home for our kids, and she is happy that I'm staying. We are still very affectionate towards each other, and she tells me she will always love me, she's just not "in love" with me right now. I can live like this indefinitely, as I'm confident she'll fall back in love with me if she's around me long enough. BUT, at the same time, she's been going out and drinking too much for my tastes... at least once a week, and sometimes more, and she hasn't really opened her heart back up to me to allow herself to fall back in love. She has assured my that there is no other guy and that there will not be another guy as she knows that could affect child custody should we end up in divorce. I believe her. For the most part, I'm ok with the situation, but the days she goes out are very hard, as are some days when she becomes distant and is unresponsive to my affection... and really most days are hard in general since I love her so much, and my family is my life. I worry so much that my marriage could be ending. I've considered leaving at least twice now, but feel that would hurt my chances of keeping our marriage together... which is my goal for us and our family. What's a guy to do to keep sane, and ease the worry, pain, and heartache?


Just a stretch here ,,but this could be a bout of Postpartum Depression.
My wife and I went thru something very similar that your going thru after the 3rd child was born.
Her OB/Gyn was the one who picked up on it after my wife had gone in for a post birth follow-up and complained about some issues she was having.
Just a thought there bro ,,good luck.


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## On The Hook (Feb 24, 2009)

Don't have any specific recommendation, but here is a long list for you to look at.

http://www.google.com/search?q=marr...or+corpus+christi&spell=1&fp=9f2370386c77b788

Hang in there! The fact she is willing to go is a good sign. Good luck and I hope you both find the help you need.


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## YoungGun1 (Jan 8, 2009)

PM sent


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## MikeS2942 (Mar 5, 2010)

Want some advice? Staying together is harder than you think, I know because I failed at it also after 16 years. I look back and realize that there were things I could have done but didn't.

First give her plenty of room, take the kids out somewhere for the afternoon, ice cream, fun, anything but without mom. After a few days ask mom if she would like to go out on a DATE with you, "ALONE" arrange a sitter just in case she says yes.

Take here somewhere romantic, buy her a flower, and pick her up like you did when you were really dating. Spend a nice evening at dinner, dancing, or what ever SHE likes to do. Talk but don't bring up anything related to the home front, this is bad. Let her. Show her you can still be romantic and that you still have what it takes to get woman. 

I cant tell you everything a woman wants but it is the romance and feeling #1 in your eyes. Day to day events cause them to feel left aside, unwanted, and the day to day routine is what they despise. 

If you really want to make it work, it is simple things that your brain can't comprehend, mine didn't. You brain is programmed to fix, build, and repair issues related to day to day things. Theirs is programed from caring, nurturing, and feelings.

Take small steps and let them lead you where they may, for everything that has been said remember this, real friends don't help by telling you how to dump here. Make it last, it will be worth it no matter what you tell yourself.

And last, make sure you and your family attend church, "the family that prays together stays together".


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## Levelwind (Apr 15, 2005)

I'm going to put this as un offensively as I can. 
You've lost her. 
The ONLY thing she will respond to (maybe) is if you accept it, get yourself in order, and quit acting like a beaten dog. Women convince themselves of things in order to avoid reality sometimes, especially when they feel guilty about the reality. 
You can be compassionate and tough at the same time, and if anything will save your marriage right now, that is it. Telling her how much you love her and are willing to change does not reflect strength. She needs to see strength from you in order to feel secure. 
Accept reality, be a good father and a good man, don't be a jerk, but do NOT put up with this. Let her know that this situation cannot exist very long because you will not allow it to. 
Right now she has her cake and is eating it too. You are the BACKUP. As long as you continue as you are, you will be the BACKUP. If she doesn't find anyone better, there's always you to fall back on. 

This approach is neither immoral, or un Christian, etc. Many people didn't accept Jesus and follow Him. He did not beg them. You are under no moral requirement to do so, and it will LESSEN the chance of keeping her. 

Be honest with her. DO NOT TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND WANT HER BACK. Cultivate other relationships (non romantic - but she doesn't have to know that). Be confident. You will be fine. Your kids will be fine. You're a good man and a good Dad. 

Good luck, I will pray for all of you.


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## RockportRobert (Dec 29, 2006)

warcat said:


> Ok, so here we go...
> Last night I completely reinforced my love for her... She should have no doubts about how much I love her... I've been doing this all along, but last night I really hit it home with my words and actions.
> 
> During the day yesterday she started coming around to the idea of counseling, and last night she said she wants to do it- however, she wants to do it alone.
> ...


Again, check your PMs


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## Blue Water Breaux (Feb 6, 2008)

You are in my prayers, as well as your family.


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## LDS (Jul 25, 2007)

Good luck. Many of us have been in similar situations. Kudos for trying to do the right thing. Get a good attorney.


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## Levelwind (Apr 15, 2005)

warcat said:


> Now, please send me counseling suggestions in corpus. I presume all counselors would guide a person back to their marriage,


You presume wrong. They are charged with improving or stabilizing the mental and emotional state of their patient(s). They might very well recommend divorce, it happens a lot and in many cases it is the right course.


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## tbone2374 (Feb 27, 2010)

Levelwind said:


> You presume wrong. They are charged with improving or stabilizing the mental and emotional state of their patient(s). They might very well recommend divorce, it happens a lot and in many cases it is the right course.


 Amen Brother... they made me understand how very unhappy I was with her!


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

Dont marriage counselors meet one on one for the first few times with each side then bring both parties together later on or when they are ready....


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

Levelwind said:


> You presume wrong. They are charged with improving or stabilizing the mental and emotional state of their patient(s). They might very well recommend divorce, it happens a lot and in many cases it is the right course.


Well hell! What good is that?
Now I definitely need good suggestions.


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## knotacare (Feb 1, 2010)

Our Pastor made my wife and I promise to go see a movie called "Fireproof". It was playing at the theater still and when we came out, we were both crying. I highly recommend you find this movie and watch it. Good luck and God bless


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## Bozo (Jun 16, 2004)

I haven't read all this, but I'll say that you're putting up with too much BS. In or out, make a choice. There ain't no such thing as riding the fence on commitment to a marriage. 

Marriage ain't all a bed of roses. Sounds to me like she's mixing up infatuation with love. Infatuation subsides in all relationships like the ebb and flow of the tide. If she can't live with that then she is destine for a lot of broken dreams.


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## kdubya (Jun 27, 2005)

warcat said:


> Well hell! What good is that?
> Now I definitely need good suggestions.


If you go in expecting a counselor to "save" your marriage, you are dead wrong.

They give you guidance. Sometimes, the guidance is not what you "want" to hear.

It's best to pack up and move on sometimes...

Kelly


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## Ckill (Mar 9, 2007)

Women love to play this game, lets call it 'feelings over reality'. The reality is she is making excuses so she can get out of the house. She is using the 'fall out of love' thing to play your heart strings(it seems to be working). Ever heard the phrase 'man of the house'? Women don't like to admit it but they want one. You have to figure a way to snap her back to reality and not wallow around trying to cater to her feelings. Over simplified? Yes. True? Yes. Take it for what its worth.


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## Levelwind (Apr 15, 2005)

warcat said:


> Well hell! What good is that?
> Now I definitely need good suggestions.


I gave you good suggestions. Accept that she is gone. If you get up out of the fetal position and quit blowing snot bubbles and act like a man she might come back. If you keep "proving your love to her" she will not. If this sounds harsh, it's not intended to. It is your best, last chance. Blow it and there won't be another. She is either done done done and letting you down easy, or she is confused looking to YOU for STRENGTH. In the first case there's nothing you are going to do. Oh, yeah, with kids and all, if she's a decent person you might GUILT her back into a bad (for her) relationship. For a while. She'll leave eventually. DON'T DO IT.

Work on yourself and let her do as she chooses, but don't put up with cheating, running the bars with her "freinds" etc.

When you lose her respect it is over over over no matter how much she "loves" you. She won't ever be "in love" with you.

OH, and by strength, I don't mean shouting, or any kind of abuse or cruelty. If you had a good strong father who tried to set you right, but let you make your own mistakes and pay the consequences, and was compassionate at the same time, that's what I mean. Don't be a patsy.


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## LDS (Jul 25, 2007)

Levelwind said:


> I gave you good suggestions. Accept that she is gone. If you get up out of the fetal position and quit blowing snot bubbles and act like a man she might come back. If you keep "proving your love to her" she will not. If this sounds harsh, it's not intended to. It is your best, last chance. Blow it and there won't be another. She is either done done done and letting you down easy, or she is confused looking to YOU for STRENGTH. In the first case there's nothing you are going to do. Oh, yeah, with kids and all, if she's a decent person you might GUILT her back into a bad (for her) relationship. For a while. She'll leave eventually. DON'T DO IT.
> 
> Work on yourself and let her do as she chooses, but don't put up with cheating, running the bars with her "freinds" etc.
> 
> When you lose her respect it is over over over no matter how much she "loves" you. She won't ever be "in love" with you.


Yep...X2


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

Levelwind said:


> I gave you good suggestions. Accept that she is gone. If you get up out of the fetal position and quit blowing snot bubbles and act like a man she might come back. If you keep "proving your love to her" she will not. If this sounds harsh, it's not intended to. It is your best, last chance. Blow it and there won't be another. She is either done done done and letting you down easy, or she is confused looking to YOU for STRENGTH. In the first case there's nothing you are going to do. Oh, yeah, with kids and all, if she's a decent person you might GUILT her back into a bad (for her) relationship. For a while. She'll leave eventually. DON'T DO IT.
> 
> Work on yourself and let her do as she chooses, but don't put up with cheating, running the bars with her "freinds" etc.
> 
> ...


X3...I don't feel her not letting you know sooner that 'she hasn't been happy for some time now' shows much responsibility on her part in maintaining a healthy relationship. If she wasn't honest & forthcoming about what was going on with her then, why would she do so now.


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## plgorman (Jan 10, 2008)

Ever seen a movie called 'Fireproof'? Look into it.


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## monkeyman1 (Dec 30, 2007)

emotions change for many reasons, post-partum being one of the reasons. those that have been married for >10 years know that the emotions come and go, wax and wane. this is why it's so important that marriage be a committment, for better or worse (abuse aside). after all, what does it really mean to be "in love" versus just "loving" something? the excitement is lacking? excitement and attention she finds at the bar from some drugstore cowboy?

you both need marriage counseling, not her to simply "go to counseling". she has to WANT it to work for it to work and going to a MARRIAGE counselor is proof that she wants it to work.

i, like others, strongly suspect there is someone else in her life tickling her ears with romance. she's had a taste of another lifestyle and apparently likes it. you need to consider this as being true and decide if you can handle the work to make it work.


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## bluewave18ft (May 11, 2006)

Levelwind said:


> I'm going to put this as un offensively as I can.
> You've lost her.
> The ONLY thing she will respond to (maybe) is if you accept it, get yourself in order, and quit acting like a beaten dog. Women convince themselves of things in order to avoid reality sometimes, especially when they feel guilty about the reality.
> You can be compassionate and tough at the same time, and if anything will save your marriage right now, that is it. Telling her how much you love her and are willing to change does not reflect strength. She needs to see strength from you in order to feel secure.
> ...


I wish I could have said it this good. I agree.


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## JDS (Jul 14, 2004)

Levelwind said:


> I'm going to put this as un offensively as I can.
> You've lost her.
> The ONLY thing she will respond to (maybe) is if you accept it, get yourself in order, and quit acting like a beaten dog. Women convince themselves of things in order to avoid reality sometimes, especially when they feel guilty about the reality.
> You can be compassionate and tough at the same time, and if anything will save your marriage right now, that is it. Telling her how much you love her and are willing to change does not reflect strength. She needs to see strength from you in order to feel secure.
> ...


X 1000. Don't be mean to her, but quit moping and be yourself. Give her space and be the strong confident person you are. Take up a hobby and involve the kids and keep her at arms length for a while. Imo, you don't need to out your foot down, just don't let her be a priority in your life right now.
Good luck brother, I will be praying for you.


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## Bigwater (May 21, 2004)

I will add a few things that will help you in the long run.

Don't leave the house and move out. The first one to leave usually loses the custody battle.
Don't tell her your asking for advice here, she'll drop in and get all your ammo.
Leave a recorder around the house if she stays there and you run out and run errands or something. You'll get more ammo and most likely your feelings hurt but its good ammo. In divorce court recordings only have to be made known to one party and thats you.
Document everything she says, keep a daily diary. 
Secure any bank accounts that she can get into that is not hers. 
Record phone calls from her as one day the call will come that will put all the pieces of the puzzle together. 
Think real hard about what she says you are not giving her. I can almost guarranty shes wrong. It is nothing more than an unjustified pitty party.
Start figuring out where she goes at night. One day you'll need to know and you'll need to prove it. 
Do not talk bad to the kids about her or say anything about it to them. 
Document every time she does it if she does. Document any weaknesses she has with the children if any. 
If she leaves do not find another woman until the divorce is settled. This helps you gain custody of the children. Once either one of you files for divorce no one can spend any bank accounts or sell anything. Think about that and what you should do should that happen.
I know my post is not what your looking for. i am giving you clues in case it goes South. The part where she says she loves you but is not in love with you just makes me want to Barf. She's head trippin and thinking of nothing but herself. Not you or the children.

Bigwater


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

monkeyman1 said:


> emotions change for many reasons, post-partum being one of the reasons. those that have been married for >10 years know that the emotions come and go, wax and wane. this is why it's so important that marriage be a committment, for better or worse (abuse aside). after all, what does it really mean to be "in love" versus just "loving" something? the excitement is lacking? excitement and attention she finds at the bar from some drugstore cowboy?
> 
> you both need marriage counseling, not her to simply "go to counseling". she has to WANT it to work for it to work and going to a MARRIAGE counselor is proof that she wants it to work.
> 
> i, like others, strongly suspect there is someone else in her life tickling her ears with romance. she's had a taste of another lifestyle and apparently likes it. you need to consider this as being true and decide if you can handle the work to make it work.


I understand the strong possibility that she is lying, and that there is indeed another guy. I've even talked with her about different things as if there was another guy. I've told her that I don't care who it is, he can't compare to me. I'm better looking, more confident, a WAY better Dad, a better provider, and she and I BOTH know that I am the man in the sack (which I know she'll come back for no matter what happens... you can take that to the bank). I've even told her that the "new and exciting" that she "might" be feeling will wear off, and that they are doomed right from the start because of our kids, because of me (you can bet I'll try), and because of how they started. The fact remains, that I still want her as my wife, and I still want us married, and I still very much love her- she is the love of my life and the mother of my children. I can win any competition... even that for the love of my very own wife.

Is there really another guy? F if I know, but I've been treating it that way.


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## robp (Jan 17, 2007)

First of all, ignore levelwind. he is either divorced or will be one day. One correction on one think you said. You said you didn't believe you needed to be in church. The bible actually tells us to. And it is where our support team is located. The problem today is too many people have opinions about what the bible says and no knowledge of what it actually says. My church teaches the bible word for word, line by line and that is how you gain knowledge about God's word. My name is Rob Parnell and I attend Calvary Chapel Houston which is located in Freindswood TX. I am in the prayer room after 1st and 2nd service and would love to pray with you. One thing is true, God created marriage and he has guidelines for a successful one. The drinking your wife is pursueing for what ever reason is the sin the enemy wants us all to pursue. The enemy promises joy and gives death. Tell your wife your sorry and bring her and your kid's to church Sunday. Why? Because you are to be the spiritual leader of your household. If you are filling yourself and your family with anything less that God, you and them are empty. The church website is www.calvaryh.org for directions. God bless you and your family. rob


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## fishinguy (Aug 5, 2004)

You let her know where you stand now I would just give her some space. Smothering her and trying to talk to her all the time won't help. She know where you stand. Focus more on your kids and making sure they are taken care of first. I'd suggest counseling and I would also suggest that you start looking for an attorney. Don't be stupid about divorce not saying it is going to happen but it looks like a possibility.


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

robp said:


> First of all, ignore levelwind. he is either divorced or will be one day. One correction on one think you said. You said you didn't believe you needed to be in church. The bible actually tells us to. And it is where our support team is located. The problem today is too many people have opinions about what the bible says and no knowledge of what it actually says. My church teaches the bible word for word, line by line and that is how you gain knowledge about God's word. My name is Rob Parnell and I attend Calvary Chapel Houston which is located in Freindswood TX. I am in the prayer room after 1st and 2nd service and would love to pray with you. One thing is true, God created marriage and he has guidelines for a successful one. The drinking your wife is pursueing for what ever reason is the sin the enemy wants us all to pursue. The enemy promises joy and gives death. Tell your wife your sorry and bring her and your kid's to church Sunday. Why? Because you are to be the spiritual leader of your household. If you are filling yourself and your family with anything less that God, you and them are empty. The church website is www.calvaryh.org for directions. God bless you and your family. rob


Thank you Rob, your words really help. We have been going to church regularly thru this time, just as we have before this time. I sit beside her and we pray the Lord's Prayer together, hand in hand, each mass- surrounded by our kids, who also say the prayer with us. What's been missing for a while is confession and receiving the Eucharist. I've asked her to go to confession and feel she will be going soon. She is actually much more religious than I am, so I know whatever she is going through will eventually take its toll on her soul, and she will break down.


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## Hoggin' it (Oct 27, 2006)

Tons of good information on here, from guys who have been there. My ex of 4 years now was doing the exact same things and saying the exact same things. I was doing what you are trying now, believe me it didnt work. I had piti parties for myself every day and told her I would do whatever was needed to make this work. This is not what they want, you havent changed, she has, so dont beat yourself up over that. Seperation is the beginning of the end, so stay in the house if you want to try and make it work. Mine never did come around and the partying and lying was more than I could handle. We have 2 small kids, so I am tied to her for a long time, I deal with her as little as possible and realize now, I am better without her. 
I hope yall can make it work, divorce sucks, whether you wanted it or not.


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## Levelwind (Apr 15, 2005)

robp said:


> First of all, ignore levelwind. he is either divorced or will be one day.


And what did I say that you believe is incorrect, or bad advice, Rob?

And yes, I'm divorced. I woke up a little too late. I'd like to see warcat avoid that. But I'd rather see him happily divorced than he and his wife miserably married, if it comes to that.

Steve


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## kdubya (Jun 27, 2005)

robp said:


> First of all, ignore levelwind. he is either divorced or will be one day.


Doesn't matter. He speaks the truth, regardless of his own personal experience.

Kelly


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## txgoddess (Sep 21, 2007)

Levelwind said:


> I'm going to put this as un offensively as I can.
> You've lost her.
> The ONLY thing she will respond to (maybe) is if you accept it, get yourself in order, and quit acting like a beaten dog. Women convince themselves of things in order to avoid reality sometimes, especially when they feel guilty about the reality.
> You can be compassionate and tough at the same time, and if anything will save your marriage right now, that is it. Telling her how much you love her and are willing to change does not reflect strength. She needs to see strength from you in order to feel secure.
> ...





kdubya said:


> Doesn't matter. He speaks the truth, regardless of his own personal experience.
> 
> Kelly


She has 4 kids, she's approaching 40, and she's quite possibly got someone paying some attention to her and making her feel attractive. Now, I'm not saying she's having an emotional or physical affair... yet. She's headed that way, though. It's time to put your foot down. Tell her that you love her, but you need a commitment from her to try to fix what ails the marriage or it's time for her to find a new homestead. If she loves you, it won't take long for her to realize it. If she doesn't, you haven't wasted months being walked all over.

Good luck. I hope it works out.


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

Get a 2cooler to tail her on a night she goes out with the girls.


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## G-O-T-B (Jan 15, 2010)

Tell her that you love her and want her in your life. And in the next sentence tell her that going out to bars and drinking is for single people, and that is what she will be if she continues.


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## artofficial (Oct 3, 2005)

G-O-T-B said:


> Tell her that you love her and want her in your life. And in the next sentence tell her that going out to bars and drinking is for single people, and that is what she will be if she continues.


BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## donkeyman (Jan 8, 2007)

surf_ox said:


> Get a 2cooler to tail her on a night she goes out with the girls.


 that could be a bad idea ....I never been divorced but I was told by a old man who spoke from experence..."another good woman will heal the heartache"


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## txgoddess (Sep 21, 2007)

InfamousJ said:


> yeah, have 007 hit on her and see if she goes for it... wait.. that might not be a good test.


If she does, it'll be a sure sign that she needs to be heavily medicated.


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## TXXpress (May 23, 2004)

Check your PM's from last night right after you posted this thread.

Best advice is right here from Bigwater. Been there and done it. It will be very shocking evidence if it goes to court. It changed my whole divorce. It's not illegal, it's your house. Hide everything (Tapes, recorders, document files), and make sure she doesn't find it. Think of your kids. As they say, "An ounce of prevention..."

Hopefully things will work out, but if they don't... Make sure you have the upper hand when you kick her to the curb.



Bigwater said:


> I will add a few things that will help you in the long run.
> 
> Don't leave the house and move out. The first one to leave usually loses the custody battle.
> Don't tell her your asking for advice here, she'll drop in and get all your ammo.
> ...


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## bluewave18ft (May 11, 2006)

Put a voice activated tape recorder in her car under the seat. If she is like every other woman that's where she is doing her talking. Dump cell records for detailed info on who she is talking to. She is talking to someone. It may be romantic or it could just be a shoulder. Either way info is power. That power could be ammo in a divorce or just good relationship repair info.


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## monster (Apr 11, 2008)

Best of luck to you. Very difficult situation.


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## Hook 'Em (Jan 3, 2005)

Circle up the wagons and ready up the rifles. I'd fire the first shot and force the issue. It's time to get on with the gettin' on.


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## BuddyW (Nov 5, 2008)

TXXpress said:


> Check your PM's from last night right after you posted this thread.
> 
> Best advice is right here from Bigwater. Been there and done it. It will be very shocking evidence if it goes to court. It changed my whole divorce. It's not illegal, it's your house. Hide everything (Tapes, recorders, document files), and make sure she doesn't find it. Think of your kids. As they say, "An ounce of prevention..."
> 
> Hopefully things will work out, but if they don't... Make sure you have the upper hand when you kick her to the curb.


Getting ready to go through the same more than likely. I agree with the above. Have all the amo you can get. You have to look out for your kids and yourself. I don't have kids, but split ups are hard anyway and I've been documenting everything including having pictures of abuse. I will use this only in case of divorce.

Good luck to you, I hope she comes around and is not cheating on you.


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## txgoddess (Sep 21, 2007)

fishinlady said:


> Getting ready to go through the same more than likely. I agree with the above. Have all the amo you can get. You have to look out for your kids and yourself. I don't have kids, but split ups are hard anyway and I've been documenting everything including having pictures of abuse. I will use this only in case of divorce.


Been there, done that. PM me if you need anything.


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## Bonito (Nov 17, 2008)

I was married for 23 years and was blind-sided when my ex said the same thing to me. I will always love you but I have fallen out of love with you. 

Don't walk around the house with that sad puppy look on your face. Man up and be strong for your children. I know this is tearing you up on the inside. Treat your wife with love and respect but don't haggle her with your feeling of sadness. Let her have her space and don't hassle her about going out. Smile and tell her to be careful and call you if she needs anything. I know exactly what you're going through and I know the mistakes I made when my ex and I seperated. 

Tell her you need a little time for yourself and expect her to take care of the children when you're not there. Go have a couple of drinks yourself with some buds and go fishing or hunting or whatever you like. Don't act like it's the end of the world. A little bit of indifference just might get her attention. 

I'll keep you and your wife in my prayers.


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## CHARLIE (Jun 2, 2004)

Well levelwind is 100 % correct. Quit being a puppy dog and be a man. As I said much earlier its as plain as the nose on your face. When she finds out she cannot continue to manipulate you she will make the decision. Does she want to stay or does she want to go. As long as you puppy dog she will continue to do as she pleases. Put a stop to it. Put the pressure where it belongs back on her. You need to know now. Seen this in my lifetime many times. She doesent want you at the counselor because she doesent want you to hear whats really going on. 

Charlie


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## KEN KERLEY (Nov 13, 2006)

Marriage is hard work - after 45 yrs. I should know. We only had 2 kids and sometimes they were a handful. I imagine, having 4 kids under 10 yr. has got to be tough just about everyday. We want everyday to be one filled with romance and fun but life isn't that way. 
I'm sure there isn't somebody your wife is seeing but I'd be will to bet that there is someone she gets a warm and fuzzy feeling over whenever she's around him. Your wife needs to understand that she's living in the real world and not a world of roses and laughter. But, back your thinking up about a decade. What did you do to please her before you were married? You put her first a lot didn't you. If it's not too late, do it again. Now there is a whole family to think about. Kids need both parents but not in a home where there is unrest and friction. 
Y'all both need advice on what to do. Talk to a counselor if you don't have pastor to talk to. If you have friends that have gone through this, they would probably be willing to talk straight with you. 
Whatever you do, don't give up until all hope is gone. Good luck and God bless you and your family.


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## deke (Oct 5, 2004)

Rusty S said:


> If she is going out drinking with friends you had better get ready for the night she doesn't come home, I am gonna guess she is younger than you and probably so are her friends, for your families sake I hope ya'll can work it out. rs


That is a REALLY BAD sign. This leads to bad things happening, they think it is just "drinks" with friends, but by doing this they are putting themselves in a place/situation where bad things can happen. I know of two people that drinks with friends had led to cheating and divorce.



surf_ox said:


> Also start to document everything...day planner...dates, times, receipts, etc
> 
> It will help if the worst case scenario happens and can be thrown away or burned should you work things out.
> 
> ...


PLEASE do this! I know you want it to work, but don't bury your head in the sand while this is going on, I guarantee you she isn't. And being the good guy will get you ****ed in the end for sure!



Levelwind said:


> Right now she has her cake and is eating it too. You are the BACKUP. As long as you continue as you are, you will be the BACKUP. If she doesn't find anyone better, there's always you to fall back on.
> 
> Be honest with her. DO NOT TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER AND WANT HER BACK. Cultivate other relationships (non romantic - but she doesn't have to know that). Be confident. You will be fine. Your kids will be fine. You're a good man and a good Dad.
> 
> Good luck, I will pray for all of you.


Great points!!! She is playing you like a fiddle,and because you are a good guy and want to keep her you are allowing her to do so. Doing this will not keep her or get her back, you need to be somewhat indifferent but still nice. You need to show her you can go on without her, because right now she sees you as weak and is manipulating you.



Levelwind said:


> You presume wrong. They are charged with improving or stabilizing the mental and emotional state of their patient(s). They might very well recommend divorce, it happens a lot and in many cases it is the right course.


X100! Do not rely on them to save your marriage, they will not do so. They very well might just tell her to leave you. Going alone is Ok for the first appt, but you really need to be there together. If she can't talk about what is bothering her in front of you, that is a really bad sign.

Reading your posts you seem to feel that she is just fielding her oats and she will come back to you if you just keep being such a great guy. And that she can't help but come back to you, etc.. IMO you are sadly mistaken, and telling yourself what you want to hear. If she has told you that she has fallen out of love over the last two years, that is a long time for her to come to terms that she is done with you. They plan well in advance when they pull this ****. So it isn't like she has been feeling this way for a couple of months. And I do have a question, why did she have another child with you if she hasn't been in love with you for a couple years? Doesn't sound right to me, so maybe some post pardum is involved.

Try to step away and look at her behavior, and yours in return. Now what would you tell your best friend if he was going through this, and his wife and he were acting just as you and your wife are. You will see more clearly what you need to do. I know it is hard to think about, but I know from experience, that those close to you looking in can see a lot more than you think, and will have an impartial view of what is really happening. I had everyone I now telling me to leave my ex, they could see what I would not allow myself to see, and now that I look back they were all 100% correct, and I was wrong. But I wasn't ready to allow myself to see what really was going on, I made up my own reality, one that made me feel better, in the short run that was great. But in the long run it made everything worse.

I hope things work out for you bud, I really do, I know this is so hard it makes you want to curl up in a ball and just cry. But you have 4 kids to worry about, so focus on THEM and YOU, not HER! Do what Biggie and Surf_ox said and document everything. Just becasue you are a good dad, that won't do you **** bit of good in front of a judge. Start protecting yourself, and your kids now, if things work out then no big deal, but if they don't you will be ahead of the game and you and your kids will the better off for it. Good luck.


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## canada (Apr 17, 2006)

Just keep the faith and ask God for guidance to find a good counselor. He will help you find one..keep asking around or whatever. TRUST..


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

Thanks for all the posts and pm's... Gonna take a little from everyone's playbook and see what happens. This ain't over yet, and I'm in a decent position to make a comeback!

Btw, for the most part, she hasn't seen me as a mess... I've kept my cool in front of her, and I don't even think i've shed a tear in her sight thru thus whole time... But I have been a little weak in my words. Started that change yesterday.


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## 2slick (Dec 5, 2008)

Praying things work out for you. Good advice so far, except I wouldn't take the advice to go out for a few drinks with the boys. I would especially pay attention to the ladies that offered their advice; they probably know a little better what the wife is thinking than us guys.

I will say one thing, take off the blinders. This kind of thing happens every day. If she hasn't found someone, she is looking.


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## reeltimer (Feb 5, 2010)

Do ya'll have cell phones together some of the new cell phones with gps tracking will track her movement's....... just sayin. Cover your ***** bro.My first marraige ended in the big D but i got the kids and house.I hope it work's out for ya'll for the kids sake.She is just going thur a midlife crisis.


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## long shot (Sep 23, 2006)

I feel for you brother, my prayers are with you and your family. Im not going to be pretentious and give you advice on your relationship. However, when I was going throgh some problems myself I took up running. Ive always been somewhat of a runner but I really upped the routine. After pushing my body to the limits on the run it released alot of stress and tension not to mention it just made me feel better about myself. Just a thought to try out to help you get out of the dumps....even if it is just for the 30 mins you running.


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## whozurdaddy (Aug 23, 2010)

surf_ox said:


> rent fireproof
> 
> watch it without your spouse
> 
> it will get you pointed in the right direction.


x-10 on Fireproof...It worked!


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## Cool Hand (Mar 24, 2010)

Levelwind said:


> I'm going to put this as un offensively as I can.
> You've lost her.
> The ONLY thing she will respond to (maybe) is if you accept it, get yourself in order, and quit acting like a beaten dog. Women convince themselves of things in order to avoid reality sometimes, especially when they feel guilty about the reality.
> You can be compassionate and tough at the same time, and if anything will save your marriage right now, that is it. Telling her how much you love her and are willing to change does not reflect strength. She needs to see strength from you in order to feel secure.
> ...


EXACTLY.Hit the nail on the head here.Go out yourself and find a good ole dirty leg and move on this kind of thing will kill you inside and fast to.


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## fishsmart (Dec 5, 2004)

If you want her - you are not out until you are out. Keep her away from other women who have marital problems as they are negative influences. Your object is to stay in the game. Suck up.

Think of these times like the last 30 seconds of a basketball game - it's time for the full court press. Suggest you make a list with her of what you need to fix and do it ASAP. Divide the list into "absolutes" and "would like to have next". Deliver the "absolutes" and most of the "would like to have next."

Pray as you need God for your coach not me.

Charles


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## drfishalot (Sep 9, 2004)

I'm curious who she is going out with, married friends or single friends?
other than that, sorry, don't have anything to offer.


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## troutslayer (Feb 7, 2006)

There is an old saying ...."He who loves least in a relationship ...controls it"

Sounds like she is controling yours......seperate yourself but dont leave the house....go fishing with the kids...go out for a drink...dont let her know that your hurt inside
Ive seen it before.....women go through this at this age.....4 kids almost 40
on and on and on....she needs to feel wanted and if it aint from you it will be from someone else
harsh reality........she may already be gone...........

some good advice from others...put your foot down....man up and splain to her that the status que is not going to work ......

good luck


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## mudcatz71 (Jun 8, 2006)

Don't give up..... Never been in your shoes, but have be in lttle relationships where was told something along those lines and made her mind up for her. That ain't the right thing to do. No matter how it ends up just know you gave it your all to save it. Check out the movie ( Fire proof). Don't go try to drink it away either, it causes more problems. Some how i know that part too well.

Are these friends of her's single ladies??? If so they are your enemy......


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## USMCBay (May 4, 2006)

...11month old baby. Bro for me and my wife I set her postpartum hormones into action after our 2nd baby with too much work. It can be a really hard time. We had a year of the same and here's what I found out through experience and counseling.

*Seek PROFESSIONAL counseling. Churches are great - I'm a God Fearing Christian but if only one choice I'd do a christian professional. Both Pro and Church are good IF THE COUNSEL IS GOOD!!! 
*Continue to do your part and love her.
*Don't take the bait when it comes to arguing - you'll only hurt your position.
*You have to cut the outside influences out... the hardest part in my opinion because love and caring from others (ie, friends, family, etc.) is love off of a shelf. She can run to it anytime and not HAVE TO go to you to begin the repairs and the new process. 
*Think with your head - not your heart for now. Emotions are fuel to the fire. 
*Realize she has gotten the false picture of the perfect person out there somewhere. It doesn't exist. This is worse with those who dated a lot when single. It's the Potatoe Head syndrome... She see's this part better or that part better from someone else. It's a false reality... Tough one to get the other to realize.
*Don't toss your story around at work. This needs to be taken serious and with pinpoint accurate moves. Buddy talk is dumb when it comes to fixing your marriage.
*Do the things she needs to feel loved - expect NOTHING in return. 
*Pray, Pray, Pray. Get recommended Christian Books on Marriage. 
*Recognize this is not the end of any road - no matter how it works out. Divorce is vicious and only creates more problems than it will ever solve! 

Just some notes from my experience and we are in love again!!!!!! Today she will tell you it was outside influence and hormones out of whack! 
God Bless you brother. It's a tough time. Kick it's butt by being a Solid Rock! Don't take the argument bait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## WESTTU (May 23, 2007)

Being married at 26 or so and having 4 kids in 10 years, she is just feeling that she missed something in her life and is now wanting to catch up...drinking is not the answer especially with a weak heart because men sense that and soon she will have some male friends so you need to halt the drinking or get it under control because then there will be a mistake happen and she will regret it later but it could ruin the marriage.

I got married at 21 and we went through something similar after 5 years but we set up meetings with our pastor and worked things out.

Once we worked things out we both read the *5 Love Languages* and it help both of us in understanding how each other needs to me loved. We are now over 10 years and have 2 beautiful girls...


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## flatwound (Mar 30, 2010)

decide how you are going to handle being alone !
Divorce rate almost a 100 %.and you are on the list .
you'll be forced to accept some things soon,it is really difficult. But you can handle it.
You have to ! For long time now the decision has not been in your hands.
Good Luck !


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## luv2fish (Mar 21, 2005)

Mark 10: 27 with GOD all things are possible. 


Equally yoked and equal values and GOD centered lives are important,


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## tbone2374 (Feb 27, 2010)

Like I said, you can't force someone to love you, Man up and enjoy your daughter.


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## Gary (May 21, 2004)

Rusty S said:


> If she is going out drinking with friends you had better get ready for the night she doesn't come home, I am gonna guess she is younger than you and probably so are her friends, for your families sake I hope ya'll can work it out. rs


A man of common sense.


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## flatwound (Mar 30, 2010)

What is amazing and baffling to me.
That the same man that sounds so hurt and helpless in his "coping with separation", If he was put on a MLR in a foxhole .would fight to the death without hesitation, for his buddies.
And Men, have the reputation for insensitvity???
???? 
Man or Woman ~ you can't cure" Lowlife "".


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## Cool Hand (Mar 24, 2010)

Yea sounds like someone is getting the coals poured to them....time to move on.Good luck buddy.


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## tec (Jul 20, 2007)

Whatever happens keep your self respect. Good luck.


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## sharphooks (May 4, 2005)

ask if you can go out drinking with her? have a good time wiht her and her friends!


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## goldie (Nov 17, 2008)

Like was said earlier you are a loving husband with a job " hot commodity " wanting to keep the marriage alive. I do not know of too many men out there willing to take on the responsibility of raising 4 young children for the next 20 years
Good luck and keep praying


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## xtreme (Jan 9, 2010)

sharphooks said:


> ask if you can go out drinking with her? have a good time wiht her and her friends!


 Dont do this! 
smothering her will hasten her departure. If she really wants to leave then she will and nothing will stop her. At some point you are gonna need to man up and lay it out for her. are you staying or are you leaving. Pick one. sorry if I sound like an *** but I have been thru this and usually when they use the line " I love you but I am not IN love with you" It means they are in love with someone else.


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## hound dog (Feb 24, 2010)

My wife and I did a book called "True Love" It gives you a 40 day challenge to tell you and show her how much you care. Loving is more than just that. it involves listening ang careing. She does not have to do the book. You can do it and it is a stepping stone process to the 40days. It helped us, and I realized my faults along the way.


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## Can't buy a bite (May 19, 2010)

I've taken the time to read every single post in this string before opening my mouth.
Having my first marriage end in divorce afer 20 yrs, I spent a LOT of time reflecting on "what happened".
My reactions to our marital problems were much like yours, and that was my downfall.

You said the key works in your very first post. "You don't make her laugh anymore and don't do fun things together".

This is THE KEY to salvaging your relationship. The day to day routine of raising children and being a parent has taken the thrills from your life. If you want to make it work, DO NOT get all serious with her. Long talks are seen as boring, and as a sign of your weakness.
Start by clowning around and being silly with your children. Really let your hair down, dress goofy, let your daughter paint your nails, take silly faced pics together, whatever... it will strengthen your bond with the kids and as they say, laughter IS contagious. Your wife will respect you for this and can eventually be drawn into it as well. 
Carry this laughter medicine into your personal lives. 
BE SPONTANEOUS! BE CREATIVE! Plan things together which are completely out of character. Only you and your wife know what has become routine... But stop them!... NOTHING SERIOUS.

Next, I spent nearly $5K on marriage counseling, only to have her lying to the counselor and myself so I am definitely NOT a believer in the professionals. She just stalled for time while got her affairs in order. Remember, you are the counselor's business. If they quickly resolve your troubles, their cashflow stops. It is in their best interest to keep you coming back, and often.
The only people I would trust would be a pastor or priest.

Finally, start protecting yourself JUST IN CASE...
You don't want to face it, but it's possible. Put a keylogger program on the computer she uses. Detailed phone records. Daily log. 
If you ever need it, you'll be glad you did.

Good Luck


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## Bobby (May 21, 2004)

Been married for 41 years to the same woman. Do what I do. I am taking her out to dinner and a movie today. We do this about every 2 to 3 weeks.


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## Cool Hand (Mar 24, 2010)

Bobby said:


> Been married for 41 years to the same woman. Do what I do. I am taking her out to dinner and a movie today. We do this about every 2 to 3 weeks.


Good idea.


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## roundman (May 21, 2004)

same thing with a buddy i know, all of a sudden after divorce was final , another guy showed up, she going out drinking shes looking if not already found another, good luck


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## Cool Hand (Mar 24, 2010)

roundman said:


> same thing with a buddy i know, all of a sudden after divorce was final , another guy showed up, she going out drinking shes looking if not already found another, good luck


Exactly,somebody is hittin it already.:cloud:


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## great white fisherman (Jun 24, 2008)

Drinking is for sure not the answer. For some reason I feel that something else is going on in her life.


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## Bull Red (Mar 17, 2010)

I would offer advice, but I think there is plenty of good advice in here already. You will just have to sort it out from the BS that so many have posted. I know this is an incredibly tough situation for you. You may need to find a way to step away from it temporarily to clear you head. Prayers up. I hope all works out well for you and your family.


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## King Ding-A-Ling (May 28, 2010)

No one should have to go through that but unfortunately it happens to the best of us. 

Im not about to tell you what you should do. Only YOU know the exact circumstances. Some of the ppl that chimed in have some interesing points, esp the ones talking from experience. 

When a girl wants to leave a relationship thats on them. I feel like I deserve a girl that wants to be with me and that I shouldnt stay with someone if they are questioning their love for me. I have too much self respect to settle for someone who isnt 100% in the relationship. .

Good Luck! Only you can make the best decision!


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## Bigwater (May 21, 2004)

Bobby said:


> Been married for 41 years to the same woman. Do what I do. I am taking her out to dinner and a movie today. We do this about every 2 to 3 weeks.


Tell us a little more. What happens when ya'll get home?

Biggie:biggrin:


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## fishin styx (Jun 30, 2009)

Bigwater said:


> Tell us a little more. What happens when ya'll get home?
> 
> Biggie:biggrin:


Matlock


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## Hogsticker24 (Oct 7, 2008)

Love knows no boundries. Man hate to say it but sounds like the begining of the end. Surround yourself with people. Go fishing, hunting, have some beers with your buddies. Time heals. If she is running the bars that no good. Giving her her space is hard but if you crowd her it will push her away more. Stay busy. It will work out either way. God has a plan for you. Keep praying about it.


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## Nokillbill (Nov 27, 2006)

since your listening to a bunch of strangers ill throw my 2 cents in. in my experience the 2nd wife is much better than the first


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## wickedinhere (Oct 4, 2004)

Nokillbill said:


> since your listening to a bunch of strangers ill throw my 2 cents in. in my experience the 2nd wife is much better than the first


You hit the nail on the head right there.


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## rpduke (May 19, 2005)

Nokillbill said:


> since your listening to a bunch of strangers ill throw my 2 cents in. in my experience the 2nd wife is much better than the first


X3!


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## fishin styx (Jun 30, 2009)

Nokillbill said:


> since your listening to a bunch of strangers ill throw my 2 cents in. in my experience the 2nd wife is much better than the first


I love my wife but I wouldn't do it again.


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## TrueblueTexican (Aug 29, 2005)

*Its unfortunate*

Marriages are a 50/50 proposition these days, any marriage takes WORK, I don't care how much you may or may not be in love. After work comes commitment, and thats the unfortunate part, most couples fall in and out of love over a long relationship, thats where the for better or worse part comes in. As the song goes, "tonite she jumps some fences but didn't quite get free, shes cools as a stranger when she walks in the door, shes breakin in a new routine for the man who walks the floor."

Your kids are the more important part of your life as a couple, for some reason a lot of women feel trapped in their mid-thirties, they say men go crazy at fourty, but I think women do it sooner. Hang in there if you can, counseling is certainly encouraged, but don't let the bar scene string out too long -- sit her down be honest, she may say things you don't want to hear, things that will just kill you, marriage enders, but you need to let it hang out here - sometimes in spite of all the love you may have she is gonna walk, sounds like she already is looking for the way out the door to me.

I hope it works out for all concerned.


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## kdubya (Jun 27, 2005)

Bigwater said:


> Tell us a little more. What happens when ya'll get home?
> 
> Biggie:biggrin:


He takes them teeth out and works them magic gums .... :bounce:

Kelly


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## wshniwasfshn (Oct 14, 2010)

Coming from soneone who grew up in a home where my parents didnt show affection nor did they say I love you or anything like that, its very damaging on children. Seek counseling its the best thing you can do and if you find a good one they can save your marriage and your life. I know at age 19 when my parents where on the absolute closest point you can be to getting divorced an amazing therapist saved their marriage and I have never seen them happier. Dont leave the kids and dont leave your wife it will make your life only that much more difficult. If you dont do anything at least open a Bible...I may be only 23 but I have been through alot (son at 19 and a time consuming custody battle all while working and going to school full time and finding time to fish and have a fiance now with another son on the way)


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## Yams (Jul 16, 2008)

Dont let her put it back on you.

Sure, you may not have lived up to her expectations in some instances (as you mentioned) but she also has a responsibility to the marriage as well.

If it had become that bad for her, she should have made that clear then, and not waited until it was bad enough to want to leave you.

Stand up for yourself and let her know it is a two way street. She is putting it off on you to help her cope with the guild of stepping out on you, and that is a chicken ***** thing to do on her part.


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## danmanfish (Jun 17, 2010)

Yams said:


> Dont let her put it back on you.
> 
> Sure, you may not have lived up to her expectations in some instances (as you mentioned) but she also has a responsibility to the marriage as well.
> 
> ...


I agree.. it takes 2 to make it work and something important like a marriage doesn't get put off for 2 yrs if she was not "feeling" the love. going out to drink and possibly exploring her options isn't good either. heck she has a 11 month old at home.. I hope its just her hormones and you both get past it soon..


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## Bobby (May 21, 2004)

Bigwater said:


> Tell us a little more. What happens when ya'll get home?
> 
> Biggie:biggrin:


That is none of your business.


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## Cool Hand (Mar 24, 2010)

Bobby said:


> That is none of your business.


Yea,besides it will make me throw up hwell: no teeth?......yuk!


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## twoZJs (Jul 23, 2008)

Nokillbill said:


> since your listening to a bunch of strangers ill throw my 2 cents in. in my experience the 2nd wife is much better than the first


x4. LevelWind is so correct. RobP, you are out-of-line asking one 2Cooler to disregard the wisdom of another. Most of the 100+ posters to this tread know where this Titanic is headed and it isn't to another sunrise. Prayers yes, for the young hearts and WarCat when their sails shift for that beginning.

As few stated, marriage counseling ones are not out to put themselves out of a job.... Save the money for full capture of the babies and suing the POS that broke-up your family. Once he hears of this suit, he will bolt like a peppered coyote. WarCat have the locks changed by then. There are too many super good women needing good men as you.

After work-place beer-mancing is so common and usually one tries to buy time for the other to get their moves in order to physical move from existing partners. 
Dam-it, this breaks my heart when involved babies less than teen years.

WarCat, good strategy advise here, man-up, cut the loss, move it! Just dang too bad we (trusting ones) hook with what we do to have our children and get slammed when least looking for it. If she did give-in to you this time, you will not ever relax this mistrust thought of 'when will she walk again', no ifs, but when.

Corpus isn't that large, your friends may know more than you realize and would tell you something if ask. Are you in the active service?

Prayers for you and young ones. As brothers of this same type history/experiance, we wrap our arms on your shoulders across the way, around the bend, there are much brighter days coming with the wind to your back. Keep the stress from the eyes of the little ones, they are smart and can read it quick. As said many times, "tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your lives". Greet it with a . Get-er done!


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## CHARLIE (Jun 2, 2004)

Whoeeee this thread is still going on ? I caint believe it ya mean this guy hasent put his foot down well, I guess he never will. Thats life

Charlie


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## 11andy11 (Aug 12, 2004)

man, I am going through the exact same thing right now. I am just a little further on down the road. Significant other says she doesn't love me anymore wants a trial seperation. We can try dating again in 6 months blah,blah,blah. Well come to find she has been busy with her new man for the last six months. She was constantly going out to bars and coming home at 4 am. Sucks cause we have a four year old. One thing I will tell you is when its time you gotta cut your losses. After 14 years its all down the toilet. When it comes time to hire an attorney I recommend a fellow 2cooler gut hooked. He is a straight shooter. Good luck, and hope it works out for the best. Remember the kids are what is important.


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## Pistol58 (Oct 9, 2009)

TrueblueTexican said:


> Marriages are a 50/50 proposition these days, any marriage takes WORK, I don't care how much you may or may not be in love. After work comes commitment, and thats the unfortunate part, most couples fall in and out of love over a long relationship, thats where the for better or worse part comes in. As the song goes, "tonite she jumps some fences but didn't quite get free, shes cools as a stranger when she walks in the door, shes breakin in a new routine for the man who walks the floor."
> 
> *Your kids are the more important part of your life as a couple*, for some reason a lot of women feel trapped in their mid-thirties, they say men go crazy at fourty, but I think women do it sooner. Hang in there if you can, counseling is certainly encouraged, but don't let the bar scene string out too long -- sit her down be honest, she may say things you don't want to hear, things that will just kill you, marriage enders, but you need to let it hang out here - sometimes in spite of all the love you may have she is gonna walk, sounds like she already is looking for the way out the door to me.
> 
> I hope it works out for all concerned.


I do not agree with this statement. A relationship with Christ first, then your spouse, then your children. Im no Dr or shrink, but I have heard this time and time again. Too many couples put their children(s) as a higher priority than the relationship with the spouse.


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## 2slick (Dec 5, 2008)

Pistol58 said:


> I do not agree with this statement. A relationship with Christ first, then your spouse, then your children. Im no Dr or shrink, but I have heard this time and time again. *Too many couples put their children(s) as a higher priority than the relationship with the spouse.*


No novice here. I've been married to the same woman 41 years, and raised two sons. Our children are a gift from God, and we are responsible for their well being. While we always did our best to maintain a good relationship, our children came first. Would you actually ignore a child of yours if your wife demanded your attention? I hope I misunderstood your comment.


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## day18 (Dec 1, 2005)

His comment was meant to say that most couples screw up by putting their kids first in everything but your kids need to see what a relationship looks like between a husband and wife. That means that yes the kids come second. You should make time with your wife to go on dates in such and don't bring the kids with you. They will move out eventually and then most couples are at a loss of what to do at that point. The correct order if you believe in what the bible teaches is relationship with God, Wife , and then kids. The problem occurs when the child is a the center of everyones attention and then we wonder why they are so self centered.


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## Pistol58 (Oct 9, 2009)

SlickWillie said:


> No novice here. I've been married to the same woman 41 years, and raised two sons. Our children are a gift from God, and we are responsible for their well being. While we always did our best to maintain a good relationship, our children came first. Would you actually ignore a child of yours if your wife demanded your attention? I hope I misunderstood your comment.


its not about ignoring or neglecting your children. Its about placing things in the correct order or perspective. Your saying your kids ruled the roost? The problem with this "order" is, the kids get older, move out, then what do you and your spouse have?

Read Ephesians 5:22, 28-31


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## OxbowOutfitters (Feb 17, 2006)

Most guys your age dont have a Clue, But YOU on the other hand have it toghter.. Green comin ur way & I dont throw green unless its well worth it
Oxx..



YoungGun1 said:


> First, let me say that I am praying for you and your family during this difficult time. I am a child of a divorced family and let me tell you...it hasn't been easy on me. I am not an expert on the topic but I have seen divorce from another perspective. Here are a couple of thoughts on the issue...
> 
> - Ask her if she will go to counseling with you. Do not bring the kids in at this point because you and her need to be extremely transparent at this time (especially at their age).
> 
> ...


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## Pistol58 (Oct 9, 2009)

day18 said:


> His comment was meant to say that most couples screw up by putting their kids first in everything but your kids need to see what a relationship looks like between a husband and wife. That means that yes the kids come second. You should make time with your wife to go on dates in such and don't bring the kids with you. They will move out eventually and then most couples are at a loss of what to do at that point. The correct order if you believe in what the bible teaches is relationship with God, Wife , and then kids. The problem occurs when the child is a the center of everyones attention and then we wonder why they are so self centered.


Exactly what I was hitting at....you posted while I was typing. My wife and I took several premarital classes, because we do not want to be another statistic. Every class had this same message.


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## catcherflo (Mar 22, 2006)

time to start fishing again


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## tennisplayer2 (Feb 6, 2008)

Prayers sent.


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## King Ding-A-Ling (May 28, 2010)

Why is it that 99% of the time the male is the one who is in his position?


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## redash8 (Nov 27, 2007)

In response to the last question, Mr. King, my husband would be the 1%. I've read through all the posts and just wanted to add that maybe, like my husband's previous marriage, there was so much time and effort put forth to raising the kids first all of those years, that you neglected each other? 

Also the question has been raised about 2 years going by that she's stewed on this and then decided to say something. I can personally tell you that I like to take a lot of time to analyze issues that I may have with my partner before speaking my mind. Call me stubborn, I am. I have always held things inside because I want to make dang sure that my thoughts are sorted out before expressing them- especially serious stuff like your wife has claimed. My husband gets agitated that I hold stuff in for that long. Maybe in her mind, she feels for the last 2 years that she has been doing her best to continue being a good woman to you and the family, only to get the same reaction/ mundane life day in and day out? I am not on anyone's side, just posing questions that have popped in my head. As someone else has stated, men are factual and want to fix things when they are "broken". Women are emotional...need I say more?! 

Maybe she is trying to make up for lost time by going out? I do hope it's temporary and she realizes how good she has it at home. 

I hope y'all are able to make the best/ right decision for your family before it escalates. 

Ashley


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## mtaggie03 (Jun 14, 2005)

bluewave18ft said:


> Put a voice activated tape recorder in her car under the seat. If she is like every other woman that's where she is doing her talking. Dump cell records for detailed info on who she is talking to. She is talking to someone. It may be romantic or it could just be a shoulder. Either way info is power. That power could be ammo in a divorce or just good relationship repair info.


Man, talk about a blast from the past. Been divorced for about 3 years now and above is exactly what I did. This whole string of posts is like Deja Vu. I did not have any kids so your situation is much more complex. Sux but the above quote works effectively (actually put the recorder up underneath the steering wheel...recordes much better). Go to best buy and spend a couple $100 on a good one. Batteries last about a day and you can download all the audio on to your computer. Swap batteries when she is showering at night or in the morning.

Mobile phone dump is very revealing too. Text messaging especially. Just get on the internet and go to your providers website...from there you enter your account information and get to your monthly usage with shows telephone numbers called and recieved. I know how heart wrenching this all is and that gut pain you get when you find out the truth.

I'm Catholic (it sounds like you are also), so my recommendation is to go on a Men's ACTS retreat. It is a great time to reflect and figure out your life. I decided to get divorced (truth be known I think we were both cheating on one another), but you will make friends and will come back with a clear head...guaranteed.

Counseling only works if parties wanted it to work...it was a horrible experience for me.

Good luck and I'll include you and your kids in my prayers tonight.

Matt


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## twoZJs (Jul 23, 2008)

WarCat, I'll give the tread a bump twd the top so you may fast-on to give us good news. Good luck, if you believe in luck.


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## ChickFilet (May 20, 2004)

http://www.retrouvaille.org/

It is the most powerful program around. It added ten years to my marriage and I am eternally grateful for what that meant to our children.

It costs nothing more than what you can give. It's a catholic ministry that's open to any and everyone regardless of your faith.

Best of luck. I will pray for you and your family.

It reminded us of why we were together and what we appreciated about each other. Pursue it. It's just a weekend.


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## TXDRAKE (Jun 24, 2004)

Good Luck and heres a belated Prayer on the way up for ya!


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## McBeast (Sep 17, 2009)

People are so encouraging.
Whats with the negative waves?


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## Cool Hand (Mar 24, 2010)

So what happened?


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## Capt. Marcus Canales (Aug 25, 2005)

> go on a Men's ACTS retreat


i went on one about 2 years ago, changed my life and the way i think.

didn't have any marital issues, just felt i needed a good "revamp" of my soul and it worked.


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## warcat (May 22, 2004)

Here's a quick update...

It's been one helluva rollercoaster ride, and the ride may still not be completely over (I hope it is)... BUT, things are starting to look OK. There's still alot of work ahead and alot of healing to take place, but for the past week, I've had my wife back, and she is committed to making our marriage last our lifetime... just as I've been all along!

Thanks so much for all the advice and prayers. From my family to you... GOD BLESS YOU! You may never know how much of a difference you really made, but I can tell you that you did make a difference... every single one of you.

Please keep praying for us!


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## fishinguy (Aug 5, 2004)

Glad to hear things are looking up, especially with the holidays coming up.


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## drfishalot (Sep 9, 2004)

good to hear!


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## Capt. Marcus Canales (Aug 25, 2005)

glad to hear that things are looking positive for you and your family, especially with holidays around the corner.

Marriage is something that takes work on both ends, not 50/50, but 100/100....if it were easy, everyone would do it....learn from the mistakes and grow strong together, put God first, family next, then the rest will fall in place.

good luck, and God bless.


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## Pistol58 (Oct 9, 2009)

Good luck!


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## kdubya (Jun 27, 2005)

I wish the best for you two.

I will also say, watch your back...

Good luck.


Kelly


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## hvfd1610 (Mar 26, 2009)

wow I could copy this one delete the kids change the date and repost


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## haparks (Apr 12, 2006)

bro hang in there sounds like depression after the last child --but i am no xpert--love her all u can --hang in there i truly belive this will work out it will just take time-DONT GIVE UP


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## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

My prayers are with you Gods words are for you .The Bible has been my answer, submit to him, marriage was set up by God .Divorce is mentioned in Mathew 19:1-30.


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## OxbowOutfitters (Feb 17, 2006)

Date nights are good but, usually when Shes at the point shes at.. its not good..
Prayin for ya is all I can give ya.. goodluck


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## OxbowOutfitters (Feb 17, 2006)

Your 27.. Life aint over yet.. 
Do everything you can & if it doesnt work just remember you loved her once.. 
Mabey if n when she can get her act toghter they might return & if they dont.. 
You can say open heartedly you did all you can & move along..
Theres a sea of good women out there.. & when ya least expect it (The real 1 shows..)
I had a Fist Love.. & that went south..
THEN I met my true love..
it all seems to work itself out
goodluck 
Oxx



hvfd1610 said:


> wow I could copy this one delete the kids change the date and repost


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## Cool Hand (Mar 24, 2010)

Man! i forgot all about this thread....hope you knock the back out of it.Stand in it every chance you get.Good luck buddy glad to hear it's working out.


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## Barefoot Boy (Sep 27, 2005)

OxbowOutfitters said:


> Your 27.. Life aint over yet..
> Do everything you can
> I had a Fist Love.. & that went south..
> THEN I met my true love..
> ...


Careful when a Fist Love goes south :cheers:


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## workn2huntnfish (Aug 1, 2008)

Nokillbill said:


> since your listening to a bunch of strangers ill throw my 2 cents in. in my experience the 2nd wife is much better than the first


Hey, in my experience, the third wife is better than the first two added together, then multiplied by 100. Awesome!


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## flashlight (Jul 9, 2007)

Barefoot Boy said:


> Careful when a Fist Love goes south :cheers:


I don't care who ya are....Thats funny right there!!!


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## workn2huntnfish (Aug 1, 2008)

Does anyone know how this soap opera turned out? Did she dump him or did they get back? Just wonderin'.....


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