# Farting in public



## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

That's all I wanted to say:dance:


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## Herb Burnwell (May 31, 2009)

Crop dust...


On that East 5...


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## 24Buds (Dec 5, 2008)

I don't care how old ya get, farts are funny.


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## Rooster 1 (Jul 8, 2015)

Lol yup.I like walking by somebody in public let it rip and then look at them like they did it....lol


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

The one who smelt it dealt it....lol


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## Bayoutalker (Jun 30, 2012)

Rooster 1 said:


> Lol yup.I like walking by somebody in public let it rip and then look at them like they did it....lol


A good ole SBD works pretty well too.

Cliff


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## fishingwithhardheadkings (Oct 10, 2012)

That's a family past time favorite for us! Longest, loudest and ronchiest! Even the dog does it. lol!


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

Lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## BATWING (May 9, 2008)

Farts are not funny when your on a plane and the old man next to you blew dirt on your for 3hrs. Curry is what he had for lunch.


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

The real question is...............do women fart?


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## Crowhater (Jul 21, 2014)

Ever since the Honey Booboo show with the cup of fart, my kids run around trying to cup of fart me.


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## Rooster 1 (Jul 8, 2015)

I remember my buddy was trying to impress couple gilrs at a bowling ally and i walked by and tossed a clinger it took a few seconds before it hit,but when it did LOL man it made them sick and they left til this day they still think he did it....lol still bring it up once in a while.

Good times man good times.


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## reelthreat (Jul 11, 2006)

Crowhater said:


> Ever since the Honey Booboo show with the cup of fart, my kids run around trying to cup of fart me.


There is a thing that shoots gusts of air that we had in college (called an airzooka).... we would fart in it and you literally could aim and shoot it across the room, smell and all.

You could also blow smoke in it and shoot giant smoke rings across the room.


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

The other morning I was outside and I blew the asstrumpet and my neighbor looked at me from across the street,I just laughed


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## txbred (May 13, 2013)

i dont mind mine. but even if yours smelled just like mine, they would make me sick. because they are not mine.


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

Yep, farting is good old neanderthal fun. Just think about how it was in the cave at night with nothin to do sittin round the fire and crackin em off! They had to be LTBO.


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## lil mambo (Jul 22, 2009)

only in elevators.


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## artys_only (Mar 29, 2005)

*This*



gom1 said:


> The other morning I was outside and I blew the asstrumpet and my neighbor looked at me from across the street,I just laughed


 Yup happened to me ! All you can do is laugh :dance:.


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## lite-liner (Mar 15, 2005)

gom1 said:


> The real question is...............do women fart?


Mine Does!!!!


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## Charlie in TX (May 4, 2012)

asstrumpet now that's funny.

Nothing is bad as a dang dog fart.

One of my 10 year old twins got suspended from school last year for farting. Kinda makes me proud. Almost like when he said 'dad, I want to quit soccer.' Just warms the hart.


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

Infrared flir fart....lol


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## Bayoutalker (Jun 30, 2012)

Charlie in TX said:


> asstrumpet now that's funny.
> 
> Nothing is bad as a dang dog fart.
> 
> One of my 10 year old twins got suspended from school last year for farting. Kinda makes me proud. Almost like when he said 'dad, I want to quit soccer.' Just warms the hart.


Sounds like you are raising that boy right.

Cliff


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## davis300 (Jun 27, 2006)

I fly weekly and love to let a SBD....nothing like hearing the folks a few rows behind me get a whiff!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

gom1 said:


> The real question is...............do women fart?


When they are young and pretty.....NEVER !!!!!!

Now...when they pass 65 or 70....all bets are off.....

Don't ask how I know.......:rotfl:


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## boat (Mar 7, 2005)

The real art is lighting a big fart.


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## 8seconds (Sep 20, 2005)

BATWING said:


> Farts are not funny when your on a plane and the old man next to you blew dirt on your for 3hrs. Curry is what he had for lunch.


Could be worse. He could have had Deviled Eggs or Egg Salad!



gom1 said:


> The real question is...............do women fart?


Women don't fart, they fluff.

Said a girl I dated in College.

Once.


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## Bayoutalker (Jun 30, 2012)

Men fart, women have the "vapors".

Cliff


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

8seconds said:


> Could be worse. He could have had Deviled Eggs or Egg Salad!
> 
> Women don't fart, they fluff.
> 
> ...


Air bagel


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

Girls poot. That's what I've always heard em say. By the descriptions of emissions from P00N's MIL though....


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## regulator (May 21, 2004)

the older you get though the more you have to check the separator... sometimes you get a surprise.


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## CentexPW (Jun 22, 2004)

My dog farted the other day and it scared him. He jumped up like, What was that ?


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## Bayoutalker (Jun 30, 2012)

CentexPW said:


> My dog farted the other day and it scared him. He jumped up like, What was that ?


I don't care who you are, that's funny right there!

Cliff


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

CentexPW said:


> My dog farted the other day and it scared him. He jumped up like, What was that ?


My little dog does that too. It's rare for it to be audible but he always jumps when it is. He pays absolutely no attention when we do it though.


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## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

regulator said:


> the older you get though the more you have to check the separator... sometimes you get a surprise.


You're too young to know...but "Rule No. 3" in the 'Old Folks Handbook'....

_*"NEVER TRUST A FART !!!!!"

:rotfl:
*_


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

Story growing up. 

Dad walks out to dock one early summer evening. Everyone's windows are open. 

Rips one that echoes up and down the canal. 

My mom yells out his name. 

He comes in and say well no one knew who did It until you yelled out my name 

Hhahahahhahaha


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## CentexPW (Jun 22, 2004)

Ive got 2 Dachshunds and their favorite spot is in someones lap in the evening. Cinch is a farting machine. He is the one who scared himself. His farts are so bad it will make your eyes bleed. 

One nite I let go a good ole sbd. He took a wiff and looked at me with disgust and got down and moved over to my wifes chair.


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## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

24Buds said:


> I don't care how old ya get, farts are funny.


Not if they run down yo leg.
I got kicked outa medal shop for it and sent to the nurses office n was givin pepto pismal in 10th grade darn Yankee teacher Mr Giordano Milby Hi 1976.


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## GOTTAILCORNBREAD (Jul 10, 2006)

What do you do if you are on a Plane? I let them rip in Business Class as well as Economy.


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## FAT TIRE (Nov 25, 2004)

bubbas kenner said:


> Not if they run down yo leg.
> I got kicked outa medal shop for it and sent to the nurses office n was givin pepto pismal in 10th grade darn Yankee teacher Mr Giordano Milby Hi 1976.


I believe that is called a shart


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## oOslikOo (Jul 13, 2010)

I fart a lot. I am amused by em too lol. aint no popcorns around here either! 


as for women, yes they fart. don't let em tell you otherwise. Got a hot blonde friend and she farts all the time. Lol she'll even take a pinch of snuff. wouldn't believe it by lookin at her.


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## tunchistheman (Feb 25, 2010)

txbred said:


> i dont mind mine. but even if yours smelled just like mine, they would make me sick. because they are not mine.


Everyone likes their own brand.


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

gom1 said:


> The real question is...............do women fart?


Just go to Wal-Mart late in the afternoon or evening and you can't miss it!


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

Tortuga said:


> You're too young to know...but "Rule No. 3" in the 'Old Folks Handbook'....
> 
> _*"NEVER TRUST A FART !!!!!"
> :rotfl:
> *_


_*Even the old fart! 
*_


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## Fearless (Jun 28, 2015)

At work, a guy moved in to the cubicle next to mine and proceeded to illicit farts on a regular basis. I'm talking 4 to 5 times a day. The gal next to my cubicle and I would just crack up laughing. Turns out he was relieving the pressure on his colonoscopy bag. Didn't know that until an after work happy hour where he confessed.


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## wet dreams (May 21, 2004)

I used to think my wife absorbed them or sumpin, she was raised a little different than I, she would chase my boys around the house with a can of Lysol after they cut the cheese.


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## AaronB (May 15, 2010)

I make a solid attempt to spread my love at work. Some are so hot I gotta do a safety wipe. I ran myself out of a room today. Made sure I walked around and crop dusted first.


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

AaronB said:


> I make a solid attempt to spread my love at work. Some are so hot I gotta do a safety wipe. I ran myself out of a room today. Made sure I walked around and crop dusted first.


Hahahah


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## BullyARed (Jun 19, 2010)

Nasty!


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## JDubya (Sep 26, 2012)

Thread of the year :cheers:


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

This guy could write a book....lol. Winner!!
http://texags.com/forums/5/topics/1810305


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## artys_only (Mar 29, 2005)

*Yep !*



FAT TIRE said:


> I believe that is called a shart


Some times you got to watch out .

I have come home commando a few times :dance:


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## Herb Burnwell (May 31, 2009)

Be careful of them sharts fellas... They can sneak up on you...


On that East 5...


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## 8seconds (Sep 20, 2005)

gom1 said:


> This guy could write a book....lol. Winner!!
> http://texags.com/forums/5/topics/1810305


If your going there:

http://www.celebritynetworth.com/ar...-embarrassing-private-jet-flight-of-all-time/


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## patwilson (Jan 13, 2006)




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## freespool (Oct 1, 2005)

Works well when shopping with the wife. Let out a few public audibles and she no longer wants me with her in a store.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD


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## Johnny9 (Sep 7, 2005)

Do women fart? Mine is the worst, at home, outside, inside, anywhere and she pushes so hard to make it come out with. Honk !!!


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## peckerwood (Jun 9, 2012)

Remember the grade school poem:
Beans,beans,the tropical fruit
The more you eat,the more you poot
The more you poot,the better you feel
That's why I eat beans every meal

Heard my wife teaching that to our 2 year old grandson a couple days ago.I couldn't believe what I was hearing.After 42 years together and neither once of us ever breaking wind in front of the other on purpose,I was shocked.


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## Rooster 1 (Jul 8, 2015)

patwilson said:


>


lmfao


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## sargentmajor (Sep 13, 2012)

peckerwood said:


> Remember the grade school poem:
> Beans,beans,the tropical fruit
> The more you eat,the more you poot
> The more you poot,the better you feel
> ...


Beans Beans the musical fruit?


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## Bayoutalker (Jun 30, 2012)

sargentmajor said:


> Beans Beans the musical fruit?


That's the way I learned it.

Cliff


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## peckerwood (Jun 9, 2012)

sargentmajor said:


> Beans Beans the musical fruit?


HA HA !!!! Me too! I stand corrected.Thanks fellers.


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## Gary J (May 21, 2004)

The classic!!


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)




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## StinkBait (May 31, 2004)

Beans beans are good for your heart
The more you eat the more you fart
The more you fart the better you feel
That's why you should eat beans for every meal


Sent from my iPhone6 using TapatalkPro


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## Tom (Jul 14, 2005)

gom1 said:


> The real question is...............do women fart?


I didnâ€™t think they did until after I was married. Then one morning my sweet little bride cut loose with one that could have filled a weather balloon.


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## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

I've been known to dust the elevator headed down to the first floor during lunch hour...Jus Sayin.


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## customflat (Nov 11, 2005)

*Drive-By Farts*

Love doing drive-by farts in public. Women will tell you " I didn't fee it" ! Right. I call them yellow cake rain when they are deadly. Did one at the circus once that evacuated an entire row! We had to leave.


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## TxDuSlayer (Jun 24, 2006)

I got black lab that loves stuffed jalpenos and deer meat man she can clear a room!!!!!


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## 8seconds (Sep 20, 2005)

*Speaking of Dogs Farting*

Now would be a bad time









I've got Great Danes!


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## Rooster 1 (Jul 8, 2015)

How about an upper decker?...dropping a Cleveland steamer in the tank so when they flush it never cleans...lol just had to throw that out there lol.


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## smokey4 (Feb 3, 2007)

*light em up*

Back when I was in college, a bunch of us guys were sitting around in our underware playing penny ante poker. 
When someone would fart, they would lift their leg and light it with a cigarette lighter - a puff of blue flame
that way it did not stink....
very practical.....


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## Bayoutalker (Jun 30, 2012)

smokey4 said:


> Back when I was in college, a bunch of us guys were sitting around in our underware playing penny ante poker.
> When someone would fart, they would lift their leg and light it with a cigarette lighter - a puff of blue flame
> that way it did not stink....
> very practical.....


We did the same thing when we went camping. One night one of the guys tried it "commando". He was one of those hairy guys. Let's just say it didn't end well.  We thought we were going to have to call the fire dept to put out the "brush fire".

Cliff


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

Let her rip. That is all I got.I love 2 cool 8 pages about farts 2 cool.


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## Doubleover (Jul 7, 2005)

Yeah Woman fart......Every time they sit down on the toilet!


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## TXFishSlayer (Apr 28, 2014)

Do women fart? He's a story I saw on Facebook not too long ago...

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Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if itâ€™s the third date with the man of your dreams. And if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (thatâ€™s â€œSilent But Deadlyâ€ for you prudes).

It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from the carbs. Thatâ€™s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.

He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. Iâ€™m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didnâ€™t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.

We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadnâ€™t allowed myself to eat in years. I didnâ€™t want to be â€œthat girlâ€ so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?

Thatâ€™s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways â€“ uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasnâ€™t feeling well and probably needed to head home.

On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask lots of questions, but I wasnâ€™t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realizedâ€¦

My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. Iâ€™m in trouble. BIG trouble.

The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on the door and the dashboard.

â€œSeriously, you need to hurry â€“ Iâ€™m in a lot of pain.â€ I managed to say through gritted teeth.

â€œWow, itâ€™s that bad? Whatâ€™s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?â€

How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason youâ€™re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?

Well you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.

People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced its way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe Iâ€™m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea â€“ a cloud. A horrific fart cloud. Not in a, â€œam I smelling something?â€ sort of way. More like a, â€œis someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?â€ sort of way.

Suddenly, I panicked. â€œRoll down the windows!â€ I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).

â€œWhat? Why?â€ Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.

â€œI canâ€™t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!â€

â€œWhatâ€™s going on?â€ Rob yells back to me, â€œWhy are youâ€¦â€ then it hit him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, â€œOh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!â€ he screamed.

â€œRoll down the windows!â€ As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.

It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gunfire. We were under siege alright, just not by gunfire.

Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembering I just farted on the man of my dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.

We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.

He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, â€œOk, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!â€ and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.

I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.

Then I heard it. Robâ€™s voice. Rightâ€¦ Outsideâ€¦Myâ€¦Bathroomâ€¦Door.

â€œAnna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?â€

â€œGet away from the door!â€ I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.

â€œOk, Iâ€™m sorry. Are you okay?â€

*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*

â€œIâ€™m fine, Rob â€“ just leave the shoes there. Iâ€™ll call you later, okay?â€

â€œOkay, are you sure youâ€™reâ€¦â€

â€œIâ€™m fine! Get away from the door!â€

This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakinâ€™ hint!

Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last Iâ€™d hear from him. I didnâ€™t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.

But to my surprise, I did. A couple of days later, actually. Now weâ€™re married and heâ€™s lying on the couch while I type thisâ€¦ â€œIt was your rack that saved you,â€ he just lovingly reminded me.


Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.


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## 8seconds (Sep 20, 2005)

*Speaking of Women farting*

The blind date


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

Hilarious.....the rack did it,haha


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## Rooster 1 (Jul 8, 2015)

smokey4 said:


> Back when I was in college, a bunch of us guys were sitting around in our underware playing penny ante poker.
> When someone would fart, they would lift their leg and light it with a cigarette lighter - a puff of blue flame
> that way it did not stink....
> very practical.....


Bunch of guys in underwear?.............not very practical.


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## CHARLIE (Jun 2, 2004)

Sorry dont in public. My mother and father never did and taught me manners also. So no not me..


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

The real reason women don't fart ? They are never quiet long enough to build up any pressure.....hi hat!!


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## Gemini8 (Jun 29, 2013)

Rooster 1 said:


> Bunch of guys in underwear?.............not very practical.


Practical is not really the first word that comes to mind


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## AaronB (May 15, 2010)

Since the fart thread is still going, has anyone lit one? It's legit and I'll hold my story untill I get more fart lighters involved


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## willt (Jan 3, 2009)

Girl fart


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## Bayoutalker (Jun 30, 2012)

AaronB said:


> Since the fart thread is still going, has anyone lit one? It's legit and I'll hold my story untill I get more fart lighters involved


You haven't read the whole thread have you? LOL

Cliff


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## AaronB (May 15, 2010)

Bayoutalker said:


> You haven't read the whole thread have you? LOL
> 
> Cliff


No sir. I'm guilty. I will now tho.


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## SolarScreenGuy (Aug 15, 2005)

AaronB said:


> Since the fart thread is still going, has anyone lit one? It's legit and I'll hold my story untill I get more fart lighters involved


That was an old college trick we learned at the dorm. You know you got to be bored to come up with that one but we laughed 'til it hurt everytime. There was a kid on the football team who wasn't particularly bright who we convinced to light one without wearing any underwear. Go ahead! Go ahead! You'll be fine. Talk about a p---ed off dude!
I hope I never forget that one.


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## 8seconds (Sep 20, 2005)

*Speaking of fart lighting*





:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:


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## 8seconds (Sep 20, 2005)

*Speaking of cutting the cheese*


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## TIMBOv2 (Mar 18, 2010)

Rooster 1 said:


> How about an upper decker?...dropping a Cleveland steamer in the tank so when they flush it never cleans...lol just had to throw that out there lol.


Aha, ye olde top loader!! Lmao


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## txbred (May 13, 2013)

Dutch Oven - The act of trapping a person under bed covers after releasing vile fumes.


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## Jamie_Lee (Oct 28, 2010)

I cannot believe I just read this whole fart thread. But I have to admit, I laughed!!


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## Rooster 1 (Jul 8, 2015)

Jamie_Lee said:


> I cannot believe I just read this whole fart thread. But I have to admit, I laughed!! and farted!


Oh yea.


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## Jamie_Lee (Oct 28, 2010)

Rooster 1 said:


> Oh yea.


Lmao!! Girls don't do that!!!!


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## Rooster 1 (Jul 8, 2015)

Jamie_Lee said:


> Lmao!! Girls don't do that!!!!


Oh yes ya'll do! and worse,but i wont tell nobody.


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## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

gom1 said:


> The real question is...............do women fart?


Women don't fart, they poot.


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## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Jamie_Lee said:


> Lmao!! Girls don't do that!!!!


mmm hmm riiiight!!!!!!!


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## czechmark2 (Jul 15, 2009)

The most entertaining thread I read in a long time. Had me in tears!


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## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Only one thing you need to know about farting. Sharing is caring. Also the best form of free entertainment you can find.


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## Rooster 1 (Jul 8, 2015)

Friday farts!!!!!


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## Walkin' Jack (May 20, 2004)

I can relate to this'n.


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## fastpitch (Oct 15, 2004)

CentexPW said:


> My dog farted the other day and it scared him. He jumped up like, What was that ?


My dog does that. Funny as heck!


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## coolbeing (Jun 12, 2010)

Love the cup of cheese. My wife would kick my *** for a dutch oven. She will wake herself up at night when she farts and wake me up to apologize.


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

coolbeing said:


> Love the cup of cheese. My wife would kick my *** for a dutch oven. She will wake herself up at night when she farts and wake me up to apologize.


Guilty dog barks first.


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## iamatt (Aug 28, 2012)

lil mambo said:


> only in elevators.


Especially if nasty smoker gets on right after a fresh smoke break. No holds barred otherwise the Data Center is the designated Drop Zone when we are not at war.


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## Mrschasintail (Dec 8, 2004)

lmao! This is one hilarious thread!!! And no one bickered! I love it. 

My son will bring tears to my eyes. He is GROSS!


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## Rooster 1 (Jul 8, 2015)

Mrschasintail said:


> lmao! This is one hilarious thread!!! And no one bickered! I love it.
> 
> My son will bring tears to my eyes. He is GROSS!


This thread is making me sick!!!! it needs to stop! everybody is getting red............

I let one rip in the garage and the next day my boy said 'wth is that smell?! day later!! awww....success.


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