# Time for another installment of "Poons Free Advice"



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Whatchya got? I am here for ya.


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## Spots and Dots (May 23, 2004)

*Q:**A sizable possum has started making nightly trips across my back porch, and itâ€™s driving my two dogs nuts. I donâ€™t like possums at all, so Iâ€™ve been thinking about just sliding the door open one of these nights and letting the dogs go after it. Is this one of those things that I will regret afterward? *


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Spots and Dots said:


> *Q:**A sizable possum has started making nightly trips across my back porch, and itâ€™s driving my two dogs nuts. I donâ€™t like possums at all, so Iâ€™ve been thinking about just sliding the door open one of these nights and letting the dogs go after it. Is this one of those things that I will regret afterward? *


This action will not be regrettable. In fact it would be entertaining. And remember, Every dog needs a little possum now and then.


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## FREON (Jun 14, 2005)

Q: I met a very pretty and cool young lady. The only problem is that she wears yellow shrimp boots all of the time. I really like her but am afraid the rest of my family will not. What should I do?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

FREON said:


> Q: I met a very pretty and cool young lady. The only problem is that she wears yellow shrimp boots all of the time. I really like her but am afraid the rest of my family will not. What should I do?


LOL... Shama!!! thats what the restroom at the Fox and the Hound is for.

bwahahahaha. Remember, if you meet a cool chick with yellow shrimp boots and matching belt... She might be crazy.


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## rubberducky (Mar 19, 2010)

Q: I have a 5 car garage full of everyone else stuff. I can't even get my truck in there. Should I have a big yard sale and keep the money for storage or should I just slowly start putting it back at there house when no one is looking?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

rubberducky said:


> Q: I have a 5 car garage full of everyone else stuff. I can't even get my truck in there. Should I have a big yard sale and keep the money for storage or should I just slowly start putting it back at there house when no one is looking?


put it back... what kind of life are you living?


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## sharkchum (Feb 10, 2012)

Q: I have been going fishing with my friends Joe and Nick for over 10 years. They are both experienced anglers and can handle a rod like nobody's business. My wife has never met them because we always leave before daylight and don't come home till after dark. Last week my wife was waiting at the boat ramp when we came in. She through a big fit and and told me I can't go fishing with Joe and Nick anymore. What should I do? P.S.: Here is a picture of Joe and Nick from this summer.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sharkchum said:


> Q: I have been going fishing with my friends Joe and Nick for over 10 years. They are both experienced anglers and can handle a rod like nobody's business. My wife has never met them because we always leave before daylight and don't come home till after dark. Last week my wife was waiting at the boat ramp when we came in. She through a big fit and and told me I can't go fishing with Joe and Nick anymore. What should I do? P.S.: Here is a picture of Joe and Nick from this summer.


That's easy... Leave the wife and keep fishing with Joe and Nick. MERICA!!!


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## smokinguntoo (Mar 28, 2012)

Q: I have a really nosy neighbor. If I happen to leave my gate open and don't lock the back door - there is a good chance he will come walking in, uninvited. When we swim in the pool, he'll almost always pop his head over the fence to see what we are doing (wearing?) This isn't isolated, I just met and talked to the neighbor that lives on the other side of his house, they are much younger, and better looking, and he has done the same "barging in act" to them. ****, I'm at wits end, what should I do?

SG2


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## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

**** Chaser said:


> That's easy... Leave the wife and keep fishing with Joe and Nick and invite saltwatersensations to go too. He will chip in on fuel and wine coolers for joe and nick. He will also provide lights for night fishing so ya'll dont have to rush in. MERICA!!!


FIFY :rotfl:


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## mstrelectricman (Jul 10, 2009)

I agree with Josh! If he can't go I will.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

smokinguntoo said:


> Q: I have a really nosy neighbor. If I happen to leave my gate open and don't lock the back door - there is a good chance he will come walking in, uninvited. When we swim in the pool, he'll almost always pop his head over the fence to see what we are doing (wearing?) This isn't isolated, I just met and talked to the neighbor that lives on the other side of his house, they are much younger, and better looking, and he has done the same "barging in act" to them. ****, I'm at wits end, what should I do?
> 
> SG2


You have 3 options here...

1) put a pistol in his face the next time he does that

2) always be naked in your house. That could backfire if he is trying to catach you naked (even at your age).

3) start barging into to his house.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

saltwatersensations said:


> FIFY :rotfl:


LOL. Indeed


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## Reality Czech (Jul 17, 2004)

After looking at sharkchums post, what are somethings I can do as an individual to speed up global warming,.....those critters only come out like that when it's hot.:rotfl:


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Reality Czech said:


> After looking at sharkchums post, what are somethings I can do as an individual to speed up global warming,.....those critters only come out like that when it's hot.:rotfl:


I can send my mother in law over and she will heat up your envirnment


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

Dear Poonie.

Q. I've got a landscape company I have used the last couple of years for my small yard around the house that have been just okay. Their price is more than fair and their workmanship reflects that. Problem is since early December I've asked them to come do the taller hedges by the house and they are not trimming the tops, only sides. The same guy keeps being sent out and he's not the normal guy that comes out from January thru November. He disappears for a month but I don't know why or where because I don't speak spanish so I can't talk to him unless I'm drunk on a weekend then he understands my Spanish, but I don't remember the conversation. Anyway this Mexican that has been coming out and does speak English is only 5'1". He doesn't bring a ladder and can't reach the top of the hedges. He jumps like a mad man but just not high enough. This last trip I put an 8' ladder out for him to use and watched him through a window. He put the ladder next to the house beside the bushes, left for a few minutes and came back from his trailer with a nail belt and flat of shingles. As he was scurrying up the ladder I ran outside and said no man, the bushes, trim the dam bushes. He looked at me and said "no hablo engles" and climbed down, packed up and left. Its bs! I know he speaks English when I'm sober. So where do you recommend I go from here? Give them another chance since its now January and that's when the good mescan shows back up or fire them and have my wife put all the yard work and hedge/tree trimming back on her chores list again.

Tks,
Confused in Spring Branch


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sotexhookset said:


> Dear Poonie.
> 
> Q. I've got a landscape company I have used the last couple of years for my small yard around the house that have been just okay. Their price is more than fair and their workmanship reflects that. Problem is since early December I've asked them to come do the taller hedges by the house and they are not trimming the tops, only sides. The same guy keeps being sent out and he's not the normal guy that comes out from January thru November. He disappears for a month but I don't know why or where because I don't speak spanish so I can't talk to him unless I'm drunk on a weekend then he understands my Spanish, but I don't remember the conversation. Anyway this Mexican that has been coming out and does speak English is only 5'1". He doesn't bring a ladder and can't reach the top of the hedges. He jumps like a mad man but just not high enough. This last trip I put an 8' ladder out for him to use and watched him through a window. He put the ladder next to the house beside the bushes, left for a few minutes and came back from his trailer with a nail belt and flat of shingles. As he was scurrying up the ladder I ran outside and said no man, the bushes, trim the dam bushes. He looked at me and said "no hablo engles" and climbed down, packed up and left. Its bs! I know he speaks English when I'm sober. So where do you recommend I go from here? Give them another chance since its now January and that's when the good mescan shows back up or fire them and have my wife put all the yard work and hedge/tree trimming back on her chores list again.
> 
> ...


Keep drinking so you can carry on a convo. or... I would fire them and find someone else. these type of companies are a dime a dozen.

even better, pay a neighborhood kid to do it.

or get off the couch and take the 10mins to do it yourself. LOL


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

I like option number one. 

Man ****, you're the best! Thanks again.


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## Pivo and kolache (Mar 13, 2014)

Dear ****,

My pants keep getting smaller. I don't want to buy new pants, but I sure do like food. What to do? 

TIA,
Heavy in Hungerford


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## slopoke (Jul 10, 2005)

I jus' wanted to make post on this fine thread to ask for free advice. :biggrin:


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Pivo and kolache said:


> Dear ****,
> 
> My pants keep getting smaller. I don't want to buy new pants, but I sure do like food. What to do?
> 
> ...


I too have this issue... My solution is a keep lowering my waste line. LOL

A few sit ups and/or a daily "session" with the wife will help too.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

slopoke said:


> I jus' wanted to make post on this fine thread to ask for free advice. :biggrin:


Jedi's don't need advice. they give it...carry on


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Rollin out. be back tonight. dont be shy


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## prokat (Jul 17, 2010)

Going In for for my first real physical soon and the problem is my doctor has some huge hands,this may not scare some of you but it scares the hell out of me lol, you got any good advice on this matter? Thanks


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

gom1 said:


> Going In for for my first real physical soon and the problem is my doctor has some huge hands,this may not scare some of you but it scares the hell out of me lol, you got any good advice on this matter? Thanks


Just drink a big boy drunk, put on some pink crocs and enjoy.

You can also take hold of the docs gens and ask... we not going to hurt each other right?


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

Hey P00n, I want to start wearing sun visors, but am afraid that the little bit of hair I got left will fall out shortly after I start wearing 'em regularly????

What are your thoughts on this???


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## flashlight (Jul 9, 2007)

gom1 said:


> Going In for for my first real physical soon and the problem is my doctor has some huge hands,this may not scare some of you but it scares the hell out of me lol, you got any good advice on this matter? Thanks


As long as you dont say "Doc your ring on your finger hurts a bit" and he says "sir thats my watch"! You should do fine!


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## mchildress (Jul 11, 2009)

**** should I let my 14 yr old daughter smoke at the dinner table infront of her kids???


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## pocjetty (Sep 12, 2014)

I don't have time to spend the whole day running around in my boat. So I carry binoculars to look for fish signs - the best sign is always bent-over fishing poles. My problem is this: a lot of the time when I pull up and start fishing, these guys start yelling and waving their arms. They're really abusive, and some of them even cast lures or throw things at me. Sometimes they go so far as to get in their boat and run circles around be before they take off.

I'm getting really sick of these guys acting like they own the whole bay. What do you recommend I do about it?


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## MEGABITE (May 21, 2004)

If a couple divorces in Arkansas, are they still considered cousins?


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## pocjetty (Sep 12, 2014)

MEGABITE said:


> If a couple divorces in Arkansas, are they still considered cousins?


 Oh, man, that's just not right.


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## Billygoat (Feb 1, 2013)

I had an exorcism performed a couple months ago, but I am refusing to pay (It was half-assed... Don't ask).

How can I avoid being repossessed? (aside from paying)


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## Bazooka (Dec 10, 2011)

gom1 said:


> Going In for for my first real physical soon and the problem is my doctor has some huge hands,*this may not scare some of you* but it scares the hell out of me lol, you got any good advice on this matter? Thanks


I hope you aren't suggesting that I would not be scared. I've never been to prison and, yes I would be scared.


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

Q: **** - Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

DCAVA said:


> Hey P00n, I want to start wearing sun visors, but am afraid that the little bit of hair I got left will fall out shortly after I start wearing 'em regularly????
> 
> What are your thoughts on this???


Doesn't matter about hair. When you wear a visor that is cool enough and you don't need hair.

Fight visor prejudices! !!


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

MEGABITE said:


> If a couple divorces in Arkansas, are they still considered cousins?


Sorry **** but I have first hand knowledge here so I'll take it.

It depends on if that couple are residents of Arkansas. If so, they are lucky enough to continue to be cousins. Even first cousins fall under this great state law. BUT, if two first cousins travel from Texas to wed there trying to take advantage of that instate law, it does not work. Even if you live there indefinitely after transfer you will not be grand fathered in. My cousin and I ended up moving back to Texas and are petitioning the county to allow us legal status as my career as a corner post straightener is here. All paper work is submitted and we through in a motioned amendment to allow her sister to join us legally as as well in our bliss. I wish it was as easy as second cousins but those good ol days are long gone. Best of luck to you and that lucky cousin of yours.


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## poppadawg (Aug 10, 2007)

If I am traveling down the road in my car at the speed of light and I turn my headlights on, do my lights come on?


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## Squid94 (Nov 15, 2010)

The wife doesn't laugh when I properly execute "The Dutch Oven". How can I correct help her sense of humor?


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## FLAT FISHY (Jun 22, 2006)

Q. I have three dollars in my pocket do i get one good brand beer or two cheap tall boys?


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## davis300 (Jun 27, 2006)

Hey Poonie, I am blessed (or cursed) with a very large 'Johnson'. The inside of my thigh stays chaffed. I wear compression shorts but doesn't seem to help. Any ideas?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Pivo and kolache (Mar 13, 2014)

FLAT FISHY said:


> Q. I have three dollars in my pocket do i get one good brand beer or two cheap tall boys?


if the guy behind the counter doesn't hand you two paper bags you made the wrong decision


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

FLAT FISHY said:


> Q. I have three dollars in my pocket do i get one good brand beer or two cheap tall boys?


TROLL!!! Dumbest question ever posted. Get three of the absolute cheapest one pounders available.

Sorry **** last time. I couldn't help myself with that one.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

mchildress said:


> **** should I let my 14 yr old daughter smoke at the dinner table infront of her kids???


Yes... but make sure she washes those nasty dirty hands.


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## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

What color Crocs, go best with a Salmon colored Columbia shirt?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

pocjetty said:


> I don't have time to spend the whole day running around in my boat. So I carry binoculars to look for fish signs - the best sign is always bent-over fishing poles. My problem is this: a lot of the time when I pull up and start fishing, these guys start yelling and waving their arms. They're really abusive, and some of them even cast lures or throw things at me. Sometimes they go so far as to get in their boat and run circles around be before they take off.
> 
> I'm getting really sick of these guys acting like they own the whole bay. What do you recommend I do about it?


Sell the boat learn golf and play that until you get tired of the groups behind you yelling and hitting into you because of slow play


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## vette74 (Oct 11, 2009)

After I cut a hole in the bed of my diesel truck for the exhaust what size truck nutz should I use? regular, Mega, Monster with veins or just use some nuts I stole from the plant with a chain?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

davis300 said:


> Hey Poonie, I am blessed (or cursed) with a very large 'Johnson'. The inside of my thigh stays chaffed. I wear compression shorts but doesn't seem to help. Any ideas?
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


You need one of these. They also work great as a potlicker deterrent.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

MarkU said:


> What color Crocs, go best with a Salmon colored Columbia shirt?


you already know the answer.... whatever matches your purse


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## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

**** Chaser said:


> you already know the answer.... whatever matches your purse


I was asking for a friend...


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## Pivo and kolache (Mar 13, 2014)

vette74 said:


> After I cut a hole in the bed of my diesel truck for the exhaust what size truck nutz should I use? regular, Mega, Monster with veins or just use some nuts I stole from the plant with a chain?


You're also gonna want the biggest monster sticker you can get your hands on, black aftermarket wheels and go ahead and throw all of your caps away as you will feel compelled to only wear fitted hooey caps after completing these modifications


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

vette74 said:


> After I cut a hole in the bed of my diesel truck for the exhaust what size truck nutz should I use? regular, Mega, Monster with veins or just use some nuts I stole from the plant with a chain?


Tiny nuts would work best in your situation. Rollin coal doesn't require nuts, just a self centered, look at me attitude.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

MarkU said:


> I was asking for a friend...


Its ok... one time in college while on X doesn't make you gay. LOL


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## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

**** Chaser said:


> Its ok... one time in college while on X doesn't make you gay. LOL


I was never gay in college. But my boyfriend was a total diva....


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

MEGABITE said:


> If a couple divorces in Arkansas, are they still considered cousins?


No they are still considered siblings


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

MarkU said:


> I was never gay in college. But my boyfriend was a total diva....


LMAO


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

OK P00n a rhetorical question now, have u ever seen a Hawaiian dollar bill????


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## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

MEGABITE said:


> If a couple divorces in Arkansas, are they still considered cousins?


if they are not brother and sister then the possibility is high


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

DCAVA said:


> OK P00n a rhetorical question now, have u ever seen a Hawaiian dollar bill????


No but i have shown the hawiian peace sign on a few occasions.


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## I Fall In (Sep 18, 2011)

P oon, My 2 brothers have been arguing about which of their wives are better in the sack. Should I tell them my opinion or just let them work it out? BTW both their ex-wives were better than the ones they have now. 
Signed: Stuck between SIL's


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

**** Chaser said:


> No but i have shown the hawiian peace sign on a few occasions.


Lol!!

A Hawaiian dollar is the same as the ones in ur pocket, Hawaii is part of the US!! :rybka:


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

I Fall In said:


> P oon, My 2 brothers have been arguing about which of their wives are better in the sack. Should I tell them my opinion or just let them work it out? BTW both their ex-wives were better than the ones they have now.
> Signed: Stuck between SIL's


Lol. Just keep on keeping on.


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## sharkchum (Feb 10, 2012)

Q: When I got home from the bar today, after a long morning of fishing, I noticed that my ol'lady did'nt wash the boat, clean the fish, or rake up all the leaves in the yard. Now she gets off her double shift at the Waffle House at 10am and don't have to start her shift at Denny'y until 2pm, that leaves 4 hours to get her chores done. Now I done told her that if she would get a 3rd job to support me, I could hire someone to do some of the chores for her, but she's just to lazy. Do you have any advice on how I can get her back on track?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

DCAVA said:


> Lol!!
> 
> A Hawaiian dollar is the same as the ones in ur pocket, Hawaii is part of the US!! :rybka:


Uhhh. Good one.

But... alas you are wrong.


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## poppadawg (Aug 10, 2007)

sharkchum said:


> Q: When I got home from the bar today, after a long morning of fishing, I noticed that my ol'lady did'nt wash the boat, clean the fish, or rake up all the leaves in the yard. Now she gets off her double shift at the Waffle House at 10am and don't have to start her shift at Denny'y until 2pm, that leaves 4 hours to get her chores done. Now I done told her that if she would get a 3rd job to support me, I could hire someone to do some of the chores for her, but she's just to lazy. Do you have any advice on how I can get her back on track?


 That is troublesome. Have you considered joining the Mormon church and getting a second wife that can take on a couple of jobs as well? They should work opposite shifts so you don't have to worry about cooking, cleaning, or being serviced regularly.


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

^^^^Hey, dat's a fake bill!!! LOL!!!


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sharkchum said:


> Q: When I got home from the bar today, after a long morning of fishing, I noticed that my ol'lady did'nt wash the boat, clean the fish, or rake up all the leaves in the yard. Now she gets off her double shift at the Waffle House at 10am and don't have to start her shift at Denny'y until 2pm, that leaves 4 hours to get her chores done. Now I done told her that if she would get a 3rd job to support me, I could hire someone to do some of the chores for her, but she's just to lazy. Do you have any advice on how I can get her back on track?


She obviously doesn't get it. You should find a side chic to pick up the slack.

So lazy


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

DCAVA said:


> ^^^^Hey, dat's a fake bill!!! LOL!!!


It's legit


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

**** Chaser said:


> It's legit


:ac550: Looks legit bro, I googled it also!! :bounce:


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## steve holchak (May 18, 2012)

Y'all keep it going! This is some funny stuff right here! LMAO!


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

DCAVA said:


> :ac550: Looks legit bro, I googled it also!! :bounce:


See... I learned something today. Thanks bud


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

Ok, last question; one of my wife's cousins girlfriend want's to go into business for herself. 

Question is, do you think she'll get in trouble if she sells seashells by the seashore??


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

DCAVA said:


> Ok, last question; one of my wife's cousins girlfriend want's to go into business for herself.
> 
> Question is, do you think she'll get in trouble if she sells seashells by the seashore??


Possibly... I new a girl that sold beer on the beach and she got sand in her Schlitz.


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## Pivo and kolache (Mar 13, 2014)

Hey **** long time listener first time caller,

How does the posi track rear end in a Plymouth work?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Pivo and kolache said:


> Hey **** long time listener first time caller,
> 
> How does the posi track rear end in a Plymouth work?


Same as any LSD... no more one wheel wonder. I would simply weld the diff to get em both spinnin... whuuuuuuuuut


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## 007 (Mar 11, 2008)

Can I hit the ball further if i tee it higher?


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## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

**** Chaser said:


> Possibly... I new a girl that sold beer on the beach and she got sand in her Schlitz.


She prolly got the chitz after drinking the Schlitz!!! LMAO!!


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## Ontherocks (Dec 29, 2010)

If I put my small Yeti in my big Yeti will it make ice twice as fast?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

007 said:


> Can I hit the ball further if i tee it higher?


No... you just think you can. Just like not tying your **** shoes when you play... All in your head.

Its simple Physics. The ball only has so much energy. If you tee it a bit lower that will give you a lower trajectory and more distances. Instead of those moon balls you hit.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Ontherocks said:


> If I put my small Yeti in my big Yeti will it make ice twice as fast?


Coolers don't make ice.


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## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

I'm reserving all of my questions for Pooon Snatcher.


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## 007 (Mar 11, 2008)

**** Chaser said:


> No... you just think you can. Just like not tying your **** shoes when you play... All in your head.
> 
> Its simple Physics. The ball only has so much energy. If you tee it a bit lower that will give you a lower trajectory and more distances. Instead of those moon balls you hit.


FYI...my left shoe is always half tied.....and my "moon balls" carry where yours quit rolling......just sayin


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

007 said:


> FYI...my left shoe is always half tied.....and my "moon balls" carry where yours quit rolling......just sayin


Your shoes are fully UNtied


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## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

****: I've been on a quest to build a urine free toilet seat ever since a got reamed by the misses. My thoughts are a more defined slope towards the center so the miss will run into the bowl. I saw that paint a while back that repels water and was wondering what angle slope I should put on it.


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## 007 (Mar 11, 2008)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> ****: I've been on a quest to build a urine free toilet lid ever since a got reamed by the misses. My thoughts are a more defined slope towards the center so the miss will run into the bowl. I saw that paint a while back that repels water and was wondering what angle slope I should put on it.


Have you ever thought of just lifting the lid?


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## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

007 said:


> Have you ever thought of just lifting the lid?


There is a stead fast rule in my house about lifting the seat. 2:00 am and nads in water ring a bell.


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## 007 (Mar 11, 2008)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> There is a stead fast rule in my house about lifting the lid. 2:00 am and nads in water ring a bell.


If you're sitting on the throne at 2 am how do you pee on the lid?


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## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> There is a stead fast rule in my house about lifting the seat. 2:00 am and nads in water ring a bell.


u sit 2 p?


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## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

Main Frame 8 said:


> u sit 2 p?


It depends on how many Busch beers I've had. :brew2:


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> It depends on how many Busch beers I've had. :brew2:


Do you leave the assless chaps on?


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## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> It depends on how many Busch beers I've had. :brew2:


Valid response.


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## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

**** Chaser said:


> Do you leave the assless chaps on?


It depends on how many Busch beers I've had.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Lol


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## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

Answer the question poony


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> ****: I've been on a quest to build a urine free toilet seat ever since a got reamed by the misses. My thoughts are a more defined slope towards the center so the miss will run into the bowl. I saw that paint a while back that repels water and was wondering what angle slope I should put on it.


I see the problem but you're going about the solution wrong. All you need a some rubber tubing. Drill a hole in the side of bowl or top of lid. Put tubing in hole and add a funnel at top. Done.

You can accessorize by adding mount for the wall or side of toilet.

The other option and one I prefer is just add a urinal.


----------



## Pivo and kolache (Mar 13, 2014)

**** Chaser said:


> I see the problem but you're going about the solution wrong. All you need a some rubber tubing. Drill a hole in the side of bowl or top of lid. Put tubing in hole and add a funnel at top. Done.
> 
> You can accessorize by adding mount for the wall or side of toilet.
> 
> The other option and one I prefer is just add a urinal.


They don't have front porches where yall live?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Pivo and kolache said:


> They don't have front porches where yall live?


That's a given. Peeing in your yard is the best.


----------



## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

I've tried one of these but it's murder in the dark if ya know what I mean.


----------



## batmaninja (Jul 15, 2010)

Is the G spot real and how do I know when I found it?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

batmaninja said:


> Is the G spot real and how do I know when I found it?


It is real. And you will know trust me. You just have to make the "come here" motion with middle finger and that usually does the trick.

Hey ohhhh


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> I've tried one of these but it's murder in the dark if ya know what I mean.


Did 007 recommend that to you? He has a bike with a seat like that.


----------



## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

**** Chaser said:


> Did 007 recommend that to you?


Yes. But you don't want ta miss your landing when you flop down on a drunkin Busch stuper.


----------



## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

Pivo and kolache said:


> They don't have front porches where yall live?


I have a hard time finding things when it's cold. Just saying.


----------



## TomCat (Jan 6, 2006)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> ****: I've been on a quest to build a urine free toilet seat ever since a got reamed by the misses. My thoughts are a more defined slope towards the center so the miss will run into the bowl. I saw that paint a while back that repels water and was wondering what angle slope I should put on it.


Just put your foot in the bowl and let it run down your leg.


----------



## Haute Pursuit (Jun 26, 2006)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> I've tried one of these but it's murder in the dark if ya know what I mean.


Just have batmaninja find your G Spot and you will probably miss the toilet completely.


----------



## Gottagofishin (Dec 17, 2005)

Question for the wise and omnicient (that means all seeing) ****. aka the Wizard of ****:

Actually two questions

I'm about to become a grandpa for the first time. What should my Grandpa name be?

The second question is... does this mean I have to stop wearing flip flops with shorts in favor of dark socks with beige orthopedic tennis shoes?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Gottagofishin said:


> Question for the wise and omnicient (that means all seeing) ****. aka the Wizard of ****:
> 
> Actually two questions
> 
> ...


I prefer grandpa. That is what I am hoping to be called instead paw paw or some other weird term of endearment.

And yes, you can still wear flip flops and t-shirts. What the grandpa status gives you is the freedom to do and dress however you feel (including black socks and white tennis shoes).

Congrats and enjoy your new status!!!!


----------



## Blk Jck 224 (Oct 16, 2009)

My wife is a little miffed that I shaved her little Sister's kitty when we were kinda drunk at the family Christmas party...










What could I do this weekend that would be so special she would instantly forgive me Mighty Poonarooski?


----------



## Billphish (Apr 17, 2006)

What's a "****"?

Have you ever caught one?


----------



## BretE (Jan 24, 2008)

P00n, I'm headin south in the morning. Big bucks are chasin on the ranch. Debating running out to P00N's bar and doing a little Wade fishing instead.....whatcha think.....


----------



## Won Hunglo (Apr 24, 2007)

Letâ€™s say you had a really good friend named Jack that would do anything for you. One day you are stuck on a horse. He helped you off the horse and saved the day. Years later, Jack is stuck on a horse. Crying for helpâ€™ you are Jackâ€™s only hope. What do you do? What is the action you would take to save your dearest friend?


----------



## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> My wife is a little miffed that I shaved her little Sister's kitty when we were kinda drunk at the family Christmas party...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Wow! You did that too? Man, they were right. They all do look the same.


----------



## Gottagofishin (Dec 17, 2005)

Wait for it. This one's going to the Jungle. LOL


----------



## Gottagofishin (Dec 17, 2005)

**** Chaser said:


> I prefer grandpa. That is what I am hoping to be called instead paw paw or some other weird term of endearment.
> 
> And yes, you can still wear flip flops and t-shirts. What the grandpa status gives you is the freedom to do and dress however you feel (including black socks and white tennis shoes).
> 
> Congrats and enjoy your new status!!!!


wise advice. I was debating between Pops and Grandfather. Pops is more casual and easier to say.


----------



## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

How many visors is too many???


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## redash8 (Nov 27, 2007)

*LOL!*



TomCat said:


> Just put your foot in the bowl and let it run down your leg.


 This one has me rollin'!!!


----------



## Tortuga (May 21, 2004)

**** Chaser said:


> *I prefer grandpa. That is what I am hoping to be called instead paw paw or some other weird term of endearment.
> *
> And yes, you can still wear flip flops and t-shirts. What the grandpa status gives you is the freedom to do and dress however you feel (including black socks and white tennis shoes).
> 
> Congrats and enjoy your new status!!!!


LOL..fight for your rights... Mine labeled me with 'Doodad'..closest he could come to grand dad.. 

As far as clothing..wear anything you want to. If you're that old nobody is gonna pay any attention to you anymore anyhow...:walkingsm


----------



## Newbomb Turk (Sep 16, 2005)

**** the fruitcake dude...lol


----------



## Gottagofishin (Dec 17, 2005)

Tortuga said:


> LOL..fight for your rights... Mine labeled me with 'Doodad'..closest he could come to grand dad..
> 
> As far as clothing..wear anything you want to. If you're that old nobody is gonna pay any attention to you anymore anyhow...:walkingsm


LOL. My mother wanted to be Grandmother (formal Southern lady). My sons call her Grandmother (we insisted), but my oldest niece dubbed her Gah Goh when she was 18 mos. my lowlife brother and his wife thought it was cute and it stuck. 20 years later all three of my nieces call her that and she visibly cringes whenever she hears it.

To my oldest niece's credit she has started calling her Grandmother.


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Blk Jck 224 said:


> My wife is a little miffed that I shaved her little Sister's kitty when we were kinda drunk at the family Christmas party...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Invite me over


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Billphish said:


> What's a "****"?
> 
> Have you ever caught one?


You know.... and i have caught many of both


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

BretE said:


> P00n, I'm headin south in the morning. Big bucks are chasin on the ranch. Debating running out to P00N's bar and doing a little Wade fishing instead.....whatcha think.....


I'll make this very easy for you... Go fishing here with me.


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Won Hunglo said:


> Letâ€™s say you had a really good friend named Jack that would do anything for you. One day you are stuck on a horse. He helped you off the horse and saved the day. Years later, Jack is stuck on a horse. Crying for helpâ€™ you are Jackâ€™s only hope. What do you do? What is the action you would take to save your dearest friend?


OK... I will say it... I will help Jack of the horse. rimshot

wouldn't be the 1st time. LOL


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

surf_ox said:


> How many visors is too many???
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


3 is too many... you need one for fishing that never gets washed. and one for going out visoring with the ladies


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Newbomb Turk said:


> **** the fruitcake dude...lol
> 
> www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-1ehDZv6JQ


perfect!!!


----------



## bill (May 21, 2004)

How do you describe a rainbow to someone who is blind?


----------



## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)

bill said:


> How do you describe a rainbow to someone who is blind?


 Tell them to imagine the exact opposite of Johnny Quest taking a whiz at 3am on a drunken stupard from too many Busch beers on a toilet with a pizz splash protector.


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

bill said:


> How do you describe a rainbow to someone who is blind?


the same way I would to someone with sight.

I would also try different temperatures and textures to represent colors.


----------



## speckle-catcher (May 20, 2004)

bill said:


> How do you describe a rainbow to someone who is blind?


kinda like this:


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Q: I am doing a small remodel job. I cut a board twice and it's still too short. What gives?


----------



## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

My boat trailer lights went out on the way to the ramp yesterday.The pigtail has been intermitting since I replaced it a year ago and was always cleaning it with contact cleaner.i was always able to get it to work by pushing it in n out.the brake lights r ok but no running lights.Ground is bolted to trailer.07fx4 f150 4dr could I have blown a fuse.


----------



## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

**** what happen if I touch this??










Will it magically transport me to zephyr cove??

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sweenyite said:


> Q: I am doing a small remodel job. I cut a board twice and it's still too short. What gives?


LOL. Cut it again. Maybe this time it will get bigger.


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

bubbas kenner said:


> My boat trailer lights went out on the way to the ramp yesterday.The pigtail has been intermitting since I replaced it a year ago and was always cleaning it with contact cleaner.i was always able to get it to work by pushing it in n out.the brake lights r ok but no running lights.Ground is bolted to trailer.07fx4 f150 4dr could I have blown a fuse.


Could be a fuse. or it could be ground issue. I know you said the ground is bolted to trailer but most issues are around the ground wire.

next


----------



## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

Will the packers beat the cowgirls ?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

surf_ox said:


> **** what happen if I touch this??
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Like i tell the ladies.... Just touch it and see.

Zephyer cove is full of rainbows and butterflies


----------



## Friendswoodmatt (Feb 22, 2005)

Whats the best way to cook an armadillo?


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Friendswoodmatt said:


> Whats the best way to cook an armadillo?


 The same way you cook a possum:
http://2coolfishing.com/ttmbforum/showthread.php?t=207161


----------



## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

Remarkable thread you are confident outspoken and get along with everyone,you need to be be in politics,green too you poooooon.


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

bubbas kenner said:


> Will the packers beat the cowgirls ?


I and rooting for the cowboys and if they both play to their potential, Green Bay is the better team. And Rogers is a baaaaaaad man and is in a differet league than Romo

But, Dallas could easily win because the packer have not been very consistant this year.


----------



## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

Are all Midgets born with "Night Vision?" Or is it just the creepy ones?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Friendswoodmatt said:


> Whats the best way to cook an armadillo?


 LOL... in the shell over fire. You know and you also know its not that bad.


----------



## poppadawg (Aug 10, 2007)

I have a question that has been bothering me for awhile, perhaps you can help. Can a person answer random questions all day on the internet and stay gainfully employed?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

MarkU said:


> Are all Midgets born with "Night Vision?" Or is it just the creepy ones?


LOL... My cousin is married to Peter Dinklage. I will ask him next time we go up there.

I do know he got mad when i ask if i could toss him accross the room


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

poppadawg said:


> I have a question that has been bothering me for awhile, perhaps you can help. Can a person answer random questions all day on the internet and stay gainfully employed?


Not all day... just the morning and evening. I make a good living.

sales is a wonderful way to make a living!!!!


----------



## Ready.Fire.Aim (Sep 22, 2009)

Dear Poonie
When my old lady drinks three or more beers she gets " frisky". 
When she gets "frisky" she also starts breaking nasty smelling wind. 
We kinda sound like an amateur tuba and accordion duo going at it making whoopie. 

All of the bars in Sargent won't let us come back. When you heat a can of chili on the stove do you serve it in the can with chopped onions or just Fritos? 

Oh yeah, do you know of any family oriented bars nearby to watch the Super Bowl ?


----------



## T_rout (Jul 25, 2013)

What is the best way to keep croaker alive? They keep dyeing when I'm going 85 MPH in my boat that can run in an inch of water. I normally don't go that fast but every now and then a guide gets ****** when I anchor my boat off to on his back cleat. Heck I even had one shoot at me a while back. I hate having to burn the shoreline between waders to get back to the bait store to get fresh bait. It's becoming more of a problem with the increase in guides. Sometimes I can't even figure out which one to follow from the boat ramp. I guess I need to get on 2cool more often and find out what there biting on and where. I've seen a few others try this method and it appears to work. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MarkU (Jun 3, 2013)

**** Chaser said:


> LOL... My cousin is married to Peter Dinklage. I will ask him next time we go up there.
> 
> I do know he got mad when i ask if i could toss him accross the room


Did your cousin have a Little wedding?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Ready.Fire.Aim said:


> Dear Poonie
> When my old lady drinks three or more beers she gets " frisky".
> When she gets "frisky" she also starts breaking nasty smelling wind.
> We kinda sound like an amateur tuba and accordion duo going at it making whoopie.
> ...


sounds to me yall are a perfect match in the sack... keep on making music together.

Lea lea's wont kick anyone out. especially on Karioke(spelling?) night

I would go to the resturant by the swing bridge to watch the game.

chopped onions and fritos with the chili. That will ensure you too will continue with you nasty ars fart sessions.

lol


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

T_rout said:


> What is the best way to keep croaker alive? They keep dyeing when I'm going 85 MPH in my boat that can run in an inch of water. I normally don't go that fast but every now and then a guide gets ****** when I anchor my boat off to on his back cleat. Heck I even had one shoot at me a while back. I hate having to burn the shoreline between waders to get back to the bait store to get fresh bait. It's becoming more of a problem with the increase in guides. Sometimes I can't even figure out which one to follow from the boat ramp. I guess I need to get on 2cool more often and find out what there biting on and where. I've seen a few others try this method and it appears to work.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


bwhahaha. I have no clue. but, if should ask all those guys that fight each other in jacks pocket everyday. they would know.

I stay away from people and expect people to do the same.

But your are right in a sense... its getting ridiculous. seems like everyone is a guide now.


----------



## Ready.Fire.Aim (Sep 22, 2009)

**** Chaser said:


> sounds to me yall are a perfect match in the sack... keep on making music together.
> 
> Lea lea's wont kick anyone out. especially on Karioke(spelling?) night
> 
> ...


Thank you for saving our relationship!!!!

I just read this to my old lady and she said stop by on game night and have a cold one or two or three with us!


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Ready.Fire.Aim said:


> Thank you for saving our relationship!!!!
> 
> I just read this to my old lady and she said stop by on game night and have a cold one or two or three with us!


I hear for ya... its what i do


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Ready.Fire.Aim said:


> Thank you for saving our relationship!!!!
> 
> I just read this to my old lady and she said stop by on game night and have a cold one or two or three with us!


 Take some scented candles when you go...:rotfl:


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sweenyite said:


> Take some scented candles when you go...:rotfl:


the time i have spent with my mother in law as made me immune to suck oders.


----------



## sharkchum (Feb 10, 2012)

Q: Every time I run over to East bay to check my gill nets I always find 5 or 6 brown pelican's tangled in the net with the trout and red's. What's the best way to cook these?


----------



## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

sharkchum said:


> Q: Every time I run over to East bay to check my gill nets I always find 5 or 6 brown pelican's tangled in the net with the trout and red's. What's the best way to cook these?


Sauteed lightly in a mushroom/pigeon sauce.


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sharkchum said:


> Q: Every time I run over to East bay to check my gill nets I always find 5 or 6 brown pelican's tangled in the net with the trout and red's. What's the best way to cook these?


I recommend calling TPWD or flagging down a game warden and asking them. They sell books on this subject.


----------



## slopoke (Jul 10, 2005)

I like free advice!


----------



## CORNHUSKER (Jul 12, 2004)

Trucks filthy, where can you waste away an entire afternoon drinking margarita's while getting it washed, waxed and detailed?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

CORNHUSKER said:


> Trucks filthy, where can you waste away an entire afternoon drinking margarita's while getting it washed, waxed and detailed?


LOL... Drop truck off at Splish Slash on Nasa1. Call me and walk next door to Mamacitas for margaritas!!!

LOL... whuuuuuut


----------



## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

**** Chaser said:


> LOL... Drop truck off at Splish Slash on Nasa1. Call me and walk next door to Mamacitas for margaritas!!!
> 
> LOL... whuuuuuut


I like drinking.


----------



## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

^^^Me too!!


----------



## CORNHUSKER (Jul 12, 2004)

**** Chaser said:


> LOL... Drop truck off at Splish Slash on Nasa1. Call me and walk next door to Mamacitas for margaritas!!!
> 
> LOL... whuuuuuut


:brew2:



saltwatersensations said:


> I like drinking.


Too bad you're not any good at it. Gonna be a good afternoon for it.


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Yup^^^^^


----------



## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Are you supposed to wait until "after" noon? OOOPPS!!


----------



## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

saltwatersensations said:


> Are you supposed to wait until "after" noon? OOOPPS!!


Its 5 oclock somewhere. What ya drinkin?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Rubberback said:


> Its 5 oclock somewhere. What ya drinkin?


Josh is drinking Zima


----------



## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Rubberback said:


> Its 5 oclock somewhere. What ya drinkin?


I have a little bit of CR reserve left. About to go in the garage and mess with this jeep. Maybe that will keep me warm.


----------



## Gemini8 (Jun 29, 2013)

**** Chaser said:


> Josh is drinking Zima


with a lime?


----------



## WillieT (Aug 25, 2010)

DCAVA said:


> Ok, last question; one of my wife's cousins girlfriend want's to go into business for herself.
> 
> Question is, do you think she'll get in trouble if she sells seashells by the seashore??


Sure it's not clam she is selling?


----------



## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

**** Chaser said:


> Josh is drinking Zima


How is your boones farm fuzzy navel this morning?


----------



## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

**** Chaser said:


> Josh is drinking Zima


They still make that ------?


----------



## CORNHUSKER (Jul 12, 2004)

**** Chaser said:


> Josh is drinking Zima


Only if it comes in a forty oz. bottle!!!


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

saltwatersensations said:


> How is your boones farm fuzzy navel this morning?


LOL... i like a fuzzy navel


----------



## Ducatibilt (Jul 8, 2010)

**** Chaser said:


> LOL... i like a fuzzy navel


Wait what? Did you just now change your mind about quitting drinking or something???


----------



## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

Ducatibilt said:


> Wait what? Did you just now change your mind about quitting drinking or something???


He aint gonna quit no bad habits.


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Ducatibilt said:


> Wait what? Did you just now change your mind about quitting drinking or something???


No. still not drinking. just thought i would leave that off. but thanks


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

saltwatersensations said:


> He aint gonna quit no bad habits.


Not true... My drinking career though very successful, is over. Ice tea and BBQ for this guy.

Got to drop 40lbs too. and i am on that also.


----------



## saltwatersensations (Aug 30, 2004)

BBQ aint gonna help you lose weight homie


----------



## Mr. Breeze (Jan 6, 2005)

PFA aka Poonism....


----------



## vette74 (Oct 11, 2009)

Gemini8 said:


> with a lime?


The only acceptable way to drink Zima's are with jolly ranchers.


----------



## Gemini8 (Jun 29, 2013)

vette74 said:


> The only acceptable way to drink Zima's are with jolly ranchers.


green apple?


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Q: Christmas lights. Leave them up for next year or hold the ladder for her?


----------



## Pivo and kolache (Mar 13, 2014)

**** Chaser said:


> LOL... i like a fuzzy navel


Who doesnt?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sweenyite said:


> Q: Christmas lights. Leave them up for next year or hold the ladder for her?


No need to hold ladder. Relax and drink a beer.


----------



## Wade Fisher (May 22, 2006)

I think I've got athletes foot on my tongue from chewing my toenails. All of the OTC medications say "for external use only". Will it be alright to use them if I stick my tongue out during application?


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Wade Fisher said:


> I think I've got athletes foot on my tongue from chewing my toenails. All of the OTC medications say "for external use only". Will it be alright to use them if I stick my tongue out during application?


:rotfl:


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Wade Fisher said:


> I think I've got athletes foot on my tongue from chewing my toenails. All of the OTC medications say "for external use only". Will it be alright to use them if I stick my tongue out during application?


Get someone to pee on it


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

*BIL*

Q: My brother in law is in Brazoria County Jail. He's a puny white kid. He's been sentenced to 4 yrs for robbery. What are the odds his first cell mate will look like this? Do you think prison will be agreeable to him as he is kind of sensitive?


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sweenyite said:


> Q: My brother in law is in Brazoria County Jail. He's a puny white kid. He's been sentenced to 4 yrs for robbery. What are the odds his first cell mate will look like this? Do you think prison will be agreeable to him as he is kind of sensitive?
> View attachment 1928490


he'll be fine... sore but fine


----------



## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

sweenyite said:


> Q: My brother in law is in Brazoria County Jail. He's a puny white kid. He's been sentenced to 4 yrs for robbery. What are the odds his first cell mate will look like this? Do you think prison will be agreeable to him as he is kind of sensitive?
> View attachment 1928490


He may be the reason Poor Eyeball looks the way he does.


----------



## Ready.Fire.Aim (Sep 22, 2009)

Dear Poonie
My 2nd ex-wife invited me to her wedding, it's going to be at "The Hut" in Brazoria at 7PM . 
-Is it still acceptable etiquette to smoke during weddings and funerals? 
I got a lot of looks at my aunt's funeral but they all turned me down when I shook out a cig for 'em. 

Also should you leave two dogs alone or help them when they get locked up after humping? 
Me and the second ex got in one heck of a fight about this and wound up splitting up. Her poodle and my liver spotted bird-dog were happy as teenagers until her poodle Marcelle got his weenie locked up in Lady. I thought it was funny as always until the ex wife started in that I needed to help Marcelle out. 

I know she will bring up this incident at tonight's festivities and I want to look smart in front of her and my brother ( her fiancÃ©) especially since she is bringing Marcelle.


----------



## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

OnedayScratch said:


> He may be the reason Poor Eyeball looks the way he does.


:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
You may be right!


----------



## Nwilkins (Jan 18, 2009)

****,, I recently met these two hot twin sisters and they keep wanting to bring their older sister along, how would you would you deal with a foursome,, seems like with 3 we can finish a round in under 4 hours,,,,, help please


----------



## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Nwilkins said:


> ****,, I recently met these two hot twin sisters and they keep wanting to bring their older sister along, how would you would you deal with a foursome,, seems like with 3 we can finish a round in under 4 hours,,,,, help please


Neil in this situation we allow foursomes and even five some as skill level dictates.

The length of the round is irrelevant because getting in the hole is all that is considered.

Furthermore, there is a modified scoring system in these situations. Commonly referred to as the Pooneyford system where the more strokes the better.

Don't forget Neil.... it's all about shaft angle and head control to have a satisfying round in this format.

Lmao


----------



## Gemini8 (Jun 29, 2013)

**** Chaser said:


> Neil in this situation we allow foursomes and even five some as skill level dictates.
> 
> The length of the round is irrelevant because getting in the hole is all that is considered.
> 
> ...


OK - this thread can be closed now because nothing will top this advice...lol :bounce:


----------



## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

**** Chaser said:


> Neil in this situation we allow foursomes and even five some as skill level dictates.
> 
> The length of the round is irrelevant because getting in the hole is all that is considered.
> 
> ...


You know what That some good advice right there. I had my doubts about you but I'm good to go now.


----------



## DCAVA (Aug 5, 2013)

**** Chaser said:


> Neil in this situation we allow foursomes and even five some as skill level dictates.
> 
> The length of the round is irrelevant because getting in the hole is all that is considered.
> 
> ...


More solid advice from the POONMEISTER!!

LOL!!!:brew2:


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

I do what I can. Hahaha


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

**** Chaser said:


> Neil in this situation we allow foursomes and even five some as skill level dictates.
> 
> The length of the round is irrelevant because getting in the hole is all that is considered.
> 
> ...


"Pooneyford system". Lmfao!! You're my new Ghandi Uncle Pooney.

Wilkens. 4 hours? You're definately not sand baggin. Lol


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## FREON (Jun 14, 2005)

**** Chaser said:


> Neil in this situation we allow foursomes and even five some as skill level dictates.
> 
> The length of the round is irrelevant because getting in the hole is all that is considered.
> 
> ...


Rumor has it that you lip out a whole lot!!!


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## dbarham (Aug 13, 2005)

**** Chaser said:


> Neil in this situation we allow foursomes and even five some as skill level dictates.
> 
> The length of the round is irrelevant because getting in the hole is all that is considered.
> 
> ...


Good stuff Keith! I want in that rack!!!


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

**** Chaser said:


> Neil in this situation we allow foursomes and even five some as skill level dictates.
> 
> The length of the round is irrelevant because getting in the hole is all that is considered.
> 
> ...


 Are performance enhancing drugs tested for?? encouraged?? required??


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## Main Frame 8 (Mar 16, 2007)

FREON said:


> Rumor has it that you lip out a hole lot!!!


FIFY


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## FREON (Jun 14, 2005)

Main Frame 8 said:


> FIFY


Thanks!!!Actually it should read that he lips a lot of holes out!!!


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

FREON said:


> Thanks!!!Actually it should read that he lips a lot of holes out!!!


All lips and no kisses.


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

sotexhookset said:


> "Pooneyford system". Lmfao!! You're my new Ghandi Uncle Pooney.
> 
> Wilkens. 4 hours? You're definately not sand baggin. Lol


He's the real deal! LMAO.


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## slopoke (Jul 10, 2005)

The Force is strong with the poony one.


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## Wade Fisher (May 22, 2006)

I said athletes foot, not jellyfish sting.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Wade Fisher said:


> I said athletes foot, not jellyfish sting.


Urine will fix that too. trust in the ****


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## Goags (May 28, 2004)

Dear ****, 
The drug label warnings say "call your doc, if it lasts for more than 4 hrs"...well, it's been over 5 and the the doc isn't answering her phone. Help/advice?


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

Goags said:


> Dear ****,
> The drug label warnings say "call your doc, if it lasts for more than 4 hrs"...well, it's been over 5 and the the doc isn't answering her phone. Help/advice?


Can you get me some?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Goags said:


> Dear ****,
> The drug label warnings say "call your doc, if it lasts for more than 4 hrs"...well, it's been over 5 and the the doc isn't answering her phone. Help/advice?


You don't need a doc. You need a smoking hot chic 18-24 years old to wear it out


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## Gemini8 (Jun 29, 2013)

Goags said:


> Dear ****,
> The drug label warnings say "call your doc, if it lasts for more than 4 hrs"...well, it's been over 5 and the the doc isn't answering her phone. Help/advice?


Be prepared for it to fall off; put on ice, go straight to ER & hope for successful reattachment.


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## Wade Fisher (May 22, 2006)

Followed your advise and put my trust in the ****. 

Them big breath mints give me heartburn and I can't take regular antacids because the calcium/magnesium content causes me to form kidney stones. My question is, will twelve year old scotch get the taste out or should I go straight to the sixteen year old?


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

12 will work. If you break out the 16, 18 or 20 and your just showing off.


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## Goags (May 28, 2004)

Rubberback said:


> Can you get me some?





**** Chaser said:


> You don't need a doc. You need a smoking hot chic 18-24 years old to wear it out





Gemini8 said:


> Be prepared for it to fall off; put on ice, go straight to ER & hope for successful reattachment.


You guys are starting to spook me! I took the ducolax and golytely as prescribed, but am still ####### my brains out. What, exactly do I "put on ice"?


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## Africanut (Jan 15, 2008)

Reference the old song from the WHO--where the lyrics are;
"Mama's got a squeeze box- daddy, never sleeps at night"
I'm forty nine now and still can't cypher what they were talking about?
Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance ****.


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## Nwilkins (Jan 18, 2009)

OHHH,, I've got one more daunting question ****,,,,, Is the Hokey Pokey what its truly all about ???


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## steve holchak (May 18, 2012)

In and out,in and out in and out in and out................the musics allright!


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Nwilkins said:


> OHHH,, I've got one more daunting question ****,,,,, Is the Hokey Pokey what its truly all about ???


No...the Hanky Panky is whats its all about. We have to out breed the muslims


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## steve holchak (May 18, 2012)

**** Chaser said:


> No...the Hanky Panky is whats its all about. We have to out breed the muslims


Hilarious! Quit while you're ahead!


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## Spots and Dots (May 23, 2004)

Q: how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck chucked wood?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## ByGodTx (Sep 15, 2010)

Dear **** Chaser 
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker
in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere 
together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their
apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?


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## pocjetty (Sep 12, 2014)

ByGodTx said:


> Dear **** Chaser
> A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is
> a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker
> in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere
> ...


 I can help you with that one. Try to get a look inside their apartment, and see if you can get a look at their carpet. I've always head that Lebanese have been known to eat those.


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

Uncle Poonie-. In the blind right now with my niece and have to rip one like nobodys business. Usually no big deal but I've got a propane heater going for the first time this year and I don't want to set her on fire today. What's your thoughts? Had fajitas last night from Salsalitos if that helps to you to deduct what options I may have. Tks in advance buddy.


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## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

Let her rip.


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## JOHNNY QUEST (Mar 6, 2006)

Poonster. I have a bigger problem. I'm having eye problems. Eye just can't see myself going to work this morning. I think I'm on a Busch hangover and wonder if a cup of coffee with some baileys Irish cream would help me get up the gumption to at least show up and chew someone's rear end out before returning home and poppin the top on another Busch to fix my eye.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sotexhookset said:


> Uncle Poonie-. In the blind right now with my niece and have to rip one like nobodys business. Usually no big deal but I've got a propane heater going for the first time this year and I don't want to set her on fire today. What's your thoughts? Had fajitas last night from Salsalitos if that helps to you to deduct what options I may have. Tks in advance buddy.


 you wotn catch fire... If you are worried what she will think of you, you're are in luck. You're in a deer blind. Tell her that's a buck snort and that how you call in deer.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

JOHNNY QUEST said:


> Poonster. I have a bigger problem. I'm having eye problems. Eye just can't see myself going to work this morning. I think I'm on a Busch hangover and wonder if a cup of coffee with some baileys Irish cream would help me get up the gumption to at least show up and chew someone's rear end out before returning home and poppin the top on another Busch to fix my eye.


The only way to truely fix that problem is treatment. AA works


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## slopoke (Jul 10, 2005)

It's time for me to make another post on this fine thread about abusing prescription drugs, abusing alcohol, letting one rip, smoking hot chics, and Lebanese. :rybka:


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

slopoke said:


> It's time for me to make another post on this fine thread about abusing prescription drugs, abusing alcohol, letting one rip, smoking hot chics, and Lebanese. :rybka:


And we're glad you did, Poke. A fine thread it is.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Goags said:


> Dear ****,
> The drug label warnings say "call your doc, if it lasts for more than 4 hrs"...well, it's been over 5 and the the doc isn't answering her phone. Help/advice?


Saw this on facebook and thought of you. Lmao


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## Old sailor (Mar 30, 2014)

My girl friend asked me if she should have the mole on her chin removed.I don't know what to tell her. I figure I'm screwed either way. She obviously wants to have it removed but, I think it's kind of a turn on. But I don't want to hurt her feelings she's pretty sensitive that way.
What to do?
What to do???
Help me!!


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## slopoke (Jul 10, 2005)

I'm jus' tryin' to catch up with Haute Pursuit's post count. :rybka:


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

Old sailor said:


> My girl friend asked me if she should have the mole on her chin removed.I don't know what to tell her. I figure I'm screwed either way. She obviously wants to have it removed but, I think it's kind of a turn on. But I don't want to hurt her feelings she's pretty sensitive that way.
> What to do?
> What to do???
> Help me!!


It has a chin? I think you should do whatever it tells you too. Yikes!!! lol


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## OnedayScratch (May 23, 2012)

Old sailor said:


> My girl friend asked me if she should have the mole on her chin removed.I don't know what to tell her. I figure I'm screwed either way. She obviously wants to have it removed but, I think it's kind of a turn on. But I don't want to hurt her feelings she's pretty sensitive that way.
> What to do?
> What to do???
> Help me!!


Just guessing, but I bet your girlfriend doesn't have hair on her N...


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## surf_ox (Jul 8, 2008)

OnedayScratch said:


> Just guessing, but I bet your girlfriend doesn't have hair on her N...


Nuckles. I meant knuckles.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Old sailor (Mar 30, 2014)

OnedayScratch said:


> Just guessing, but I bet your girlfriend doesn't have hair on her N...


 Sure does, half way to her knees.


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Must be one of them Lebanese.


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## bubbas kenner (Sep 4, 2010)

Dude my wifes cooking sux but she is FINE and I love her.


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## sweenyite (Feb 22, 2009)

Q: There is a guy on 2cool that supposedly does very good concrete work when he isn't golfing or fishing. Problem is, I hear he may/may not have ripped off another 2cooler. Should I hire him to pour concrete for me? I mean, it's normal to pay cash up front, right?


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

sweenyite said:


> Q: There is a guy on 2cool that supposedly does very good concrete work when he isn't golfing or fishing. Problem is, I hear he may/may not have ripped off another 2cooler. Should I hire him to pour concrete for me? I mean, it's normal to pay cash up front, right?


I'll answer this one! He ain't a 2 cooler! Must be a troll. 2 coolers don't rip off other 2 coolers.


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## Poon Chaser (Aug 22, 2006)

sweenyite said:


> Q: There is a guy on 2cool that supposedly does very good concrete work when he isn't golfing or fishing. Problem is, I hear he may/may not have ripped off another 2cooler. Should I hire him to pour concrete for me? I mean, it's normal to pay cash up front, right?


He did a good job on my driveway


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## 47741 (Jan 5, 2010)

**** Chaser said:


> He did a good job on my driveway


You're a lucky person then.


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