# Chuck Norris



## hsif (Dec 16, 2008)

Chuck Norris made Ellen Degeneres straight.

Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about. 

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got it.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.


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## corykj (Oct 30, 2008)

chuck norris built the house that he lost his viriginity in...


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## King Fisher (Aug 10, 2005)

Someone stole Chuck Norris' daughter's virginity...........

Chuck Norris got it back!!!!!!!!!!


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## sotexhookset (Jun 4, 2011)

Chuck Norris got jessetx to take his bull **** somewhere else.


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## JuiceGoose (Oct 4, 2006)

The Dinosaurs made Chuck Norris angry....Just Once!!!


Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. It's a shame he never cries.

Chuck Norris isn't Hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.


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## mercenarymedic2105 (Jun 8, 2011)

Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down


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## Worm Drowner (Sep 9, 2010)

Chuck Norris jogged home from his own vasectomy.... h:


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## triple f (Aug 23, 2005)

The highway department built a new bridge over the river and in his honor, named it after Chuck Norris. They soon realized their error and had to rename the bridge, because NOBODY CROSSES CHUCK NORRIS!


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## SARGENTTX (Aug 8, 2007)

every nite is March 14th for CHUCK NORRIS


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## krfish (Sep 27, 2011)

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number.... You answer the wrong phone!


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## SWANY (Jun 8, 2009)

Worm Drowner said:


> Chuck Norris jogged home from his own vasectomy.... h:


Chuck Norris performed is OWN vasectomy


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

SWANY said:


> Chuck Norris performed is OWN vasectomy


And it didn't work, he gets every girl within a 3 state vicinity pregnant..


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## aggiefishinDr (Sep 1, 2005)

Chuck Norris recently returned from a trip to the virgin islands.....they are simply referred to as "the islands" now.


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## rubberducky (Mar 19, 2010)

Hahaha made my day!!!!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk because Reeltime told me to


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## Timalgrath (Jun 21, 2011)

For Chuck Norris looks really do kill.

i took Chuck Norris fishing We didn't catch anything so chuck Norris dove in the water and the fish jumped in the boat to get away from chuck Norris.


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## whalerguy28 (Jun 3, 2009)

Chuck Norris doesn't mow grass, he simply stares at it and dares it to grow!!!!!


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## whalerguy28 (Jun 3, 2009)

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits!!!

Crops circles are Chuck Norris's way of saying sometimes corn just needs to lay the **** down!!!!


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## corykj (Oct 30, 2008)

chuck norris can gargle peanut butter...


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## alvinslash (Jan 14, 2012)

people dont die in their sleep .they dream of CHUCK NORRIS


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## alvinslash (Jan 14, 2012)

the only person that can kick chuck norris ***** is chuck norris with a round house kick


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## Mr. Breeze (Jan 6, 2005)

says he may learn how to act someday.


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## Lebber32 (Aug 8, 2010)

Chuck never goes fishing, he goes catching


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## oOslikOo (Jul 13, 2010)

Chuck Norris wipes with 40 grit sand paper


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## oOslikOo (Jul 13, 2010)

Chuck Norris ****** in the fuel tank of an 18 wheeler and now its called Optimus Prime


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## mercenarymedic2105 (Jun 8, 2011)

Chuck Norris made a perfect score on his SAT's, by simply writing his name


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## Capt. Marcus Canales (Aug 25, 2005)

Chuck Norris use to own a toilet paper company, it went out of business because the TP wouldn't take any ****.

Some call it high tide, but really it's just Chuck Norris taking a leak.


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## poolio (Dec 14, 2011)

Chuck Norris wasnt born, he did a roundhouse kick out of his mother's belly.

Chuck Norris cloggs the toilet every time he pees.

-Poo


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## DrummerBoy471 (Nov 3, 2009)

The boogey man checks under his bed every night for chuck Norris.


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## Muddskipper (Dec 29, 2004)

If you can see Chuck Norris he can see you, if you cannot see Chuck Norris...you could be near seconds of death

Behind Chuck Norris beard is another fist

When Chuck Norris pokes you on face book, YOU die!


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## mercenarymedic2105 (Jun 8, 2011)

poolio said:


> Chuck Norris wasnt born, he did a roundhouse kick out of his mother's belly, *officially creating the c-section*.
> 
> Chuck Norris cloggs the toilet every time he pees.
> 
> -Poo


Added to yours Poo


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## baron von skipjack (Jun 23, 2009)

steers...sacrifice themselves,,to be,,his brisket


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## Texhntr1022 (Jul 27, 2009)

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink!


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## Texhntr1022 (Jul 27, 2009)

When Chuck Norris goes swimming he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norrised


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## Texhntr1022 (Jul 27, 2009)

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.


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## 3rdbarnottoodeep (May 1, 2009)

Mosquitoes refuse to bite Chuck Norris out of respect.


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## trntybay99 (Jan 9, 2011)

Chuck Norris got a girl pregnant...over the phone.


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## Capt. Marcus Canales (Aug 25, 2005)

God made heaven and earth, only asking Chuck Norris for permission first.


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## AGMTB07 (Oct 24, 2011)

To end World War II a nuclear bomb was selected to be dropped over Hiroshima rather than Chuck Norris; Truman thought "The Norris" would be too inhumane.


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## mercenarymedic2105 (Jun 8, 2011)

Daylight savings time is actually just Chuck Norris hitting his snooze button


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## j-haynie (Sep 5, 2008)

Chuck Norris was the 4th wise man and gave Jesus the most special gift of all. The gift of BEARD which Jesus carried with him until he died.


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## txranger (Jun 23, 2005)

I wonder what it says....


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## Worm Drowner (Sep 9, 2010)

Chuck Norris' doll doesn't have a bobblehead. The doll holds it head still and the world trembles....


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## BIGMIKE77 (May 2, 2009)

*Took out the "BAD Language"*


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## mercenarymedic2105 (Jun 8, 2011)

Wow...


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## JuanC (Nov 5, 2006)

Chuck Norris got dropped by Bruce lee.


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## Timemachine (Nov 25, 2008)

Sorry...only made it thru page 1 before uncontrolable yawning kicked in.









Is Chuck even still alive????


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## Capt. Juarez (Jun 20, 2008)

Chuck Norris got bite by a rattle snake and 5 days later the snake died......


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

BIGMIKE77 said:


> View attachment 470017


nice....



Timemachine said:


> Sorry...only made it thru page 1 before uncontrolable yawning kicked in.
> 
> Is Chuck even still alive????


It's not your fault child, for you have sinned. It is obvious that Chuck has taken mercy on you. Chuck has decided rather than eliminate you, he has cursed you with bad spelling skills. I hope you live to read this...



a


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## Texas Jeweler (Nov 6, 2007)

Steel wool comes from Chuck Norris sheep.


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## Bocephus (May 30, 2008)

Chuck Norris hates Obama !!!!


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## Kingofsabine18 (Oct 29, 2008)

Chuck Norris knocked up Shania Twain and three months later she gave birth to 6 Ford F-350's


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## poppadawg (Aug 10, 2007)

Is that wheelchair pornography? Am I going to hell now?


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## Worm Drowner (Sep 9, 2010)

Bocephus said:


> Chuck Norris hates Obama !!!!


Big deal....._Pee Wee Herman_ most likely hates Obama......


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

Worm Drowner said:


> Big deal....._Pee Wee Herman_ most likely hates Obama......


Chuck Norris's Aural system has developed far beyond that of normal human beings, he no longer hears whining..

a


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## Gfish (Aug 31, 2009)

Chuck Norris has a bear skin rug... It's not dead just to scared to move.


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## capt.dru (Oct 24, 2009)

When Chuck Norris gets pulled over, he let's the cop off with a warning.

Life comes at you fast. Chuck Norris's fist comes at you faster.

If at first you don't succeed, you obviously aren't Chuck Norris.


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## beaucp (Apr 8, 2011)

Did you guys hear how he was made an honorary Texas Ranger?


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## Dgeddings (Sep 16, 2010)

Best advice for this is on this website http://www.nochucknorris.com/


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## Buck Tag (Dec 19, 2010)

True story...


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## chubri777 (Aug 11, 2005)

Chuck Norris remembers the future


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## Buck Tag (Dec 19, 2010)

chubri777 said:


> Chuck Norris remembers the future


Ha, funny!


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## sea sick (Feb 9, 2006)

Funny this thread popped up. Elcarnicero on the board bought a new bad ***** truck the other day. Its a sweet ride. He nick named it the silver back...

I told him I was gonna call it "Truck Norris" haha


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## chubri777 (Aug 11, 2005)

Chuck Norris can text from a rotary phone


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## Rubberback (Sep 9, 2008)

Timemachine said:


> Sorry...only made it thru page 1 before uncontrolable yawning kicked in.
> 
> Is Chuck even still alive????


 Yes, he's my neighbor at Lone Wolf Ranch.


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## Wading Wonder (Apr 18, 2010)

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin, that he built with his own hands.


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## troutslayer (Feb 7, 2006)

Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare.......he only eats unicorns


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## sharksurfer66 (Sep 17, 2005)

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on his porch and dares it to grow!

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.


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## fishNwithfish (Aug 17, 2011)

Chuck norris likes his steaks rare so that's why he only eats unicorns!
When chuck norris gets mad at a website he just deletes the whole internet.
Chuck norris is the reason were fighting over seas.
Chuck norris shops @ walgreens and pays walmart prices!!
The reason we landed on mars yesterday is too find chuck norris's car that he parked there!!


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## Wading Wonder (Apr 18, 2010)

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.




Chuck Norris had a staring contest with the sun, and won.


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## lordbater (May 21, 2004)

WARNING! not safe for work language.

if the F word offends you do not open this link..

http://tygir.com/305


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## Row vs Wade (Jul 7, 2009)

Chuck Norris sleeps with every woman in the world on a monthly basis, it takes them a week to stop bleeding.


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## Fishin' Texas Aggie 05 (May 27, 2012)

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

Chuck Norris can divide by zero


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## Rawpower (Jul 4, 2011)

Google this, its Awesome!! Abe Lincoln VS Chuck Norris Epic Rap Battles of History #3 I would post it but it has some cussing. I don’t want to up set the 2cool gods!


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## donf (Aug 8, 2005)

BIGMIKE77 said:


> View attachment 470017


Ok, that was over the top.


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## saggrock (Oct 15, 2008)




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## Wading Wonder (Apr 18, 2010)

A stingray once hit Chuck Norris in the ankle with his barb. The stingray died from an infection, and so did the shark that ate the ray.




Chuck Norris takes leisurely swims in active volcanos.


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## saltwatercowboy (Oct 1, 2009)

What's the only thing chuck Norris is afraid of?? 

The resurrection of The Duke!


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## Texhntr1022 (Jul 27, 2009)

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris!


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## MEGABITE (May 21, 2004)

He sleeps with a pillow under his gun.


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## Life Aquatic (Oct 24, 2006)

Chuck Norris says Life Aquatic is the coolest dude on 2Cool.


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## tunchistheman (Feb 25, 2010)

Chuck norris punched a few buttons on his dash and then drove his bronco out of a hole while it was burried to the top.


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## SSST (Jun 9, 2011)

tunchistheman said:


> Chuck norris punched a few buttons on his dash and then drove his bronco out of a hole while it was burried to the top.


Dude, wasn't that a Ram Charger or whatever Dodge called it?


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## tunchistheman (Feb 25, 2010)

Cant remember. May have been. One of my fav movies when i was a kid


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## SSST (Jun 9, 2011)

tunchistheman said:


> Cant remember. May have been. One of my fav movies when i was a kid


Mine too! Supercharger


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## beaucp (Apr 8, 2011)

Rawpower said:


> Google this, its Awesome!! Abe Lincoln VS Chuck Norris Epic Rap Battles of History #3 I would post it but it has some cussing. I don't want to up set the 2cool gods!


Epic rap battles are awesome!


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