archive: DUMB HUMOR - Blonde, Redneck, etc.

[BertS]

Joe took his, knock-down gorgeous, blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy.

[bluefisher]

ka: How Diane got rear ended!

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant blondes. They come up to the bar, order five bottles of champagne and ten glasses, take their order over and sit down at a large table. The corks are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Soon, three more blondes arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Two more blondes show up and soon their voices are joined in raising the roof. "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

Finally, the tenth blonde comes in with a picture under her arm. She walks over to the table, sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.

Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-five's, all the while chanting "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!"

The bartender can't contain his curiosity sny longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the Cookie Monster.

When the frenzy dies down a little bit, the bartender asks one of the blondes, "What's all the chanting and celebration about?"

The blonde who brought in the framed puzzle pipes in, "Everyone thinks that blondes are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought that puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but did it in 51 days!"

[WillFish]

Man walks into a bar and orders a beer then asks the bartender "You want to hear a great blonde joke?"

Bartender turns around "Mister I'm 280 lbs. all muscle and blonde. You sure you want to tell this joke? My friend here is 250 trained in martial arts and blonde. You sure you want to tell this joke? My other friend there is 300 lbs. mean as a pitbull, and blonde. You sure you want to tell this joke?

The man looks around that the three and thinks for a moment. "Yeah, your probably right, I wouldn't want to have to explain it 3 times!"

This archive is for G and PG rated humor about stupidity and people who do dumb things. Jokes posted on the main forum will be archived after 30 days.

Please do not post any pictures or active links in this thread.

[Snagged]

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were sitting in back of their trailers shooting

the breeze. Bou ask Thib, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while you wuz

out fishin an' made love to your wife, an' she got pregnant, would dat

make us kin?"

Thib scratched his head for a bit then said, "I don't think so.....but

it shore would make us even!"

[Galveston Yankee]

A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger, pushes her elbow and screams in agony.
She then pushes her knee and screams, and pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.

The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"

"No," she says, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

[PurpleRain2011]

Every Hour a Blonde would walk out and check her mail. Finally her neighbor couldn't help but ask "Why do you check your e-mail EVERY hour?!" "Well," replied the blonde " My stupid computer keeps on saying 'You've got mail!'!" -Allicat41, if you read this its me Rachel!

[Bay Gal]

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a
"handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She
went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had
any odd jobs for her to do. Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my
porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?" The blonde quickly
responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and
everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the
conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all
the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're
right. I guess I'm starting to
believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
You're finished already?" the husband asked. "Yes," the blonde replied,
"and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man
reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to
her.
And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

A blonde wanted to go ice-fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen body of water. After positioning her comfy foot-stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly ---from the sky--- a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!"

Startled, the Blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!"

The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!"

She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Who are you --- God?"

The voice replied, "NO, I OWN THE ICE-RINK!"